Technically, You Started It

by Lana Wood Johnson

  I guess they were holding out for a better deal.

  Like I should have for this group.

  Don’t blame Sarah or Chloe for your bad choices. You had your chance to pick Nixon with me and failed.

  Don’t I know it.

  But this is making up for it.

  How?

  Did you know Kentucky almost joined but New Hampshire totally undermined them by ratifying the Constitution before they got anywhere?

  I don’t know if the Constitution could count as undermining.

  I mean on a state level.

  I guess there was plenty of undermining of native people and slaves in there.

  And women in general.

  Too bad that question wasn’t on the test or we could tackle THAT instead.

  But what about you?

  Have you found anything good?

  Just ludicrous excuses for destroying evidence.

  I honestly don’t know if they thought the American people were that stupid or if they were just desperate.

  Probably a little of both.

  Have you decided what your visual aid is going to be?

  Still working on it.

  I want to do something a bit more than just a PowerPoint, but I don’t know what yet.

  Sarah has this whole Northwest Territory animation she wants to do, so we’re going to get together next week and figure it out.

  How about you?

  Clearly not a Northwest Territory animation.

  Is your group communicating at all?

  We’re doing our best despite not picking Mrs. James’s favorite topic.

  What was she talking about today?

  That thing about the senate?

  The Senate Select Committee on Presidential Campaign Activities. We covered it in class.

  And there’s the reason I didn’t pick that question on the AP test.

  Yeah, well, it doesn’t help me any.

  That was the “What does the president know and when did he know it?” stuff.

  Mine’s WAY after that. When they figured out he was definitely up to enough they couldn’t ignore.

  There’s a whole progression.

  It’s kind of fun.

  You should do a timeline.

  Like, “What DID the president know and when did he know it?”

  Maybe more like, “What did we figure out about the president and when did we figure it out?”

  Doesn’t have the same ring to it.

  What about you?

  Are you just going to make an ode to Canada?

  When Sarah’s making us a whole animation???

  I don’t know if Canada’s interesting enough.

  I need something flashier.

  This is a visual aid for one-quarter of a five-minute speech, not a Broadway show.

  Not flashy then.

  I mean, you could use some sparkle transitions if you really want to, but that would only work if Nevada had been trying to join.

  Kentucky deserves better than that.

  I could have Vermont appear as if from nowhere and wipe Frankland off the map.

  You could have an anthropomorphized Constitution chasing Kentucky away.

  You are OFFICIALLY not helping.

  Not in my interest to help.

  But you’re going to help Sarah?

  It’s always in my best interest to help her.

  You guys are that good of friends?

  Since forever.

  What about you? You going to help your cousin?

  He doesn’t need it.

  He needs all the help he can get.

  Starting to get the feeling you don’t like him very much.

  Wow, you are quick.

  Look, I have to go, my dad’s calling me.

  ???

  Good luck with your states that had to wait to join the Union rather than the confederation.

  Good luck with your treason.

  It was abuse of power.

  ???

  Not treason. He was never accused of treason.

  Abuse of power, obstruction of justice, and contempt of Congress.

  They tried to get him on tax evasion, but it failed.

  Why does EVERYONE go down on tax evasion?

  Well, if you’re going to be bad, be all the way bad and not file your taxes.

  My grandfather is a stickler for taxes.

  Well, someone in your family has to be a stickler for something.

  Did I do something?

  Not you.

  That cousin of yours.

  And I’M being punished????

  Figures.

  What’d he do this time?

  Dumped his girlfriend a week after prom.

  II hasn’t had a date in the week and a half since prom, let alone a girlfriend to break up with.

  We went with Josie and Chloe for a group hangout thing.

  I don’t remember specifying anyone was anyone else’s date.

  We even met at the restaurant.

  That’s not the way they saw it.

  Chloe’s basically been in tears all week.

  That sucks.

  She seemed fine today.

  Well, yeah.

  You guys are in a group with him. She’s not going to give him the satisfaction.

  She and I talked after class and she didn’t say anything.

  Of course she wouldn’t say anything to you, you’re practically the same person.

  We are NOT the same person.

  Well, whatever.

  So that’s why you weren’t talking to me?

  What?

  You didn’t bother correcting me for three days?

  Clearly this has been bothering you.

  Well, maybe a little.

  That and I didn’t see your last message.

  I see.

  I’m not my cousin.

  What?

  We’re different people.

  Me and Jack too.

  We spend a lot of time together but we’re not all the same.

  I know that.

  I realize things didn’t end well with you and Jack.

  Why are you bringing that up? It was practically nothing.

  It didn’t seem like nothing.

  We sat next to each other at one movie and shared a booth at like three restaurants.

  It wasn’t some torrid love affair.

  We were barely alone.

  Didn’t you guys talk like every day?

  I mean, yeah, we texted a few times.

  But I think I’ve texted you more at this point than I did him.

  Huh.

  What?

  Nothing

  Just huh.

  That seems like more than just huh.

  He may see things a little differently

  How could he see things differently? We barely held hands.

  You DID hold hands.

  He was helping me out of the car.

  Which in itself was weird.

  So you have NO IDEA he still likes you?

  WHAT?

  No.

  You’re being ridiculous.

  The entire school knows he likes you.

  He asked you to prom.

  He did not. No one asked me to prom.

  Jack made a terrible joke about prom at me.

  Not the same thing.

  He what?

  We went out for like half a second last summer thanks to Lexi and Sarah’s meddling. No way he still likes me. You’re being dramatic.

  I think I know him a bit better than you do.

  Didn’t he have some epic date anyway?

  You mean like the date II supposedly had with Chloe?

  I don’t know. I don’t really pay attention.

  Unless they’re crying?

  And blocking the sink. Yeah.

  She was blocking the sink???

  Most overly dramatic conversations block the sink.

  I guess he said something today and set Chloe off again.

  Sa
rah managed to get the whole story out of her, and there was a lot of commiserating.

  Well … that explains the dramatics.

  What’s that supposed to mean?

  Just that Sarah tends to take things a bit further than they need to go.

  She just REALLY likes the people she likes.

  In her own Sarah way.

  Oh, right, I guess you had front-row seats for one of Sarah’s most epic romances.

  You could say that.

  So are you not mad at me now?

  I don’t know.

  Are you and your friends going to do a better job of defining your relationships going forward?

  I’ll do my best

  Can’t speak for II or Jack.

  I guess that’s all I can hope for, really.

  Wouldn’t want to further inconvenience you and your handwashing.

  Handwashing is important! It reduces the spread of germs.

  Before the 1850s we didn’t realize how important it was and everyone died of typhus.

  You mean typhoid?

  Whatever.

  I refuse to die of typhus for your love life.

  That’s all I ask.

  I can at least guarantee that much.

  I just noticed you never use gifs.

  Or emojis.

  Are you even there?

  I never saw the point of gifs.

  Mom says it’s genetic.

  Your mother knows what a gif is?

  Yes. Doesn’t yours?

  My mother barely knows Facebook exists.

  My mom’s been on the internet since before Google.

  Actually, before browsers.

  I told you I was raised nerd.

  How can you not see the point of gifs?

  They’re equal parts hilarious and clever.

  Well, they’re expensive (bandwidth- and processor-wise) and words are better than pictures.

  You don’t LIKE pictures?

  I like looking at pictures.

  I just don’t communicate in pictures. I communicate in words.

  Interesting.

  Even my great-grandma spelled everything after she got dementia.

  You knew your great-grandmother?

  Yeah. Women in my family live forever.

  My mom knew her great-great-grandma.

  That’s kind of cool.

  She was the one who migrated from Germany. On her own … at fourteen.

  How do you know that?

  Another thing I get from my mom.

  Technology, genealogy, and a general indifference to visuals.

  I guess they’re all just data structures or something.

  She’d be happy to explain that as much as my dad would lawn mowers.

  What about you?

  What do you like to explain?

  Whatcha got?

  What do you actually like to talk about?

  Like when you and Lexi and Sarah have sleepovers or whatever.

  Do you want to know what I like to talk about or what we talk about at sleepovers?

  There’s a difference?

  A big one.

  Now I’m intrigued.

  But knowing them … I want to know what you like to talk about.

  It’s kinda weird.

  Weirder than your mother’s boyfriend bribing you with lawn equipment?

  Okay, not that weird.

  I don’t really watch television-television.

  Are you one of those no TV families?

  More like we don’t have cable. My mom and I watch mostly Korean TV.

  And my dad watches Canadian blacksmithing videos on YouTube.

  Korean TV? Where does that even come from?

  Korea.

  But I get it on the internet.

  Where???

  Uhm, everywhere? I guarantee you wherever you get your internet TV there’s dramas.

  No way.

  Search. Prove me wrong.

  Holy crap.

  You’re right!

  It’s SO happy!

  That’s just the intro.

  Whatever you just played, I guarantee you it gets sad at some point!

  Why do you seem excited???

  OMG, the sad is the best part. Well, not too sad.

  Not tragedy porn.

  I don’t watch those.

  Tragedy porn?

  Yeah, the girl has a brain tumor or he has cancer or they’re siblings. And they meet, fall in love, and die.

  Siblings???

  Yeah, I don’t watch those.

  I WAS going to reevaluate everything I knew about you.

  You don’t know that much about me.

  I know MORE now.

  You read A LOT of news

  Have a strange obsession with Nixon

  Are an ardent hand washer

  Loyal to friends even when it seems like you’re not.

  And now …

  Watches East Asian television.

  I watch KOREAN television.

  There’s a difference.

  There’s a difference among East Asian television shows?

  Well, Asia IS the largest, most populated continent. We’re talking about OVER A BILLION people in East Asia alone. OF COURSE their entertainment varies widely.

  Taiwanese is too slapstick. Japanese is too … not for me.

  You don’t like Japanese television?

  Not even anime???

  You like anime?

  Some.

  What? Giant fighting robots?

  And magic girls!!!

  Male gaze much?

  I’m beginning to see you in a totally new light, Haley from Mrs. James’s US History class.

  Whatever.

  I’m going to go watch something.

  Upon further reflection …

  In our conversation last night I MAY have come across both a little racist and sexist.

  I apologize if I offended you.

  Upon further further reflection …

  My apology MAY have been as offensive as the original statement.

  I apologize for being insensitive.

  Wow, no wonder you’re in all advanced classes.

  I get there eventually.

  Persistent like a bull.

  Bulls are more immovable than persistent.

  You’re persistent like a terrier.

  Less noble

  But I’ll take it!

  As long as you know to be sorry.

  But I didn’t ignore you for that reason. I was out last night.

  On a school night?

  Yeah, Lexi and I went to Sarah’s to work on our visual presentations.

  Lexi offered to help because she’s kind of a wiz with PowerPoint.