Anna's Secret

by Blossom Turner

  Anna blanched at her words.

  “I’m going to hold onto your goods and all the arrangements for a bit. I have a feeling you two will work out whatever happened here.”

  Anna shook her head.

  “Now don’t you shake your head, Anna. I’ve noticed the way Matt looks at you, and I’ve never seen any man look at his bride that way. You two have something special. Trust me when I say, I do a lot of weddings and I know what I’m talking about.

  “And heed my words, Anna. Tamara has been trying to get her hooks into Matt for years to no avail. If this is due to anything she told you, don’t believe a word.”

  A shaft of pain pierced into Anna’s heart like the blade from a twisted knife. If only Carla knew.

  No sooner did Anna have Carla out the door when her cell rang.

  “Anna, it’s Faye, Matt’s mom.”

  Anna didn’t want to be rude, but Faye was the last person she had energy for at the moment.

  “I got your number from Matt when we visited but haven’t had the nerve to call you. I want to thank you for being so kind to me in spite of my bad behavior, and well, I’m curious. I’ve noticed such a big change in Matt … Oh, excuse me—”

  Faye sounded like she was next to tears. Anna could hear a sniffle and Faye clear her throat.

  “Anna. I can’t believe Matt calls me regularly and he’s so kind. He’s told me he forgives me—”

  Between sobs she admitted. “I was a terrible mother, Anna, not like you at all. I resented poor Matt for disrupting my selfish life, and I paid others to raise him.” A soft wail slipped from her lips.

  Anna didn’t know what to say, but she remembered how cathartic it felt to have Rita just listen and show empathy.

  “Faye, I’m sure Matt truly does forgive you.”

  “Yeah, but I can’t forgive myself.”

  Anna remembered that battle all too clearly. “Faye, I know all about that. You can’t forgive yourself, that’s not your job, it’s God’s.”

  “I guess that’s my point, Anna. We haven’t been a family of faith. I don’t know anyone in our circle of friends I can talk to about this, and some things are just too personal to talk to Matt about. I haven’t a clue how to get this forgiveness you’re talking about.”

  Anna couldn’t comprehend God’s timing. Why would God send Faye her way now with their engagement off and Matt out of her life? How could she on one hand lead Faye to the Lord and on the other hand tell her that the son she thinks has changed so much is two-timing with Tamara? God was asking too much.

  Anna cleared the giant knot formed in her throat and made one decision—to obey. The minute she opened her mouth, wisdom poured forth and the Holy Spirit took over.

  “Faye, God’s son, Jesus, paid the price for our mistakes when he died on the cross. All we need to do is ask him in faith to forgive our sins and come into our life. He removes them as far as the east is from the west.”

  “But, Anna, you have no idea—I’ve done unspeakable things in the wake of my hurt. I was so angry with Darren when I found out he cheated on me that I did even worse. Can I really be forgiven?”

  Anna assured her. “Yes, Faye, there’s no record of wrongs once we hand them over to Jesus.”

  “But, Anna, I honestly don’t know anything about this Jesus other than to hear people use his name when they’re angry, me included.”

  Anna’s heart lurched in genuine excitement. “Oh, I could spend hours sharing, but in a nutshell, Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth in the form of a tiny baby born in a humble manger. You know—the Christmas story.”

  Faye laughed. “Yes, that one I know. But the baby Jesus story always …” She hesitated. “... it makes me uncomfortable, as if this tiny baby somehow expects something from me. Santa is a more comfortable option.”

  Anna agreed. “Yes, every celebration which would turn us toward God, Satan has presented a counterfeit to distract, but that’s a subject for another day. Let’s stick to the Jesus story for now.

  “Many miracles occurred during Jesus’s ministry on earth, but the most incredible miracle of all was the fact he subjected himself to a horrible death on the cross in order to pay the price for our sins.”

  “I’ve heard of this,” Faye admitted, “but the circle of friends I hang with, laugh and joke about a so-called powerful one who would allow mankind to kill him. We questioned that if he was so powerful, why didn’t he come down from the cross and destroy them all?”

  Faye’s words held a whisper of regret. “But now I think I understand. He had a purpose for dying … me.”

  “Oh, Faye, you do understand.” Anna said with conviction. “But Jesus didn’t remain in the grave they put him in. He rose on the third day like he said he would, so that death was defeated. We celebrate this at Easter.

  “You mean Easter isn’t about the Easter Bunny? Another distraction, right?”

  “Faye, you learn fast.”

  Faye laughed through her tears causing a snort to cut loose over the line.

  Anna couldn’t contain her laughter. They both started to howl.

  “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry,” Faye bubbled. “That was so unladylike.”

  Anna was surprised to hear the sound of her own laughter. Somehow out of the ashes, joy found a window and streamed in. Anna felt a power from on high and carried on with the conversation as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

  “Okay, I’m going to finish up so I don’t overwhelm you.”

  “No, no, Anna, I’ve got this. Jesus came to earth. He died for my sins. He rose from the dead.”

  “Faye, I can see where Matt gets his smarts from.”

  “I know, right? That’s what I’ve been saying for years.” She giggled over the line. “But how was death defeated? We all still die.”

  Anna had to shake her head clear. Just the name of Matt brought instant tears.

  “Yes, we die physically but have the privilege of living forever with Jesus in a place where there will be no more sadness or sorrow.”

  Faye cut in. “Oh, I like the sound of that. This old world has been much too painful.”

  Anna smiled into the phone. “I know. The thought of heaven brings me a lot of comfort too. But it’s not just about the eternal, it’s also about the here and now. When we believe in Jesus, he sends the Holy Spirit to help us live a better life. It’s why you’ve seen a big change in your son.”

  As Anna voiced the words, a single bead of perspiration worked its way down her spine and thoughts began racing through her head like gusts of wind dancing through an open field.

  If Matt is a changed man, then why didn’t I let him explain?

  The spirit of God instantly answered her question.

  Fear. You’re afraid of facing his past, but you will need to in order to embrace the future.

  Faye’s voice snapped Anna into the present. “Anna you’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ll certainly need some help to sort out my messy life.”

  “Yes, it can be convoluted.” Anna agreed, but she was thinking about her own dilemma.

  “I’ve got it, Anna, I know just what to do. I’ll be on the next plane out,” Faye declared. “I’ve so much to learn, and the fact my son loves me when I don’t deserve it proves to me there is a God. I already believe.”

  “And, Anna, I’m so thankful you came into his life and brought this Jesus with you. It’s just what our family needs.”

  Anna gulped back a cry.

  “I can’t wait to see you and Matt and hear about Jesus—and learn even more. Oh, I have so much to arrange.”

  “I’ll text you with details of my flight. And if it’s okay, I’d like to stay with you and Melody. That little girl just melts my heart. I know Matt visits daily, so I’ll get to see you all this way. I’m so excited, Anna, I can’t thank you enough. This is the best d
ay ever.”

  Anna didn’t know what to say. She paused but then heard nothing.

  “Faye? Faye?” The line was dead.

  A groan of despair wrenched deep from within and found its voice as Anna cried out, “God, what now?”

  The steel gray sky with low heavy clouds suited Anna’s disposition. She donned her spring raincoat, new running shoes, and her watch, which tracked her time and distance. She planned to run off the doldrums, even if it killed her, and sort out how to handle Faye’s ill-timed visit.

  Melody arched and squirmed in protest as Anna placed her in the stroller and then let out an angry squeal when Anna zipped up the rain cover.

  “Come on, baby girl, your mama has to run, or you’re not going to like me at all.”

  Melody screamed all the louder.

  A blustery wind howled through the neighborhood and the clouds opened. Let it rain, I don’t care. A steady pattern beat against Anna’s cheeks in rhythm to the slap of her feet on the wet pavement.

  Melody quieted at the feel of the motion, and Anna picked up her pace. She lifted her face to the warm April showers and ran like an athlete in training. The hill ahead demanded a level of exertion she didn’t have, yet she dug deeper. All else faded as she concentrated on her breathing and the length of her stride. At the top of the hill, the road snaked down and up again. Her lungs burned and her joints ached but onward she ran. Cathartic. Cleansing. Clarifying.

  A good hour later, she rounded the corner to her house and slowed to a walk for the cool down. The run had successfully diminished the strain of her tightly wound nerves and cleared the depression that nipped at her mind. She wiped drops of sweat that inched their way down her brow and temples.

  Melody started to howl, clearly not impressed with her mother. Anna pushed the large wheeled stroller carefully past her car in the garage and unzipped the cover. “Come, come my little Melody, that’s not a very nice sound.” She lifted the baby and received instant quiet and a big grin. “Oh, you little faker,” Anna said. “Stirring up a fuss for no good reason. Let’s get you fed and down for your nap.”

  Melody reached for her face and smacked wildly.

  Anna grabbed her chubby hands and blew kisses all over her tummy.

  Melody giggled in delight.

  “You betcha, little girl. To beddy-bye you go. Mama needs some alone time and prayer to think straight.”

  Anna had done nothing but ruminate for the past couple weeks. Deep down, she knew something wasn’t right with what Tamara said and longed for Matt to fight for their relationship, but he did not. He respected her request and had stayed distant. He phoned ahead and asked Anna to bring Melody out to his car each time he picked her up. He remained polite, aloof, and conversed only about Melody’s schedule, then immediately departed. No questions. No explanation. No conversation. Nothing. And that was far scarier to Anna than she dared admit.

  Matt’s countenance was like a black hole where nothing could be retrieved. But then again, she had told him to go, what did she expect?

  A conflict of emotion raged within. She could not turn off the taps of love instantly, and her heart had not caught up to her reality. Three was too many in any relationship, so why then did her sorry heart pick up pace each day he arrived, and not settle until long after he left?

  She had tried to drag him into conversation on how best to tell the world their engagement was off, and he had grunted.

  “If you want to tell them go ahead. I have no stomach for it.”

  Oddly, she had not told anyone but Carla.

  As she complained to God in prayer and felt sorry for herself that life had turned so difficult, she felt the nudge to pick up her Bible. She randomly opened to the gospel of John and the words of Jesus jumped up off the page. Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

  Anna grimaced at how simple trust should be but wondered how to fully implement it when life was falling apart?

  “God, I need you. I trust your care and love, not only for me but for Matt and Faye, who is arriving in two short days … Now, please, tell me what to do.”

  Silence filled the room. Anna read all the Scriptures surrounding the initial verse that had popped off the page, but nothing spoke into her spirit other than to trust. She wanted more information, yet God remained silent.

  Broken and humbled she cried out, “God help me trust you. Increase my faith. Help my unbelief.”

  Tranquility filled her soul from the inside out. Like a cool spray of water misted over the body on a hot summer’s day, relief permeated. Peace pushed back the worry though nothing had changed. Anna rested. She believed she would understand what to do when God’s timing was right.

  That moment came sooner than she anticipated. The ring of her cell phone shocked her out of a much-needed afternoon nap.

  Matt’s voice, no longer flat and despondent, lashed out. “Why didn’t you tell me my mom was coming?”

  Anna shook the cobwebs from her head and sat up on the couch. “Matt, this only transpired yesterday, and she sent me a text this morning giving me her travel plans. I intended to talk to you today when you picked up Melody.”

  “What’s going on? She rattled on how she came to Jesus and how excited she is to share this experience with the both of us? The least you could have done is give me a heads up.” His voice sounded as bristly as a hedgehog.

  “Matt, I had hoped she wouldn’t call you so soon and I would have a chance—”

  “A chance to spread your tall tale version about what a two-timing son she has and why you had to break off our engagement? I can’t believe she still wants to come!” His voice rang with sarcasm. “She has no use for anyone that—”

  “Matt!” Anna’s voice cut in with a level of indignation. “No, I didn’t tell her. She raved about how much her son had changed and how kind you’ve been to her. Then she asked me how she could believe in this same Jesus. What was I to say?”

  “The fact remains, Anna, whatever you would’ve told her concerning our relationship would’ve been far from the truth, because you didn’t even give me the courtesy of an explanation.”

  The phone clicked dead, and Anna stared at her cell in utter shock.

  No wonder she felt ill at ease in telling anyone about what brewed between them. A piece of this puzzle was missing.

  “Oh, God,” she cried, “What have I done?”

  Do not let your heart be troubled, trust in me. Matt needs healing from his past, and you need to embrace his story. This is all part of my plan.

  Twice in one day, an assurance that God had their circumstances in his trustworthy hands enveloped her like a warm blanket on a cold winter’s day. She laid her head back down and drifted off to sleep.

  The anguish of the past couple weeks bled into trembling rage, bubbling up, boiling over. Matt smashed his fists down on the coffee table and jarred the glass of water, so it tipped and splashed all over his computer. A curse slipped easily from his lips as his brooding flashed into sudden anger. He had not entertained that kind of language for months now. Where was this coming from?

  The call from his mother sent him in a tailspin. He knew that she loathed anyone who cheated in a relationship, though she had stooped as low many a time. He had assumed Anna would tell his mom her version of their story. Why hadn’t she? That fact remained more of a puzzle to him than anything.

  The more he thought about the situation, the more confused he became. A spike of anger rode his spine, and he bit back the pain. One part of him wanted to run to Anna and beg her to listen, but another part hung back in hurt and anger that she would believe the worst of him. He wondered how they could begin a marriage with so little trust. But worse yet, he felt that same pain of abandonment he had felt as a child. And he had promised himself he would never allow that again.

  He should have stuck to his original plan and
kept relationships on the superficial level. No pain that way.

  Melody suddenly danced in his head. Her playful gurgle and baby laughter filled the lonely crevices of his mind, and turmoil vanished. She brought instant joy.

  He glanced up to see the picture of Anna tenderly gazing down at Melody and a flood of love swept over him. His breathing quickened and his pulse rate accelerated. After what she had believed, his mind objected with vigor, yet he could not force his sorry heart to say goodbye.

  Life had been so much easier before God’s love swooped down in the forms of Anna and Melody. He could no longer live without them, even if hurt and disappointment reigned. And now to complicate matters, his mom was scheduled to arrive the next day, which forced him to talk to Anna and bridge the canyon that cut between them.

  Anna fussed with her hair, changed her clothes from her sweats and T-shirt to a blouse and a pair of jeans that showed off her trim figure, and applied a light dusting of make-up. As nervous as a cat on a shaky limb, she needed a boost in confidence. The glance in the mirror did not disappoint. Matt was due to pick up Melody any moment, and she was not about to let him escape.

  The cell rang as it had the last few weeks. Matt announced his arrival then immediately hung up.

  The rain had not let up all day. Anna slipped on her raincoat and ran out.

  He rolled down his window with his eyebrows arched in question. “Where’s Melody?”

  “She’s playing in her playpen. Come in for a moment.” When he did not immediately respond, she pleaded, “Matt, with your mom about to arrive, you know we need to talk.”

  A band of sunshine split between the storm clouds and lit the world around them. Anna lifted her head. “Oh,” she gasped. “I just love it when it’s raining and yet the sun decides to shine.” Sunbeams danced on rain droplets and the trouble between them took backseat to the display of God’s nature all around them. Color caught her eye, “Oh, Matt, look at the incredible rainbow and these clouds with the sun breaking through … it’s like God has us in his spotlight.”