Anna's Secret

by Blossom Turner

  Pastor Harry signaled Anna and his wife to come up. “Now, congregation, Anna has something to bring into the light. With help from the Spirit and support from both Eleanor and myself, she’s going to face her darkest secret with courage and share it with you. My hope and prayer are that you’ll put yourself in her shoes and think about what it would feel like to come up here and share your darkest deed. And then I want you to do as you just prayed—forgive as you have been forgiven.”

  Matt noticed how Pastor Harry protectively stood on one side and Eleanor on the other. They put their arms around her as she began.

  Matt listened to her story, told with a humble brokenness and a plea for forgiveness in a way that broke his heart. Unbidden tears threatened to fall yet again.

  He paid attention to the faces of those around him. There was genuine shock, but there was also a good number who bore the face of compassion.

  He was glad to see people gather around her up front and hug her. However, it did not escape his notice that her sister sat in her seat with a fierce, unrelenting jut to her chin. He slipped from the pew and exited.

  Lorena felt nothing but relief to hear about her Auntie Anna’s failure. Her tortured soul found comfort in the fact that at least someone in her family was real. She was so tired of her stuffy parents and their friends who thought themselves perfect. In fact, Lorena felt repelled by their hypocrisy. How often she would hear her mom gossip about this one or that, or speak judgmentally as if she had no sin herself.

  Her younger brother Todd fit right in. His mild-tempered personality that would do anything that Mommy or Daddy said irritated her to no end. He certainly didn’t get the wilder side of sixteen-year-old Lorena, and she found his tattletale ways beyond annoying.

  Lorena was angered by the public display the church had made of her Aunt Anna. She watched the faces of the people around her, their shocked expressions, as if they’d never sinned. As far as Lorena was concerned, it was none of their stinkin’ business. She’d never understand why her Aunt allowed them to force her into such a degrading situation.

  When she voiced her opinion on the way home from church, she was met with cold disapproval.

  “Your Auntie Anna deserves every bit of the shame she felt today and more. How do you think we felt having to endure the public scrutiny of such disgrace within our family? I’m sure my friends think I knew about this all along, and it’ll take some real talking to convince them otherwise.”

  Lorena watched her dad still the tirade with a hand upon her mom’s knee and a knowing look.

  “It’s easier for you, Tom, she’s not your twin.” Her mother huffed and shifted her body toward the window to create a wall between them.

  Lorena couldn’t contain herself. “Why is it always about you, Mom? Can’t you for one-minute think about what poor Aunt Anna is going through?”

  Her mom’s head swiveled around to the back seat, and her eyes bulged wide. It reminded Lorena of the screech owl they had studied in school. She smirked at the shocked, angry look her mother gave her.

  “What did you say to me, young lady?”

  Lorena hated that title, young lady. She was only called a young lady when punishment was doled out. The rest of the time she was treated like a child. If only they knew.

  She could hear the intake of her brother’s breath as he sat beside her. She knew he hated conflict but didn’t care. Some things were worth fighting for and she was tired of the façade.

  “I said, why—” She was about to repeat the words with an added measure of sarcasm, but they were cut short by her father’s stern warning.

  “Lorena! Don’t you dare talk to your mother that way! You can see she’s upset. Please, give her time to heal and don’t make this worse.”

  She loved her father but hated the way he always gave in to her mother. Lorena muttered under her breath.

  “What did you say?” Again, her mother turned. Her eyes flashed dark with anger.

  “Leave it, Lana!” Tom demanded. “Neither of you are able to communicate right now.”

  “I will not leave it, Tom. Our daughter is insolent and rude, and you expect me to put up with that?”

  “I want to know what you just said, Lorena, and I want to know now!” Her voice brooked no argument from any of them.

  Lorena didn’t care if it hurt her mother. “I said that you worry more about what your friends think than you do about loving your own sister.”

  “My sister’s actions were disgraceful, from her promiscuous behavior to the truckload of lies she so easily spewed. Her behavior is appalling and disgraceful, and I don’t even know who she is anymore.”

  “What about forgiveness, Mom?” Lorena couldn’t control the desperation that laced her voiced. “Doesn’t being a Christian mean that you love her enough to forgive?”

  “Don’t you dare lecture me on forgiveness.”

  Tom tried to intervene. “Lana, please, leave this for now.”

  “I don’t need a mere child instructing me on how to forgive. She knows nothing about real life.”

  Lorena was glad when the car turned into the driveway. Everything within her cried out for escape from her mother’s judgmental words. She couldn’t in good conscience sit and listen to one more unkind remark, knowing that every word her mother spoke against Anna could as easily be directed her way. It hurt to know that her mother’s love was so conditional. Joel was right, there was only one solution. With defiant determination, she decided what she must do.

  Anna lay in bed after a busy day with Melody but couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned for a bit and then got up and made a cup of tea. Turning her computer on, she checked out Facebook until she felt the nudge of the Spirit.

  “Okay, God, I hear you.”

  Liberated with forgiveness, Anna could feel her old joy return, along with her prayer life.

  Pray for your family.

  “Yeah, that one hurts, God. I thought my sister had forgiven me when she showed up at the hospital, and Mark too, but as soon as I was on the mend, they both disappeared. And since my public confession, God, Lana has treated me like the plague. She won’t even sit with me in church anymore, insisting I use the pews designated for mothers with young children, And I haven’t heard a peep from Mark.

  “But you know all this. I lift them up to you, Father. I don’t know what they need but you do. Help me forgive. Help me to stay soft so I don’t get bitter.

  “Oh, and God, thank you so much for Jason. The way he loves his little sister and is so affectionate with her, and the way he’s forgiven me is truly a gift. Thank you, God, for mercies I do not deserve.”

  Hey, Auntie, I see you’re still up.

  A message pinged on her Facebook account.

  Go ahead my child, this is a divine appointment.

  “Yeah, God, she’s been messaging me a lot lately, talking about Christians as if she is not one.”

  Anna shifted from prayer, took a sip of her tepid tea and answered.

  You bet. How are you, Lorena?

  Confused.

  Anna figured a lot was said behind that one word and answered with question marks.

  ???

  Is it okay for Christians to gossip and turn others against someone?

  Lorena, I think you know the answer to that one.

  Yeah, well, why then does my mom spend hours on the phone with Mark and others chatting not so nicely about you?

  Oh, God, what do I say now? This hurts. But I’m not going to get into a discussion with Lorena about my son and sister, or I will be doing the same thing they are. I need wisdom.

  The messages were coming one after another.

  And what about forgiveness? Isn’t this a basic Christian principle? They sure haven’t forgiven you.

  Yes, Lorena, but life isn’t always figured out in a day. I was often ju
dgmental of people too—having lived a good life for many years. It wasn’t until I failed miserably that I fully understood the sacrifice of Jesus and what it meant to need forgiveness in a big way. I learned that lesson the hard way, so I know what your mom is going through. It hurts when people we count on let us down, and I let your mother down.

  And she’s not letting you down now?

  Anna agonized over how to answer. God, it would be dishonest to answer anything but yes to this question. Lorena is an astute young adult and I’m done with lies. So, what do I say?

  Anna smiled at the way God gave her the words to answer that would not disrespect her sister.

  People let us down, Lorena, but God never does.

  Isn’t it supposed to be different with Christians? I find more love and acceptance from my non-Christian friends than I do at youth group or at home.

  Anna could read the hurt between the lines. The conversation had switched from Anna’s situation to Lorena’s and had become personal.

  Tell me, Lorena, why do you feel that way?

  No answer.

  Hey, Lorena, you still there?

  Still no answer.

  Anna now knew why the Spirit had her up this late, so she prayed.

  A week later Anna received another message from Lorena.

  Can I come over and see you, Auntie? I could take the bus after school, but Mom can’t know. If you feel you have to tell her then I’m not coming!

  Anna knew from praying all week that Lorena needed her, and it was crucial she make herself available.

  No problem. Come anytime. ❤

  A sad waif of a girl showed up on Anna’s doorstep the next day. Lorena looked like she carried the weight of the world on her two frail shoulders.

  She avoided all eye contact. Her hair hung limp over rounded shoulders, and she kept her head down. Her once glossy auburn locks were dyed a dark black that stripped the hair of its natural shine. Her eyes were lined in a thick layer of black, her clothes predominantly black, and her fingernails painted a complimentary black. A deep concern to Anna was the dark circles that hung beneath Lorena’s sad eyes and the weight she had lost on an already thin frame.

  Anna felt scared to see her niece so depressed and dark. The heaviness Lorena carried resembled that all too familiar look Anna remembered in herself not that long ago.

  “Come in, my dear,” Anna opened the door wide.

  “I tried to keep Melody awake so you can say hi. She’s a little grumpy right now, but that’s because it’s nap time.”

  Lorena followed her into the nursery. Anna had just put Melody down, and already the baby’s eyes were drooping. She opened them one last time to give her mother a smile.

  Giant tears rolled down Lorena’s cheeks causing a stream of black makeup to follow. She swiped the tears away hard enough to take off a layer of skin.

  Anna wanted to pull her into her arms and hug away the pain, but knew she had to take things slowly.

  Anna lightly placed her arm around Lorena’s shaking shoulders and ushered her out of the nursery. They made their way to the kitchen. “Sit.” Anna waved to the barstool. “I have your favorites—my famous hot chocolate and some freshly baked sugar cookies.” She slid a mug in front of Lorena and pushed the plate of warm cookies closer.

  “Lorena, you can trust me, I’m here to help. What is it?”

  It took a few minutes of silence before Lorena opened up.

  Anna prayed.

  “I just couldn’t do it!” she cried. “Joel is calling me a coward and has broken up with me, and I don’t know what to do.”

  Guttural sobs made it hard for Anna to make out what Lorena was trying to say. She came around the kitchen island and pulled Lorena into her arms.

  “It’s going to be okay, Lorena. Whatever the problem is, we can find a way through,” Anna said reassuringly.

  Lorena cried into her shoulder, and Anna held on tight, knowing that a hug could speak a thousand words.

  Slowly the tears abated, and Anna could feel Lorena gain control.

  “Mom will hate me.” Her words came out in an agonizing tone. “She’ll rant and rave how I disgrace and embarrass her and care only about what her self-righteous friends think. It’ll be all about her, and I can’t face that.”

  Her face twisted into a stormy scowl, and her voice grew edgy. “Mom is a hypocrite and a phony.”

  “Lorena, what is it? It can’t be that bad. Honey, we’ll work something out, I promise.” Anna smoothed a hand back and forth across Lorena’s shoulders in hopes of settling her frazzled state. “Talk to me.”

  “I’m pregnant,” Lorena said, her eyes staring at the floor.

  The words fell like lead raindrops. They battered the roof of Anna’s heart. The room felt hollowed of air, as Anna contemplated the graveness of the situation.

  Oh my gosh, Lana called this, and now that I’m involved helping Lorena. She’ll really hate me.

  Think only of Lorena. I have sent her to you, for good reason.

  Anna could hear the words spoken into her Spirit as clear as if God spoke them audibly.

  She pushed her shock into her pocket and ushered her niece into the living room. Once she was settled on the couch, Anna began to question.

  “Lorena, when you said you couldn’t do something, what was that?”

  Lorena’s eyes shifted around the room. Her head sunk lower as she mumbled, “I couldn’t go through with the abortion. We were at the clinic and everything. Suddenly, I got freaked out.” She placed her hands on her stomach and whispered. “I knew this was not just a blob as Joel said … I just couldn’t—”

  Anna couldn’t contain her joy. She threw her arms around her niece. “Oh Lorena, you did the right thing. I’m so proud of you. I too contemplated abortion. I wrestled with the dark angels of hell on that one. I wanted to hide my sin from the world, but God wouldn’t let me. You heard my story, Lorena. Trying to hide the truth never works … not with lies, nor with abortion. I speak from experience and truly understand your torment.”

  Large frightened eyes rose to meet Anna. “What do I do now? My boyfriend wants nothing to do with me or ‘the blob’ as he calls it, and my mom’s going to kill me.”

  “Your dad—”

  Lorena interrupted. “Dad never stands up to Mom. He rolls over like a wounded puppy every time they disagree. I can’t count on him. He cares more about keeping the peace than standing up for what’s right.”

  Her words spit out with conviction. “I also know everything she’ll think of me, because I’ve heard the way she talks about you.”

  Anna tried to hide her hurt but wasn’t successful. Lorena stopped. “I’m sorry, Auntie.”

  Anna gulped back the knot in her throat and turned to quickly stem the flow of tears that threatened to spill. This wasn’t about her. She had to stay focused on her niece. If she was going to help Lorena, she couldn’t get sidetracked with her own hurt.

  “Lorena, you’ve done the right thing, first at the clinic and then in telling me. I have lots of room in this old house and care about you deeply. You’ll always have a place to live, but I know that your mom and dad love you a lot. Please don’t assume they’ll respond the same way with you as they did with me.

  “Lorena, honey, you’re their daughter. And how many times have I heard your dad describe you as ‘his baby girl, the joy of his world’? Way too many times to count.”

  Lorena sniffled and blew into the tissue Anna handed her. Both eyes now sported dark circles much like a raccoon as the makeup spread and blended.

  “Lorena, they’ll be disappointed, but our situations are different. You haven’t lied to them.”

  “Yes, I have, Auntie, many times. How do you think I had time with my boyfriend? He would pick me up outside the church after they dropped me off for youth group, and he would
get me back before the end, or I would say I was staying at a friend’s house overnight but be at Joel’s place. His parents didn’t have any hang-ups about us sleeping together.” Sighing heavily, she admitted. “Yeah, I lied a lot! I know only too well what my mother thinks of whores and liars!”

  Anna grew strong. A protective spirit rose up within. “Well, she’ll just have to learn that with God’s grace, we’re redeemed and forgiven too. Until she grasps that fully, we’ll choose to forgive her. More importantly right now, you’re going to get all the love and support you need and that’s a promise.

  “You let me handle your mom. All I want you to worry about right now is eating properly—enough for two—and getting some needed rest. If your parents aren’t supportive, which I don’t believe is how this will go, I’ll help you with your doctor’s appointments and anything else you need. You’re not alone in this world, Lorena. Both God and I love you very much.”

  Lorena visibly relaxed. The woman-child sank deep into the cushions and closed her eyes. Anna lifted her legs onto the couch and covered her with a nearby blanket. “Sleep for a bit, Lorena.” She smoothed the hair from Lorena’s face and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “Sleep.”

  Anna had never taken on her sister before. Lana was a force to be reckoned with, but in this case, not even the very gates of hell would stop her. Her sister could shun her, gossip about her, and call her whatever names she pleased, but Anna would support Lorena.

  While Melody and Lorena slept, Anna prayed first and then set out to take on the giant. Her big sister by a whole few minutes had always played that role far too well, but Anna would no longer allow the usual intimidation. Lorena’s future depended upon it.

  “God, give me wisdom.”

  What she first thought would be a discussion with Lana, quickly changed to a new idea. Anna would talk to Tom. If there was to be harmony in their home and a safe landing for Lorena, Tom would have to be the one who stepped up. She dialed Tom’s work number with steady determination.