Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 6

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

  Tiona would never let go of her sister’s hand, no matter what happened.

  “We’ll be leaving again soon, right, Tione?”

  “We will, yeah. Why? You don’t want to?”

  “Well, no, but…it’s just that the god here is so nice, and…and so is everybody else, so…”

  And then she’d laughed. The same laugh always followed her.

  “But being with you is all I need, so…it’s fine!”

  The relief Tione had felt then, along with the feeling of being pushed out of her world, couldn’t have been just her imagination.

  Tiona was the sun.

  There was nothing more dazzlingly radiant, nor more frustratingly ingratiating than her. Though the idiotic grin she always wore grated on Tione’s nerves, the longer she looked at her, the looser her tightly clenched fist became.

  Just accept it already. She saved you.

  Sure, they’d fight over the stupidest, most trivial things, then eat their meals together as though nothing had happened, but as Tione sat next to that brilliant shining smile, sometimes she’d even find a smile forming on her face. This was fine. So long as she had her idiot of a sister, she’d be fine. As someone who’d known nothing of forming connections with others, Tione was able to adjust to this two-person world thanks to the sister at her side.

  And so their aimless journey continued.

  It was a paradox—two girls who cared not about being alone traveled in search of a place to call home. They joined one familia after another, training and developing the two vessels that were their bodies, leaving behind those they met along the way, all the while being careful not to let themselves get too comfortable in one place. This went on for quite some time as they continued their strange, aimless quest for something they themselves didn’t even seek.

  It was five years into this journey.

  That the two sisters decided to stow away on a ship and travel to the “Center of the World”—the Labyrinth City, Orario.

  “C’moooooon…it’s just a way to kill time, is all!”

  “…”

  The cherub goddess’s face twisted into a frown at Lefiya’s refusal to open her mouth.

  She’d only just awoken a short time ago after Kali and Bache whisked her away, and she was currently in some sort of cave-like recess no larger than a typical pub. As Lefiya looked around at the black stone, she had no clue as to where she could be.

  It’s humid…Near the lake, then? No, the ocean, perhaps?

  She licked her lips, trying to sort out her surroundings without being noticed. Though she couldn’t be sure of the time, from the stiffness in her muscles, she could hazard a guess that she’d been out at least five hours. In fact, it felt very similar to taking rest in the rooms of the Dungeon. Night was surely drawing near.

  There were five others in the room besides herself—Kali, who was sitting cross-legged in front of her, and four guards. From what she could tell, everyone was at least her level or higher, and chains had been carelessly wound around her wrists.

  They’re not strong, either…They’re normal chains, not mythril or some other type of ingot. I could probably break them if I wanted…

  Her movements weren’t even restricted. If it were just these restraints holding her back, then she’d surely be able to escape.

  “Don’t even think about it, missy. I’m sure you’ve noticed already, but one move outta you, and these girls’ll be all over ya.”

  “…”

  “I don’t recommend tryin’ to whisper out a spell or whatever else you may be plannin’, either,” the goddess warned with a smile, almost as though reading her mind.

  Lefiya didn’t respond.

  “They’re some of the best warriors in Telskyura, too, you know. They could pick up on a mouse tiptoeing a kirlo away, and they’re highly skilled in crushing chants. You wouldn’t wanna have that pretty throat of yours pulverized, would you? I doubt you wanna see what it’s like to be barely able to breathe as you drown in your own blood, yeah?”

  “…Guh?!”

  A chill ran up Lefiya’s spine.

  The battle-hardened Amazons had spent enough days in the arena to understand how to stifle a mage’s spell. Mercilessly, without hesitation.

  Lefiya’s face paled at the thought. Kali continued with a sage nod.

  “But if you just sit tight like a good little girl, you’ll come out right as rain, yeah? As soon as this is all over, you’ll be free to go.”

  “I’m…bait, aren’t I? For Miss Aiz and the others…Misses Tiona and Tione?”

  “Maybe you are…maybe you aren’t,” Kali teased, slippery as an eel.

  This was what she got for thinking she was ready to level up to Level 4—kidnapped by her enemies and completely powerless to do anything. Her heart dropping in despair, she said a silent word of apology to her familia companions, all the while glaring at the goddess in front of her.

  “But so long as you’re askin’ about Tiona and Tione, maybe you can tell me a bit about ’em.”

  “…Like I would tell you anything!”

  “Hey, I’m not huntin’ for weak points or anything like that! I just wanna learn a bit about ’em, you know? After they left Telskyura and all,” Kali explained, giving Lefiya’s cheek a few smacks with her tiny hand.

  Lefiya winced, pulling away with a whimper as Kali continued to smile.

  “What’re they like now that they’ve settled down, huh? A mother wants to know!”

  Lefiya found herself at a loss, not knowing how to proceed before the childlike goddess’s affection-filled eyes.

  Finally, after much thought, she opened her mouth, unable to take Kali’s penetrating gaze any longer.

  “I’m afraid I…can’t talk about more than trivial matters, but…”

  “S’fine! It’s the trivial stuff I wanna hear about!” the goddess urged, keeping Lefiya talking.

  And talk she did…It was a rambling, somewhat incoherent string of stories, everything from her jealousy at Tiona and Aiz’s bond to Tione’s incessant courting of their captain, Finn.

  “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!! You…you can’t be serious! Tione? In love?! What a crock! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!”

  “It…it’s not quite that funny…” Lefiya remarked as she watched the tiny goddess, her hands on the ground and clapping her feet together in a simulation of applause, her undergarments bared to the world. Considering the lovelorn version of Tione was the only Tione she’d ever known, Lefiya found the tears of mirth in Kali’s eyes to be a bit much.

  Once the spasms of laughter finally subsided, Kali removed her hands from her belly and righted herself.

  “So that little runaway of mine has fallen in love…Huh! She really has changed. Here I thought she’d be a barren witch the rest of her life. Ha! I guess she’s a different breed than us after all.”

  There was an emotion behind her words, similar to the affection Lefiya had felt from her earlier. Perhaps there was some way to persuade her against all this, appeal to the goddess’s emotions, and keep this senseless fight from coming to pass. She did truly seem to care for her followers.

  “Erm…” she began, these thoughts running through her head. “Do you…really need to do this? I highly doubt Misses Tiona and Tione want to fight. If you could possibly show them some mercy…”

  Kali’s face was calm beneath her demonic mask, and the slightest of smiles played across her face.

  “No can do,” she replied curtly, eliciting a jolt of surprise from Lefiya. “I descended to this world seeking war and bloodshed. Don’t get me wrong—I love my children. But even they can’t come between me and my life’s one true pleasure. So I’m gonna hafta decline.”

  “…!”

  The terribly honest words sparked a flame in Lefiya’s belly. They made her forget where she was, and a shout built up inside her throat before bursting past her lips.

  “Then you’re the reason why Telskyura is nothing but a land of death! That’s why so many
people have died!”

  “Whoa, whoa, simmer down, would ya? Telskyura was like that even before I came along. We gods highly condemn distortin’ a country’s history and culture for our selfish whims…That’d be a crime against the mortal world! Not to mention your kids would resent you for it, yeah?” the goddess explained.

  Lefiya felt her anger start to subside. “Oh…”

  “The only thing I did when I got there was bequeath ’em my blessing.”

  No longer able to look Kali in the eye, she turned her gaze to the Amazons around her, who offered not a word of opposition. Their silence acted as a show of approval—the loyalty they’d pledged to the goddess before her.

  “Child of Loki, do you know why I let Tiona and her sister go?”

  “…?”

  “Because they were the first ones. No one had ever requested to leave Telskyura.”

  “!”

  “Reject none who come, chase none who leave…If you wanna skedaddle, I have no business keepin’ you. Of course, you’d have to give up all the benefits from my blessing as collateral, but that’s how things go, you know?”

  No one else had ever requested to leave, neither before them nor after. Every other Amazon had remained in Telskyura, where their days of ceaseless combat had continued. After all, what was the point in putting time and effort into a bunch of spineless wimps who’d give up before they’d even started?

  Everything was the will of her children. As much as possible, Kali had tried to make Telskyura the holy land of Amazons they wanted it to be, or at least that’s how she put it.

  “Did you confuse me for an affectionate goddess, Child of Loki?”

  “…”

  “I’m no different from every other god and goddess out there, not even some everlasting child-saving goddess of the hearth or what have you. All of us came down to this world seeking the excitement of our own. We’re nothing but hedonists.”

  An impish smile formed on Kali’s face as she rose to her feet. Then, entrusting Lefiya to the watchful gaze of her Amazonian guards, she made to leave.

  “W-wait! What is…what is it you’re trying to do?” Lefiya called out reflexively, realizing that her attempt to persuade the goddess had failed.

  “Trying to do…? Hmm, a lot of things, I suppose, but if I had to name one…” Kali came to a stop, red hair swishing as she turned around. “Create a future of war. I want to see it with my eyes…The perfect warrior born from the very limits of ceaseless bloodshed.”

  As Lefiya’s eyes widened in horror, Kali’s face broke into a smile.

  The sky was tinged with bluish shadow.

  Night had settled over the port town of Meren. Passing clouds hid the twinkle of stars and the outline of the moon as they drifted ceaselessly along. Every so often, a gap would appear, and the moon’s golden light would drift through the haze to illuminate the city below.

  “It’s time…We should get ready.”

  “Right.”

  Their nap finished, Tione and Tiona gazed out across the city and darkened night sky from the vantage point of their abandoned factory.

  The meeting time Argana had given them was fast approaching, and they began to prepare themselves for their confrontation with Kali—their chance to sever the ties to their past once and for all.

  “Hey, Tione.”

  “What is it?”

  “What were you and Loki talkin’ about yesterday?”

  The question came as such a surprise that Tione found herself unable to move for a moment.

  “…You’re asking me now?”

  “Well, I got curious!”

  Curious, indeed, Tione thought as she let out a sigh. She was no better than a cat! She fended off her sister’s question with a flippant wave of her hand.

  “It’s nothing, seriously. Don’t even ask.”

  “Oh really?”

  “Yep. I’m gonna go check out the road into town.” She changed the subject before unconcernedly making her way out of the factory.

  However, rather than checking out the road like she’d said, she came to a stop in a small alley, leaning back against the wall and turning her gaze toward the sky.

  —“Have a drink with me, won’tcha, Tione?”

  It had been last night, after her crushing defeat in the fight against Argana.

  Tione had been out on the balcony by herself, unable to be by Aiz and Tiona any longer, when Loki had approached her on her way back from the pub.

  “…Sorry. Afraid I’m not much in the mood.”

  “’Zat so. You know, Tione, if there’s somethin’ on your mind, you can always—”

  “Come to you? Don’t bother. You don’t act like a patron deity any other time, so stop trying now.” Her words were harsh, even more so than usual, a reflection of the damage her earlier defeat against Argana had done to her heart. She simply couldn’t bear it.

  Loki didn’t seem bothered. “It’s all the same to me. But maybe you’d be better off thinkin’ of Finn.”

  Tione felt a chill run down her spine at the mention of the captain’s name.

  “The way you’re actin’…reminds me of when I first met you. You’re even more on edge than you were then.”

  “…”

  “So try to think about when you first met Finn,” Loki continued with a little laugh at the way Tione struggled to keep a straight face. “I like ya much better all mellowed out and cute-like, y’know?”

  —I’m glad I can entertain you so much!

  Tione started to snap back, but she couldn’t seem to get the words out of her mouth. Instead, she simply walked away, dragging her feet along behind her.

  “…Captain…” Remembering the scene, Tione murmured softly.

  An intense feeling of dread had settled over her, as though the ground beneath her was shaking. No, she couldn’t look back now. She’d come too far already, or at least that’s what she desperately told herself.

  “…”

  But her despondent sigh didn’t go unheeded.

  Her sister had crept away unnoticed and returned to the abandoned factory, mimicking Tione by turning her eyes skyward.

  It felt so long ago—the day the two of them first arrived in Orario. The day their two-person world came to an end.

  She could still remember how that soaring white tower and those lofty city walls had loomed over her head.

  It had taken them more than a few days to finally make it inside the city; Tione had gotten so irritated they’d almost given up entirely. It seemed they were really cracking down on those with blessings from outside the city in an attempt to weed out potential spies, and not even travelers like them, with no affiliation to any familia, were free from scrutiny. And certainly the sudden arrival of twin Level 3s—second-tier adventurers—with no patron deity or familia to their name, was a little hard to swallow.

  The Guild had only allowed them entrance to the city on one condition: that they join one of the city’s familias. The condition was born from an ulterior motive—a dog collar, so to speak, to ensure the two Level 3s didn’t slip away.

  Getting in will be easy but getting out will be a nightmare. That was how it had been explained to Tiona, which meant her first impression of Orario was nothing more than a bothersome cage. No doubt, it had been the same for Tione, and yet, Orario turned out to be anything but boring.

  Barely a day had passed after they set foot in the city, and already they’d been swarmed. News about their arrival had spread like wildfire, with every god and goddess of a Dungeon-type familia flocking to snatch up the two beautiful Level-3 Amazons for themselves.

  It was the Dungeon, after all, that had drawn Tiona and her sister to Orario in the first place. Though they’d left Telskyura, Amazonian blood still flowed through their veins, and they were anxious to test their skills against its many floors. In order for them to enter the Dungeon, however—or perhaps more accurately, in order to register as adventurers and obtain the full support and money-exchanging privileges of
the Guild—they’d need to join a familia.

  They’d never been entirely particular as to the familias they’d temporarily joined in the past. All changed, however, thanks to the sheer number of familias that came to scout them now. Crowds would form outside their cheap hotel. It grew so intense at times that fights began to break out, as no one was willing to give up their chance at claiming the two Amazons.

  As Tione grew more and more incensed at the riotous clamoring of the scouts, Tiona stepped out in front of the crowd of adventurers, shouting as loud as she could—

  “You want us? You gotta beat us!”

  —and promptly instigating a free-for-all, with everyone giving it their all to best and bag the twins.

  Of course, everyone there ended up losing miserably, even those who’d attempted to cheat the system and wait until the two Amazons had grown tired from previous battles. They were just too good, too used to the lifestyle of combat back in Telskyura, and not even the first-tier adventurers of Orario stood a chance.

  This continued for some time, with adventurers knocking on their door for days to come, though mostly it was their defeated opponents coming back for more. To this day five years later, their deeds were still spoken of, mostly with the pure fear they had created in the citizens’ hearts—“Oh, shit! An Amazon!!”

  It seemed that no familia would be strong enough to best the two Amazonian twins.

  In fact, it was just when Tiona and Tione were beginning to lament the ineptitude of the supposedly great “adventurers of Orario” that Loki Familia showed up.

  Tione had hated them immediately.

  From their goddess, already panting in lustful excitement at their revealing clothes, to the feeble-looking prum with that stupid smirk on his face, to the stunningly beautiful elf staring at them with one eye closed, to the dwarf observing them in amusement as he stroked his beard—she couldn’t stand the way they looked at her and her sister, visibly sizing them up.

  “Heard there was a pair of lively Amazons over here.”

  “We’ve killed so many of our brethren, and you still want us to join you?”