Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 6

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

  “Amazing! Thanks, Njörðr! I’ll tell ya all about it later, yeah?”

  “You’re sure I can’t join you—?”

  “No can do!” Loki promptly turned down the other god before spinning around to call out to her followers. “Got everything I needed to know! Let’s skedaddle!”

  As the excitement in their patron deity’s voice neared its climax, so did the sense of foreboding everyone was feeling.

  Following Njörðr’s recommendation, the group headed even farther south, putting distance between themselves and the city proper. They stopped when they reached a small alcove, hidden from sight in the shadows of the surrounding trees and rocks.

  “Oh, wow! The sand is so white!”

  “It’s a beautiful beach. And here I’d always thought the port was nothing but rocks and cliffs…”

  “It’s gorgeous…”

  Tiona, Tione, and Aiz couldn’t hide their wonder at the view of the sandy white hills spreading before their eyes.

  It was a fairly sizable inlet just off the side of the lake’s banks, completely surrounded by towering trees and giant boulders. Cliffs scraped the sky to either side while the beach itself was devoid of life—a true “hidden gem” if they’d ever seen one.

  The sound of gentle waves lapping at the sand drew them in like moths to a flame. None of them could keep the smiles off their faces as they took in the sight of the sculpted coastline.

  “All righty then! I brought y’all a change of clothes!!”

  The squawking voice of their goddess put a stop to their appreciation of the beauty.

  She’d struck a strange pose, as if she’d been waiting for just this moment, and was now riffling through her pack and exposing its contents.

  —Long, long ago, when the gods had first descended from the heavens, they’d brought with them culture and inventions to impart upon the peoples of the world below. Among those inventions was a set of things commonly referred to as the Three Sacred Treasures.

  Despite “three” being included in their name, their numbers actually varied depending on the race or cultural sphere in question. They included everything from special ears one could wear to make one look like an animal person, elastic spats popular even among adventurers, bloomers, stockings, sailor uniforms…the list went on, oftentimes instigating debates over which of the inventions should actually be considered “sacred treasures” (and occasionally even resulting in bloodshed). Even to this day, the heated debate between those who sought the truth—people whose eyes had been opened after the desecration of a god—refused to die down.

  There did, however, exist one treasure that not a single soul in all the world would deny.

  And that was the bikini.

  “So this is the real reason we came to Meren…”

  Aki lamented, red-faced, as she used both her hands to cover her chest and belly, where the skin was bare thanks to the ridiculously skimpy bits of cloth her patron deity had forced her into.

  The slender tail poking out from her rear lilted back and forth as she and her fellow familia members came out from behind some nearby rocks after all of them had changed into similar attire. They were now hiding themselves behind their hands. Aside from their chests and hip areas, every bit of the blushing maidens’ skin was exposed to the brilliant sun overhead.

  “Even after all those baths we took down on the eighteenth floor…”

  “…Somehow this is still more embarrassing!”

  Lefiya and Leene awkwardly swayed back and forth.

  The majority of them had been forced into two-piece suits, and the size of the bottom halves only added to their shame. Lefiya’s still-developing breasts formed a graceful valley that peeked out of her suit’s top, the lower half (complete with short miniskirt) snug against the smooth curves of her bottom.

  “You carried that big bag of bikinis all the way here…?”

  Alicia raised the question. She wore a one-piece suit that made her turn a brilliant shade of red that spread all the way to the tips of her long, pointed ears. Nearby, her patron deity was eyeing the elf’s fully developed body with a sense of satisfaction.

  “Whoa! Wooow! This is amazing! Bodies glistening in the sun! Is this paradise?!”

  The womanizing goddess’s excitement was reaching its peak. Though Loki had denied her true motives for investigating the lake, it was clear as day to her followers what was most important in her mind. Fist raised toward the sky in triumph, her bloodshot eyes examined every detail of the embarrassed and incredibly uncomfortable girls and their bodies.

  “Hey! Where’s Riveria? Where’s my darling, adorable little Riveria, huh?!”

  “She’s frozen behind that rock, still holding her suit…”

  “Whaaaaat? C’mon, I need to see the goods! Hurry up or I’ll put that thing on for ya!”

  “—You will do no such thing!!” “Stop right there!” “You’ll not defile Lady Riveria!!” The elves in the group were to their feet immediately, racing toward Loki as she dashed to the rock where Riveria was paralyzed. With Alicia in the lead, the elves sent the goddess facedown into the sand.

  “Guwwagh!!” Loki yelped, though her cry of surprise quickly devolved into a bout of lascivious laughter at the sensation of naked skin pressing against her from all sides.

  Meanwhile, just as Lefiya had described, Riveria remained as still as a statue behind the rocky outcrop, risqué outfit clutched between her hands.

  …Th-they’re not lying…It really is embarrassing…Aiz thought, eyes traveling down the length of her bikini-clad body as she blushed.

  It was a white two-piece, similar to the others aside from the long pareu-style skirt dangling from her bottom half.

  She’d put up a fight, too, when Loki had first coerced her into wearing her standard battle attire, but even that didn’t hold a candle to the shameful bits of cloth she’d been forced into now—even if no one besides her familia was present.

  Rubbing her naked arms uncomfortably, she mentally thanked no one in particular for the fact that the men hadn’t been allowed to join.

  “M-M-M-M-Miss Aiz in a bikini…?!”

  “Wooow!” “I knew she’d look good in that!” “Nice!” “I’m jealous!”

  There were many compliments once Aiz emerged a few moments after the others. And not only from Lefiya, either—her smooth skin, slender frame, and shapely breasts left the group agape in awe.

  It was also enough to make Little Aiz inside her, dressed in a tiny swimsuit, dizzy from the attention. As her cheeks grew redder, she found her eyes dropping toward the ground, unable to meet the gazes of her normally indifferent peers.

  “You and your sister don’t feel the least bit embarrassed…do you?” Aki threw a glance in the direction of the two Amazonian sisters.

  “Why would we? It’s not like it’s a big deal.”

  “These aren’t even that different from what we usually wear!”

  They responded nonchalantly. True to Tiona’s words, the blue bikinis they sported now showed no more skin than their normal battle gear. The feather-like cloth was so thin that it was practically see through, yet they felt no shame in baring copper-colored legs or ample chests.

  Before long, Loki called out to them, having forsaken her quest to see Riveria suited up.

  “All right, everybody! It’s time to put aside our work for a while and have some fun!! Instead of swimming in the ocean, swim in the lake! Some dearly needed relaxation for my battle-weary maidens!! Complete with wardrobe malfunctions, of course!!”

  “As if!!”

  The cry from the group of red-faced girls was unanimous.

  No matter the reason behind it, the group of adventurers had certainly earned themselves some time in the sun, and they were going to take advantage of it.

  “Mmm, salty! But I thought this wasn’t the ocean!” Tiona immediately took a running jump into the water. Shaking her head like a wet dog, she brought a hand up to wipe her bangs out of her eyes, clearly enjoying her
self.

  “M-Miss Tiona! How can you just jump in like that?”

  “Easy peasy! Come on in, Lefiya!”

  “I, well, here I goooooo!” Taken in by the innocent girl’s antics, the elf’s lips curled into a smile as she made her way across the white sand and into the water.

  Though summer was a ways off and the water still had that mid-spring chill, the Dungeon-hardened adventurers rushed in en masse. They played in the waves and splashed one another, their laughing voices quickly filling the deserted inlet.

  Jostling breasts, wriggling hips, hands reaching to fix bits of cloth that had gotten themselves wedged in a little too far—Loki, too, was having the time of her life as she watched the girls enjoying themselves in the lake waters.

  “Beautiful. Just beautiful. I may not have the ocean, but I still got me a gaggle of bikini-clad girls to ogle…hee-hee-hee, the perfect combination!” She sighed.

  “She really is a perverted old man…” Tione grumbled, not surprised in the least as she saw the drool bubbling out from between the goddess’s lips. She turned her eyes skyward. “I wonder if the southern kingdoms feel like this…” she murmured, her voice swallowed up by the never-ending sky.

  It was almost as if the dazzling sun overhead was shining just for them and their private beach.

  “…”

  Meanwhile, Aiz had found herself a small corner of the beach and was currently idling about without much to do. Somehow, she looked less and less like the aloof Sword Princess and more like a small child hesitant to approach the white waves breaking on the sand.

  “Miss Aiz! Would you like to join us?” Lefiya called out exuberantly once she noticed her seclusion.

  “…Um…” Aiz’s gaze turned in the opposite direction of the sea-drenched elf.

  Just past the beach, she could see the heads of the others in their group floating in the water. Even farther out, Tiona could be seen gliding cheerily back and forth among the waves.

  It looked deep. Very deep.

  “…I’m, uh…I’m fine…really…”

  “?”

  Lefiya cocked her head to the side in confusion at Aiz’s more hesitant than usual demeanor.

  “Whassup, Aizuu? Don’t tell me you still can’t swim?” Loki approached the beached girl.

  “Urk!” The goddess’s assumption was right on the money.

  “…”

  “You…can’t swim, Miss Aiz?!”

  —This isn’t good!

  Aiz’s behavior grew even more suspicious. The nervous flitting of her golden eyes gave away her secret.

  Lefiya’s cry of surprise was enough to draw the attention of Tiona and Tione, who both made their way over, babbling excitedly. (“What is it? What is it?”) Their brows furrowed doubtfully upon first hearing Lefiya’s explanation but then softened in acute realization.

  “You know, now that you mention it…”

  “Even down in the Dungeon, she never got too close to the water…”

  “And anytime it looked like she was about to fall into any, she’d just use her wind magic to kick herself off the surface…”

  As Tiona and the others discussed the situation among themselves, Aiz gave a tiny gulp. Clasping her hands, she awkwardly rubbed her slender fingers against one another.

  “…When I try to swim, I only…sink…” she finally uttered, red-faced and quiet as a mouse.

  “Whaaaaaaaaaat? Really?!”

  “You can’t be serious!”

  “B-but you’ve never had a problem bathing in the Dungeon’s pools! Like down on the eighteenth floor, you seemed just fine…”

  Tiona shouted with surprise, and Tione and Lefiya echoed her sentiment.

  The reactions only increased Aiz’s discomfort. “I’m…fine if I can touch the floor…I just can’t…put my head under the water…” Her eyes fell to the ground as she felt shame well up inside her.

  Lefiya couldn’t contain her shock. To think that the girl she’d adored for so long could have such a monumental weakness!

  The Sword Princess, Aiz Wallenstein.

  Sixteen years old…and a human anchor.

  This was a result of her delving again and again into the Dungeon, focused on nothing but honing her combat skills.

  “Heavens above! To think that ya still can’t swim. I woulda thought for sure you’d be able to by now after goin’ to the Dungeon’s beach floor so many times…Huh? Wait a second! This means—if I can get her in the water, I win! She’ll have no way to resist my advances when she’s struggling just to stay afloat! Prepare yourself, Aiz!” The boorish grin that accompanied Loki’s words was positively obscene. She promptly launched herself at the water-fearing girl—

  “—gngh?!”

  “Yeeeow!!”

  —only for Aiz to respond in kind, her eyes glinting with sudden vehemence.

  The full-force slap she inflicted upon her patron deity sent the goddess tumbling across the sand with an addled “Gwwuoooof?!”

  Meanwhile, Tiona hurried over to Aiz’s side and grabbed her hands.

  “How ’bout we teach you, then, Aiz?”

  “Er, well…”

  “Yeah! It’ll be a great opportunity for you to practice! It’ll only get worse if you keep putting it off, right?” Tione added with a smile.

  “I—I will help as well, Miss Aiz!” Lefiya assured her enthusiastically.

  “…Mmmmm…”

  The pressure building, Aiz ultimately had no choice but to nod in agreement. And thus, though the heart of the girl in question was whirling in turmoil like a typhoon, the first-ever swimming lessons for the human anchor began.

  “Why don’t we start by seeing just how bad you really are, hmm?”

  “Could you walk just a little ways into the water for us, Aiz?”

  “O-okay…” Voice trembling slightly, Aiz unwrapped the pareu from around her waist. Knowing that she had no choice but to accept her fate at this point, she set her jaw and tied her long golden hair up into a ponytail. With a sidelong glance at the other girls farther off who were now eyeing the situation curiously, she ever so slowly, ever so warily inched her way into the water until it reached the vicinity of her hips.

  “If you just lie on your back, you’ll float. Give it a try, yeah?”

  “…”

  “Ohhh! She did it! She did it!”

  “I knew you could, Miss Aiz!”

  “There you go. See? It’s easy! Now let’s try putting your head in the water and using your arms and legs to move—”

  “

  glug, glug, glug, glug…?!”

  There was an almost inhuman noise as Aiz sank to the bottom of the lake.

  “N-no way!!”

  “That was so fast! She just disappeared!”

  “T-Tiona, aren’t you going to save her?!” Tione asked fearfully as Lefiya and Tiona simply watched in shock.

  That was enough to elicit the attention of the other familia members, causing everyone to rush into the lake with panicked screams. “Miss Aiz!!”

  “It ain’t gonna work. The trauma from Riveria’s special training’s rooted too deep…”

  “What did Riveria do to her?!”

  Loki explained, having recovered but still boasting a leaf-shaped red mark on her cheek, and Tione responded with a shout forceful enough to send flecks of spit from her mouth.

  The high elf in question, however, remained petrified behind her rock, still motionless with her hands on her suit.

  “Talk to us, Aiz!” “Miss Aiz, are you all right?!”

  “…I’m sorry…” Aiz mumbled as Tiona and Lefiya dragged her safely to shore. Her eyes spun, and her shoulders heaved with each breath.

  Many of the other lower-level familia members had never seen their Sword Princess like this before, and the shocking scene was enough to elicit gulps of anxiety from the entire group.

  They kept trying, having her attempt a few more back floats once she’d recovered, but nothing seemed to work. Every time she tried moving
her feet, she sank straight to the bottom.

  “This is even worse than I thought…” Tione bemoaned.

  “But that’s exactly why she needs to practice!” Tiona this time.

  “More than being afraid of the water…it’s almost like when the time comes for her to swim, she tenses up and completely loses it…”

  “A reflex, then? Riveria really must have done a number on her…”

  As the two Amazons lamented the situation, faces grim, Lefiya sympathetically rubbed Aiz’s back.

  As for Aiz, her legs had given out beneath her, and she was currently supporting herself with both hands in the sand; she could only watch as Little Aiz inside her gurgled from deep below the water’s surface.

  The other familia members who’d been watching the spectacle unfold began to gather around her.

  “Hmm…how ’bout you practice with me, then, huh, Aiz? You can hold my hand!” Tiona suggested, reaching out to her.

  “Um…okay…” If her friend was willing to do so much for her, then Aiz couldn’t just back down. Resolving herself, she took Tiona’s hand, and the two of them made their way back toward the water.

  Tiona walked backward across the bottom of the lake, both hands clenched tightly in Aiz’s as she helped support the other girl in the water.

  Slowly, slowly, with tiny little kicks like those of a small animal, Aiz began moving herself forward, determined to keep her head above water and remain afloat.

  “No need to be so tense, Aiz. Yeah, yeah, there you go. That’s how you do it.”

  “R-really?”

  “Okay, I’m gonna let ya go now!”

  “?!”

  “One, two—”

  “I’m not ready, I’m not ready, I’m not ready!”

  “—three! Here you go!!”

  “ghn?!”

  The moment Tiona released her, Aiz began to writhe like a panicked rabbit. With a horrendous gurgling noise, she began to sink beneath the water.

  Desperate now, she reached toward Tiona, somehow managing to clasp both arms tightly around the Amazon’s body. Pressed against her friend’s bosom, she simply trembled in fear, not unlike a frightened child.

  So cute. Tiona couldn’t help but think this while she smiled.