Den of Sorrows

by Quinn Loftis

  "I, um," Bethany couldn't seem to get any words out.

  Drake shook his head at her. "No decisions have to be made right now. We have time. All I ask is that you give us a chance. Give me a chance."

  She could see the fear of rejection in his eyes, and it made her want to reassure him that she wasn't going anywhere. She didn't want him to be hurt or worried. It was completely irrational to feel that way for a stranger. "Okay," she finally answered. She couldn't think of a reason not to give him a chance. Okay, maybe him being a werewolf was a good reason, but she didn't feel threatened by him. She actually felt safer with him than she ever had in her life.

  "Thank you," he said and dropped his hand from her neck.

  Without thinking about what she was doing, Bethany reached through the bars and grabbed his hand. Her fingers laced through his and as soon as their skin made contact again, she felt a sense of rightness. "Is this okay?" she motioned to their hands.

  "You can touch me whenever, wherever, however, and as often as you like."

  Bethany felt the blush that moved up her neck to her face.

  Not knowing, again, what to say, she moved on to the other thing, besides Drake, that was heavy on her heart. "What about my family?"

  "What about them?" he asked.

  "Can I see them?" Bethany wasn't even sure if she wanted to see them, at least not right away. She had some serious healing to do before she opened old wounds.

  "We can go to them when you are ready. I will be with you if you'd like."

  His voice was so gentle, so caring, that it was hard to reconcile that he was the same man who growled and snarled and turned into a huge wolf.

  "You will go with me?"

  "If you would allow it, I would never leave your side."

  His honesty was intense, but she was glad he wasn't attempting to tiptoe around her. She'd agreed to give him a chance. And though right then, she didn't really understand what all that entailed, it had to be better than the life she'd been living. Though she seemed calm on the outside, she was close to her breaking point. She was so tired—so tired of being afraid—of wondering if she would die today. She was tired of being unsure about her future. And most of all, she was tired of having to be strong all on her own, alone. But while she didn't want to be alone, she also didn't want someone telling her what to do, not anymore. She wanted to make her own decisions. She wanted to finally feel in control of her life.

  Drake wanted the bars out of the way. He wanted to take Bethany in his arms and hold her, protect her, and help her begin to heal. He could feel the turmoil coming off of her in turbulent waves. She was confused, frustrated, and unsure. He was surprised that he didn't feel any fear coming from her, but he was a little worried that she might be in shock and that, perhaps, the fear would hit later. He wanted to comfort her, needed to make her understand that all of her fears were for naught.

  "Bethany." Drake’s voice shook with the emotions he was trying to desperately keep under control, but his wolf was not making it easy. "Please believe me when I tell you I have no desire to control you or make decisions for you. I won't lie. I do want to take care of you. My instincts scream at me to make sure you are okay. If you have a need, I long to meet it. My wolf and I want to protect you, provide for you, and cherish you—never oppress you." He waited to see if she would respond. She stared straight at him, never dropping her eyes. He could tell she was weighing the truth of his words. Drake wanted her to trust him, but he could hear all of the lies she'd been fed.

  The vampires had played with her mind for years. They'd toyed with her, telling her lies about the Canis lupus, because they'd known she was a dormant, and of course they wouldn't want her to trust her own race.

  "Have you ever had a mate before?" she asked him and he was surprised by the question.

  "No, I've never had a mate and will never have another. Canis lupus are created with one true mate in their lives."

  "What about girlfriends?" Bethany's hand fidgeted in his.

  Drake shook his head. "I'm about to blow your mind," he said with a small grin as her eyes widened. "I've never had a girlfriend. I've never kissed a girl, and I've never held hands with a girl. —until now." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

  Bethany's mouth had dropped open at his declaration, making him want to laugh but he held it in. Drake wasn't surprised that she was shocked. He, after all, was a century old. Human males usually had had multiple girlfriends before they ever reach adulthood.

  "Are all werewolves like that? I mean, do they all not…uh…I mean, do any of them date?"

  He shrugged. "Some do, some don't. It's always been greatly frowned upon to be with a female in anyway other than friendship who isn’t your true mate. Our kind consider it an insult to your own future mate. But there are some who have…" He paused unsure how to word what he wanted to say without sounding crude. "There are some who have entertained certain urges. Some have actually had genuine feelings for another female, though no relationship would ever come close to being as strong as what they feel for their true mate."

  Bethany's brow drew together. "Urges?"

  Drake wanted to smack himself in the face. He was going to have to remember that Bethany may be eighteen, but she'd been snatched away from the human world at the age of seven. Essentially, any knowledge about normal life did not exist. Any knowledge she had about guys and girls would be incredibly innocent.

  "Perhaps, that's a conversation we should wait to have once we're better acquainted," he suggested gently.

  Her eyes narrowed dangerously and her face flushed bright red. "I'm not a child. Ignorant, yes, but not simple minded."

  He bit back the growl of frustration. He was screwing this up royally. "I know you're not a child, Bethany. But there are some things that are sensitive in nature and can be difficult to talk about even with a close friend, let alone a stranger. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I want you to feel safe with me, especially when we have that conversation. It has nothing to do with your level of intelligence. I look forward to the day that we are close enough to discuss things more personally. I want to know you and I want you to know me."

  She was quiet for several heartbeats. Finally, she broke the silence and his heart. She started to let go of his hand but he held on. He wasn't ready to let her go.

  "I just need a little space," she told him. She tugged her hand again and this time he released her.

  Drake’s wolf snarled inside of him and he struggled to keep from vocalizing their hurt over their mate dismissing them. He was trying to get the wolf to understand that, though she was theirs and, yes, she was Canis lupus, she did not understand their ways. She'd been lost for eleven years and though she'd been found, all he did was take her and put her in a new kind of lost.

  He gave her a curt nod and took a step back away from the bars. He continued to watch her, taking in every motion and facial expression.

  She simply stared back at him. The unshed tears he saw in her eyes were like a knife being stabbed into his heart and slowly twisted. He didn't want her to hurt but there was nothing he could do. She wouldn't let him help. And it was killing him.

  He squeezed his eyes closed and tried to push away the image of seeing his mate cowering in a dirty cell, brutalized, and afraid. The only part of the memory that kept him from losing it was the brave determination he had seen in her eyes and her clenched jaw that said she was ready to fight. His mate was a survivor. She'd survived eleven years with the oldest vampire in existence; she would survive this as well. This time she didn't have to do it alone. She had him, if she'd only let him be there for her.

  Bethany closed her eyes as memories rushed over her. So many years in the hands of Sincaro— so many bites, so many bruises, and hate filled words. Up until that point she'd been holding it together, but memories of the abuse she’d endured filled her with pain. The pain caused something to break inside of her, and it triggered the floodgates that had been holding the tide of her emotions.
Her eyes became living waterfalls as tears poured out of them, coursing down her face. A sob broke free and she pressed her hands over her mouth as she tried to keep herself from shattering into a thousand pieces. Bethany's shoulders shook as eleven years’ worth of anguish came rolling out of her in a tidal wave.

  She thought she heard Drake’s voice but she couldn't be sure and she couldn't look at him, not when she was losing it. She wasn't even completely sure why she was crying. It was all just too much. Vampires kidnapping her, feeding off of her, throwing her in a maze with those monsters, werewolves rescuing her, biting her, suddenly being ripped from the world she'd known for so long, and being handed choices that she could make on her own. She couldn't even decide if she was hungry or not. How the hell was she supposed to decide what her future was going to be or where it was going to be? How on earth was she going to survive?

  She slid down the wall to the floor and onto her knees. Her body leaned forward of its own accord until her forehead was pressed to the cold, hard concrete. She pressed it down, hoping that maybe if she pushed hard enough she would just sink into the floor and it would swallow her, along with all of her problems. Her stomach clenched tightly inside of her and it felt as though it was trying to climb up her throat. Her breath came in ragged gasps as she gave into the despair and let it devour her.

  Bethany had wanted to be free of the vampires and the hell they'd put her through. She'd wanted to be free and now she was. And she didn't have a damn clue how to survive, how to live. Her hand slammed down on the hard floor sending pain up her palm into her arm but she ignored it. She slammed it again and screamed, "YOU DID THIS TO ME. YOU CRIPPLED ME. YOU DID THIS." Her yells died down until she was muttering over and over again, "You did this, you did this to me, you did this."

  Death would have been better than being a lost child in a woman’s body.

  "You did this," she said one last time, her voice hoarse from her screams. It was when she finally quieted and raised her eyes that she realized the cage across from her was shaking and creaking as the huge man inside of it hit it repeatedly with his shoulder. His face was hard as stone and his eyes narrowed with determination. If he kept this up he was going to hurt himself.

  "Drake," she said sitting up and wiping her tears away. "Drake, stop. You're going to hurt your shoulder." Bethany crawled over to the cage and sat leaning against it. He stopped as soon as she was within touching distance. He was on his knees just on the other side of the bars from her. Their shoulders were touching and the heat from his body was strangely comforting.

  "Are you okay?" she asked him quietly, hoping that she could calm the beast she'd obviously stirred up with her outburst.

  He chuckled but there was no humor in the sound. "You are the one who has endured hell and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

  "I'm sorry," Bethany whispered.

  She felt his hand cup her cheek and apply gentle pressure so she would look at him. "You do not owe me an apology, A Mea. You don't owe me anything."

  "Why were you trying to break the cage?"

  "My need to comfort you and my wolf’s need to shelter our mate is strong. To see you hurting like that, it was more than I could stand. You aren't alone. Never again. I will always be here. And if you let me, I'll bear your burdens when they become too much."

  She felt something brush her mind and warmth flooded her. "What was that?"

  His eyes held her as he spoke. "That is me reassuring you that you aren't alone. All you have to do is reach out to me through the bond."

  Bethany tentatively attempted to do just that. She thought of Drake, about his passionate words and gentle touch. When she pushed out with her own emotions she heard him sigh and felt his warm breath on her face. She'd sent him her gratitude. He'd rescued her and been tender and patient. He'd repeatedly told her that he wouldn't leave her, that she wouldn't be alone anymore. She needed him to know how much it meant to her. Regardless of the fact that she was a mess, she did appreciate him.

  "What now?" she asked still staring up into his face.

  "For now, we'll just rest. Peri will return and let me out of this cage and then if you will allow it, I would really like to hold you."

  Bethany felt a strange tightening sensation in her lower abdomen as she imagined what it would be like to be in his strong arms. She imagined that she must have been held by her father once in a caring way, but she couldn’t remember it now. She only knew the touch of violence. Bethany was pretty sure that when Drake held her she just might not ever want to leave the shelter of his arms.

  Chapter 17

  "Betrayal's a bitch. That's all I got." ~Peri

  "Do you think she's going to be okay?" Sally asked Jacque and Jen as they stood by the cell where Bethany had been held captive only a few moments ago.

  The males were just a tad ticked off with them over their latest stunt and refused to let the girls accompany them on their search of the vampire stronghold. So there they were stuck worrying and wondering.

  "Better question," Jen said as she tapped her thigh with the tip of the sword Decebel had left with her, which drove Sally crazy and she was sure that's the only reason she did it. "Will we be okay once our mate's aren't distracted by a huge hoard of child stealing, dormant enslaving, bloodsuckers and can fully appreciate the fact that we totally had Peri bind them." She paused, no doubt for effect. "Again."

  Jacque blew out a breath through her parted lips causing them to vibrate, making a motor sound, and then sighed. "It's really hit or miss with their reactions."

  "True," Jen agreed. "They really are indecisive in their responses to our indiscretions. Some consistency would be much appreciated."

  Sally laughed. "How 'bout you tell them that, Jen?"

  Jen snorted. "Please, I'd rather stick my finger in a light socket repeatedly than deal with those hardheaded flea balls."

  "Speaking of flea balls," Sally said. "Either of yours got the bond open?"

  "Nope," Jacque answered.

  "Locked tight," Jen chimed.

  "Something isn't right," Sally said, unable to keep the worry from her voice. Something bad was going to happen. She didn't know how she knew, but she just knew.

  "They'll be fine, gypsy lady," Jen reassured. "Our boys are beasts. I mean that literally and figuratively."

  "Yeah, we got that," Jacque said dryly.

  Sally leaned back against the stone wall. There were two doors to the dungeon, one to the left of her and one to the right. She was staring at the one to the right, which was the direction their mates had departed earlier. Her gut was rolling with fear and it was growing worse by the second. Something was coming. She didn’t want to worry Costin any more than he already was so she was keeping a wall up in her mind. Finally, after several more minutes of frustrating silence and blood pulsing worry, she pushed away from the wall.

  "That's it. I'm not just going to sit down here and worry and wonder and fret."

  "Worry and fret are pretty much the same thing," Jen interrupted.

  "Not. The. Point," Sally ground out. "Vampires are attacking the people we care about. There might be more dormants somewhere in this hell maze. Drake has gone off the deep end. And I for one am not just going to sit on my thumb and spin."

  Jen whistled. "I don’t know what Peri fairy is feeding you gypsies these days, but it must have 'grow a pair' fertilizer in it because you, Sally dear, are totally packing some cajones."

  "Eww," Jacque retorted. "But I do concur with our disgusting friend."

  "Okay, well, good," Sally breathed out as she paced restlessly. "Ballsy is better than ball less I suppose."

  "Oh dear," Jacque muttered.

  "So are y'all with me?" Sally asked, ignoring her red headed friend’s comment.

  "I'm in, Ballsy. That your new nickname btw," Jen said, winking at her.

  "Um, no." Sally shook her head and then turned to Jacque. "You in?"

  "I'm totally with you in spirit. But I think I'm going to have to stay back here and
worry and fret because I'm pretty sure I'm in labor and I don’t think chasing after my mate who is chasing after vampires would be what a doctor recommends at this stage in my pregnancy."

  Sally's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.

  Jen wasn't as speechless. "What the hell do you mean you're in labor? Why didn't you say something?"

  "Sort of just did," Jacque pointed out.

  “What’s wrong?”Costin’s worried voice reverberated in Sally’s mind. In her shock, Sally had released the small hold she had on the bond, and her mate had immediately picked up her panic loud and clear.

  “Uh, well, Jacque is sort of in labor.”

  “Sort of? I thought labor was labor. You’re either in it or not in it.” His voice was getting deeper as his frustration grew.

  “It might not be real labor. And even if it is, labor can take a day or more. My mom was in labor with me for like twenty-eight hours. So I’m sure we’ve got time.” Sally’s voice was steady, which surprised her considering she was feeding her mate a load of bull. Oh, what she’s said was true enough, but there was no way Jacque was going to be in labor that long.

  “Keep the bond open, Sally,” Costin growled at her.

  She didn’t answer him because she couldn’t make that promise. If things got bad and he was stuck on the other side of the world with no way to help her, it would be cruel to make him just listen in when he had no way of helping.

  Jacque attempted to count the oncoming contractions, but it was hard to focus with a squawking Jen and gaping Sally. She'd been having the contractions all day, but they weren't uncomfortable or close together. Well, that had changed in the last hour.

  "Sally, quit looking like you've never delivered a baby and get moving," Jen snapped.

  Jacque laughed as Sally responded.

  "But I haven't ever delivered a baby."

  Jen rolled her eyes. "Yeah well, Mozart had never written a piece of music before his first piece and look how it turned out for him?"