Technically, You Started It
Page 13
Uh, what?
I’m sitting here at lunch and I realized I have no idea what you do on your days off.
Well, stuff.
What are you doing now?
Reading.
I guess I should have expected that.
Your news feed?
No, actually.
A book.
Something deep?
Nope.
Educational?
Double nope.
It is fluffy. And silly and pointless, and I love it.
Like Pride and Prejudice?
NO!
I told you.
I don’t understand.
It’s just a book. It came out like a year or two ago. So not a classic. Not even an instant classic.
It has no empirical value except I enjoy it.
You’re not bettering yourself as a person?
Well, sorta.
I can’t freak out about where I’m going to go to college while I’m worrying about whether or not these two are ever going to kiss.
Is that something you often worry about?
College?
And kissing
Yes … No.
You’ll get into college.
Yes, but will I get into the right college?
Will I regret it?
Will I be able to afford it?
No more talking about college
It’s starting to freak ME out.
SEE!
So what about the kissing?
Ehn.
Too much?
No.
I don’t know.
Yet you worry about imaginary people kissing.
Oh, yeah, other people kissing isn’t remotely the same.
What about you?
I have almost no interest in imaginary people kissing.
No.
Do you read?
Not other than for school.
That’s sad.
Not as sad as the end of my lunch break.
Good luck driving.
Good luck with the whole other people kissing thing.
If it doesn’t happen, I’m so throwing this book in the trash.
Good plan.
UGH!
Lexi is annoying me.
Hump Day problems or did she break up with Dylan again?
I REALLY don’t want to take her stupid quiz.
???
If you don’t, how will you know “Which Kardashian Should You Marry?”
You haven’t seen? She’s trying to get everyone to reveal where they fall on the Kinsey Scale.
??????
She thinks it’s hilarious.
She’s trying to out EVERYONE???
No. She’s trying to show that we’re all a little bit bi. Or whatever.
She’s that sure?
I don’t know. It’s the stupidest test I’ve ever taken.
And that includes that AP Bio fiasco.
None of these questions make any sense.
It’s not THAT complicated.
They’re terrible.
My score keeps coming up X over and over again.
???
I don’t know why anyone cares about a test written by horny academics in the ’50s.
Is this freaking you out?
Like, I know sexuality is just a thing and people have it.
Or are it.
Or whatever.
But I’m pretty sure I only have just enough to make everything awkward.
But you like people?
I mean, yeah.
I LIKE tons of people, but it’s kind of always too late to do anything about it.
Even if they may have liked me at first, they get the sister vibe and don’t want anything else.
Jack doesn’t get a sister vibe
I wish he did. I shouldn’t have led him on …
Why did you go out with him in the first place?
Lexi thought we’d be good together or something. Sarah thought it would be “good for me” and went along.
They kept saying he liked me a lot.
I’d never had a boyfriend.
Then you guys just broke up out of the blue.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t like him.
I thought it would be like all the other times and I’d start liking him if we spent time together.
But I never did.
You never wanted to kiss him?
I wanted to want to.
Really bad. It’s not like I hadn’t wanted to kiss someone before.
But it’s never been the right person at the right time.
And Jack should have been that.
It would have made everyone happy. Him, Lexi, Sarah.
It would have even made me happy.
It would have been so much easier to want things the way everyone else does.
But you only made yourself miserable.
I get it.
Ha. Yeah, right.
No I do.
You have girls throwing themselves at you.
…
I made it weird again.
I’m a 2.
What?
Wait, like a Kinsey 2?
So, you’re actually bi? Pan?
Bi.
I think …
It just fits better.
Oh.
You’re freaked out.
No, actually.
I mean, sure, you surprised me.
Surprised?
Well, everything about you is just so …
Cishet?
Well … and mega allo about it.
Allo?
It’s a thing.
Why do you do it?
???
Date half the school.
I don’t DATE date them.
Girls are just easier.
Not EASIER easier but clearer. Girls are clearer that they like you.
Well, most of the time anyway.
Oh, well, yeah.
But I don’t really date as much as you think.
I don’t even date as much as other people think I do.
But I do like more than just girls.
I just want you to know I’m not making it up.
I believe you.
Wow
I’ve never just flat out said it like that.
To anyone??
Not anyone.
Oh.
Okay.
Now you’re freaked.
No. I mean, a little. It’s just …
You’re freaked out by ME?
No! It’s totally not that, I told you.
I just want to know … why me?
???
Why tell me? Why not your cousin or Jack.
You know, one of your friends?
You’re my friend.
Well, sorta.
Definitely my friend
But you’re not like THEM.
If you pull that “not like other girls” nonsense, I’m coming over there and shoving your phone down your throat.
You’re not like my other FRIENDS.
When I talk to you I actually talk to you.
It’s not just filling time.
You know who I am.
Well
You almost do.
I don’t know who you are?
I wish you knew who I was.
You have this version of me in your brain that’s so far from reality
Someday I’ll get past it.
But I don’t think you’re ready yet.
Oh, okay.
So this is what?
A test?
A starting point.
Huh?
You still there?
Yeah, it’s almost time.
I know.
What are you going to tell Lexi?
Nothing!!!
Wait, you mean the quiz?
I don’t know.
Are you going to do it?
I don’t know.
It’s cool you’re bi, you know.<
br />
It’s cool you’re so careful.
That’s what you think?
Yup.
It’s very you.
What? Weird?
No. You think about everything
Even being attracted to someone.
Well, you’ve got a point there.
I do think everything to death.
You think about it enough.
I think about it to death.
Trust me.
Always.
Weirdo.
Yup!
Good night, Martin, who potentially likes anybody.
Good night, Haley, who only likes people if they really deserve it.
Ugh.
Sleep tight!
Are we good?
What?
Yeah.
Why wouldn’t we be?
Just checking. Last night was …
Not touching this one.
A lot?
Oh, yeah, I guess.
No, it was fine.
I’m getting ready for work.
I figured
As I said … I wanted to check.
Shouldn’t you be driving somewhere?
Now is waiting time.
Later is driving time.
Oh, okay.
OK … so … have a good day at work.
Thanks.
Thought a lot about last night and I get why the whole Kinsey thing bugged you.
Don’t say it like that.
Say what like what?
Thinking about last night?
???
It’s just …
Weird?
Yeah.
What about it?
I don’t know.
You don’t think about me?
Well, no.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, I do.
But when you say it, it sounds …
Weird.
Right.
It’s not weird.
I know, but—UGH.
Don’t mind me.
I’m just tired.
Bad day?
No, actually.
Well, maybe.
“Strange” really is the best word for it.
???
Because it wasn’t bad.
You’re saying it should have been bad but wasn’t?
Yeah, exactly.
So things that used to bother you about your job aren’t?
I suppose.
What were you saying about Kinsey?
I see why it bothered you.
It’s like attraction is on or off
Not all the stuff in between.
Right. Yeah. Exactly.
I can’t lump all guys into a pile and say I’m attracted to them.
Same for girls.
Or anyone.
Yeah I think I get that part.
What?
It’s not about everybody and making a decision.
Sometimes someone sneaks up on you and becomes something more.
EXACTLY.
It’s kinda what it’s like for me
With guys.
I USUALLY know right away if I like a girl or not.
Usually?
Sometimes they sneak up on me.
I don’t like MOST guys right away.
I don’t like most at all.
Like you … I can’t like Jack.
Unlike you … I don’t think he wants me to.
If you’re trying to make me feel better …
I’m not.
There’s got to be this thing
Oh, yeah, I get it.
Like a spark. But, ugh, I hate that term, you know, just like someone flipped a switch.
Like I’m just going along and realize I can see one person differently.
And once it’s there … it’s way bigger than the other kind of liking someone.
And this happens with guys?
Mostly. If it was about intensity like you said … I’d probably be more of a 4.
So it’s some girls too.
One girl
It’s happened with one girl.
Oh.
Was she particularly manly?
Definitely not.
Just skipped the spark
Way more like a dimmer switch.
Oh, okay. That’s a good one.
Is there something wrong with her?
She’s just special.
How about you?
Is it a dimmer switch for you?
I don’t know.
I think I have a spark.
But it’s with the person inside the skin more than the skin itself.
But I’m pretty sure if the options weren’t so terrible I’d be a 1 at most.
Maybe I haven’t met the right girl’s soul or whatever.
But I don’t get that feeling everyone else describes as love or even lust until I’ve really gotten to know someone.
Which is what screws everything up.
???
Either every guy I’ve ever started to like doesn’t know or, more likely, doesn’t care.
That’s happened to you too?
Yeah, a couple of times.
So I let imaginary characters have crushes for me.
Hence all the reading.
Exactly!
That’s sad.
Ugh, now you think I’m pathetic.
Not pathetic.
Just …
Weird?
You deserve better.
I’m sorry guys suck.
They don’t suck.
They’re just motivated more by sparks than I am.
It’s cool.
No. That’s not it.
It’s not cool, but I’ve gotten better at being okay about it … sometimes.
That’s very mature of you.
I know, right?
What about you?
???
Your guy thing? Does it make stuff complicated?
It has a couple times.
Really?
No, don’t answer that.
???
I don’t want to pry.
Don’t worry you don’t know these guys.
Oh? Really?