Technically, You Started It
Page 2
So, what?
You’re just giving up???
No, I’m just choosing not to be bothered about my scores until college.
Though I’ve been doing math online.
Way less judgement from computer programs.
For now.
Yeah, for now.
But sometimes I feel like those quiz timers are laughing at me.
I’ll answer your question.
What question did I ask?
Oh. That thing about your name? No, you don’t have to.
I just thought it was a joke no one knew. I didn’t realize it was that big of a deal.
It’s not.
Just sort of …
Weird?
Embarrassing.
We’ve established you know who our grandfather is.
You mean the man single-handedly funding most of the advances in science and technology?
Yes, everyone on the planet knows who your grampa is.
Right.
My father is the oldest
II’s father has always been more involved in our grandfather’s businesses.
Both our mothers got pregnant at the same time.
As with everything
It became a contest
Because it ALWAYS becomes a contest with them.
Thus … both named after our grandfather.
That’s why you’re both only “the second”?
Grandmother would NEVER name a child after her husband.
So no juniors.
There’s only a couple days between us.
My father CLAIMS he left a voicemail, but II was a complicated birth so they never got it.
So what you’re saying is—you ended up with exactly the same names because of sibling rivalry?
If you tell anyone … I may have to …
I don’t know but it’ll be impressive.
Why would I tell anyone?
Gossip
Attention
Some people think they can sell this stuff.
Especially after my aunt started dating like half of Hollywood.
I can’t imagine my aunts ever being in a tabloid.
That’s all just so weird!
???
That people would sell your personal stories.
That anyone would pay money for them.
Not MY personal stories
Stories about my grandfather
And my aunt
And any of her boyfriends.
Yeah, no, I get that.
You do?
Yeah. Well, a little.
People freak out when he says he likes something.
I read an article once about an influx of cash in the fabric industry because he wore a special golf shirt.
On your news feed?
Yeah.
I mean, it’s not like I’m stalking you guys or anything.
Kind of can’t avoid him.
Funny thing is … he doesn’t even golf.
That IS funny.
Usually I see him because the companies he invests in are really forward thinking.
He’s ridiculously smart.
I’d be lucky if I end up half as smart.
You’re in all advanced classes.
Not the same
He just gets things.
He’s old.
He knows stuff.
My parents are old too.
Sometimes I wonder about them.
Ha, yeah, my grandparents are ancient, and I definitely wonder about them.
No financial geniuses who can shift whole markets?
No, they’re more complicated.
Pretty much everything about my family is.
ALL families are complicated
Yeah, but we aren’t Forbes and People complicated.
We’re more Dr. Phil complicated.
Now THAT’S interesting.
Nope.
That’s enough personal stuff tonight. I have to go to bed.
It’s only 9:30 and you haven’t answered my question.
I have to have my phone plugged in downstairs and be in my bed at 9:30.
I’m pushing it as it is.
Your parents keep you from your phone?
Yeah, it’s better for sleep.
Meaning anything I type after this your mother could see?
Or my dad, yeah.
Interesting.
I shouldn’t have told you that.
You REALLY shouldn’t have.
Good night, Haley from Mrs. James’s US History class.
Whatever.
Lexi and Dylan are back together
She seems to be wearing some kind of necklace
Rumor has it … almost a hundred roses were shoved in her locker.
But you wouldn’t have anything to do with that.
Would you?
You haven’t blocked me, have you?
I know you saved my number this time.
Right?
Say ja if you’re alive … nein if you’ve blocked me.
I was in class.
You could have answered “in class.”
You could have asked there too.
I could have
You seemed busy.
What? With Sarah? She was just freaking out because she wasn’t in on it.
Lexi’s romantic surprise?
Yeah, Dylan asked me for help because he REALLY screwed up this time.
Was she refusing to play Courtney to his Kurt?
Geez, could you be more of a snob?
Sorry
I AM interested.
Why? Were you hoping to get back with Lexi first?
That was what …
Seventh grade?
I thought it was later than that, ninth maybe?
Whatever.
Answer is definitely still no.
So why ARE you talking to me?
I wanted to know if you had anything to do with Lexi and Dylan getting back together.
Which you don’t even really care about.
Don’t I?
Maybe
But you owe me an answer.
You mean from last night?
I told you about my family …
YOU didn’t tell me why you were secretly texting your friend’s ex.
Which is something YOU’D never do.
Jack GAVE me your number.
Ugh.
You DID date him.
I went out with Jack.
It’s not the same.
And we don’t talk about that.
We don’t?
How’s your research coming? Have you found any sources yet?
Or are you letting your cousin do all your work?
Seriously, though, how’d you both end up in the same group?
Are you mad at me?
What?
No. I’m just confused.
???
You … texting me.
Like the first time it made sense. But after that …
You texted me back.
And that was a mistake. But I mean after that.
Never mind.
We can talk about the research paper instead.
Finish explaining why out of all the subtopics you picked impeachment over the break-in.
Are you kidding me?
It’s a valid question!
You’d pick a botched break-in over the ONE TIME in history Congress actually managed to remove the president from office?
I mean, yeah, he did it himself, but in a you-can’t-fire-me-I-quit kinda way.
I thought you were smart.
The break-in has way more drama.
More drama?!?
What is more dramatic than the Supreme Court ruling AGAINST the sitting president?
What’s more dramatic than the president actually being brought up on FELONY charges by the legislature?
When you put it that way …
G. Gordon Liddy hanging out in a HoJo’s does sound a little pedestrian.
Doe
sn’t it?
Plus, you’re one to talk. How are you guys coming along on admitting states to the confederation?
Sure … rub it in.
But, seriously, there’s no way you, your cousin, Chloe, AND Sarah ended up together by chance.
I think it was rigged.
Not by me!
No, by Sarah if anyone.
???
Unlike you, she’s a big fan of group work when it’s basically the perfect group.
Look at you being all mysterious again.
I’m not being mysterious.
I’m researching possible sources for my bibliography.
Mysterious AND responsible?
Intriguing.
You haven’t started yet?
The bibliographies aren’t due until Tuesday.
How can you complain about anyone else not pulling their weight if you’re not even going to do the research properly?
I have four days!
And you can start now!
I’ve got a raid tonight!
Oh, I guess you can start tomorrow.
You know what raiding is?
I’m not in a guild or anything, but we do Karazhan sometimes for family night.
Are you a tank or DPS?
Healer
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Healers are the best.
Not that.
Why is every guy I know a healer?
You know OTHER healers?
My dad is basically a real-life Paladin. He’s always helping people and doing good and stuff.
That’s like the only character type he plays.
My uncle is a healer too. But he does it for the challenge, not the goodness.
Half the time of family raids is spent convincing someone to re-spec tank.
What do you play?
Hunter, like my mom … all about doing the most damage per second.
When I play, that is. I haven’t done much online in the last year or so.
We’re more into board games lately, which is what we’re doing tonight.
I’m seeing you in a whole new light, Haley from Mrs. James’s US History class.
Yeah, well. This is what happens when you actually talk to people.
???
Look, I gotta go, I’m in charge of the snicky-snacks.
Mustn’t keep a girl from her “snicky-snacks.”
You’re right. Otherwise my dad will make a vegetable tray.
Healthy “snicky-snacks”???
Definitely can’t have that.
Anyway … good luck keeping ungrateful tanks alive.
Good luck snacking or whatever.
What do you know about lawn mowers?
Little to nothing … why?
Mine won’t start.
That’s unfortunate.
I thought maybe your news feed would know something about them.
My news feed has better things to worry about than internal combustion engines.
Don’t you have people who mow your lawn for you?
My grandfather has people.
My father has an association.
My mother has me
And this archaic lawn mower that refuses to start.
When is the last time it started?
Sometime last fall.
And did you drain the gasoline?
Why would I do that?
Well, that’s your problem.
You’re gonna need to drain the gasoline, get new gas, and maybe clean your spark plugs or whatever.
I thought you said you knew little to nothing about lawn mowers.
I don’t. My dad does. He also likes to complain about people who don’t take care of theirs.
AND he likes to tell us what a good job he does in comparison.
Your father sounds like a rather clever person.
I see where you get it.
I mean, I guess. Mostly he does it to impress my mom.
Your mother is impressed by his mechanical prowess?
Mom is even more clever than he is.
Dad likes to prove he’s up to the task of conversing with her.
THAT’S where you get it from
I’ll have to remember that trick.
Don’t you have a lawn mower to fix?
And clever things to come up with.
Until next time.
Thanks for your help yesterday.
Did you get it figured out?
Sort of …
Sort of?
The lawn got mowed.
But you didn’t fix the mower?
A new mower was purchased.
So you failed.
I was not given the opportunity to fail!!!!!
Right.
Lack of faith. I get it.
My mother’s boyfriend purchased a new one.
Just on a whim?
Not exactly.
Did he take pity on you?
Not exactly.
Kindness of his heart?
Would you believe bribery???
He was bribing you with a mower?
When you say it like that it sounds weird.
It is weird.
Please say it was at least a riding mower.
Now taking up a good chunk of the garage stall.
I have to park on the street.
This seems impractical.
Doesn’t it?
Well, I’m glad your lawn got mowed.
And I’m glad you figured it out because my dad says it was probably the carburetor, not the spark plugs, and that sounds WAY more complicated.
That makes me feel better.
I’m still working on coming up with something clever.
You’ve managed odd.
So that’s at least something.
Is it?
Odd I can work with.
Did you know part of Tennessee originally wanted to join the confederation as the state of Frankland?
That’s … nice?
Did you want points for a fact about pre-constitutional America I didn’t know or for finally doing your homework?
Going for clever but if I hit the trifecta … I’m OK with that.
So is that what your part of the speech will be? Frankland?
No.
Just digging through some of the resources.
Did you know there were three states that petitioned to join the confederation?
No, but I’m not surprised.
Just not the one everyone seemed to WANT to join.
Let me guess: Canada?
Quebec
Technically.
Good, no one wants them anyway.