by Nikki Ashton
“Come on kids,” Paula said, ushering the group along. “Let’s get you all into the changing rooms.”
As they all started to file away, a loud screaming sounded around the pool. Everyone stopped to watch Timothy’s mother racing towards us calling out his name. As she got nearer, a small hand slipped into mine and when I looked down I saw it was Frankie’s.
At huge lump of emotion lodged in my throat as he stepped closer to me and wrapped his other hand around my wrist. I didn’t think I’d ever felt so tall and yet so small all at the same time.
“Oh my god, Timothy. Are you okay?” His mum threw herself at him, pushing Kieran out of the way. “I nipped out to get some bread from the shop on the corner. When I got back everyone was crowded around the café window, they were watching and Molly’s mum said it was you. Oh my baby.”
She pulled him into her arms, smothering him with kisses and wrapping the towel tighter around him.
“He’s fine,” Kieran said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’ve checked him out and there’s no damage, he’s just a little shocked and needs to be kept warm. Maybe a hot, sweet drink will help.”
“Oh god, I can’t stand the thought you might have drowned,” Timothy’s mother sobbed. “And I wasn’t here.”
“Honestly, he wasn’t in danger of drowning,” Paula added. “From what I saw he was panicking, but we got to him pretty quickly.”
Timothy’s mum looked up at Paula with tears in her eyes. “Who saved him?” she asked.
“Sa-.” Paula started, but Frankie cut her off.
“My dad,” he called out. “My dad saved Timothy.”
Maisie
the present
Sam had called me from the Leisure Centre to let me know what had happened with the poor little boy and of course what Frankie had said. I swear he was crying, or had been, because his voice was thick and full of emotion and he kept sniffing.
I couldn’t help but wonder how Frankie knew, wondering if Josh had told him in a spate of temper on the day he’d taken him, but I would have thought Josh would have let that one slip at the police station. I supposed all the time Sam had spent with us must have made Frankie wonder why he was doing it, but I never for one minute expected him to guess the truth.
When we spoke, Sam and I agreed that we no longer had a choice and when they got back we’d sit Frankie down and talk to him. Which was why I was sitting on the arm of a chair and looking through the lounge window, waiting for Sam’s car to appear. I didn’t have to wait long, because within a couple of minutes the big, black Range Rover came along the road.
Sam pulled up onto the drive and in an almost synchronised movement, father and son stepped out of the car and with a similar gait to each other walked up the driveway to the door. I stood and turned, waiting for them to come in.
“Why is the front door unlocked?” Sam asked, barely in the lounge.
I rolled my eyes. “I knew you were on the way back.”
Preferring to speak to Frankie than argue with Sam about whether my doors were locked or not, I looked past him to Frankie who was trailing in behind him.
“Hey, you okay?” I asked, going to him and pulling him against me. “I bet it was scary, wasn’t it?”
Frankie nodded his head against my stomach. “Yeah, but Sam was amazing.”
Sam drew in a breath and rubbed a hand down his face.
“Has he said anymore?” I mouthed silently.
Sam shook his head and nodded toward the sofa.
“Hey,” I said, lifting Frankie’s chin so he was looking up at me. “You think we’d better talk?”
His eyes darted to Sam and then back to me. “Yes please.”
I moved to the sofa, taking Frankie’s hand and pulling him with me. Sam took the chair opposite and cleared his throat.
“So what you said at the pool,” he started. “What made you say it?”
“Is it not true?” Frankie asked, looking at me.
“No sweetheart, it’s true.” I grabbed his hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “How did you find out?”
Frankie shrugged. “I guessed.”
“What helped you to guess?” Sam asked, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees.
Pulling his hand from mine, Frankie got up and stood in front of Sam. He didn’t speak but lifted his hand and pointed a finger at Sam’s eyes and then his own. As silence hung in the air Frankie’s finger went to Sam’s ears before moving to his. Father and son stared at each other and I felt as though my heart was going burst through my chest, it was beating so hard. Frankie was so young yet stood himself as tall as he could while pointing out all his likenesses to Sam with a shaky finge,r and it was evident they shared something else - vulnerability; Sam was scared of failing while Frankie was scared of rejection and was plainly worried that Sam might push him away, despite how much he looked like him. Finally, very slowly Frankie pointed at Sam’s lips and then touched his own as I let out a ragged breath. How I wished things could have been different and that Sam had had more faith in himself so they could have shared the joy of being father and son for the last eight years.
“We look the same,” Frankie stated, looking over his shoulder at me. “We like the same music and we’re both brilliant swimmers.”
Mine and Sam’s eyes met over the top of ours son’s dark head and we both smiled widely, Sam shaking his head at the same time. That was another thing; my son had his father’s confidence too.
“And how do you feel about it?” Sam asked, reaching forward and taking Frankie’s hand.
Frankie’s attention went back to Sam and he shrugged. “I don’t know, how do you feel about it?”
Sam looked to me.
“I know I always told you that your Dad went away and didn’t know about you.” I wondered whether my lie would hold up now, or whether we should come clean with Frankie. I didn’t want him to feel animosity toward Sam, purely for his sake because I knew he was at a point in his life when he needed his father. I only hoped Sam held up his end of the bargain.
“That’s not true though, is it?” My little brainbox replied, still looking at Sam.
I held my breath, watching them both carefully, wondering whether this was to be the shortest lived reunion ever.
Sam blinked slowly and shook his head. “No Frankie it isn’t. I treated your mum badly and told her I wasn’t ready to be a dad, but I want you to know that it wasn’t you specifically I didn’t want, I didn’t want any child.”
Frankie tilted his head and studied Sam thoughtfully, and I took it as a good sign that he left his hand in his. Finally, he took a deep breath and took a step forward.
“Why did you change your mind? Is it because you want to take Mummy on a date?”
I gasped and opened my mouth to deny anything of the sort, but Sam flashed me a look that begged me to let him speak.
“No. I changed my mind because I realised I’d been wrong all those years ago. I realised what an idiot I’d been because you are the best little boy I have ever known. You’re funny, clever, and brave, and you have great taste in music.”
Sam gave a quiet laugh, but Frankie didn’t respond, remaining impassive as he watched Sam.
“Why were you an idiot?”
“Frankie, that’s rude to call Sam an idiot,” I admonished.
Frankie turned to me and shrugged. “He said it first.”
“Frankie’s right,” Sam said. “I was an idiot and it was because of something that happened to me.” When Frankie opened his mouth, probably to ask what had happened to him, Sam held his hand up and continued.
“I’m not going to tell you what that was, not yet, maybe when you’re older, but it made me think stupid things and act stupidly. Spending time with you though, has shown me how much I’ve missed and I really regret that.”
“If you’re going to be my dad does that mean you’re going to live here with us?”
I sagged back in my chair, desperately not wanting Frankie to think that
we were suddenly going to become a family. I knew after the night we’d had together I was falling for Sam all over again, but I had to protect my heart in order to protect my son’s, which was why Sam and I couldn’t happen – not unless I trusted that he truly wanted us for life.
“No buddy,” Sam said with a little smirk on his lips. “Not all mum and dad’s live together.”
“But you like Mummy, I know you do. You told me you wanted to take her out on a date one day and I said you could.”
“What?” I asked shocked. “And who said it’s up to you?”
Frankie shrugged one shoulder. “I just thought as the man of the house, I should give him permission.”
I couldn’t help but laugh and knew exactly why Samuel Cooper had fallen in love with his son; how could he not.
“The point is,” Sam said trying to hide a grin, “it’s not enough to like someone. You need to love them to live together.”
“So you don’t love me? Is that why you won’t live here?”
The colour drained instantly from Sam’s face and he looked as though he’d been punched in his stomach.
“Of course I do,” he replied vehemently, pulling Frankie to him. “I am so sorry that I haven’t been in your life, but I’m here now and I love you, don’t ever forget that.”
Sam’s arm moved tentatively toward Frankie and he hesitated for a few seconds before pulling him into a hug. Clutching him to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around his son’s small body, I watched with tears stinging my eyes as Frankie hugged him back. As he laid his head on Sam’s shoulder, Sam buried his nose in his hair and breathed him in and closed his eyes as he relished every moment.
Their hug lasted a couple of minutes and I almost wanted to tiptoe from the room, feeling like an intruder on their moment, but I couldn’t drag myself away. The scene in front of me was what I’d wanted for my son from the moment he’d let out his first cry. There’d been a time when I thought Josh might have provided him with the fatherly security he needed, but I’d been so wrong on that one. I just hoped I wasn’t wrong this time.
Frankie was the first to pull away and I had to smile when Sam seemed a little reluctant to let him go – oh how things had changed in a few short weeks.
“Do I get to meet my other Nanna and Grandad now?” he asked.
“If you want to.” Sam’s voice was a little tight.
“You don’t want him to?” I asked, hoping Sam wasn’t already about to let him down.
“God, yeah. I just know my mum is going to freak out and go crazy with grandma hugs and kisses. I’m not sure Frankie will be up to it.”
Frankie grimaced and then shrugged. “A man has to do what a man has to do,” he announced.
Sam and I started to laugh, earning a look of despair from our son.
“What do I call you?”
His sudden question quietened us both as we both stared at him. Sam swallowed deeply and rubbed the back of his neck.
“What do want to call me?” he asked.
Frankie let out a frustrated sigh. “Dad, of course.”
Sam’s gaze swiveled to meet mine as I whimpered.
“Are you okay with that?”
I nodded biting my bottom lip, desperately trying not to sob with the emotion of it all.
Sam looked back to Frankie and gave him the warmest smile I’d ever seen. There was no doubting it was full of love and pride.
“I’d love that,” he said.
Frankie nodded and said breezily. “Okay. Can we go for burgers then Dad, I’m starving?”
I would never want the boy in front of me to change, he was loving and funny and he faced everything with gusto and when I looked at the beaming smile on Sam’s face, I knew he felt that way too and I was hopeful for the future the two of them would have together.
Sam
the present
Most people have a time in their life when they realise that it’s pretty much perfect and nothing else at that moment could top it. Yes, there may have been periods where they had more money, or a better job, but something in the background was causing a blot on their happiness, but there will be a week, a month, a year or even a day where every single planet aligns to ensure they have everything that makes them happier and more content than they’ve ever been, and I was in that moment. Driving onto my parents’ driveway with my son sitting next to me and the woman I was falling deeper and deeper for in the back seat, I wasn’t sure I would ever feel the same level of bliss again.
I knew it had to be an about turn of the most mammoth proportions, but I was at peace with it and how right the change in my circumstances felt. I wasn’t sure getting to know Frankie before now would have had the same affect, and I would never know, but I was grateful for the here and now and determined to make it work.
“You okay?” I asked Frankie, rubbing a hand over his head.
He nodded, barely looking at me and clutching the bunch of flowers he’d insisted on bringing for my mum.
“You know they’re really looking forward to meeting you?”
He nodded again and I was pretty sure one of the stems had broken when his knuckles went white.
Maisie leaned between the two seats and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Sweetheart it’s going to be fine. They’re probably as nervous as you are.”
“Really?” his tiny voice asked.
Maisie nodded and then it was my turn to put a comforting hand on her, placing my large one over the top of her small one. I knew she was feeling just as anxious as Frankie and had said she’d stay at home, but I’d insisted. If I was to persuade her that I wanted her in my life and that I was serious about being a good dad to Frankie, she needed to be involved and see for herself how much I had changed.
Her big brown eyes landed on mind and she gave me a nervous smile before turning back to Frankie. “Yes, really. Me and Sam…” she quickly glanced at me and then corrected herself, “your dad, will be there so there’s really nothing to worry about.”
Sensing if I didn’t get them out of the car soon, I might struggle, I quickly opened the door. “Okay then,” I said brightly. “Let’s go and eat some of your grandma’s apple pie.”
“We don’t have to eat firsts first?” Frankie asked, eyes wide and suddenly sounding more than eager to get inside and meet his new family.
“No,” Maisie responded quickly. “Lunch first.”
Frankie rolled his eyes at me as if to say ‘she’s the no fun parent’ and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Come on,” I said, scruffing his hair. “Let’s get those flowers to your grandma before you strangle the life out of them. Oh and don’t forget, you can ask Elijah all about Only Fools & Horses.”
We’d had the chat about what he was going to call everyone and Frankie had been adamant that my mum and dad were going to be Grandma and Grandpa, as he already had a Nanna and a Grandad. I had to admit it had made me feel a little emotional that he wanted to acknowledge them as his grandparents and I knew my mum and dad would probably burst with fucking pride when he did. They obviously knew we were visiting, but I hadn’t mentioned Frankie’s decision on their names, so I couldn’t wait to see the look on their faces. I’d also discovered his love of the comedy that my brother was obsessed with; more proof that Frankie truly was a Cooper.
As we approached the house, the front door was swung open and Mum and Dad came barrelling out like two eager puppies let outside for the first time.
“Hey Mum,” I said, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
“Oh Sam,” she whispered. “He’s adorable.”
Pushing me to one side, she moved to stand in front of Frankie, a hand going to her mouth as he thrust out the flowers to her.
“These are for you, Grandma.” His voice was a little shaky, but I could see he was trying to act confident.
“Oh my goodness.” Mum took the flowers and bent down to pull Frankie into a tight hug. She held him for what was probably too long and I was worried she’d cu
t off his air supply.
“Mum.” I leaned down and whispered into her ear. “Let him breathe.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, letting him go. “I’m just so excited to meet you.”
Frankie gave her a huge toothy smile and then looked up at my dad. “Hi Grandpa.”
Dad, who always held it together, pulled in a sharp, almost inaudible gasp. “Hi Frankie,” he replied, and held a hand out to my son. Frankie looked at it, but moved away from Mum and wrapped his arms around dad’s waist and hugged him.
Everybody felt the emotion that was hanging in the air and we all stood silently watching as my parents pulled their grandson into a three-way hug.
I felt for Maisie’s hand and linked my fingers with hers, rubbing my thumb along her wrist. Her brown eyes softened as they found mine and my heart fucking ached in my chest for what I wanted, what I could have had for so damn long. I reached up and brushed her hair from her face, my fingers lingering on her skin.
“Don’t say anything,” she said softly. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
My shoulders dropped as regret once more weighed them down. “They’re so happy to have him here.”
“I know.” She glanced over at my mum and dad and I could see remorse in her own expression.
“Hey, this is all on me.”
“Should I have pushed you more?” she asked.
“It wouldn’t have made any difference, I was a prick.”
Maisie laughed softly but didn’t disagree, but she didn’t need to say anything, I knew exactly what I’d been.
As we watched the scene in front of us, Elijah and Amy appeared in the doorway and smiled at us both. Elijah came over and leaned in to kiss Maisie’s cheek.
“Nice to see you again, Maisie.”
“You too. It’s all a bit surreal, but I think Frankie is enjoying the attention.” She looked over at my parents and grinned.
“He looks just like you,” Eli said, nudging me. “Fucking hell, one of you is bad enough.”