When We Began

by Elena Aitken

  Amber’s hand flew to her mouth. “Logan, that’s so—”

  “For a long time, I blamed myself,” he continued, as if she hadn’t spoken. “I couldn’t handle it. I started drinking. A lot. One day, I saw something on television about equine therapy and something inside me just clicked.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that.” He shrugged. “I started looking into it, and when I mentioned it to my dad and little sister, they thought it was a great idea, too. They helped me find a program outside of Spokane. I guess you could say the horses saved me.”

  “And that’s why you decided to start Taking the Reins.”

  He nodded.

  Amber shook her head slowly. “I can’t believe I didn’t know any of this.”

  Logan smiled slowly and pulled the drain on the sink. “Like I said, we still have a lot to learn about each other. And we will.” He took the plate from her and put it on the counter before turning around and taking both her hands in his. “That was a long time ago,” he said. “And I want you to know that I don’t blame myself anymore.” She nodded, glad to hear it. “And...as important as Tina was to me, that part of my life is over. I’ve moved on.”

  He looked directly into her eyes while he spoke, and she believed every word he said.

  “Come sit.” Logan squeezed her hands before releasing them to grab the bottle of wine they hadn’t quite finished, as well as their glasses. They walked through the living room, where Logan gestured to the couch. Amber happily joined him.

  “Thank you for telling me that story,” she said.

  “I’m glad I told you.” He poured her some more wine. “I feel like I know about some of your past. I don’t want to keep anything from you.”

  “I appreciate that.” She had never felt so comfortable with anyone the way she did with Logan. Not except her best friends, and that was different because she wasn’t also very attracted to any of them. “I’m really glad we did this,” she blurted a moment later. “I…well…” There was no harm in telling him exactly how she felt. “I’m really comfortable with you,” she said before she could change her mind. “I think you’re pretty great and I like spending time with you.” She finished what she needed to say and laughed. “I’ve never had a problem saying exactly how I feel before.”

  “It didn’t seem like you had much trouble just then either.” Logan laughed, but then grew serious. “I feel the same way with you, Amber. And I have to say, I’m pretty glad I didn’t go on my first judgment with you.”

  “Oh yeah?” She turned on the couch and tucked a leg up under her. “And what was that?” She already knew the answer, but she really wanted to see him squirm while he answered it.

  As it turned out, Logan didn’t squirm at all. “I thought you were an overbearing, know-it-all city girl.”

  She sat back and squeezed her lips shut because it was an entirely accurate assessment of who she had been.

  “But now I know there is so much more to you. You do know how fabulous you are, right?”

  There was a time she would have answered that question with a quick-witted answer about how she knew how great she was, and it might have been true, too. But now things were different. She still didn’t have a self-esteem problem, not really; she was just slowly discovering that there was a lot more to her than the sharp-tongued, laser-focused, highly driven, get-it-done-at-all-costs woman she used to be.

  In fact, that had never even been her. Not really.

  “I know that I’m a work in progress,” she said after a moment. “And I really think a lot of that is thanks to you. Well, maybe thanks to Chester,” she added with a grin.

  “You know I didn’t do anything.” Logan slid his hand along the couch between them and reached for her hand. “And neither did Chester. That was all you.”

  Amber took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Maybe you’re right, but I never could have done it if it hadn’t been for you and your horses. You’re doing such a great thing out here, Logan.” His face changed, and his hands stiffened over hers. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “No.” He squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them again, they were softer, the tension gone. “I wasn’t going to say anything, not tonight. I didn’t want to ruin our evening. But…”

  “You’re worrying me.”

  “It’s nothing for you to worry about,” he said quickly. “And I’m sure it will all be fine, but recently Ruby told me that she’s going to be selling the ranch. She’s hoping the new buyer will allow me to continue my work, and maybe lease the barn to me for the same rate, but it’s a bit of a long shot. I’m not hopeful that will happen. Besides, it will take capital I don’t know if I can raise.”

  A cross between fear, which was silly, and intense sadness came over her as he spoke. Her first instinct was to set up a fundraiser, start a petition, and make some noise about Logan and Taking the Reins. Her mind instinctually kicked into overdrive and she started to mentally make preparations, including potential legal action if that’s what it took to keep Logan’s operation going. But then she took a breath. And another and realized that was the old Amber. And as driven as she no doubt could still be, she also needed to be reasonable.

  “Logan, that’s terrible.” She flipped his hand over and squeezed it in hers. “Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?”

  “Do you have a million dollars?” He chuckled, but it wasn’t a funny sound. “Because I think that’s what it’s going to take to save this. Otherwise, I’m looking at starting over somewhere and finding somewhere to put the horses and…I guess I’ll need to find a new place to live, too.” He looked around his tiny cabin. “It’s all part of the ranch.”

  She let him have a moment before closing the distance between them and pulling him into a tight embrace. He melted into her, and she used the opportunity to soothe him. She’d never been a naturally comforting person, but the last couple of months with Drew and Austin had taught her a few things, and being with Logan made it seem natural.

  Amber rubbed his back and her fingers found the nape of his neck, where she traced gentle circles on the sensitive skin there.

  “That feels nice,” he murmured into her ear.

  She smiled, the satisfaction of the moment pleasing her more than she thought possible. “That’s the idea.”

  He lifted his head from her shoulder so he could look into her eyes. “Is that the entire idea?”

  The question was loaded, but Amber was more than ready to pull the trigger. “Not even close.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Each kiss they shared was better than the one that came before, but this one held more than the possibility of what could happen.

  It held the promise of what was exactly about to happen.

  If she could let herself go.

  The mental roadblock popped up so quickly, it took her off guard.

  She’d never been so comfortable with a man before. Never so attracted.

  And that was the problem.

  Something inside her wanted to stop, pull back, and put distance between them. Not because she didn’t want whatever was about to happen to happen. But because she did.

  Never in her life had she cared about a man the way she was starting to care about Logan. Never had a man made her feel the way she was feeling now. And without a doubt, there had absolutely never been anyone who knew everything there was to know about her, and still wanted to be with her.

  Logan liked her for who she was.

  And that scared the hell out of her.

  “Hey.” Logan felt her pulling back. He’d felt the change in her, maybe before even she had. But whatever it was that was going on with her, there was no way he was going to let it happen. He leaned back, but only a little. He touched his finger to her lips in place of his own. “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”

  Her eyes flashed as though she might actually tell him, but then she shook her head. “I should go.” Amber hopped up from t
he couch before he could stop her and crossed the room quickly to the door.

  Logan was up and behind her as she reached for the door handle.

  The rush of windy, snowy frigid air hit them at the same time. “What the—”

  “I thought it might snow,” Logan said as he slipped between her and the door. He peered out into the dark night, the porch lights illuminating the heavily falling snow and the inch-deep layer of white stuff that had already accumulated on the railing in the time they’d been inside. “But I don’t think I expected this much. There’s no way you’re driving in this.”

  Logan turned back to her and shut the door behind him before leaning against it. “Besides,” he added. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “You don’t?”

  He couldn’t help it; he chuckled. “I would have thought that was pretty obvious.”

  There was a flicker of a smile on her face before she moved to the window and looked out to what was quickly becoming a blizzard outside. “I just…I’m not…”

  Logan stayed quiet because it was easy enough to see there was an internal battle going on inside her, and he wasn’t sure who was going to win the war.

  Finally, after what seemed like forever, Amber turned around. “I’ve never done anything like this before and you…”

  “I’m what?” He took a step closer to her, but still gave her the space she obviously needed.

  “You’re…” She dropped her head for a minute, before looking up into his eyes. “You’re different in all the right ways.”

  He couldn’t help it then; he had to touch her. With one hand, he reached out and threaded his fingers through hers. “I am,” he said slowly. “And I’m not going to pretend to know everything there is about you, yet. Including your past relationships. But I can tell you with complete certainty that I am different than anybody else you’ve ever dated.” She opened her mouth to say something, but he wasn’t done. “And I like you, Amber. Really like you. Don’t run from this. Not now.”

  She closed her mouth again and pressed her lips together. It took intense self-control for Logan not to kiss her again, but he waited. He could be patient. When she didn’t say anything right away, he spoke again. “I mean it, Amber. Don’t run.” He took his free hand and tucked a piece of long, dark hair behind her ear. When she leaned into his touch, he felt that familiar tug low in his gut.

  Damn, but he was falling for this woman.

  “Okay.” Her voice was soft at first, but whatever confusion and doubt she’d had appeared to be gone. She lowered her eyelids and the corners of her pouty, sexy lips turned up into a sure smile. “Okay,” she said again. This time stronger and more sure. “I’ll stay.”

  “Yeah, you will.”

  Her tongue flicked out and licked her bottom lip, leaving behind a completely kissable sheen in its place. He closed the remainder of the distance between them, wrapped one arm behind her back and, using his other hand to brace the impact, pushed her up against the log wall and kissed her.

  Whatever doubt she had left about staying was sure to be completely eradicated with that kiss, and judging by the moan that slipped out of her lips, he was sure it was mission accomplished. Not letting his lips leave hers, he moved his hands down her sides, so he could feel all of her luscious curves before his hands found hers. With one in each of his, he raised them up, above her head, and pinned them to the wall.

  She let out a gasp, and it was only then that he released her from the kiss and trailed his mouth down her smooth neck, licking, nibbling, and sucking as he went. Her body moved against his, but he kept her pressed tight against the wall.

  Another moan slipped from her lips and he lifted his head so he could look into her heavily lidded eyes.

  “I’m glad I decided to stay,” she whispered.

  It was Logan’s turn to grin. “I think it’s cute that you thought you had a choice.”

  She opened her mouth, no doubt to argue with him again, but he silenced her with a quick, hard kiss before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her through the tiny cottage to his bedroom.

  The scent of freshly brewed coffee wove its way through her unconsciousness and finally nudged Amber awake the next morning. Once her eyes fluttered open, it took her a few moments to realize where she was but the moment the memory of the night before came back, her entire body remembered it. Despite herself, her face split into a wide smile.

  “Now that’s a sight I could get used to seeing first thing in the morning.”

  At the sound of Logan’s voice, Amber sat up quickly, realizing a moment too late to grab the blanket that had been covering her.

  “I was wrong.” He smiled. “That is a sight I could get used to seeing.”

  Amber laughed and took her time pulling the blanket back up. After all, what was the point in modesty after the night before?

  “Did you sleep well?” Logan sat next to her on the mattress and handed her the cup of coffee he was holding. “I wasn’t sure how you took it, but I guessed.”

  “Black?” She inhaled deeply, letting the smell fill her.

  “I was right.”

  “Maybe I’m just too predictable.” She took a tentative sip, testing the temperature. “Thank you. This is perfect.”

  “You’re welcome.” He brushed a strand of her long hair, tangled from sleep, off her face. “And you are anything but predictable. I’m really glad you stayed.”

  So was she. So glad. Because the truth was, she was absolutely falling for this man. The night before she’d almost made a terrible mistake by running away from those feelings. The old Amber would have run. But she hadn’t. Did that make her a new Amber? It must because the old Amber would never have spent the night with a man after the first date. But she didn’t feel bad or remorseful about it at all because it didn’t feel like a first date and with Logan it was just…so very different.

  “Me too,” she finally said. “But it turns out I didn’t have much of a choice.” She grinned over the lip of her coffee mug. Whether it was Logan or the storm that took her choice away, it didn’t matter. “It’s like something out of one of my romance novels, snowed into a mountain cabin. Oh, what should we do?” She batted her eyelashes in exaggeration and laughed.

  Logan traced his finger across her bare shoulder and dipped it down into her cleavage. “I can think of a few things.”

  “I’m sure you can.” She swatted his hand away. “But I’m starving, and I don’t want to jinx it, but do I smell…”

  “Bacon?” He leaned forward and kissed her quick. “You sure do. Breakfast is almost ready. I was hoping you’d wake up soon.”

  “What time is it? I never sleep in.”

  “Ten.”

  “Ten?” Amber almost spat out her coffee. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept past seven and it must have been at least twenty years since she’d slept as long as ten. And that was when she’d been terribly sick with the flu. “I need to get up.” She tried to move past him on the bed, but he held her in place.

  “You absolutely do not need to get up. You have nowhere to be today. Mostly because you can’t go anywhere. The plow will get here this afternoon to dig out the drive. So until then…”

  Once upon a time, not so long ago, the thought that she was stranded in a tiny cabin with no way out would have caused her a huge deal of panic. But with Logan sitting in front of her, the smile on his face and the affection in his eyes, that was the very last thing on her mind.

  Logan was right.

  She wasn’t going anywhere. Once Amber—dressed in only one of Logan’s t-shirts—made it out to the main room and saw the piles of snow for herself, there was no doubt in her mind that her car wouldn’t be getting out anytime soon. At least not until the road was plowed.

  “It’s kind of early in the season for so much snow, don’t you think?”

  Logan shrugged and put a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her. “Who knows? Every year it’s different, right? Besides, it might
still melt and we could have a warm Thanksgiving.”

  They both laughed because that wasn’t likely to happen.

  “Speaking of Thanksgiving…” he said after a moment. “I was thinking about something, and I don’t want you to get upset or anything.”

  She froze, a piece of bacon halfway to her mouth. Upset? Was he going to ask her to have Thanksgiving with him? Was it too early in their relationship to celebrate a major holiday together? Certainly not. But maybe he wanted to introduce her to his family.

  Amber dropped the bacon to her plate.

  It was way too early to meet family or to declare anything or…it was just too early. Right? She shook her head.

  “You haven’t even heard what I was going to say.”

  “I don’t care. I don’t think it’s a good idea.” She squeezed her eyes shut like a child. “I don’t think I should meet your family.”

  “I think you should tell your friends everything.”

  They spoke at the same time, so Amber wasn’t sure she’d heard him properly. “Pardon me?”

  “I could ask you the same thing.” He tilted his head and looked at her, clearly questioning what it was that she’d said and why. Thankfully, Logan focused on what he’d needed to say. “I’ve been thinking about it and I know it’s not my place, but in the time since I’ve met you, well…you’ve changed. You’ve…” He swallowed, obviously struggling to find the words. “Well, this sounds stupid, but I think you’ve grown a lot and you seem happier and more at ease since you started talking to Chester.”

  Amber nodded slowly. She couldn’t argue with that. It was all absolutely true.

  “And maybe,” Logan continued, “if you told your friends and family everything you told Chester and me, you might feel even better?” She opened her mouth, but shut it again when he added, “And maybe you’d finally be okay with everything and be able to really forgive yourself.”