Renata and the Fall from Grace

by Becky Doughty

  Renata shrugged. "Well, I'd planned to go alone, but if one of you—or all of you—want to go, I wouldn't say 'no' to you." She smiled shyly. "It's next Monday at ten."

  "I'd love to be there," Phoebe said immediately, much to Renata's surprise. She'd not shown any interest in Renata's other pregnancies.

  "I can work a later shift on Monday if someone else can pick the boys up for me," Gia said. "I'd like to be there, too, if I can."

  "Will they let us all in?" Juliette asked, ever the least impulsive of the bunch. "If they will, then I'll be there. Sharon will cover me at work. She keeps offering to help out in any way she can." Sharon Scoville was Juliette's best friend and coworker at the University.

  And so it was on Monday, all four girls piled into Renata's Pilot and headed off to see the first photo of Renata and John's baby, the newest member-to-be of the G-FOURce.

  They asked, and the ultrasound tech confirmed that the baby was most certainly a girl.

  ~ ~ ~

  They stopped for lunch and Renata called an impromptu G-FOURce over their iced teas and shredded chicken tostada salads.

  "Because I want you to know that I'm okay, and if we need to talk about Angela, I'm ready," Renata explained in response to the curious looks.

  Juliette laid down her fork, wiped her mouth and took a hearty gulp of tea before speaking. "Well, just so you know, I have heard from her. Her parole hearing has been postponed for six months, which, according to Angela, means it won't happen until after the holidays, most likely not until the end of January next year. In other words," she reached over and laid a hand on Renata's arm. "We don't need to make any decisions about Angela right now, okay? Right now, we have a baby girl to plan for, one who is arriving in less than five months."

  Gia sat back in her chair and sighed dreamily. "Oh you guys! I just realized we're going to have a baby for Christmas!"

  "The best Christmas gift ever," Phoebe chimed in with a wide smile, although a little less exuberantly than Gia.

  "The best," Renata agreed.

  When they arrived back at Renata's house to pick up their cars, Tim was there, up on a ladder, replacing a section of rain gutter at the corner of the house.

  "Oh, my," Phoebe purred in admiration. "Now that would make me want to come home more often." In the front passenger seat, she turned with raised eyebrows to Renata.

  Tim wore his regular work uniform of tight t-shirt and Levis, and today, he had a tool belt strapped low around his hips. The midday sun was high in the sky and it was hot, his arms glistening with sweat, a damp patch in a V down the middle of his back. On his head he wore a Denver Broncos cap backwards, his almost shoulder-length hair curling below the bill. It was so cliché, Renata couldn't help but smile, and when he turned to wave at them, Gia giggled from the backseat.

  "And you passed that up, Jules," Phoebe quipped, turning around to wink at Juliette.

  "Yes, I did. For Victor. I think I did all right." Juliette replied, but she was smiling, too. "On the other hand, if he'd shown up looking like that, I might have at least gone to dinner with him."

  "Juliette Gustafson!" Renata reprimanded, laughing outright at her sister's comment. When she'd sent Tim Larsen on a blind date with Juliette, she'd had every hope the two of them would find common ground and become friends, if not more. But Juliette had bowed out of the Monday ManDates G-FOURce intervention they'd put into play after Juliette had left her boyfriend of ten years. She had fallen for Officer Victor Jarrett over all the men her sisters had practically gift-wrapped for her, and Juliette was decidedly happy with her choice.

  And somehow, over the last several months, the reservations Renata had felt toward Victor had all but evaporated as he had shown his true colors over and over with her boys. They already called him Uncle Vic and she was just waiting for the announcement that he had popped the question to Juliette. In fact, she was sure it would have come sooner had it not been for John's accident.

  They all got out and headed inside with the excuse of one last bathroom stop before they were on their way, but Renata was pretty sure it was to get a little extra eye-candy through the front window, courtesy of Tim Larsen in a tool belt. Phoebe confirmed her suspicions once they were inside. She made a beeline to the window and unabashedly stared out at him.

  "Oh yeah," Phoebe hummed, loudly enough for the rest of them to hear. "Lift it higher, honey. That's right. Flex for mama."

  Gia and Juliette stayed back a little, but their eyes were glued to the man on the ladder, too.

  "Phoebe, step away from the window," Renata scolded, laughing all the while. "If he catches you looking, he'll be mortified." But she, too, was peering over Phoebe's shoulder at the man, appreciating the fact that he was outside on her front lawn and not Juliette's.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  As a compromise, Renata agreed to let Tim take the boys camping for a couple days the first weekend of August. She worried he'd have his hands full with all four of them, but he assured her he was perfectly capable of keeping track of them, even Judah.

  "I've had some practice these last few months," he claimed, the two of them sitting at the table over a cup of coffee for him and herbal tea for her, talking quietly so the boys wouldn't hear them. Reuben, Simon, and Levi were sprawled on the floor watching Spiderman, and Judah was already in bed, having passed out in Tim's truck on the way home from their Friday outing. Today, he'd taken them swimming at the community pool, a place Renata would never in a million years have let them go in the past. Tim had barbecued burgers for the boys back at his place, then they all trooped home to end the evening with vanilla ice cream and some of Renata's plum tarts she'd whipped up while they were out.

  "Maybe, but you've not even had them overnight. What if Judah wets the sleeping bag? What are you going to do then?" She hoped he wasn't biting off more than he could chew. A thought drifted through her mind that this must be what it was like for divorced parents with joint custody and for some reason, it made her sad for the man across from her.

  Without looking at him, she quietly asked, "Tim, don't you have a life of your own? I mean, aren't there other things you'd like to do on Friday night than babysit my boys?" She glanced over at the kids, making certain they couldn't hear her low questions. Levi's eyes were drifting closed in spite of Green Goblin's maniacal laugh. She hoped he wouldn't have nightmares.

  More than her concern for Tim, though, was her concern for the boys. Tim wasn't their father, and he was under no obligation to continue these Friday outings. School was out and so far, he still picked them up at three on Fridays, but from home now. Inevitably, though, the day would come when he had his own life, even his own family to tend to.

  Tim didn't answer right away, so she prodded harder. "What about a woman? Is there someone you're seeing?" She did look up at him then, and smiled when she saw the color in his cheeks. He'd survived six years in the desert, looked the enemy in the face, and come home with honor, but the man blushed at the suggestion he might be getting some romance on with anyone.

  It was his turn to look away. His eyes drifted over to the boys and she marveled at how his expression softened when he did. "I'm not going anywhere, Renata."

  For several minutes, they sat in silence, watching the movie over the heads of her children. Finally, Renata reached out and laid a hand on Tim's forearm, feeling the muscles bunch under her touch. He stared down at her fingers for a moment before looking up at her. "Thank you," she said. "For everything. They're doing so well with all this, and I know so much of that is because of you."

  Tim shook his head, but said, "You're welcome. Glad I can be of help to you." Just like him. He may or may not agree with her sentiment, but there was no false humility in him, either.

  It was true. During those first few weeks after John's funeral, Renata had been completely lost and untethered. If it hadn't been for her family gathering around and being there for her children when Renata wasn't, she didn't know how they wou
ld have gotten through things. As it was, although each of the boys mourned their dad in their own way, and still did on many occasions, none of them had lashed out in ways that were dangerous or unhealthy. Levi was still plagued by nightmares a few times a week, and it did surprise her that it was her sweet, go-with-the-flow boy who struggled this way, but otherwise, they all talked openly about John now, about missing him, about all the things they would be doing if he was there.

  It was one of the reasons she'd agreed to the camping trip. The boys needed it. And Tim, who had often accompanied them on their boys-only camping trips with John, was the perfect person to take them, proving that there was still a lot of living left to be done for them.

  Conversely, Renata wasn't sure how she'd do on her own in the house for three nights. Of course, she'd have Harry and Sally, and the constant companionship of the Holy Spirit was like a tangible presence to her, but maybe she'd see if Gia wanted to keep her company while the boys were gone.

  She needed to make a point to thank her family for everything they'd done and were doing to keep the Dixon ship from completely sinking. It wasn't that she'd taken it for granted, their willingness to step up; she simply had not been capable of it herself. But it had not gone unnoticed. None of it had.

  John's parents had come for the funeral and left shortly after. Although they were delightful people, John was an only child, and a rather well-adjusted and independent one at that, and a few years after he and Renata married, his parents had moved to Florida on the other side of the continent, his father retiring early after some jackpot investment he'd cashed in on. They were the perfect long-distance grandparents, always sending wonderful gifts to the boys, never forgetting any birthdays, anniversaries, or any other special events, but they didn't know how to behave around the kids, so they rarely visited. Renata thought she might be seeing even less of them in the future, in spite of promises made while they'd been here.

  Suddenly, she realized what she was doing. Her fingers were brushing back and forth, ever so slowly, over the coarse hairs on Tim's forearms. She quickly withdrew her hand and took a sip of her tea, then she blurted out in a rushed whisper before she could lose her courage, "Tim, I'd like to tell the boys about the baby with you here. Can you come for breakfast tomorrow?"

  His eyes grew wide and he swallowed hard, making his Adam's apple bob up and down visibly. "Why?" he asked, when he finally found his voice.

  "I mean, at the same time we tell them about the camping trip. I just think it might be a little easier for them to deal with. A new baby is always tough—you should have seen Simon's reaction when we told him about Judah—but a sister?" She winced and cocked her head to look up at him, putting as much appeal in her gaze as she could muster. "If we buffer it with news of a camping trip, then maybe they'll handle it better."

  Tim only nodded, but she knew that didn't necessarily mean he agreed with her. She lowered her voice even more, not looking away.

  "I'm also a little worried about telling them by myself. They might need you—er, a man—around to show them how they're supposed to react. They always looked to John for his reaction to things, and even though they have their own individual ways of processing things, he gave them a starting point, you know? They might be worried, but if you're here and you make it clear this is a good thing, then I think they'll go that direction, too."

  Tim still only nodded again. To an untrained eye, this nod would look exactly like the other, but Renata smiled gratefully, having grown accustomed to reading his face. And a little over an hour later, when she lay in bed explaining things to John, she sensed another presence sitting in the shadows of her mind, Tim's quiet face nodding understandingly at her side.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Tim arrived at eight o'clock the next morning, a box of Krispy Kreme donuts in his hand. Renata frowned when she met him at the door, but he grinned and said, "Never go to battle without backup."

  He was freshly showered, his hair still damp, and Renata couldn't help noticing how good he smelled when he passed by her into the house. She ducked her head and closed the door slowly, not wanting to follow too closely behind him. She was not sure how to handle the not so subtle shift in her awareness of him.

  Renata had always known Tim Larsen was a good-looking man. She'd always known him to be a godly man, too, and a good friend to John. She'd never felt anything close to inappropriate feelings toward him or coming from him, but she'd dreamed about him last night and she'd awakened from it, heart pounding, torn between curiosity and guilt.

  It was nothing untoward or disrespectful. It was just the fact that it had been Tim in her dreams and not John. It had been Tim standing behind her on the deck of a sailboat, his arms around her, large working-man hands spread protectively over her very pregnant belly. Her hair was long and flowing out behind her as they faced into the wind, and she leaned back against the solid wall of him, perfectly content.

  She subconsciously placed her hand over her abdomen, her baby bump suddenly prominent in the last two or three weeks. This was the fifth baby she'd carried this far into pregnancy, and she typically showed early with her petite frame, but she'd lost so much weight right after John's death that it had taken much longer to show this time. Now, at just over five months along, she was amazed none of the boys had noticed. Thankfully, it was summer, and she had a closet full of pretty little sun dresses she was making good use of.

  Beneath her hand, the baby fluttered, and she stood stock still, not wanting to miss it. She knew this would be her last pregnancy and she wanted to savor every moment. This little girl moved a lot at night when Renata lay on her back whispering to John, almost as though she knew she was being talked about, but she was beginning to make her presence known during the day now, too, with little nudges and hiccups.

  Renata looked up to see Tim studying her belly where her hand rested, his eyes soft, a look she'd seen on John's face many times before. Everything inside her tightened, squeezed, even her heart seemed to slow for a beat, then another, then suddenly pick up speed, hammering inside her chest like a battering ram.

  He lifted his gaze and found her watching him, and for just a moment, his expression didn't change, the yearning in his eyes palpable. Then he cleared his throat, turned toward the kitchen, and set the donuts on the counter.

  "What can I do to help?" he asked, his voice steady as ever. "Where are the boys?"

  "Actually, Judah is the only one up and he's out back with the dogs." It had taken her a moment to find her voice, but when she spoke, she was glad to hear only a trace of a tremor in it, something Tim couldn't possibly notice. "Since you're the one who wore them out so completely yesterday, maybe you can go rouse them from their slumber." Sending him out of her kitchen had been a spark of genius. There was no way she'd be able to finish cooking with him so close.

  Half an hour later, they sat around the picnic table out back, paper plates loaded with breakfast burritos, fresh fruit, and vanilla flavored Greek Yogurt for Renata. She had it at almost every meal; she couldn't get enough of the stuff.

  It was only a little after nine in the morning and it was already hot. Renata felt a sheen of sweat building up on her forehead and upper lip and fanned herself with a spare plate. Glancing around the table, no one else seemed to feel the heat and she grimaced, recalling how warm she always felt during her pregnancies. In fact, she was not looking forward to being in her third trimester during the hottest part of the year. Baby D would be born the first week of November, but high temperatures in August and September, and sometimes even in October in Southern California often hovered around 100 degrees for weeks on end.

  She glanced at Tim at the other end of the table. He looked cool as a cucumber, relaxed and fresh in his short-sleeved plaid shirt untucked over jeans. He caught her eye and straightened, an eyebrow raised in question. He was so attentive, it almost hurt.

  "Okay, boys. Time to clean up. Reuben, get a paper bag from the broom closet and coll
ect all the trash, please. Simon, grab the forks, Levi the fruit bowl, and Judah, you get the salt and pepper and bring it all inside." In response to the immediate groans, she held up a finger. "If you do it all without complaining, I will share with you the special treat Tim brought with him. If not, I will keep it all to myself." She grinned at Tim who was watching her with an unreadable look. "I might share some with Tim since he isn't whining."

  "What is it?" Judah asked, clearly debating whether it was worth the trade.

  "Can't tell you, man," Tim teased. "But I'll help with clean up and we'll let your mom chill." He winked at her.

  She smiled and watched as he and the boys made quick work of clearing the table. A few minutes later they all came swarming back outside, Reuben carrying the box of donuts, Simon a tall glass of ice water for her, Levi a stack of napkins, and Tim carrying Judah on his back bringing up the rear.

  "Before you dig in," she said, straightening in her seat and lowering her feet from where she'd propped them up on one of the benches. "We have a few announcements to make."

  She noticed Reuben's shoulders stiffen and he looked from Renata to Tim and back again. She felt heat rise in her cheeks at his obvious assumption and couldn't bring herself to look at Tim.

  The boys returned to their seats, Judah unable to resist touching the box of donuts. He laid his perpetually grubby fingers on the corner of it and stared balefully at her, trying desperately to be patient.

  "Okay. I'll get right to it." Suddenly nervous, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. To her delight, it seemed to be growing quickly now that she was on her prenatal vitamins. "So Reuben, you remember I told you Daddy and I were trying to have a baby before…well, before his accident."

  Reuben nodded slowly, eyes narrowing.

  "Well, God has given us a miracle. That little baby we wanted. I'm pregnant. With a baby girl."

  In the brief silence that followed, Renata had a chance to imagine all kinds of scenarios unfolding. What actually did happen was not one of them.