Brian and Carey

by Colin Sherman

  “It’s a lot to try and wrap my brain around.”

  Nodding, Carey apologized. “I’m sorry to throw all that at you.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “It is?” Carey stepped forward and cupped Brian’s chin. Brian backed away.

  “Wait. I meant it’s okay that you dumped that on me. I’m not sure how I feel about all of it.”

  “Right.” Carey bit his lip. “Well, I’ll let you think about it, then.”

  Brian didn’t try to stop Carey from leaving, not that Carey expected him to. He didn’t know what he would have done if the circumstances were reversed. Admittedly, he was discouraged by the fact that Brian wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about his confession. Perhaps Carey was hoping for Brian to have a confession of his own. But he knew, regardless of stereotypes, that two boys wouldn’t necessarily want each other simply because they were both attracted to boys.

  He flopped down on his bed when he got home and covered his eyes with his forearm. Strangely, he didn’t feel like crying. He didn’t really feel anything at all. So many different scenarios of how the situation could play out crossed his mind.

  Though only eleven o’clock, Carey’s lids were heavy, and he fell asleep shortly after arriving home. His dreams were filled with images of Brian kissing Mark Reynolds, and himself wearing his sister’s clothing. It was not a restful night’s sleep.

  ◆◆◆

  Carey didn’t hear from Brian on Saturday. He made an excuse to his mother why Brian wouldn’t be eating dinner at their house. And he stayed in his room playing video games to avoid the rest of his family.

  Michelle appeared in his doorway but didn’t go inside.

  “Can I play?’ she asked.

  “Don’t you have someone else to annoy?”

  “Kailey’s busy today,” she replied. “And Jenna can’t come over until after supper. I promise I won’t annoy you.”

  Not having the energy to argue, Carey reset the game he was playing and set it for two players.

  Taking that as a yes, Michelle smiled, walked in and sat down next to him.

  She frowned when she saw his face, though.

  “What happened? You look tired.”

  “I thought you said you weren’t going to annoy me,” he grumbled.

  “I’m not. I’m just saying you look tired,” she shrugged. “Is everything okay?”

  “Fine.” He tossed his controller.

  While Michelle debated whether she should stay or go, Carey got up and collapsed onto his bed.

  “I’m so stupid,” he growled.

  Michelle wisely remained quiet.

  “He was totally freaked out. I should have stuck to my original plan.”

  “You told Brian?” she asked softly.

  “Yes, and who knows if he’ll ever talk to me again.” He sighed heavily. “He was okay with me telling him about being bi, or whatever. He didn’t seem mad that I didn’t tell him sooner. Maybe a little hurt.”

  Michelle’s eyes widened. “You told him you like him?”

  “Shhh. Keep your voice down.” Carey sat up and looked toward the door. “I didn’t tell him. He figured it out for himself.”

  “Hm. He’s not as stupid as I thought.”

  “He’s not stupid at all. Get out.”

  “I was just kidding.” Michelle started to laugh.

  “I said get out!” he shouted.

  She went without an argument.

  Dinner that night was unusually quiet. Carey could feel Michelle’s stare, but he refused to look at her. He wondered if she told their mom about what happened with Brian the night before. He glanced his mother’s way and she smiled at him. But she didn’t have that look of pity in her eye he would expect to see if she knew.

  “So, Carey, isn’t the prom coming up soon?” his mom asked.

  “Um, yeah. Next weekend.”

  “Aren’t you excited to go?”

  “Sure,” he answered.

  His father brightened. “Are you going to take Robin? She’s a nice girl. Right, Jeannie?” He looked to his wife for approval.

  Carey was a little taken aback. He never thought his dad paid much attention to his friends.

  “Uh, we’re all going as a group.”

  “A group? Don’t kids take dates anymore?” Malcolm asked.

  “Yeah, if you already have a boyfriend or girlfriend. You don’t ask someone out on a date to the prom, though,” explained Carey.

  “Hm.”

  “Going as a group sounds fun,” his mother chimed in. “Not as much pressure. You can all just hang out and have fun.”

  “Prom sure is different than when I went. We made a big deal about asking a girl,” Malcolm said. He laughed. “It was sort of a competition. We all wanted to be the guy who came up with the most creative way. And all the girls would compare.”

  “What did you do, Dad?” Michelle asked. “Did you go with Mom?”

  “No, honey, we didn’t even go to the same high school. You know that,” Jeannie said. “But I don’t know if I’ve ever heard this story.”

  She put down her pulled pork sandwich and leaned her elbows on the table, waiting for her husband’s account.

  He cleared his throat. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean, we were stupid teenagers, so, what we thought was creative wasn’t really.”

  “What did you do?” Carey asked, finally showing an interest.

  “I made a sort of scavenger hunt. You know, clues that lead to more clues. The last one led to me holding a rose.”

  Michelle giggled. “Did she say yes?”

  “Lucky for me, yes. It would have been pretty humiliating to go through all that and not get the date.”

  “How about you, Mom. Did you go to prom?” Michelle asked.

  “My senior year. But I didn’t get some elaborate scavenger hunt. I went with my boyfriend at the time.” She turned to Carey. “So, who’s in this group of friends that’s going together.”

  Carey shrugged. “The usual. Me, Brian, Robin, Todd, and Amy.

  “I don’t remember Todd and Amy,” Jeannie said.

  “They went hiking with us last summer. Amy is Robin’s best friend. And Todd . . . I guess he got in the group through Robin, too.”

  “But that leaves someone out when you go dancing,” Jeannie pointed out.

  “You need another girl,” Malcolm said. Then he realized the dynamics of the group. “Oh, never mind.”

  “Well, that’s part of the reason we want to go as a group. It’s not like Todd and Amy are going out or anything either,” Carey said. He was getting uncomfortable with the turn the conversation took. “We’re all just friends.”

  “Then it sounds like a perfect idea.” Carey’s mom smiled.

  Carey was relieved when someone changed the subject. In truth, he had been thinking of asking if Robin would go with him. But that was when Brian and Mark were still seeing each other. Since they broke up, it would leave Brian on his own. So, he left things the way they were.

  And now he had to admit, if only to himself, that he really wanted to go with Brian.

  Chapter 10

  Sunday after the big confession, Carey finally heard from Brian. When his phone buzzed, indicating that he’d received a text, he was nervous about reading it. Sitting at his desk doing homework, he put it off as long as he could.

  The phone buzzed persistently, until he finally picked it up and read the text. It was short and to the point.

  Meet me at Elm St. Park 2:00

  Carey looked at the clock. One twenty-seven. He’d been having a lazy morning and hadn’t showered yet. He wanted to be at least clean while he listened to what Brian had to say.

  After showering, Carey looked through his drawers for a t-shirt. He found himself caring more than usual how he looked.

  It’s just Brian, he thought, and rolled his eyes at himself.

  By the time he’d put on his clothes and combed his hair, Carey had seven minutes to get to the park. He could walk it
easily. As he hurried down the stairs and past the living room, his mother called out to him.

  “Where are you going in such a hurry?”

  “Elm Street Park. Just gonna hang out with some friends.”

  “Be back by five for dinner,” she said as he rushed out the door.

  Reaching the entrance to the park, his heart was pounding. He’d jogged it part of the way, but Carey knew it wasn’t only that. He found Brian sitting on a swing near the slide. There were a few families enjoying the park, plus several older kids on their own. It wasn’t exactly a private place to meet. Carey frowned as he thought maybe Brian wanted to tell him he didn’t want to be friends anymore. And he knew Carey wouldn’t make a big scene in public.

  “Hey,” Brian said when he saw Carey walking toward him.

  “Hey.” Carey took the swing next to him. “How’s it going?”

  Brian shrugged. “Sorry I didn’t call you yesterday.”

  “It’s all right. You don’t have to talk to me every single day.”

  “But we usually do,” Brian chuckled.

  “Are you mad at me?” Carey asked softly.

  Brian shook his head.

  “A little weirded out?”

  Brian nodded. “And a little confused. You gotta understand, Carey. Ever since we’ve known each other, or at least ever since I started looking at boys, you were the one boy I couldn’t look at. Not that way.”

  Carey smiled. “And you were the one boy I felt okay looking at, that way.”

  Brian looked at him. “So, I’m the only one?”

  “No, not exactly. I’ve done a lot of looking,” Carey blushed. “And I did kiss one guy.”

  “You did? Who?”

  “I don’t know if you’re ready to hear that story.” Carey ignored the questioning look. “But you’re the only one I . . . I . . .” He hung his head.

  Brian glanced around to see if anyone was paying attention to them. The older kids had gotten on their bikes and left, and the parents were busy watching their little ones on the smaller rides. He reached out his hand and patted Carey’s knee, prompting the other boy to look up at him.

  “I’m still not sure how I feel about all this,” Brian began. “But you’re my best friend, and I don’t want that to end.”

  “Me neither.”

  Carey was relieved about that. Although, Brian still hadn’t addressed the real issue.

  “So, um,” Carey took a deep breath, “the prom is next week.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Maybe we could go . . . together.”

  “We are going together.” Brian cocked his head.

  “I mean, just you and me.”

  “Oh. Do you really think you’re ready for something like that?”

  Carey laughed. “No, I guess not. But I wish–”

  “Carey, I’ve always tried so hard not to think of you as more than my friend. I don’t know if I can. I mean, it’s kind of strange.”

  “I’m sorry I said anything.” Carey furrowed his brow.

  “No, don’t be. I want you to be honest. Jeez, it must have been hard keeping secrets like that. I don’t know if I could.”

  Nodding, Carey answered. “It is hard. I’m glad I don’t have to keep them from you anymore. But I wish I didn’t make things weird between us.”

  Brian smiled. “It’s okay.”

  The sat in silence for a while, each swinging slightly on his swing.

  “So, you wanna come over for dinner?” Carey broke the silence.

  “I can’t.”

  “Oh.”

  “I really can’t. My grandparents are coming over. I don’t think my mom would let me,” Brian told him.

  “Okay. Still want to walk to school with me tomorrow?”

  “Of course. Carey, I don’t want anything to change. I’m not going to stop hanging out with you.”

  “Good,” Carey smiled.

  Brian stood. “I should go. My grandparents will be at the house soon. See ya.”

  “See ya,” Carey called. He stayed back for a while on the swing, thinking about the encounter. On one hand, Brian didn’t have any declarations of feelings. But on the other, he didn’t dismiss it. It never occurred to him, though, that Brian had to make a conscious effort to not see Carey in a romantic light.

  Carey decided he would just have to be satisfied that he and Brian were still friends. Best friends. And that was something.

  ◆◆◆

  As promised, Brian continued to behave the way he had before Carey’s confession. He still walked to school with Carey, still came to his locker, still sat with him at lunch. Carey tried his best to do the same. No one would ever know that he was harboring a crush on Brian–except Brian, and Robin.

  He only wished he knew what was going on inside Brian’s head. Was he even thinking about Carey, or was he still trying not to think about him? He was trying hard himself not to think too much about Brian. It was difficult since Brian sat near the front of most of their classes while he was near the back or on the other side of the room. It was too easy to stare at him on the sly. Only in one of their study halls did Brian sit nearer to the back, so it was nearly impossible for him to look at Brian without him knowing. Unfortunately, that didn’t always stop him. On a few occasions Brian saw him. He’d also been caught in English Comp staring when he should have been writing. Carey couldn’t imagine what Brian was thinking, besides that Carey was a creeper.

  On Friday, all the talk throughout the high school was about the prom. The Home and School League really hyped up the after-prom party, which was where the real fun happened. Parents and some staff helped to transform the high school gym and some other rooms into a teenager’s fantasy land. The idea was to keep the kids from going out and drinking or getting rooms down at the shore and drinking. It worked, because almost all of the students who went to prom, went to after-prom. Students were even allowed to go to the after-prom only.

  “What time do you want to go get the tuxes?” Carey asked Brian and Todd.

  “How about right after school?” Todd suggested. “Hopefully, we’ll avoid a line.”

  “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you walk home with us and we’ll give you a ride?” Carey asked.

  Todd nodded. “What color tie did you get?”

  “Black,” Carey answered.

  “Pink,” said Brian. “What about you?”

  “I just got black, too. Um, did either of you think about a boutonniere? Or a corsage?”

  “I wanted to wear a corsage, but Carey wouldn’t let me,” Brian joked.

  “No,” Todd sounded annoyed. “For the girls.”

  Carey shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t think of either since we’re going as a group instead of as dates.”

  “Should we have?” Brian asked.

  Todd scratched his head. “I, um, sort of ordered one for Amy.”

  “You did?” Carey questioned.

  “Ooh, what color?” Brian chimed in. “The same color as her dress?”

  “Yeah, well, I remembered that she said her dress was purple,” Todd said. “She and Robin were talking about it.”

  “What color is Robin’s dress? Do you think it’s too late to order one?” Brian asked.

  “I don’t remember anything about Robin’s dress,” Todd told him.

  Brian gasped. “You like Amy, don’t you?”

  “What? No. I was only trying to be nice,” Todd claimed.

  “Then why didn’t you get one for Robin too?”

  “Um, I told you, I couldn’t remember what color her dress is. Besides, the two of you should do something for the prom.”

  “Hey, I got my mom to lend us the van,” Carey said.

  “Why don’t we stop at the florist on the way to the tux place. I’ll get Robin a white one. It’ll go with whatever she’s wearing,” Brian offered.

  “Why are you going to get it?” Carey pouted a little.

  “Okay, then, you get it.”

  Carey opened h
is mouth to protest, but then changed his mind. He still couldn’t help thinking about ways to hide the fact that he liked Brian. If he bought a corsage for Robin, it would look as if they were more than friends.

  “Okay,” he said.

  The boys carried out their plan, plus picked out boutonnieres for themselves. Luckily, the florist had some extra corsages and boutonnieres made up for the occasion. The clerk that helped them said there were always a handful of boys that forgot and needed something last minute. Afterward, they tried on their tuxes. Todd was right, the place hadn’t gotten busy yet.

  Carey was the first one out of the dressing room. His suit fit him well, with little adjustment to the cummerbund. Todd stepped out in a matching tux fiddling with the bow tie.

  “My sleeves are a little long,” he complained.

  “It still looks good, though,” Carey said genuinely. “I feel like mine are a bit short. What do you think?”

  “Honestly, no one is going to care what our outfits look like. It’s all about the girls.”

  Carey laughed. “You’re probably right.”

  Just then, Brian came out. Even though his tux was a tad too big for him, Carey thought he looked perfect.

  “Is the pink too much?” He grinned.

  “For you? No way.” Todd laughed.

  The girl that was helping Brian lifted the back of his jacket to try and adjust the cummerbund. She tightened it and it looked better. She admired him in the mirror as he admired himself.

  “Is your girlfriend’s dress really that color?” she questioned.

  “Oh, I don’t have a girlfriend. I just like pink.” He winked.

  The girl blushed, getting his meaning. She glanced back and forth between Carey and Todd. Todd was the first to speak up.

  “We’re both going with girls. But, we didn’t know what color dresses they were wearing.”

  “You said Amy is wearing purple,” Carey commented innocently.

  “Oh, do you want me to see if we have a set of purple for your tux?” the girl offered.

  “No. The black is fine,” Todd replied. He turned and left to go back to the dressing room.

  “It’s a little big,” Brian said, still looking in the mirror. “I wish I wasn’t so skinny.”