by Vera Hollins
Actually, was this still my home? It certainly didn’t feel like it anymore, and I was already losing the sense of security I’d had here.
She had some problems on her jobs, and if the snippets of the phone calls with her bosses this morning were anything to go by, her drinking problems were getting her in deep water. She was snappish when she ended the second call, so I didn’t want to spend more time with her in the kitchen than necessary. I grabbed a granola bar and ate it in the living room, waiting for Jess to pick me up.
I didn’t sleep well last night, but that was nothing new. I was tense as I waited for something that would bring more terror into my life. I’d slept with my lamp on since the night Josh came to my room. I couldn’t sleep in the dark more often than not, imagining shadows and movements, and it got worse now that Brad was freely roaming around.
I could barely distract myself during the day, letting the world of my drawings take me on a journey far away from reality, but it wasn’t a one-way ticket. I was always brought back to the real world.
Jess arrived a couple of minutes later, and I rushed to her car, cursing the sharp morning wind that battered me. My thick winter coat, hat, and muffler were a weak protection against it. The forecast said it would start snowing soon, which was just another thing not to look forward to.
I passed next to my mother’s car she still hadn’t taken to a car service and glanced at Hayden’s driveway, noticing his car wasn’t there. I wondered if I was going to see him at school. I was even more confused about us after yesterday, and I didn’t know how to react when I saw him.
Baby steps, Sarah. Baby steps.
“Hey,” I said when I got in the car and smiled at Jess.
“Hey, Rudolph. Your nose is so red.” She giggled and shifted into first gear.
“Already? Sheesh, I’m so sensitive to cold.”
“Yeah, you are. Or maybe you just need some body fat to keep you warm.”
I arched my brow at her. “Really funny.”
“That’s true! That’s why I’m never cold!”
“I’m sure that has more to do with your body functions than excess fat, Jess.”
She grinned. “Wanna bet? Gain some fat, and you’ll see you’ll get warmer.”
I pinched her cheek. “No, thank you. I already feel like I’m slacking off because I can’t go for a run in this weather. I can’t wait for tonight. Mel and I have our first Krav Maga class, and I’m pretty excited about it.”
“That’s great. Are Mel and you cool now?”
“Yeah. She isn’t angry at me anymore.”
She started texting me again last night, spamming me with nonsensical messages, which I’d missed. She could get on my nerves, yes, but her silliness always got me out of a funk, and I was relieved that we went back to the way we used to be.
“I knew she would let it go eventually,” Jess said. “And good luck. Try to stay in one piece.”
“Thanks. I’ll do my best.”
“Is there any sign of Brad?”
“No, if I don’t count that suspicious car passing by my house.” I told her about the Toyota.
Her brows knit together. “That gives me the creeps.”
“Ditto. And that’s not all. Mateo showed up at the school yesterday.”
She glanced at me with wide eyes. “What? What was he doing there?’
“He came to fight Hayden. He even brought two friends.”
Her brows dipped lower. “Seriously? Talk about being fair. So what happened?”
I gave her the rundown of the fight and the ride with Hayden.
She squealed. “I can’t believe it! He drove you back home? So, how it was?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.
I looked away. I didn’t want to share the details. That moment was too personal, and I wanted to keep it to myself. “He apologized for how he treated me yesterday morning.”
“He apologized? Well, that’s something new.”
That was definitely something new. Ten days ago he told me to stay away from him, but yesterday, he told me so much, and it felt like we got closer to each other a bit.
I studied my drawings on my phone during the rest of the ride. Jess hummed a song I didn’t recognize and tapped out the rhythm on the steering wheel. Her beautiful voice relaxed me.
“I know I’ve already told you this, but you’re an amazing singer, Jess,” I said when she pulled into her parking spot.
She blushed, and a radiant smile lit her face. Jess wanted to become a singer one day, but she was insecure. She joined the school choir only recently after Mel and I convinced her it would be good for her. She had a beautiful voice, but she was terrified of performing, and I hoped she would overcome it one day. It would be a shame if she didn’t pursue her dream just because she was afraid. Music was her passion—her life—and I’d be happy to see her do what she loved.
“Nah. That’s nothing,” she replied, humble as always.
I braced myself for another assault of the cold wind and got out of the car, rushing to the school. “Jeez, I’m going to freeze to death,” I exclaimed when we got inside the warm lobby.
Students turned to look at us. Hushed whispers and giggles erupted all around, and alarms went off in my head. A hot blush covered my face as I observed their curious, mocking faces.
“There she is,” one girl said, and bile rose in my throat.
What the hell was going on now?
“Slut,” someone hissed, and my gut knotted.
Slut. No, not that again. Was this Christine’s doing? Or maybe Maya’s?
“Only sluts like her can have a picture like that,” a boy near me remarked, and my breath halted.
Picture? What picture?
“Nice picture.” Masen appeared from behind us and grinned at Jessica. “Fats,” he said as he passed us by and turned around. “That outfit suits you,” he said to her and winked, walking backward.
“What’s happening?” Jess whispered. Her face changed colors rapidly.
“I have no idea,” I muttered, looking around the lobby in search of the answer.
“Hey, Jessie! I’m surprised you’re not ashamed to come to school,” Blake mocked as he approached us lazily. He glanced at his iPhone, and his lips curled into a malicious smile. “I mean, look at this. You’re too much.” He pointed at something on his screen and turned his phone around so we could see it.
My stomach somersaulted when I saw Jessica in a photo posted on someone’s Instagram. She stood in the middle of a dark room wearing fishnet stockings and a black lace corset that pushed up her breasts. She had a whip in her hand, and her stiletto heel rested on a mini fridge.
No, that person wasn’t Jessica. Her face and the fridge were photoshopped into the image, but that didn’t matter. People saw only what they wanted to see, and they wanted to laugh at Jessica.
Above her head, a message said “Food Slut,” and I wanted to scream; I was so disgusted by this horrible picture. Jessica whimpered and lowered her head to hide her face behind her hair, visibly shaking.
“What is this?” I demanded, glaring at Blake as my own trembling turned into shudders.
He sniggered. “Are you blind, Sars? Your slutty friend is having fun with food.”
“She doesn’t fuck with guys. She fucks with food,” Masen added.
Blake erupted into laughter. “Yeah. But wait. This comment is gold: ‘Hop into that fridge and disappear forever, bitch.’” He looked at Jessica. “Amazing, right? But this one is even better: ‘How did Jessica Fats lose her virginity? She fucked a cucumber.’”
I yelped and pressed my hand against my mouth. This was too much.
Jessica seemed so small next to me, hugging her body tightly as the first tears fell down her face. How could they be so heartless? I stepped closer to her. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn’t know how.
“It’s no wonder. Only that fridge could be turned on by that pig,” Masen drawled, and I wanted to hit him so badly. I wanted to hit both of them. I cur
led my hands into fists as a buzz formed in my head.
Jessica bolted out of the lobby, which set off loud laughter. Blake’s face twisted with hate, and his eyes cut into her as he watched her leave. Some students took pictures and videos, documenting her escape in the cruelest way, and I grew queasy just imagining the posts that could pop up on their social media soon.
This was awful. Photoshopping someone and posting it online to spread hate was ruthless.
I hated them. I hated them all.
“Aww. Poor fatty is embarrassed. I don’t blame her. It’s not every day you find out someone’s that obsessed with food,” Masen said and winked at me. I gritted my teeth so hard my jaw started to hurt.
“She really is obsessed. She can’t take her eyes off of it for a second. Wanna bet she ran away to fuck with food?” Blake said and added quietly, “Because I doubt she’d finally leave for good.”
“You,” I began, seething with anger. Blake turned his head slowly to look at me. “You’re horrible. Why are you bullying her? She never did anything to you, so stop doing this!”
Blake launched at me, stopping too close to me. I flinched and pulled back, but he followed, not letting me put any distance between us. He grabbed my shoulder in a painful grip. “Shut your mouth, bitch. You can’t order me around. Get. That. Into. Your. Head.” He flicked my forehead after each word.
He shoved me away and left the lobby with Masen, their vicious laughter grating on my ears. The bell rang, and the students finally started dispersing. I watched them leave with clenched hands, wishing they knew how much it hurt to be treated that way.
I knew how it felt. It was one thing to bully someone in person, and the memory could wane in time. But it was another thing to cyberbully. Posts could be replicated and shared too many times, and they also attracted haters who were hungry to unleash their negativity. That was bound to leave deep scars, and I knew I had to find Jess as soon as possible and help her.
I texted her and asked where she was. I headed to the nearest restroom, hoping to find her there, but it was empty. The class was about to start, and I still hadn’t heard back from her.
I was worried. Was she okay? I sent her another message.
“Please tell me where you are. I’m looking for you.”
I reached another restroom. The hallways were empty save for a few students, and I didn’t know what to do. Jessica hadn’t looked good, so I doubted she went to her first period. I could go to calculus, but what if she needed me? What if—
My phone buzzed, and her ID popped on the screen. I quickly opened the text.
“I’m in the restroom next to the gym.”
That was on the other side of the school. Skipping calculus it is.
I ran there, paying extra attention not to get caught by the hall monitors or teachers, and slipped inside the restroom. “Jessica?”
A stench of vomit hit my nostrils, and I scrunched up my nose. Was that her vomit?
“Over here.” Her voice came from the last stall.
I knocked on the door. “Hey, let me in.”
She unlocked the door, and I stepped inside a small space that was barely enough for both of us. The stench was stronger here, and a painful knot formed in my stomach. She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall of the stall. Strands of her hair stuck to her face, which was streaked with tears and mascara.
“Jess!” I kneeled next to her and caught her shoulders. She didn’t look good at all. She was pallid, and her eyes were dull. “Jess, I’m here.” I smoothed her hair off her face and hugged her, but she didn’t return my hug, limp against me, and everything tightened in me. “Jess?”
“I want to die.”
Oh my God. I’d never heard Jess speak like this. I pulled away to look in her eyes. “No, don’t say that. Everything will be okay—”
“No, it won’t!”
She wasn’t even looking at me, but staring at some spot on the floor. She looked lost, and I hated being so useless. I was terrible at cheering people up. I never knew what to say to someone who was suffering. I felt so much, and I wanted to wipe away her pain, but I didn’t know how to help her. I’d never seen her so broken before.
“He...” She exhaled a shuddering breath. “I-I hate him.”
I knew very well who she was referring to. I’d been there. I’d felt that hate coursing through my veins after each humiliation I was put through, everything in me screaming in rage and despair whenever Hayden made me suffer. For some reason, Blake targeted Jess, and it was like a harsh déjà vu.
“I’m so sorry. He’s a jerk—”
“He’s a monster!”
Monster. My chest hurt. I didn’t want her to suffer like I had. This had to stop.
“And so many people saw it. It’s horrible! How can I show my face here again? That photo will stay online forever, and everyone will share it...”
I sat on my heels and took her cold hands into mine. “It won’t be trending forever. Tomorrow, they will find something else to gossip about and forget about you.”
“Nevertheless, that photo will be there. Everyone will be able to see it. Even my parents!” She sobbed and buried her face in her hands.
“Hey. Hey, Jess. Please, calm down.” I looked out of the stall and bit my lip. Someone would hear us and demand to know why we weren’t in class. “I don’t think your parents will ever see it. Unless they know about those bullying accounts, there’s no way for them to see it. It’s going to be all right.”
“Either way, it’s too much! I can’t handle it.” She met my gaze at last with glassy eyes. “They will always make fun of me, and Blake will do something worse... I’m terrified of him. He’s sick! What does he want from me? If he hates me that much, then I’ll drop out of school and—”
“No, don’t say that.” I thought about Blake’s odd remark. He wanted her to leave school, but Jess absolutely shouldn’t yield to him. “Don’t let him win. You’re stronger than that. You’re much stronger than you think. I understand how horrible this is, but know I’m here for you. We’ll get through this together.”
I cast her a reassuring smile, but it didn’t work. She was ensnared by her pain, and my words didn’t have any effect on her. She pressed her hand against her lips, and a strong shudder ripped through her as more tears trickled down her cheeks.
“Jess?”
“No. I can’t do this. I can’t. I feel so sick, and I want to go home. I can’t appear in front of all of them now... I can’t,” she mumbled and stood up. “I’m sorry, Sarah, but I need to go home. I’m sorry.”
She pushed me aside and darted out of the restroom.
I slapped my thigh in frustration. “Damn it.”
I knew I couldn’t help her unless she let me, but seeing her like this was heartbreaking.
I curled my hands into fists and tried to rein in my anger. Blake.
No, I couldn’t just stand aside and do nothing. This was wrong. I couldn’t let Jessica suffer because of him.
Having made a decision, I got out of the restroom. I hated confrontations, but I had to do this. I had to talk with Blake. I doubted he would listen to me, but he’d gone too far.
I would speak to him today.
Chapter 12
AS SOON AS LAST PERIOD finished, I rushed out of the classroom and headed to Blake’s locker. I hadn’t been able to focus on my classes at all, my palms sweating incessantly because of the impending encounter, and it didn’t help that I didn’t know what I was going to tell him no matter how much I thought about it.
My heart raced faster with each step, and my mouth was dry. I wanted to be anywhere else but here.
Maybe Hayden would be with him, and the possibility excited and terrified me. I hadn’t seen him today at all, and even though it was none of my business, I wondered what was going on with him. Was he all right? Did he even come to school today? The questions only spurred on my anxiety.
I reached Blake’s locker and saw him rummaging through it. He wa
s alone, with no Hayden in sight. A stab of disappointment hit me. Part of me hoped Blake wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t have to talk to him today.
There were only a few students in the hallway, and as I approached him, my determination to speak to him subsided rapidly. I stopped behind him, a second away from bolting. My stomach clenched. All of a sudden, he seemed too tall and his shoulders clad in a black leather jacket too broad. He emanated dangerous energy that made all my nerves buzz on full alert.
He could hurt me in a second, and he wouldn’t even have to break a sweat. Every bad memory with him flew into my mind, tearing the remains of my determination into shreds. The pain he’d caused me was too fresh, and I cursed myself for thinking a talk with him would make any difference.
How can you be so stupid, Sarah? Turn around and walk away.
And I almost did that. He couldn’t hear me because of the loud trance song blasting in his headphones, so he would never even know I was here.
But I didn’t. This was for Jess.
“Blake,” I called him loudly, but he didn’t hear me. “Blake,” I repeated even more loudly, but once again, there was no response. I glanced at the remaining students in the hallway, but no one paid attention.
This is your chance. Walk away.
I fisted my clammy hands. No, I couldn’t walk away.
I took a deep breath and tapped his shoulder firmly to get his attention. “Blak—”
“Don’t touch me!” He spun around and grabbed my wrist so hard I cried out. His headphones fell out as he twisted my arm, sending another shot of pain through me, and he shoved me against the lockers.
His face was a mask of rage, but his gray eyes... They took all the air out of my lungs. They were obscured by fright and rage, but a moment later, they widened in confusion when he noticed it was me he was holding. His expression hardened, and his fear and confusion gave way to hot fury.
“Don’t ever come behind me like that, bitch,” he spat out and raised my arm, plastering it against the locker. He dug his fingers into my wrist hard enough to leave a bruise.
“B-Blake?” I was petrified. He shook in uncontrolled anger, and his eyes went entirely dark and full of something I couldn’t name. Everyone stared at us, but no one moved, let alone try to help me. They never did.