Sinful Sacrament

by Morgan James

  Something twisted inside me. It was exactly what I’d asked for—so why did hearing it hurt so much? It didn’t make sense even as I thought it, but I didn’t want him to just let me go. I wanted him to fight for me. After everything we’d been through, I wanted him to prove that he would give me the freedom I wanted and needed.

  I tried to dissect my feelings as I stared at him, his gaze focused on the floor like he couldn’t even look at me. He was normally so strong, so self-assured. I’d never seen him like this, almost as if he were afflicted by some kind of misgiving. Doubt, maybe? Was he truly worried that I would walk away forever? I didn’t want to, but we had to find a way to meet in the middle. I refused to be a captive any more—but I did want to be with Fox.

  “I meant what I said,” I said softly. “I’m not yours to command. I won’t be merely your possession.”

  Dark brown eyes finally lifted and searched mine. “I don’t want to clip your wings, angel. I want you to come fly with me.”

  His words sent a little shiver of pleasure down my spine. I hoped what he said was true; I didn’t want to give up everything I’d worked for over the past couple of months only to fall into the same destructive pattern with Fox. I wanted him to love me the way I loved him. Over the past several weeks I’d begun to question whether I truly loved him or if I was just a casualty of Stockholm Syndrome, developing feelings for my captor. Deep down, I knew that wasn’t the case. The moment I’d seen him lurking in my bedroom, relief like I’d never known had spread through me. But my love alone wouldn’t be enough to save us.

  “I’ll go with you,” I said slowly. “But only on a probationary period.”

  It sounded like a business transaction even to my ears, and a faint smile curved his mouth. “Is that right?”

  “Yes,” I said primly, determined to stick to my guns. I would not throw myself at him. No matter how much I wanted to.

  His thumb swept along my side, teasingly soft and sensual. “It’s a deal.”

  After another long sleepless—and sexless—night, I went into the bar and began to open the register while I waited for Bryce to show up. He slowed when he saw me and his astute gaze swept over my face, as if searching for answers. “You good?”

  “Yeah.” I sighed. “Can we talk?”

  He nodded and led the way to his office. I sat in the chair and began to speak. “I really appreciate what you’ve done for me, going out on a limb and helping me when you didn’t have to. But...”

  “You’re leaving.”

  I bit down on my lower lip. “I think so, yes.”

  One brow lifted. “You want to talk about it?”

  I shook my head. “No. I just... I’ll pay you back for everything. Things have... changed.”

  “In the past twelve hours?” My cheeks burned at the memory of seeing Fox again for the first time in months, and a knowing expression crossed his face. “It’s him.”

  My head tipped to one side. “It’s who?”

  “The guy you hate to acknowledge.”

  “I don’t—” He shot me a quelling look, and I slammed my mouth shut. “It’s... complicated.”

  “It always is.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk as he regarded me. “I want you to do whatever you think is best for you. If you change your mind, you will always have a place here. Deal?”

  My eyes watered. “Deal.”

  “When are you leaving?”

  I blinked my tears away. “I figured a week or two. Whatever gives you enough time to find a replacement.”

  He quirked a grin. “We’re not exactly slammed around here. I handled it by myself before you showed up; I can do that again.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Absolutely. If you want to go with him, I wish you all the best.”

  A bittersweet longing tugged at my heart as I pushed out of my chair. There was nothing left for me here; it was time to move on. I just hoped I was doing the right thing. “Thank you again for everything.”

  He pulled me into a friendly hug. “You have my number. You need anything, you give me a call—no matter where you are or what time it is.”

  He pulled back and stared down at me, and I nodded. “I will.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Thanks.” I tossed him a smile, then headed home.

  Fox’s wide eyes flicked to me as I walked through the door twenty minutes later. “You okay?”

  “Fine.” I shrugged. “I’m done.”

  He stood and slowly approached, stopping inches away. “You’re sure?”

  I nodded, and he kissed my forehead. “You won’t regret this, angel, I promise.”

  I had my doubts.

  Chapter Eight

  Fox

  The remainder of the day was spent packing Eva’s things and getting everything in order. She refused to let me help—probably in a stubborn effort to drag things out as long as possible—so I spent a good portion of the afternoon on the phone finalizing our plans.

  A quick glance at her closet revealed that she had nothing in the way of island wear, so I ordered a dozen outfits and swim suits from a small, local boutique to be delivered to the apartment. I briefly considered letting her choose her own things but immediately dismissed taking her out in public at the moment. The last thing I needed was for her to make a scene. Once we got to the island she could yell and scream at me all she wanted if she felt the need.

  Eva tossed me a dark look when the clothes arrived but didn’t say a single word. It irked the hell out of me, but I forced myself to remain calm as she disappeared into her room with the shopping bags and slammed the door. I’d spent the previous several nights in a hotel downtown, and I’d arranged for my things to be sent back to Chicago so I wouldn’t have to leave Eva alone. It left me with only one more change of clothes, but that didn’t bother me in the least. I had plenty of clothing on the island.

  Turning an eye to the clock, I realized that the day had quickly slipped away. I rooted through her drawers for takeout menus but came up empty, so I used Google to call in an order of Chinese food. Half an hour later, a delivery man knocked on the door and I paid him, then took the food. The exchange drew Eva’s attention, and she finally exited her bedroom. I set the bag on the small, scarred kitchen table, then began to hunt around the open boxes for cutlery and plates. I heard her hovering in the doorway, but she remained silent as a mouse.

  “Have a seat,” I threw over my shoulder without looking at her.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  Slowly, I turned toward her. “Remember what happens if you refuse to eat,” I warned softly.

  She glared at me and for a moment, I hoped with every fiber of my being that she would resist so I could spank her ass red. She’d been a brat all day and though I knew I was responsible for part of it, her behavior was grating on my nerves.

  Locked in a silent battle of wills, I lifted a brow at her, and her eyes narrowed a fraction before she stomped forward, practically ripped the chair from under the table, and threw herself into it.

  As soon as her ass hit the seat, I turned back to the box in front of me and a grin stretched over my face. God, I’d missed this woman. I loved her fiery personality as much as I loathed it, and I swore I would never get tired of being with her. Was I fucked in the head? Absolutely. Did I give a shit? Not a single one. Eva was the only thing that mattered, the only woman I wanted, and I was going to prove it to her, no matter what it took.

  After dinner, Eva brought out the things we could ship back to Chicago. We made another pile of things to be donated and scheduled a pickup for the following day. The rest of her clothes were packed up for our trip to the island. We retired to bed, and I spent another frustrating night on my side of the mattress, feeling Eva toss and turn restlessly just few inches away from me. Though I wanted to roll over and pull her into my arms, I held myself back. I’d promised her that I would give her time and space, and I was determined to follow through with it. I knew Eva well enough by now
to tell that she was just as bothered by the distance between us as I was, but she’d drawn the line in the sand—she would have to be the one to cross it first.

  The following morning passed mostly in silence as we dressed and got ready to leave. Eva had promised to lock the apartment and leave the key under the mat, so she tucked it away as the hired driver pulled up to the curb.

  “Ready?”

  Keeping her gaze focused on the ground, she nodded and headed toward the car. I lugged our bags down the sidewalk where the driver took them from me and placed them in the trunk. Eva was already in the backseat, and I slid in behind her. Her gaze never moved from the window as we pulled away, leaving her new life behind.

  Something similar to regret churned in my stomach as I studied her profile. Was she truly happy here? I didn’t think so. Eva was a fighter, and if she’d truly wanted to stay, she would have. So why did I feel bad? I wasn’t used to taking others’ feelings into consideration, but Eva was different. I wanted her to be happy, but I also selfishly wanted her to find that happiness with me. As the miles bled away, I hoped like hell I wasn’t making a huge mistake.

  Eva remained quiet during the drive to the private airfield, and I watched her surreptitiously from the corner of my eyes. The tension in her muscles had exacerbated despite our tenuous truce. She seemed intent on punishing me, and though it irked me, I knew I deserved it. I was on a mission to win her trust, even if it killed me.

  Her eyes widened a little bit as the driver pulled up next to a small, sleek black plane, the steps folded down and ready for us to board. She cocked a brow, and I found myself smiling. “Better than commercial,” I said. “Besides, these guys come highly recommended.”

  She threw a challenging look my way. “You mean you don't have your own private plane? I’m shocked.”

  “Can't justify the expense,” I returned. “Maybe if you start traveling with me more...” I allowed the sentence to trail off, and my unspoken words hung in the air between us. I wanted her with me all the time, everywhere I went.

  Her eyes returned to the aircraft in front of us, but she didn't say a word. I knew she didn’t believe things would actually be different this time, but I was determined to prove her wrong. Her edict that we not have sex had only strengthened my resolve. She was right; she was leaving this new life she’d created for me. Though I wanted to balk at the idea of not touching her, not kissing her, I would do it if only to show my sincerity.

  “Come on,” I said to her, gesturing toward the plane. “The faster we board, the faster you get to see your surprise.”

  “Fantastic,” she returned with no small amount of sarcasm. “I still don't understand why you can't just tell me what it is,” she groused.

  “Where would the fun be in that?” I asked, striving to keep my tone light.

  Honestly, I was scared to death of what her reaction might be. She was already pissed at me, and this could push the delicate balance one way or the other. I was hoping that this would be a grand gesture of sorts to show her how much I cared for her.

  Once Eva's meager belongings had been stored in the belly of the plane, we ascended the steps and were greeted by the pilot and his staff. Eva buckled herself in without looking at me, and I took a seat across the aisle from her. I caught her peeking out of the corner of her eye, and I reached over and lightly stroked the back of her hand with my fingertips. “I'd sit next to you, but the weight distribution is better this way for takeoff.”

  She nodded and shrugged like it didn't matter, but I saw the slight flicker of relief in her eyes. After ordering a glass of wine from the flight attendant, she settled into her seat, then tipped her head back and closed her eyes, effectively shutting me out. I would let her have a few more minutes to herself to come to terms with all the changes that had occurred over the past couple of days, but I knew better than to give her too much space. Eva lost in her own mind was a dangerous place. For such a smart woman, she tended to overthink things, and for once, I wanted her to just feel. I wanted to show her that I meant every word, but I knew it was easier said than done. To hell with waiting for her to come to me. She was finally back in my life, and I wasn’t about to let her get away again—not even for a second.

  I waited until the plane reached altitude, then I unbuckled my seatbelt and moved over to the seat next to Eva. Even when I brushed her knee as I moved past, she continued to ignore me. Although her eyes were closed, I could tell from the tense set of her shoulders that she wasn't asleep. She was intent on punishing me, and that was fine. I would take her anger over her sadness any day. But one thing I wouldn’t do was let her retreat back into her mind and fortify the wall she’d built up between us.

  Picking up her hand, I laced our fingers tightly together, not relinquishing my hold when she tried to pull away. Her lashes fluttered, but she kept her eyes closed, and I tipped my head so my mouth was next to her ear. “You can be mad at me, that's fine. But you're going to be angry with me next to you. No matter what, I'm not leaving your side again.”

  There was a brief hesitation, then she lightly squeezed my hand. It was such a tiny gesture but for the first time in months, my world slowly began to shift back into place.

  Chapter Nine

  Eva

  After another sleepless night, I was exhausted emotionally and physically. Fox’s steady presence calmed me yet stoked my ire at the same time. I wanted so badly to believe him, but I was frustrated that he was still holding something back. Why did he feel the need to hide things from me? Despite the fact that I’d asked several times, he refused to give me any indication of what awaited me at our destination. Things would be much less complicated if he would just be open with me. Still, he’d refused to say anything, and I stubbornly battled back with silence of my own.

  Though I tried to sleep during the several hours we spent in the air, it was next to impossible. Curiosity kept me awake, ideas and speculation running rampant through my mind. If he thought some million-dollar beach house was going to win me over, he was dead wrong. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than a show of wealth to bring me back.

  I knew he had money; that was well and good, but I wanted more. I wanted—needed—love. Respect. I wanted him to see me as an equal, not just a woman who lived with him. Much like the last two months, I’d spent the past few days replaying my time with Fox over and over in my mind. He’d pushed me out of my comfort zone in the bedroom yet protected me from harm. For so long he’d been lost and alone. I wasn’t sure he knew how to let anyone else in. I knew he cared for me—but would he ever be able to give me his heart?

  Something flickered in the back of my mind. The night of the engagement party, he’d said something to me in a foreign language, but I’d run before he had a chance to explain what it meant. After we had sex four nights ago, I’d almost asked but chickened out at the last moment, afraid of the answer.

  Another car was waiting for us when we landed on the island. Not wanting to appear too curious, I hadn't asked Fox many questions. I didn’t want to admit it, but during the trip, my anger had begun to wane. We still had a long way to go, but I was tired of being unhappy, and a huge part of me wanted to wipe the slate clean. He hadn’t exactly given me a reason to trust him before, but I could tell he did truly care about me. I could either hold myself back and keep the walls between us to protect my heart, or I could decide to have faith in him and hope for the best.

  The driver of the black car loaded my things, his dark eyes studying me intently. He wore a kind of secret little smile, like he knew something I didn't, and it made me even more nervous. He was friendly enough during the drive through the winding hills, asking about our flight and making small talk with Fox. For the most part, I stared out the window, reveling in the rich and dense foliage and bright flowers that grew along the road.

  The car slowed, then turned into a gated driveway. A few seconds later, the palms parted, revealing a huge stucco mansion the color of white sand.

  “We�
�re here,” Fox said unnecessarily. I bit down on my tongue and schooled my expression into mild disinterest, but I knew I hadn't pulled it off when he chuckled a little. “So hard to please, Eva. Hopefully the next surprise will be better.”

  I couldn't honestly imagine anything better than this, but I didn't say as much. The driver opened my door, then held it for me as I slid out. A slight breeze ruffled my hair, kissing my skin with its gentle caress and bringing with it the scent of the ocean. Almost immediately, I began to relax. It was strange, but now that I was here, I had a sort of physical proof that Fox meant what he’d said.

  The driver closed the door behind us, then gathered our bags and headed into the house. I stopped in the foyer, taking in the decor. For some reason I expected an island flare, but it was almost a mishmash of contemporary elegance mixed with the eclectic. As odd as it sounded, it just worked, and it appealed to me. It was exactly what I would've done with the place.

  I glanced toward the stairs that led to the second floor. “Where will I be staying?” It was a sort of test, and I didn't realize how much I needed to hear the answer until Fox spoke.

  Turning to face me fully, he met my gaze. “You can pick any room you'd like, but”—he drew a deep breath—“it would make me happy if you stayed with me.”

  I gave a little nod as relief filled me and lightened my heart. I didn't want it to look like I’d forgiven him just yet, so I kept quiet even though I was perilously close to throwing myself into his arms.

  “You don't have to decide now,” Fox continued, unaware of my train of thought. “Besides, there's something I would like to show you first.”

  Settling a hand on my lower back, he guided me further into the house. Ceiling fans whirled lazily overhead, gently stirring the air. The house was spacious and open, the rooms mainly divided by large arches and towering columns. Toward the back of the house, we passed through a large, well-appointed kitchen, and though I was loath to admit it, it was one of the most beautiful places I'd ever seen. It wasn't as big as Fox’s home in Chicago, but it was every bit as nice.