Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? On the Side: Sword Oratoria, Vol. 6

by Fujino Omori, Kiyotaka Haimura

  “You lot have been giving certain members of our familia considerable trouble, haven’t you?”

  All around the ship, giant pillars of water soared upward as the Amazons plunged beneath the waves. Soon, the only ones who remained on deck were Finn, Tione, and Argana.

  “…Ngh!!”

  Finn’s strength was in a league all its own, and Argana couldn’t even try to hide her astonishment. Behind Finn, however, Tione was experiencing her own crisis.

  “St-stop it! Please stop, Captain! Don’t…don’t get in the way!!”

  “Get in the…way?”

  But even as she screamed, the damage had already been done, her inner fragility revealed. Looking at his back now, she saw in her mind the bond they shared growing weaker and weaker.

  “I…I have to bring Argana down myself! If I don’t—…If I don’t, then Tiona, Aiz, and everyone else, they’ll…they’ll be hunted down!!”

  She shouted what was in her heart, disorganized and inarticulate though it was.

  Yet even as she stood there stammering, the tiny prum didn’t move from his spot; no, he didn’t even flinch.

  “Tione. Since when did we become so weak and frail as to need your protection?”

  “…!”

  “That you would go to such lengths…Is it out of pride? Or perhaps some sort of personal resentment? If it is out of enmity, I’d say you certainly got your revenge.”

  The words cut into Tione’s heart like a knife.

  It was cold, almost, this direct attack on her past actions and rationale.

  —She was being scorned. By the person she loved the most.

  The mask of boldness she’d so desperately attempted to hide behind began to peel away. She felt a heat spread through her battered body, a heat that had nothing to do with her earlier anger, and in her eyes, all that she’d been keeping suppressed fought for release.

  “However…”

  Just when despair had begun to overtake her features, Finn turned back, looking straight toward her.

  “…Somehow, despite all the time you’ve spent pushing, you’ve finally learned to pull.”

  “Huh…?”

  “When did you learn such tactics, hmm?”

  Tione raised her gaze, meeting Finn’s own, and the prum gave her a wry smile as he balanced the handle of his spear on his shoulder.

  “You really should try not to make us worry so much, Tione.”

  Now Tione’s eyes began to tremble.

  “I’m just glad you’re all right.”

  Strange though it may seem, a part of her, the smallest, most infinitesimal part, had always wanted to play the heroine waiting for her knight in shining armor. Just like in those stories Tiona had read to her.

  It was the smallest, tiniest part buried deep down within her.

  The part of her that had found someone to love so, so much.

  “You’re going to get an earful from me after this, you know that, right?” Finn said with a soft smile.

  “Y-yes…” she responded, tears clinging to her eyes.

  And then she sat, spent of her energy and sinking to the floor. She’d already been on the verge of collapse, having suffered almost more than she could take, and this new attack melting her heart had severed the final thread holding her together.

  It wasn’t rage scraping at her heart this time; it was something else, burrowing its way into its deepest recesses.

  “—You can’t be serious! What the hell is all this?!” Argana suddenly barked, no longer able to watch in silence. Rage made itself plain on her face as she glared daggers at Tione on the ground. “To your feet, Tione!! We will continue the rite! You really think you can just end it with this lunacy?!”

  She couldn’t bear seeing the cowardly image of Tione on her knees before her.

  This wasn’t the face of a warrior, of an avenger ablaze with fury.

  This was nothing but an ordinary, run-of-the-mill, unremarkable girl.

  As someone who yearned for a future of war and combat, this was something she could not permit.

  “You understand Koine, I see.” Finn turned his attention now to the enraged Amazon in front of him. “Then our conversation will be short. I was wondering if you would be willing…to let me take the place of Tione in the rite.”

  He thrust his spear into the boards of the floor below. Watching Argana, still shocked, out of the corner of his eye, he stooped down into position, fully prepared to fight sans weapon. “If I win, you’re to leave Tione and her sister alone. Make one move toward them again, and we’ll completely decimate the country you call home.”

  “A man…and a prum, no less?! Don’t make me laugh…!” But even as the mere thought made her body quiver in shame, she readied herself all the same. Long tongue reaching out to lick the red liquid off her cheeks, her eyes turned bloodshot. Her body coursed with bloodlust, absolutely prepared to slaughter the tiny fool of a man in front of her so she could continue her fight with Tione.

  “Die!!”

  Tione knew how the fight would end before it even started.

  “I’ve heard tell that those of Telskyura consider it an insult to be shown sympathy in a fight.”

  Argana’s wounds were too deep and too many from their own fight.

  Her body had just about reached its limit.

  “So I shall give it my all, as well.”

  And even more than that.

  The Argana in front of her now was no different from the Tione who’d gone up against Finn those five years ago.

  She knew nothing. Not of the strength of adventurers, nor of the world.

  Nor that the tiny figure standing before her was not only a prum hero…

  “—Spear of magic, I offer my blood! Bore within this brow.”

  …but a berserker, too. One as strong and crazed as even her.

  “Hell Finegas!”

  His green eyes, as calm as the lake’s surface, suddenly flashed a brilliant red.

  “?!”

  Argana’s fist came at him, but he caught it in his own, in his fist no larger than a human child’s. And as Argana gulped in surprise, he unleashed everything he had. His abilities were now enhanced to an unimaginable degree and his mind gone wild with a thirst for blood.

  Fingers digging into her fist, he yanked her forward in the blink of an eye.

  Argana could barely believe what she was seeing, and time ground to a screeching halt as she saw the tiny prum ready his other fist.

  He roared, lungs bursting with all the intensity of a bloodthirsty warrior.

  “H​U​U​U​R​R​R​R​R​R​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​A​U​U​G​G​G​G​G​H​H​H​H​H​H​H​!​!”

  His fist collided with Argana’s face.

  “GUGNNNNH”

  She tried to scream, but the vicious crack of her bones snapping interrupted the sound.

  Then she was flying. She crashed through the railing, sending up splinters of wood as she plunged into the water far, far away from the side of the boat. The deluge of water that rose up from the impact might as well have been caused by a magic explosion for all its magnitude.

  “!”

  The recoil was enough to send the ship rocking back and forth, its boards creaking noisily, and Tione waited for the motion to subside before moving. When finally silence had returned to the deck, she raised her head, finding Finn standing in front of her with his eyes still red.

  “Ah…” She instinctively closed her eyes, unable to face his red ones head-on as they stared at her huddled form on the ship’s floor.

  A few seconds passed.

  When nothing happened, she slowly, ever so slowly cracked open her eyes, only to feel something come down on her shoulders. Taken aback, she quickly turned her head to find that Finn had wrapped his waistcloth around her.

  “Captain…” she murmured, lips trembling.

  Finn just smiled, his irises having returned to their beautiful green shade.

  “Let’s g
o home, Tione.”

  Then he walked past her, giving her head a soft pat.

  That was the final straw for Tione, already spent in more ways than she could imagine, and her eyes welled up with salty tears. Completely abandoning all modesty, she turned on her heel before promptly tackling her beloved’s back.

  “Captaaaaaaaaaaaaaain!!”

  Her arms wrapped around him in the tightest squeeze she could muster.

  Finn, on the other hand, was sent straight to the floor by the emotional Amazon’s giant bear hug, his nose cracking against the hard wood of the deck with his arms spread-eagled above him.

  “Captain, oh, Captaaaaaaaain! Thank you soooooo muchhhhhh…Ahhhh, I’m so sorry…!!”

  “…There, there,” Finn could only reply with a knowing smile as Tione sobbed his name again and again into his shirt, her arms still wrapped around his waist.

  He’d wait there, the prum captain of Loki Familia, with his cheek pressed into the floor, until she was done crying, simply smiling at the night sky up above.

  The two rites, one within the cave and one atop the ship, had come to an end.

  The fate the two girls shared had been broken at the hands of their companions.

  By the time Tione and Finn made their way back across the ice bridge to the shore (Riveria had re-created it to allow them passage), traces of light were already starting to color the sky. It took a while after that, mostly due to Tione’s wailing, for Riveria to apply the proper healing and care for her battered body. But once finished, the three of them continued to the wharf, Tione sandwiched between the two elites with Finn’s waistcloth still wrapped around her shoulders. They found the rest of Loki Familia gathered in front of the fishing pier and causing a horrible racket.

  “I…I brought Misses Tiona’s and Tione’s weapons for nothing…?! But her Urga almost broke my back…!” Raul lamented.

  “Don’t sweat it, Raul! It’s the thought that counts, yeah? We’re just happy you had us in mind! Thanks!” Tiona replied, as boisterous as ever.

  “How does Miss Tiona still have that much…energy…?” Leene asked.

  “Indeed,” Lefiya agreed. “Only a few hours ago she was knocking on death’s door and plagued by poison, no less…Just healing her took considerable time.”

  “All thanks to you, Leene! And I’ve gotta apologize to you, Lefiya. Gettin’ you all mixed up in our problems!”

  “No one’s gonna forgive ya when yer runnin’ around like a damn crackpot! You even realize what all these guys did for ya?” Bete growled.

  “Well, sor-ry for wantin’ to apologize when I’ve done something wrong!…Not that…you know…an apology’s probably enough…I’m really sorry for puttin’ you guys through all that.”

  “Somebody hold me! Tiona? Bein’ all meek ’n’ submissive? A new world’s bein’ born in my soul!”

  “Let her be, Loki,” Aiz said.

  “All right, all right! You win, Aizuu! You and your damn perfection—Nnnnggaaah!”

  “Bete, do something! Look how sad Tiona looks now!”

  “H-how the hell should I know what to do?! You think I can do anything to fix that crazy woman?”

  “You could start by apologizing, you big ol’ asshat!!” Tiona finally squawked.

  “Oh, why don’t you just shove it, you shit-for-brains Amazon!!”

  As Tione looked out across the clamorous group with her sister at its center, she felt the muscles in her face relax, her earlier anxiety washing away. Next to her, Finn could only shrug as Riveria sported her usual one-eyed smile.

  “Huh? Oh, Tione!” Tiona suddenly spouted, noticing her sister immediately.

  “Lady Riveria!” “Captain!” the rest of the group shouted as the younger Amazon came sprinting toward them.

  “You all right, Tione?! The rite! What happened with the rite? Where’s Argana?!”

  “…The captain sent her on a one-way trip.”

  Tiona was silent for a moment, her face blank in puzzlement.

  Then she laughed, great guffaws that forced her hands to her stomach.

  The sight of it was enough to make the corners of Tione’s mouth twitch upward ever so slightly.

  “I beat Bache! And you know what? No one had to do any dyin’ or killin’! How about that, huh?”

  That smile. That smile. Always that smile.

  What was behind that smile? What did it hold? What had it saved?

  To the east, the sun broke across the horizon, coloring the surface of the lake a brilliant, fiery gold.

  Tione’s face softened, her lips curling upward, all the way upward—in a true smile.

  “Thanks, Tiona. For saving me. I can’t thank you enough.”

  Tiona glanced up at her sister, now smiling as brightly as the rising sun, and for a moment, something in her heart caught. The more she looked, the more her own face flushed and the more her own smile grew.

  “You bet!” she finally answered, the two sisters now sharing the same smile as Finn and Riveria watched like protective parents.

  Almost instantly, though, Tione’s smile fell, and a look of despondence washed over her. “I…need to apologize to everyone. You’re too much of a dunce for people to stay mad at, but me…? I guess we’ll see.”

  “It’ll be fine! It’ll be fine! You’ll see! Everyone’ll forgive ya! Just shoot ’em that same smile and everything’ll be right as rain!”

  “Smile?! During an apology? That’s just asking for a punch in the face!”

  “Naaaaaaah! C’mooooon! Just do it!”

  “Ugh, you’re so annoying! Go over there somewhere!! You really are the worst!”

  “But Tioneeeeeeeeeeee!!”

  And so the two sisters walked toward the group.

  They walked to that place of light where their friends awaited them with smiles.

  Their days of loneliness were behind them.

  EPILOGUE

  DISTURBING ELEMENTS

  All in all, the “Meren incident” was just about cleaned up that night.

  The Guild decided to blame Kali Familia for Loki Familia’s fight in the middle of the wharf. “An unfortunate accident brought about by savage Amazons from a remote land,” was how they described it. As for the violas, well, those were just monsters who happened upon land at a most inopportune time.

  The Guild’s top brass didn’t have much choice on the matter given how Loki had dragged them into the investigation. From the violas’ release into the sea, to the involvement of wonder boy Njörðr, of all people, to the conspiracy of the Murdock estate, and perhaps most egregious of all—that a high-ranking Guild member would be involved in embezzlement—they knew that going public with everything would shake Meren to its very roots. The Guild, being the Guild, could already picture the kinds of criticism they’d receive (and the many ways other familias would be able to take advantage of them and invite them to ruin).

  If details of this incident got out, plots to reveal their weaknesses would come out of the woodwork. It was almost as if they’d received a warning already, from the “thread” connecting the separate points of the scandal: “If I’m going down, you’re going down with me.”

  Truthfully, the Guild had long been getting information from Loki Familia on the secret maneuvers of Orario’s organizations, but they’d never acted upon any of the tips, perhaps already afraid of the retaliation (and mutual destruction) it would bring.

  “See, the reason they released the violas then…and also the reason why they only had ’em do so much damage…was to make it seem like they were never even there.”

  “I see. It was more than a diversion…It was insurance.”

  —was the explanation Loki and Riveria came up with.

  Then that “thread,” that queen of beauty, could make her way back to Orario, smiling as though none the wiser.

  While nothing would happen to Njörðr or Borg, what with the strong influence they had on Meren’s administration, there was no question as to the deal that was made behind
the scenes promising their allegiance to the Guild.

  Thus, it came to pass that Guild Branch Chief Rubart would be the only one taking the fall.

  “The hell. So that guy Rubart was the only one to go down, huh? He really drew the short straw on this one.”

  It was the day after everyone had returned to the port city proper, making it the second day after the events had transpired at Meren’s wharf. After dealing with the constant belligerence that was the Guild, Loki had made her way quickly—escaping, perhaps—to Njörðr and company to wrest out the full details of the proceedings.

  “It would seem so. Quite awful, what happened to him. Losing his job and everything.”

  “Well, isn’t that just a cryin’ shame. Imagine, one of yer own kids gettin’ caught up in my all-powerful plan and endin’ up on unemployment the rest of their life.”

  “I know. Which is exactly why I forcibly carved my blessing in his back and welcomed him into my ranks of fishermen.”

  “Yer really the devil himself.”

  The two joked back and forth, faces deadpan. They were in Njörðr’s chambers in Nóatún, Njörðr Familia’s home.

  “Like throwin’ a farmer onto a battlefield, you are.”

  “Still…it’s about the only thing I can do to atone for what I’ve done…”

  It seemed Rubart hadn’t taken too well to the change, already resentful enough over what had happened and now surrounded on all sides by slightly too affectionate fishermen. “Don’t worry! We’ll take good care of ya!” The entire thing had gotten a bit out of hand, no doubt making the gesture of goodwill feel more and more like punishment…

  “And what about you, huh? Fixed things up between you and your kid?”

  “You mean Rod?…I’m not sure things will ever be the same between us…” he answered somewhat vaguely, with a weak smile that contained dozens of emotions. “What was it he told me? Ah, yes…‘we’ll keep doing our best so long as you try not to get involved in anything else strange.’”

  “…You really do have some good kids.”

  “Indeed.” Njörðr smiled at Loki’s sincere reply. “Though I still haven’t solved the whole monsters-in-the-sea issue, I’ll try to think of a way to do so without the violas going forward. To do so would, no doubt, put me back in your sights and in line for another scolding, as well.”