All I've Waited For
Page 13
“Then why did you kiss me?”
“That shouldn’t have happened. I was so determined to just stay friends. I can’t believe …” He groaned.
“Why. Did. You. Kiss. Me?” She surged forward and pushed against his chest. He didn’t budge. She pushed again. And again. Hot tears coursed down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry.” His hands curled into fists. “You deserve better than this.” Then, with one final look of apology, of torment, he turned and left her alone.
Ashley hooked her arms around herself.
Unbelievable.
Except, not really. Because she’d been right all along.
No matter how hard she fought for it, Ashley Baker never really got what she wanted.
Chapter 13
The day had finally come for Derek to pay the piper.
Because Claire was returning to Walker Beach.
Derek grunted as he hefted a case of Zinfandel onto his shoulder. The smell of the loamy cellar grounded him as he walked toward the exit.
Mateo stopped his conversation with a few workers and jogged over. “That’s not your job, Boss. Let one of my guys handle it.”
“It’s fine.” The edge of the wood bit into his flesh. “I need a distraction.”
“Wedding jitters, eh?” His cellar master’s mouth curved into a knowing grin. “I remember feeling that way when I got married. All will be well come Saturday night.”
If the wedding even still happened. He hadn’t yet informed Claire about the kiss with Ashley a week ago. Had told himself it was a discussion they should have in person. But in reality, he just hadn’t had the guts.
He was a coward, afraid that one error in judgment, one moment of pleasure, of finally giving in, would cost his family their futures.
And he was a cad too.
Nodding, he muttered a goodbye to Mateo and maneuvered past him out into the cheery sunlit day. He trudged through the rows of vines. The spring flowering had been steady-going, and within a week or two, young clusters should start appearing. Derek always loved seeing the evidence of an entire half-year of work come to fruition before his eyes. It was predictable, rewarding for those who stayed the course.
If only the rest of life could be that way.
He reached the tasting room and shop, a building about a hundred yards from their house. A few cars sat in the parking lot, fairly normal for a Monday afternoon.
Derek let himself in the back door to the storage room and set the case of wine down. Then he started to unpack the Zinf, placing it in racks where Heather could easily grab what she needed.
Strands of jazzy music drifted back from the front of the house, and he heard muted voices, the occasional laugh. The noises grated against his need for peace.
“Don’t we pay someone else to do that?”
Derek glanced up to find his youngest sister in the curved doorway. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? This is our family’s vineyard. I’m part of the family. So I can help anywhere I choose.”
“Bite my head off, why don’t you.” Heather’s heels clicked on the tile as she advanced. “You’re getting married in five days. Shouldn’t you be a bit less cranky?”
“Everyone’s entitled to a bad day.”
“Try a bad week. You’ve been an absolute bear.” Heather pulled one of the bottles from the nearly empty crate at Derek’s feet, examining the label. “Why is that? What happened?”
What had happened? How had he so utterly lost control? One minute, they’d been laughing like the friends he was determined to be. The next he was holding Ashley close, rationalizing that he was simply learning to dance. Of course, if he’d really wanted to learn, he could have just asked Claire to teach him. Or Heather. Or any number of people except the woman he loved.
Loved.
Man, he was in trouble.
Heather stood there, eyebrows lifted, waiting for his answer.
He removed the last bottle from the case and slid it into the rack, then stacked the crate on top of several others in the corner. “Nothing happened. Everything is how it should be.” Or, it would be as soon as he cleared the air with his fiancée. He turned to leave.
“Bro.”
He glanced back at Heather, who had a contemplative look on her face. “Yeah?”
“Don’t be like me. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.”
Derek knew without asking that she spoke about Mia’s father. To this day, Heather had refused to tell anyone his identity, only that it had been a short-lived mistake that had resulted in a blessing.
But broken-hearted as his sister had been when the whole thing went down, Heather’s situation was nothing like his. “I’ve gotta go.” Claire would be here any minute—she’d insisted on renting a vehicle at the airport—and he smelled like sweat and dirt. Might as well be clean when he came clean.
As he showered in his cabin, he soaked in the warmth of the water, so different from the fateful dip in the ocean he’d taken a week ago. Cutting off the stream flowing from the showerhead, he pushed away the piercing guilt he’d felt in leaving Ashley alone in that office. He should have been a man about it. Talked it through. Apologized even more.
But he hadn’t trusted himself. Enclosed with her in that small room that smelled of her pineapple and coconut perfume, all alone, after that kiss—who knew what he would have done if he’d stayed?
“Derek?” A delicate knock sounded on the bathroom door. “Are you decent?”
Claire.
“Be right out.” He stepped from the shower, steam lingering in the tiny bathroom as he toweled off and pulled on a pair of basketball shorts and a T-shirt.
Time to see if he could fix the mess he’d made.
Emerging into the hallway, he trudged to the living room, where Claire sat on the edge of the couch perusing her phone. A gas fire flickered in the stone fireplace across from her, and the wooden accents in the rustic-but-modern cabin gave the place a cozy flare.
At his approach, Claire stood and walked over. “Hello, mon cher.” She kissed both of his cheeks, then pecked his lips.
He shouldn’t have let her do that, not until he’d made his confession.
“Hey.” A squeeze to her waist, and then Derek led her back to the deep-brown couch. “How was your flight?” With her smooth hair and bright red lips, he’d never have known the woman was just on a plane for twelve hours straight.
“Well enough.” She nestled her hand inside his, running her fingers down the lines of his palm. “And how are you? I’m so sorry you’ve had to bear the burden of planning this wedding alone.”
“I’m good.” He shifted, breathed in through his nose. It was now or never. “But—”
“Grand-père, I am sorry to say, will not be able to attend the wedding. He is so disappointed but sends his best wishes for our health and happiness.” Her hand stilled. “I’m sorry I’ve been so unavailable lately. Things have been busier than I thought they’d be at the vineyard.”
As if she should be the one apologizing to him. “I can definitely relate to that.”
She leaned toward the hand-carved wooden coffee table and picked up a green to-go cup from Java’s Village Bean he hadn’t noticed before now. Probably her daily late-afternoon Earl Grey. Claire took a delicate sip before turning her eyes upon him once more. “I realize that in all the rush of planning the wedding, we have not decided what to do after the fact. Which seems to be a bit of an oversight, oui?”
“You mean where we’ll live?”
“That, among other things.” She bit her lip. “Derek, I do not even know if you want children.”
Good thing he didn’t have a drink or he’d have spewed it everywhere. He hooked a hand behind his head and scratched the base of his skull. “Uh, yeah. I don’t know.” Not like he hadn’t thought about that part of marriage, necessarily, but Claire was right—they’d never discussed if they’d keep their relationship strictly business or not. Or what life looked like after the wedding and the inheritanc
e came through. The engagement, everything, had happened so quickly.
Claire’s eyebrows scrunched together as she placed a hand against Derek’s chest. “I like you very much and respect you, Derek. You know this. I am attracted to you, and I would not mind having that sort of relationship. But …” Her eyes searched his. “I need to know what you want.”
“I kissed Ashley.”
The words slipped out before his horrified brain could catch up.
Eyes wide, Claire reared back, dropping her tea to the floor.
Derek rushed to pick it up before it could spill onto the wood floor, setting it upright on the table. Then he folded his hands together, leaning forward in his seat. His hands smelled like bitter oranges. “I’m sorry, Claire. That’s not how I’d intended to tell you that.”
His fiancée’s hand drummed against her lips before she stood and paced to the window. “Why did this happen?”
“I was an idiot. And weak. And I’m sorry.” Should he join her at the window or give her space? Even after knowing Claire for more than a year, he had no clue what she needed from him in this moment. “It only happened once. And I haven’t seen her since.”
Claire remained silent, lips pursed.
He had to fight for this marriage. It was all he had left—and he was not so selfish as to realize that his actions had messed with Claire’s future, her ability to help her family, as well.
Derek rose and approached the window until he stood next to her. “I know our relationship might not be based on a deep romantic love, but it is based on mutual trust, which I’ve broken. I promise if you just give me another chance, I’ll never even look at another woman. You will be my priority, my wife in every way that you want to be.”
“You still love her, don’t you?”
It was his turn to be quiet. What good would it do to tell her the truth? But he couldn’t lie.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Claire laid her head against Derek’s arm as they stared out the window at the rolling foothills. “Derek, there is something I must tell you as well.”
“What’s that?”
“While I was home, Sébastien showed up at my office.”
“Your ex?”
“Oui.” Claire sighed. “He’d heard I was getting married. Told me how sorry he was for leaving me, that it was the biggest mistake of his life. That he still loved me.” The words seemed to get stuck in Claire’s throat. She coughed. “Of course, I told him he was too late, that love could not possibly be reborn after so much heartache.”
See? Claire had been loyal to him. Why hadn’t he done her the same courtesy? “Was it painful to see him?”
“Yes. More than I thought it would be.” She worried her lip. “And now that I see you, loving Ashley still, even after all this time, after all the heartache she brought you, I wonder if maybe I was too hasty in my reply to him. Maybe love is real. Maybe it can last, with a little forgiveness and a lot of grace.”
Stepping back, Claire squeezed Derek’s arm. “Maybe we were both wrong about love.”
He cast his eyes downward, their gazes connecting. What was she saying? “Some things are more important than being happy. Isn’t that what we’ve said?”
“Non. I never said my life with you wouldn’t be happy. But if that is how you have always felt, I could never allow you to bind our lives together. It would be a prison for you.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, I know you do not mean to be callous.” And then a smile teased her lips. How could the woman beam like that right now? “It was different when we were two people choosing the same path together. But your heart has chosen differently. And, I think, mine has as well. At the very least, it wants to, for the first time in a long time.”
Whoa. Derek turned and slumped against the wall beside the window. “So where does that leave us?”
“I’m sorry to say I cannot marry you.”
“But what about the vineyards? Our businesses?” He glanced at her.
Claire’s small nose scrunched. “I do not know how my grandfather will react to this news about our broken engagement. He may choose to disinherit me because he cannot trust me. I pray that is not the case, but …”
“Blame it on me, then. It’s my fault, after all.”
“Non, this is my decision too. We will both face our futures with heads held high.” She lifted her hand to his cheek, thumb stroking his beard, clear affection written all over her face. “They may not hold what we thought they would, but maybe, with love, we can really conquer all.”
He couldn’t help but laugh. “Listen to you, sounding like a romance novel.”
She stuck out her tongue in a most un-Claire-like way. “I do not know what is happening to me. I feel like a fool, and yet, a happy one. Do you?”
His heart thumped harder at the question. Because, wait. What did this mean?
If he and Claire were no longer engaged, there was nothing stopping him from pursuing Ashley. True, he didn’t have a way to save the vineyard, but the only option he’d had was off the table. That was a problem for another day.
“A fool?” Shaking his head, he leaned in and gave Claire a soft kiss on the cheek. “That about sums it up.”
Yeah, he’d be a fool for love.
Pretty sure he’d do anything for Ashley Baker.
Chapter 14
Five more days and her agony would be over.
Ashley gripped the railing on the upper deck of the Iridescent Inn, raking her eyes across the waves as they crashed against the shore just beyond. A few guests lounged in the chairs to Ashley’s far right, chatting and sipping lemonade. An older couple walked the courtyard, their pace slow, their smiles visible even from her spot above them.
Any moment now, Derek and Claire would show up for a final walk-through of the venue—well, Claire’s first walk-through. Supposedly, she’d returned to town yesterday, though Ashley hadn’t heard a word from her. After a long day of travel, she’d probably been asleep the moment she climbed into bed.
As for Ashley, her sleep over the last week had only totaled twenty hours, maybe thirty.
Today the weather had the decency to agree with her emotions. Wind whipped her hair across her shoulders and dark clouds marred the blue on the horizon. A storm was brewing.
Maybe it would bypass Walker Beach altogether—but that was likely wishful thinking.
“Ben told me I could find you here.”
Briefly, Ashley closed her eyes, pinching her nose between her thumb and forefinger. She could do this. She’d simply pretend Derek was any other groom—not the only one she’d ever begged to leave the bride so she could have him instead.
“Don’t do this, Derek. Don’t walk away.” Her cheeks flamed at the memory.
She opened her eyes, inhaled, and turned with the same smile she’d wear at a funeral. “So glad you both could—”
Derek stood in front of her, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, his deep purple Campbell Wines polo shirt bringing out the chocolate in his eyes.
She squinted past him. “Where’s Claire?”
“She’s not coming.”
“Oh.” Why hadn’t they called Ashley beforehand? The whole point of this meeting was so Claire could approve their choices for the placement of decor, chairs, et cetera. “Did she tell you when she’d like to reschedule this appointment? I don’t feel comfortable making the final decisions without her here.”
“Ash.” He took a step forward.
Her back pressed against the wood, and just like that, they were back in her office, in those moments she couldn’t get out of her head no matter how hard she’d tried. Sleep only brought them out even more vividly in dreams. Working on Derek and Claire’s wedding details didn’t help. The only thing that would help was getting past this Saturday and then starting her new life as a business owner.
Ashley maneuvered around him, finally able to breathe again. She started walking the length of the decking so Derek hopefull
y wouldn’t notice the way her hands shook.
“Ashley Baker.”
Her feet halted and Ashley pivoted.
Derek hadn’t moved.
She sighed. “Yes?”
“Claire isn’t coming because I’m not marrying her.”
Ashley froze. Blinked. Slipped down onto the nearest padded chaise lounge. “What?”
“Are you okay?” In a flash, Derek was there, squatting in front of her, taking her hands in his, eyes roving her face as if worried she might faint.
“I …” Ashley shook her head. “I must have misheard you.”
“You didn’t.”
A light sprinkle started to fall from the sky.
“I don’t understand.” Her hands felt warm in his, and yet it was wrong. All wrong.
Wasn’t it?
“Claire called off the wedding yesterday. But I’m glad she did.”
That didn’t make any sense. “Why would you be glad? What about the vineyard?”
His half-hearted shrug, the slight tightening of his face, the way he squeezed her fingers—all of that told her more than words ever could. He hadn’t fully processed what this would mean for his family.
And it was all Ashley’s fault, because she was the worst wedding planner in the history of wedding planners. “I’m sorry.”
Everything—including the two of them—was getting wetter by the minute. The guests sitting down the deck a ways stood and headed inside.
“This isn’t on you.”
Ashley rubbed her chest. “How can you say that? If I’d never offered to teach you how to dance …” Her gaze collided with the ground. Fat drops of rain now beat the decking, turning more urgent by the second.
Yet neither of them moved.
“Look at me.”
She refused. Not this time.
But ever so gently, he tilted her chin up so their eyes met. “Claire and I didn’t call off the wedding because of the kiss.”
“You didn’t?”
He frowned. “Okay, technically, we did, but that’s … it’s hard to explain.”
Her now-drenched clothes hung heavy on her frame. “Can you try?”