Shatter

by Jay Lang

  I look at her, wondering what she could have been hiding from since we’ve been together, “What is it?”

  “It’s about Abby, your little sister.”

  Immediately, my back tenses and my walls start to go up.

  Katie turns to me with tears still rolling down her cheeks. This time, it’s she who reaches out. She gently rests her hand on my leg and continues, “Please, Jules. Don’t get mad or close off. Please just let me talk to you about her for a moment. I need you to know how I feel.”

  I have to remind myself to take a breath, and I feel my lips purse and my brows furrow. With all the horrible shit going on, why does she have to hit me where it hurts the most and mention Abby?

  “There’s a point to me bringing up what happened to your little sister, Jules. Be patient and hear me with open ears. When she came to live with my family, I instantly loved her. She was the sister I always wanted, beautiful, kind and generous. At first, she would miss you, especially at night. She would crawl into bed with me and I would hold her and sing to her. She told me that you used to do the same for her when she was afraid. The only difference was, she idolized you. She thought you were so brave and smart, and she said that you would do anything to protect her. I tried so hard to live up to that image, the image of you, but I couldn’t. I was her foster sister, her playmate. You, were her heart.” As Katie speaks, tears are dripping from her chin and onto her leggings. I get up and grab some Kleenex and hand it to her. When I sit back down, she continues, “The day that she died…”

  “Stop it, Katie. I don’t want to hear any more,” I say, with my stomach clenching and my eyes beginning to water.

  “Let me finish. It’s important.”

  “The day she died, my parents had just gifted each of us a pair of new skates. Abby was so happy that she was jumping up and down. She wanted to try them out on our back pond, but my father said that it was too warm out and the ice would be thin. Abby and I waited until my father left to run errands, and we approached my mother, who wasn’t as overprotective as my dad. Our plan worked. After only a few minutes of us promising to stay on the thicker ice, she agreed that we could skate for a few minutes. She helped us do our skates up, and then Abby and I waddled out to the pond. I watched carefully, as Abby stepped onto the ice. She was giggling and trying not to fall. I skated along side her, holding her up until she could balance. We weren’t out there very long before my mother was yelling out the back door for us to come in. When I turned to answer my mom, Abby skated away from me.

  I heard a strong cracking sound and yelled for Abby to stop. I looked to where she was standing, near a wet spot in the center of the pond. She was so excited to be skating, she just kept moving around. Next, that horrible sound came again. It sounded like huge bones breaking, as I saw a line in the ice get bigger and head straight for Abby. I tried to get to her - I did,” Katie is now crying so hard that it’s getting harder to understand her.

  “Just before she fell through the ice, our eyes met. She wasn’t scared, Jules. I couldn’t believe it, but she wasn’t scared at all. In slow motion, the ice parted and swallowed her up. I fell to my knees then slid on my belly through the water to the hole. When I reached the edge, I hooked my fingers to the ice and pulled my face over the water. She wasn’t there. There was no sign of her. It was like I was alone out there, and Abby had never been with me. I screamed as loud as I could for my mother. When she realized what had happened, she ran through the snow in her stocking feet then skidded and slid to where I was lying. My mother grabbed me and kept shaking me, ‘Where is she? Where is Abby?’ But I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know.”

  The pain in my heart causes me to push on my chest when I breathe. My sweet baby sister. I should have fought harder for her to stay with me, but I was too young, and no one would listen. After my mom was killed and my dad was incarcerated, we girls were orphaned. They found a foster home for Abby but not me. I was forced to live with my father’s mother, who hadn’t wanted anything to do with us when we were growing up.

  “Jules, I’ve always felt like it was my fault Why couldn’t I have saved her? I should have held onto her more tightly. I didn’t, and now she’s gone forever.” She looks at me, her eyes blood red and starting to swell.

  Crying while I speak, I tell her that she was only a couple of years older than Abby, and there’s no way she should blame herself. It will only destroy her, and it won’t bring Abby back.

  “That’s exactly it, Jules. That’s why I brought this up. Nothing I can do or feel will ever bring Abby back. It’s the same with you right now, wanting to fight and destroy Fournier. It won’t being your mom or Abby back, Jules. Your anger and vengeance will only put you in danger and consume your life. You have to let it go. You have to. I had to. Otherwise, two lives will’ve been lost that day on the ice. Abby loved you, and her life is over. You owe her and your mom to live the best life you can. They don’t have that gift anymore but you do. Don’t waste it,” she says falling forward and sobbing in my arms.

  We sit embracing for a long while. Both of us crying and comforting each other. Then, catching myself by surprise, I say the words I haven’t said in a long time, “I love you.”

  She sniffs, stops crying and sits up and looks at me, “I love you too, Jules.”

  Emotionally drained, we walk with each other to my room and flop down on the bed, cuddling and spooning. At this moment, I feel so conflicted. I understand and agree with everything Katie said. She was right. The whole eye-for-an-eye thing never works out well. Torn and confused, I hold her tightly while she drifts off to sleep.

  It’s almost oneam when my cell rings. I quickly reach over Katie and hit mute on my phone. Slowly inching my way off the bed, being careful not to wake her, I take my cell to the living room and hit recent callers. I don’t recognize the number. It’s local, I can tell by the prefix, but I don’t know it. I walk to the edge of the living room, hit redial and cup my hand over my mouth and the phone. It rings twice before I hear an older man’s voice answer. “Hello?”

  “Yeah, you just called my number?” I whisper.

  “Is this Jules?” The voice says.

  “Yeah, why? Who’s this?”

  “Slinky.”

  I breathe out a sigh of relief, “You’re ok?”

  “I told you I would be,” he snickers.

  “I saw you get into Fournier’s Lincoln. I was scared for you, wondering what may happen.”

  “You underestimate me. I’ve been in a lot of worse situations than that. I tell ya, I’m so good at getting out of impossible situations, I should wear a cape.”

  At this, I laugh, “You’re that indestructible, are you, Slink?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “I’m glad you’re ok. Listen, It’s late Slinky. Can we talk tomorrow?”

  “Yes. I need to see you. I think I may have some information for you.”

  Remembering what Katie said, I know I should tell Slinky that I don’t want any more information on Fournier, but something stops me. I still feel like I need to make sure Fournier can’t hurt any more people. Plus, what could me meeting with Slinky hurt? Even if I don’t end up trying to destroy Fournier, the least I could do after Slinky helped me, is meet him for a coffee and thank him.

  I agree to meet Slinky at Starbucks on Davie Street tomorrow at 4pm. Katie will still be at work, and I won’t have to worry about defending myself.

  As soon as I end the call, I hear someone walking lightly on the floor behind me, “Who were you talking to, Jules?”

  My heart just about jumps out of my chest, and I spin around, “Katie. You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were sleeping.”

  “Who were you talking to?” she says, not about to let the issue go.

  “It was Slinky. He called me and…”

  “And you agreed to meet him tomorrow? And, after everything we talked about tonight?”

  “I’m not going to cause any shit around Fournier. Slinky is my parents’
old friend. Today, he saved my ass. I just want to thank him. I’m meeting him at Starbucks on Davie, not near Blood Alley or anywhere seedy like that. I promise. Plus, I have full intention of telling him that I’m no longer interested in gathering more information about Fournier.”

  She doesn’t say a word. She just stands there staring at me, waiting for me to look down at the floor as a way of admitting to a lie. My mother used this tactic when I was small, and she suspected me of bullshitting.

  But I don’t look away from Katie, instead, I try to look relaxed, confident and free of lies.

  “OK,” she says, tilting her head sideways. I guess I have to give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re telling me the truth.”

  “That’s more like it. Now come on, let’s go back to bed.”

  Chapter Eleven

  The morning sun is a welcome sight after so many days of overcast and rain. I wake up with Katie in my arms and a smile on my face. I’m glad we stayed here for once. Being here in this apartment no longer frightens me. I get up, make coffee and call the hospital to see how my father is doing. He was doing so much better yesterday that I’m expecting him to be even more improved today.

  As I punch in the number, Katie walks up behind me and wraps her arms around my back. With my free hand, I reach behind me and pull her in closer. I tell the hospital operator to pass me through to my father’s ward, as Katie begins to rub her hands over my butt. I cover the receiver and with a smile on my face, turn around, “Behave yourself. I’m checking on my dad.”

  She gives one of my cheeks a pinch and then walks away.

  “Hello?” a nurse says on the other end of the phone.

  I tell her who I am and that I’m calling to find out how my father is?

  She asks me to wait while she pulls up his file. After a few minutes, she says that my dad is doing a lot better. Apparently, they have taken out the IV and unhooked him from the heart monitor. She explains that he’s now on a general patient ward and has been slowly walking up and down the hallway with the use of a walker and the help of a nurse. I feel so happy and relieved that I laugh giddily and thank her for taking care of my dad. I ask her to pass a message to my father that I’ll be in to see him around dinner time. By the time I hang up, I can barely contain my happiness. Just as I walk down the hallway, Katie is coming out of the bathroom. I grab her and plant a big kiss on her, “It’s a good day, I say. He’s doing better, a lot better. Do you want to come and see him with me when you get off work today?”

  “I don’t work today. Didn’t I tell you? I have two days off. I’d love to go to the hospital with you. Maybe we can go after you meet with Slinky? I mean…It’s not like you’ll be very long with him, right?”

  “Yes, Warden. That’s right.”

  * * *

  With no fresh food in the fridge, we take the passenger ferry to Granville Island and order brunch at Bridges Restaurant. The sun sparkles off the ocean’s surf as we watch the boats coming and going in the harbor. After we eat, we walk around the market for a few hours and then take the ferry back to the apartment. As soon as we get upstairs, our primal attraction for each other takes over, and we spend the next hour in an impromptu love making session.

  * * *

  Afterwards, we have a tandem shower and get dressed for the second time today. Downstairs, we kiss and she heads off to run errands while I go to meet Slinky at Starbucks. As I drive out of the underground parking lot, I notice the sky is growing darker, as the last hint of the sunny day disappears quickly into the horizon. By the time I arrive at the Starbucks on Davie Street, the sunset has been replaced by street lights and glowing neon signs. I park in the back alley of the coffee house and walk round to the front. A cold North wind rushes up the treeless street, persuading pedestrians to take shelter in eateries or shops. I cross my arms in front of me and walk against the wind until I reach the door. The place is packed.

  Every seat in Starbucks is filled and those who arrived too late to find a chair are standing against the tall wooden counters. Looking up at the clock, I see that I’m a bit early, so I order a coffee and find an empty spot against the wall to lean on. I barely hear my cell as it rings. It’s Katie. Speaking loudly over the other customers conversations, I suggest that she texts me instead. A few seconds later, Katie texts that her parents showed up unexpectedly and want to take her to dinner and then spend the night at her apartment. She apologizes for not being able to see Dad with me later. I feel a bit disappointed that I won’t see her tonight, but I understand and send a happy face and a heart in reply.

  After waiting for nearly fifteen minutes, a table opens up at the back of the room. Before anyone else can get there, I quickly jaunt to the table and claim it. Almost as soon as I’m seated, I notice Slinky walk in and maneuver around patrons and tables. When I raise my hand, he sees me, nods, and walks over.

  “How did you get a table? Did you flash a gun or something?”

  I laugh.

  “How are ya, kid? He says, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the back of his chair.

  “I’m alright, Slink. I’m glad to see you in one piece.”

  “It would take a lot more than a knuckle dragger like, Tank to finish me off. I’m thin, old and weak…. but I’m smart,” he says, tapping his head.

  “On the phone, you said that you had something you wanted to tell me?” I say, sliding my chair closer to his.

  He briefly looks around then leans in, “I think you’re really gonna like this,” he says, grinning.

  “Slinky, maybe I should tell you first that I’ve decided not to go after Fournier. He’s too dangerous. He’s already destroyed my childhood. I don’t want him ruining what I have now.”

  He stares at me for a moment and then looks down at the table and taps his fingers, “I don’t think you get it, kid. It’s not you seeking him that’s the problem, it’s the other way around. And because you’re on his radar, you’re already in danger.”

  “But if I just keep to myself and…”

  “It’s too late for that now,” Slink interjects, “Don’t you think it’s a bit of a coincidence that after you followed that missing teen to Fournier’s pub, the kid’s friends ended up dead in a burned-up car? To me, it seems like Fournier wanted to send a message; ‘Don’t ever bring the cops around again or this is what will happen to you.’ Then, there’s Jim, albeit a shit disturber. Don’t you find it odd that he was killed the very next day after speaking to you?”

  I stare at him, not knowing what to say.

  “You’re not invisible, Jules. You’re just a girl and most importantly, a girl who doesn’t know the streets or how to protect herself. You’re as vulnerable as a lamb. Remember how Tank followed you from the hospital? Or more recently, how he strolled into the Chinese restaurant and told us to come outside? See what I mean? Fournier has people all over the city who will do anything for a bit of free dope. There’s nowhere you can hide. You have two choices, meet Fournier and take a chance that he’s not pissed enough to kill you, or find a way to ruin him first. As for the people who are in your life that you care about? They are already in danger just because they’re near you. If you don’t believe me, look at what just happened to your dad.”

  “You can’t seriously be blaming that on me? I love my father. I’d never do anything to put him in harm’s way.”

  “Not intentionally, no. But your father wouldn’t have been hurt for anything he did. He’s been gone too long. Whatever bad blood existed between him and Fournier was gone a long time ago. You are the only link between your dad and him now. Fournier thought by hurting your father, he would be hurting you and paying you back for meddling in his life.”

  As much as I feel defensive toward Slinky for blaming me for everything that’s happened, I can’t help but agree with him. I am the one common denominator in all four of the people getting hurt or killed.

  “I feel terrible, Slinky. I sure never wanted any of this to happen.”

  He nods, �
�You’re a good girl, Jules. In my eyes, you’re not responsible for anything that happened to any of those people. But in Fournier’s control freak mind, he doesn’t care.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that if I lay low and don’t ask around about him anymore, he won’t just forget about me?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying. And do you really wanna live your life wondering who’s around every corner?”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head.

  “So, what did you have to tell me?” I say, feeling disheartened.

  He leans in close enough for me to smell the remnants of a mint he probably had right before he came to meet me, “I know something that will put an end to Fournier once and for all.”

  Let’s hope that’s true, or apparently, I’ll be screwed.

  Slinky continues, “There’s a lady that I used to be friendly with many years ago that works at Fournier’s bar. Her name is Darlene. She used to be a waitress, but when she put on a few pounds and aged out, he made her the cook. Anyways, we ran into each other recently and she started telling me how she wants to quit working at the pub, but Fournier won’t let her. She thinks it’s probably because she’s seen too many illegal things going on, and he’s afraid she’ll talk to someone about it if she leaves.”

  “So, how can she help us?”

  “I’m getting to that part,” he says, shaking his head. “She told me that Fournier has a book and how every night he locks it in a safe in his office.”

  “Ok, so what?”

  “So, this particular book has nothing to do with the bar business and everything to do with dealing dope. Darlene says that all the names of high-ranking people that are heads of some of the most notable drug rings in North America are in that book, not to mention lists of local business men and a few politicians.”