Seascape

by Edward Albee

  CHARLIE

  All right.

  NANCY

  “You’ve had a good life.”

  (Pause)

  CHARLIE (Curiously angry)

  All right. Go on.

  NANCY

  Do you know what I’m saying?

  CHARLIE

  You’re throwing it up to me; you’re telling me I’ve had a . .

  NANCY

  No-no-no! I’m saying what you said, what you told me. You told me, you said to me, “You’ve had a good life.” I wasn’t talking about you, though you have. I was saying what you said to me.

  CHARLIE (Annoyed)

  Well, you have! You have had!

  NANCY (She, too)

  Yes! Have had! What about that!

  CHARLIE

  What about it!

  NANCY

  Am not having.

  (Waits for reaction; gets none)

  Am not having? Am not having a good life?

  CHARLIE

  Well, of course!

  NANCY

  Then why say had? Why put it that way?

  CHARLIE

  It’s a way of speaking!

  NANCY

  No! It’s a way of thinking! I know the language, and I know you. You’re not careless with it, or didn’t used to be. Why not go to those places in the desert and let our heads deflate, if it’s all in the past? Why not just do that?

  CHARLIE

  It was a way of speaking.

  NANCY

  Dear God, we’re here. We’ve served our time, Charlie, and there’s nothing telling us do that, or any conditional; not any more. Well, there’s the arthritis in my wrist, of course, and the eyes have known a better season, and there’s always the cancer or a heart attack to think about if we’re bored, but besides all these things … what is there?

  CHARLIE (Somewhat triste)

  You’re at it again.

  NANCY

  I am! Words are lies; they can be, and you use them, but I know what’s in your gut. I told you, didn’t I?

  CHARLIE (Passing it off)

  Sure, sure.

  NANCY (Mimicking)

  Sure, sure. Well, they are, and you do. What have we got left?

  CHARLIE

  What! You mean besides the house, the kids, their kids, friends, all that? What?!

  NANCY

  Two things!

  CHARLIE

  Yeah?

  NANCY

  Ourselves and some time. Charlie—the pyramid’s building by itself; the earth’s spinning in its own fashion without any push from us; we’ve done all we ought to—and isn’t it splendid we’ve enjoyed so much of it.

  CHARLIE (Mild irony)

  We’re pretty splendid people.

  NANCY

  Damned right we are, and now we’ve got each other and some time, and all you want to do is become a vegetable.

  CHARLIE

  Fair, as usual.

  NANCY (Shrugs)

  All right: a lump.

  CHARLIE

  We’ve earned …

  NANCY (Nods)

  … a little rest. My God, you say that twice a day, and sometimes in between.

  (Mutters)

  We’ve earned a little life, if you ask me.

  (Pause)

  Ask me.

  CHARLIE (Some rue)

  No; you’d tell me.

  NANCY

  (Bold and recriminating)

  Sure! Course I would! When else are we going to get it?

  CHARLIE

  (Quite serious; quite bewildered)

  What’s to be gained? And what would we really get? There’d be the same sounds in the dark—or similar ones; we’d have to sleep and wonder if we’d waken, either way. It’s six of one, except we’ll do it on familiar ground, if I have my way. I’m not up to the glaciers and the crags, and I don’t think you’d be … once you got out there.

  NANCY (Grudging)

  I do admit, you make it sound scary—first time away to camp, sleeping out, the hoot owls and the goblins. Oh, that’s scary. Are you telling me you’re all caved in, Charlie?

  CHARLIE

  (Pause; considers the fact)

  Maybe.

  NANCY

  (Pause while she ponders this)

  All closed down? Then … what’s the difference? You make it ugly enough, either way. The glaciers and the crags? At least we’ve never tried that.

  CHARLIE

  (Trying to justify, but without much enthusiasm)

  There’s comfort in settling in.

  NANCY (Pause)

  Small.

  CHARLIE (Pause, final)

  Some.

  (A silence)

  (LESLIE appears, upper half of trunk pops up upstage, from behind the dune. Neither CHARLIE nor NANCY sees him. LESLIE looks at the two of them, pops back down out of sight)

  NANCY

  (To bring them back to life again)

  Well. I’ve got to do some postcards tonight; tell all the folks where we are.

  CHARLIE

  Yes?

  NANCY

  … what a time we’re having. I’ve got a list … somewhere. It wouldn’t be nice not to. They do it for us, and it’s such fun getting them.

  CHARLIE

  Um-hum.

  NANCY

  You do some, too?

  CHARLIE

  You do them for both of us.

  NANCY (Mildly disappointed)

  Oh.

  (Pause)

  All right.

  CHARLIE (Not very interested)

  What do you want to do, then?

  NANCY

  (While NANCY speaks, LESLIE and SARAH come up on the dune, behind CHARLIE and NANCY, but some distance away. They crawl up; then they squat down on their tails. NANCY stretches)

  Oh, I don’t know. Do you want to have your nap? Cover your face if you do, though; put something on it. Or … we could go on back. Or … we could do a stroll down the beach. If you won’t go in, we’ll find some pretty shells … I will.

  CHARLIE (Small smile)

  What a wealth.

  NANCY (Fairly cheerful)

  Well … we make the best of it.

  (CHARLIE senses something behind him. He turns his head, sees LESLIE and SARAH. His mouth falls open; he is stock-still for a moment; then, slowly getting on all fours, he begins, very cautiously, to back away. NANCY sees what CHARLIE is doing, is momentarily puzzled. Then she looks behind her. She sees LESLIE and SARAH)

  NANCY

  (Straightening her back abruptly)

  My goodness!

  CHARLIE

  (On all fours; ready to flee)

  Ohmygod.

  NANCY (Great wonder)

  Charlie!

  CHARLIE

  (Eyes steady on LESLIE and SARAH)

  Oh my loving God.

  NANCY (Enthusiasm)

  Charlie! What are they?!

  CHARLIE

  Nancy, get back here!

  NANCY

  But, Charlie …

  CHARLIE

  (Deep in his throat; trying to whisper)

  Get back here!

  (NANCY backs away until she and CHARLIE are together.)

  NOTE: CHARLIE and NANCY are now toward stage right, LESLIE and SARAH toward stage left. They will not hear each other speak until indicated.

  (Whispering)

  Get a stick!

  NANCY (Interest and wonder)

  Charlie, what are they?

  CHARLIE (Urgent)

  Get me a stick!

  NANCY

  A what?

  CHARLIE (Louder)

  A stick!

  NANCY (Looking about; uncertain)

  Well … what sort of stick, Charlie?

  CHARLIE

  A stick! A wooden stick!

  NANCY (Begins to crawl stage right)

  Well, of course a wooden stick, Charlie; what other kinds of sticks are there, for heaven’s sake? But what sort of stick?


  CHARLIE

  (Never taking his eyes off LESLIE and SARAH)

  A big one! A big stick!

  NANCY

  (None too happy about it)

  Well … I’ll look. Driftwood, I suppose …

  CHARLIE

  Well, of course a wooden stick, Charlie; what other kinds of sticks …

  (LESLIE moves a little, maybe raises an arm)

  GET ME A GUN!

  NANCY (Astonished)

  A gun, Charlie! Where on earth would anyone find a gun up here.

  CHARLIE (Shrill)

  Get me a stick!

  NANCY (Cross)

  All right!

  CHARLIE

  (SARAH moves toward LESLIE; CHARLIE stiffens, gasps)

  Hurry!

  NANCY

  I’m looking!

  CHARLIE

  (A bleak fact, to himself as much as anything)

  They’re going to come at us, Nancy …

  (An afterthought)

  … and we’re arguing.

  NANCY

  (Waving a smallish stick; thin, crooked, eighteen inches, maybe)

  I found one, Charlie; Charlie, I found one!

  CHARLIE

  (Not taking his gaze off LESLIE and SARAH; between his teeth)

  Well, bring it here.

  NANCY

  (Crawling to CHARLIE with the stick between her teeth)

  There was a big trunk or something …

  CHARLIE (His hand out)

  Give it to me!

  NANCY

  Here!

  (Gives the stick to CHARLIE, who, without looking at it, raises it in his right hand)

  Charlie! They’re magnificent!

  CHARLIE

  (Realizes what he is brandishing, looks at it with distaste and loss)

  What’s this?

  NANCY

  It’s your stick.

  CHARLIE (Almost crying)

  Oh my God.

  NANCY

  (Eyes on LESLIE and SARAH)

  Charlie, I think they’re absolutely beautiful. What are they?

  CHARLIE

  What am I supposed to do with it?!

  NANCY

  You asked for it, Charlie; you said you wanted it.

  CHARLIE (Snorts: ironic-pathetic)

  Go down fighting, eh?

  (LESLIE clears his throat; it is a large sound, rather like a growl or a bark. Instinctively, CHARLIE gathers nancy to him, all the while trying to brandish his stick)

  NANCY

  (Not at all sure of herself)

  Fight, Charlie? Fight? Are they going to hurt us?

  CHARLIE

  (Laughing at the absurdity)

  Oh, God!

  NANCY (More vigor)

  Well, at least we’ll be together.

  (LESLIE clears his throat again, same sound; CHARLIE and NANCY react a little, tense. LESLIE takes a step forward, stops, bends over and picks up a large stick, four feet long and stout; he brandishes it and clears his throat again)

  Now, that’s an impressive stick.

  CHARLIE (Shakes his stick at her)

  Yeah; thanks.

  NANCY (Some pique)

  Well, thank you very much. If I’d known I was supposed to go over there and crawl around under their flippers, or pads, or whatever they have …

  CHARLIE

  (Final words; some haste)

  I love you, Nancy.

  NANCY

  (The tiniest pause; a trifle begrudging)

  Well … I love you, too.

  (LESLIE slowly, so slowly, raises his stick above him in a gesture of such strength that should he smite the earth it would tremble. He holds the stick thus, without moving)

  CHARLIE

  Well, I certainly hope so: here they come.

  (LESLIE and SARAH slowly begin to move toward CHARLIE and NANCY. Suddenly the sound of the jet plane again, lower and louder this time. LESLIE and SARAH react as animals would; frozen for an instant, tense seeking of the danger, poised, every muscle taut, and then the two of them, at the same instant and with identical movement—paws clawing at the sand, bellies hugging the earth—they race back over the dune toward the water.

  CHARLIE and NANCY are as if struck dumb; they stare, open-mouthed, at the now-vacated dune)

  NANCY

  (Finally, with great awe)

  Charlie!

  (Infinite wonder)

  What have we seen?!

  CHARLIE

  The glaciers and the crags, Nancy. You’ll never be closer.

  NANCY

  All at once! There they were, Charlie!

  CHARLIE

  It was the liver paste. That explains everything.

  NANCY (Tolerant smile)

  Yes; certainly.

  CHARLIE

  I’m sure it was the liver paste. I knew it. When you were packing the lunch this morning, I said what is that? And you said it’s liver paste, for sandwiches; what’s the matter, don’t you like liver paste any more? And I said what do we need that for? For sandwiches, you said. And I said yes, but what do we need it for?

  NANCY

  But, Charlie …

  CHARLIE

  You’ve got a roasted chicken there, and peaches, and a brie, and bread and wine, what do we need the sandwiches for, the liver paste?

  NANCY

  You might want them, I said.

  CHARLIE

  But, with all the rest.

  NANCY

  Besides, I asked you what would happen if you picked up the roasted chicken and dropped it in the sand. What would you do—rinse it off with the wine? Then I’d have to make iced tea, too. Miles up on the dunes, no fresh water anywhere? Bring a thermos of iced tea, too, in case you dropped the chicken in the sand?

  CHARLIE

  When have I dropped a chicken in the sand? When have I done that?

  NANCY (Mildly piqued)

  I wasn’t suggesting it was a thing you did; I wasn’t pointing to a history of it; I said you might. But, Charlie … at a time like this … they may come back.

  CHARLIE

  Liver paste doesn’t keep; I told you that: goes bad in a minute, with the heat and all.

  NANCY

  Wrapped up in silver foil.

  CHARLIE

  Aluminum.

  NANCY

  … whatever; wrapped up and perfectly safe, it keeps.

  CHARLIE

  It goes bad in a minute, which is what it did: the liver paste clearly went bad. It went bad in the sun and it poisoned us.

  NANCY

  Poisoned us?!

  (Disbelieving, and distracted)

  And then what happened?

  CHARLIE

  (Looks at her as if she’s simple-minded)

  Why … we died, of course.

  NANCY

  We died?

  CHARLIE

  We ate the liver paste and we died. That drowsy feeling … the sun … and the wine … none of it: all those night thoughts of what it would be like, the sudden scalding in the center of the chest, or wasting away; milk in the eyes, voices from the other room; none of it. Chew your warm sandwich, wash it down, lie back, and let the poison have its way …

  (LESLIE and SARAH reappear over the dune; formidable, upright. NANCY begins laughing)

  … talk—think you’re talking—and all the while the cells are curling up, disconnecting … Nancy, don’t do that! … it all goes dim … Don’t laugh at me! … and then you’re dead.

  (Between her bursts of laughter)

  How can you do that?

  (LESLIE and SARAH move toward CHARLIE and NANCY, cautiously and intimidatingly; NANCY sees them, points, and her laughter changes its quality)

  How can you laugh when you’re dead, Nancy? Now, don’t do that!

  NANCY

  We may be dead already, Charlie, but I think we’re going to die again. Here they come!

  CHARLIE

  Oh my dear God!

  (LESLIE and SARAH approach, but
stop a fair distance away from CHARLIE and NANCY; they are on their guard)

  NANCY (After a pause)

  Charlie, there’s only one thing for it. Watch me now; watch me carefully.

  CHARLIE

  Nancy …

  (She smiles broadly; with her feet facing LESLIE and SARAH, she slowly rolls over on her back, her legs drawn up, her hands by her face, fingers curved, like paws. She holds this position, smiling broadly)

  NANCY

  Do this, Charlie! For God’s sake, do this!

  CHARLIE (Confused)

  Nancy …

  NANCY

  It’s called “submission,” Charlie! I’ve seen it in the books. I’ve read how the animals do it. Do it, Charlie! Roll over! Please!

  (CHARLIE hesitates a moment, looks at LESLIE and SARAH)

  Do it, Charlie!

  (Slowly, charlie smiles broadly at LESLIE and SARAH, assumes NANCY’s position)

  CHARLIE (Finally)

  All right.

  NANCY

  Now, Charlie, smile! And mean it!

  (LESLIE and SARAH begin to look at each other.)

  CURTAIN

  ACT TWO

  The curtain rises. The set: the same as the end of ACT ONE. CHARLIE, NANCY, LESLIE, and SARAH as they were. All are stock-still for a moment.

  LESLIE

  (Turns his head toward SARAH)

  Well, Sarah, what do you think?

  SARAH (Shakes her head)

  I don’t know, Leslie.

  LESLIE

  What do you think they’re doing?

  SARAH

  Well, it looks like some sort of a submission pose, but you never know; it might be a trick.

  LESLIE

  I’ll take a look.

  SARAH

  Well, be very careful.

  LESLIE (A weary sigh)

  Yes, Sarah.

  (LESLIE starts moving over to where CHARLIE and NANCY lie in their submission postures)

  CHARLIE

  Oh my God, one of them’s coming.

  NANCY

  Stay very still.

  CHARLIE

  What if one of them touches me?

  NANCY

  Smile.

  CHARLIE

  I’ll scream.

  NANCY

  No, don’t do that.

  CHARLIE

  (Whispers out of the side of his mouth)

  It’s coming! It’s coming!

  NANCY

  Well … hold on, and don’t panic. If we had a tail, this’d be the perfect time to wag it.

  (LESLIE is very close)

  CHARLIE

  Oh, God.

  (LESLIE stops, leans forward toward CHARLIE, and sniffs him several times. Then he straightens up and pokes CHARLIE in the ribs with his foot-paw. CHARLIE makes an involuntary sound but holds his position and keeps smiling. LESLIE looks at NANCY, sniffs her a little, and pokes her, too. She holds her position and wags her hands a little. LESLIE surveys them both, then turns and ambles back to SARAH)