Sinful Sacrament

by Morgan James

  He scowled at me, his hand pausing its path along my arm. “I’ve worked damn hard to get where I am today. You have no idea the things I’ve done.”

  The way he said it sent a little chill down my spine, and I fought the urge to shudder. Pushing down my apprehension, I fell back on the anger swelling and growing inside me. “Then you know I can’t just walk away yet, regardless of what you command. I need to give Bryce my notice.”

  His eyes narrowed at the other man’s name. “Is this Bryce more than just your boss?”

  I turned toward Fox, ready to smack him. “How dare you ask me that? I literally just”—I made an agitated gesture with one hand—“fell into bed with you—a mistake I’m really starting to regret right now, let me tell you—and you have the gall to ask if I’ve been seeing someone else? Fuck you, Fox.”

  I clambered from the bed and yanked the sheet around me, but Fox stopped my progress, his fingers curling around my wrist. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “It’s exactly what you meant!” I exclaimed. “Here’s a newsflash, asshole: I’m not yours.”

  He let out a little growl as he bounded toward me and grabbed me around the waist. “You will always be mine.”

  “The hell I will!” I struggled to get my free hand wedged between us as I fought to hold the sheet up with the other. I shoved at him, but he didn’t move an inch. “Let me go!”

  “Not a chance.” I let out a little shriek as he scooped me up, sheet and all, then sat down on the bed and settled me in his lap, arms wrapped firmly around me. “Not until you listen to me.”

  “There’s nothing you can say right now to—”

  He slapped one hand over my mouth, and I sucked in an outraged breath before snapping at his palm. Fox was too quick, though, anticipating my move and snatching his hand away before I could sink my teeth into his flesh.

  “You ran out on me without giving me a chance to explain everything.”

  His voice was low and husky, full of some unnamed emotion, and it irked me that I even cared how he should feel right now. I steeled my heart against him. “What else is there to explain?”

  He stared at me for several seconds. “A lot.”

  I glared at him, my face only inches from his. “You always do this,” I snapped. “You think you can just wrestle me into submission, talk me down and reel me back in. Well, it won’t work this time. I won’t let you just drag me back.”

  “If that’s all I wanted, I would have done it four days ago.”

  I stared at him, completely taken aback. “You’ve been here for four days?”

  How had I not known—how could I not have felt his eyes on me? The scene in the alley earlier came back to me, stirring my ire. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You sit and wait and plan as if what you want is the only thing that matters. To hell with everyone else, you just manipulate everything to your advantage.”

  His nostrils flared and his jaw clenched but to his credit, Fox remained silent as if absorbing my words.

  God, this was so like him to just show up and start making demands again. He’d been here for little more than an hour, and already he was acting like he ran my life. He thought I would just gratefully take his word for it and trust that everything would be okay? No way. I’d come too far to regress the very second he walked back into my life. “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  I threw him a dark look. “Why do you want to drag me out of the country to some island?”

  “Because I think it will be good for us.”

  I shook my head. “That’s not good enough.”

  His eyes darkened. “Goddamn it, Eva, I swear I’ll—”

  “What?” I snapped. “You’ll throw me over your shoulder and cart me off?”

  Fox glared at me. “Probably not the worst idea considering your attitude.”

  “My attitude?” I parroted, incredulous. “Oh, right, forgive me for being a little upset when you suddenly show up on my doorstep after all this time and demand I go with you.”

  His chest rose on a deep inhale, and I could tell he was trying desperately to clamp down on his anger. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. I wanted him just as angry as I was; I wanted him to feel what it was like to not get his way for once.

  “Why should I go?” I repeated.

  “I’ve already explained—”

  “You haven’t explained shit,” I exploded. “You won’t tell me a damn thing other than I ‘need to go.’ Well, I’m not going!”

  I slid from his lap with the intent to put distance between us, but Fox jumped to his feet and yanked me back to him. “Stop being so damn petulant for a second, and—”

  I shoved against his chest, but he only fell back half a step. “This is not being petulant. This is being smart and making sure I don’t rush back into something I shouldn’t. You want me to go with you?” He stared at me for several seconds, not bothering to answer my rhetorical question. “Then prove it. You show me how much you care about me like you say and I’ll consider going with you.”

  He let out a little laugh that held no mirth. “You’ve been here for almost two damn months. You really think a couple days will change your mind?”

  “I don’t know,” I snapped. “But you can either take it or leave it.”

  His dark eyes flashed to mine and held for a second before he spoke. “I’m staying.”

  “Fine.” I fought the urge to squirm. It would be so easy to just give in to him, do what he wanted—and what a huge part of me wanted as well. But I couldn’t allow my feelings for Fox to cloud my judgement. Whatever decision I made, I was going to make sure it was the right one. “But no sex until we figure out whatever the hell this is.”

  His face darkened. “After everything we’ve been through, now you’re kicking me out of your bed?”

  Despite the slight twinge of guilt I felt at his statement, I stiffened my spine and stared him down. This would be a huge concession for me. If I decided to go back with him, I would be walking away from my job, my new home. If we had any chance of moving on at all, then he needed to show me he was willing to do whatever it took. “I told you I would think about going away with you. I could have turned you down flat, but I didn’t. I’m trying to be open-minded here, and I need you to do the same for me.”

  He waited for nearly a minute, and his words were quiet when he finally spoke. “If that’s what you need, angel. I would do anything for you.”

  I wasn’t sure what else to say in that moment, so I glanced at the clock. A soft groan filtered from my mouth when I saw how late—or, rather, early—it was. “I need to get to bed.”

  Fox released me, and I moved around the bed and climbed under the covers. Fox stood and hovered next to the mattress for a moment, staring down at me. “I want to sleep next to you.”

  It was already close to dawn, and I felt bad sending him back to a hotel or wherever he was staying. At least, that’s what I told myself as I flipped back the covers. “Fine. Just remember to keep your hands to yourself.”

  I rolled away from him, my heart racing as I stared at the wall. A minute later, the bed dipped under his weight, and a draft of cool air hit me as he pulled the blanket up.

  I slept fitfully, waiting to feel him creep closer. But he was true to his word. He never reached for me, just as I’d requested. I wasn’t quite sure why, but it pissed me off even more. By the time I woke up the next morning just after 10 a.m., I was cranky and exhausted.

  Fox watched me intently as I began to dress. “Want a ride?”

  “No.” I was just petulant enough to turn him down.

  “Okay.” I could hear the trace of mirth in his tone, as if he knew I was declining his offer on principle.

  “I won’t be back until late,” I snapped as I grabbed up my purse. “You’ll have to find something to entertain yourself while I’m gone.”

  “I’m sure I can find something.”

  He sounded so nonchalant that my fingers twitched
with the urge to slap him. How could he be so unflappable while I felt like a mess inside? What the hell was wrong with me? “Lock up when you leave.”

  With that I stormed out, slamming the front door harder than necessary, then set off at a brisk walk down the sidewalk. The day was cool, but it didn’t diminish the heat of my anger. Admittedly, it made no sense. My emotions were all over the place. I loved him, but I despised what he’d done. He’d promised to give me what I wanted, yet it wasn’t enough. I think my biggest issue with the whole situation was because I couldn’t quite figure out why he’d given in to my demands. Was it because he truly cared about me, or was he just doing it to appease me? Was this a temporary change to get me to come back after which he would revert to his old ways? The more I agonized over the answers, the angrier I got.

  God, I was so screwed up. I stopped and leaned against a building, tipping my head back to stare up at the sky. A normal person wouldn’t even consider going back to a situation like that. So why did it excite me so much? I’d fucking missed him. I think that was the worst. Despite everything he’d said and done, I still felt so much for him that it was overwhelming. I couldn’t have sex with him again. We’d always been compatible in bed, but it was outside the bedroom that our communication was lacking. I would have to keep him at a distance until I was sure I wanted to be with him.

  Chapter Six

  Fox

  She wasn’t going to get rid of me that easily. I felt her eyes on me the second I stepped into the bar. Some animals gave off pheromones to warn predators away—that same instinctual chemical wafted off Eva in rippling waves.

  Avoiding the bar, I took a seat at a small table in the corner, keeping my back to the wall so I could keep an eye on everything around me. In my peripheral vision, I watched Eva gesture animatedly for a second with Bryce before finally dragging herself out from behind the bar.

  Not meeting her gaze, I glanced at the handwritten sign behind the bar listing the night’s drink specials. “What do you recommend?”

  “Another bar,” she said without inflection.

  I bit back a smile at her obvious reluctance to serve me. No way in hell was I going to give her the satisfaction. If she wanted me to somehow prove to her that I was in this for the long haul, she was about to see more of me than she ever dreamed possible.

  “Tempting, considering the service.” I lifted a brow at her, and her eyes narrowed further.

  She didn’t move a muscle, didn’t even blink as she stared at me. “What are you doing here?”

  “Having a drink.”

  Her eyes flashed. “The hell you are.”

  “Why not?” I gestured with my chin around the mostly empty bar. “Looks like you could use the business.”

  Her cheeks flushed red with anger. “You here to spy on me some more?”

  I countered her question with one of my own. “Just doing what you asked, angel.”

  “I asked for space,” she responded tightly, “not for you to come loiter where I work.”

  “You asked for time, not space,” I corrected. Not that I would have given it to her anyway. I’d waited almost two goddamn months to see her again. If she thought I was just going to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble, she was out of her mind. If that were the case, I’d have gotten rid of her the moment she stepped foot in my house. Lucky for her, I loved a good fight.

  I moved back to the topic at hand. “What’s your best whiskey?”

  “Maker’s Mark,” she stared flatly.

  I held back a grimace and nodded. “Make it a double.”

  I spent the next several hours watching Eva move around behind the bar, cleaning and taking care of patrons. I felt her eyes on me from time to time, and she eventually came back over to my table.

  She swiped my empty glass from the table. “I’ll take this for you and get your bill.”

  “Actually, could I have a water, please?”

  The look in her green eyes told me she’d rather skewer me than bring me a water, but she stalked off to retrieve it and returned less than a minute later. She plunked the glass down so hard the liquid sloshed over the rim.

  I lifted a brow her way. “Napkin?”

  Without a word she pulled the bar towel from her shoulder and flung it my way before spinning on a heel and striding away.

  As I cleaned up the mess, I bit the inside of my cheek—to keep from laughing or lashing out at her, I wasn’t completely certain. God, I wanted to paddle her ass until she was so red and tender she couldn’t sit for days. Maybe while I was back there, I could find the stick she had shoved up her butt.

  Though she continued to flit around the bar, she didn’t stop by my table again. The owner, Bryce, made a cursory stop once when he noticed my water was empty.

  “Can I get you another?”

  “No, thank you.” I tipped my head toward the woman currently avoiding me like the plague. “I’m just waiting for Eva to finish up so I can take her home.”

  His eyes were full of questions, but he only nodded in response. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  At the end of the night, I crossed to the bar and slid a hundred across the polished oak surface.

  Eva’s eyes flared wide at the sight, and red flared over her cheeks. “I don’t want your damn money,” she hissed.

  “You apparently don’t want anything from me, angel.”

  Spinning away and ignoring the money on the top of the bar, Eva flounced into the kitchen, leaving the doors swinging wildly in her wake.

  The man seated in the stool to my right slid a look my way. “Trouble in paradise?”

  I snorted and shook my head. “You have no idea.”

  Chapter Seven

  Eva

  I swore I was going to kill him. I didn’t even have to look up to know that the man who’d just stepped into the bar was none other than Fox—also currently known as the bane of my existence. For the past three days, he’d shown up about halfway through my shift, then stayed until close and walked me home. Most of our time together had been spent in tense silence as I refuted every attempt at small talk.

  I was more on edge than when I found out he’d broken into my house, and I was loath to admit that sleeping next to him every night but not allowing any intimacies between us had pushed my control to the limits. My temper was rapidly fraying, and I was ready to scream. The knowledge that it was my own doing offered no consolation.

  At the end of the night, we silently trudged back to my apartment. Fox locked the door behind us, and I spun toward him. “What the hell are you doing?”

  He lifted one brow as he started to move past me toward the bedroom. “Getting ready for bed.”

  “You know what the hell I’m talking about.” I planted my hands on my hips. “You drove halfway across the country and broke into my house instead of approaching me like a normal person. You spend every night at sitting at the bar because you don’t trust me, and—”

  He whirled toward me. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

  I continued as if he hadn’t even spoken. “This—this shit right here—is exactly why I left. I won’t be treated like a prisoner, like I’m nothing more than a piece of property to you, you controlling bastard!”

  “What the hell do you want from me, Eva?” Fox stormed forward, closing the distance between us, eyes dark with some unnamed emotion. “I’m too unfeeling, too controlling. This is exactly what you asked of me. You wanted me to prove I was serious—whatever the hell that means. You’ve never had a fucking problem telling me exactly what the hell you wanted before, just make up your goddamn mind!”

  “Stop pressuring me! You’ve been breathing down my neck every single night.” Fury simmered to the surface at being put on the spot. “I told you I need time to think about it.”

  “Do you prefer this over the life I can give you?” He swept his arms wide. “Is this what you want?”

  “It’s better than where I was.” As soon as the words left my m
outh, I wanted to call them back. Had I not been looking directly at Fox I would have missed the stricken expression that moved over his face. It was gone a split second later, replaced by a cold, hard mask. Shit. “I didn’t mean that.”

  A muscle ticked in his jaw. “You must have, otherwise you wouldn’t have said it.”

  Deep down I recognized the truth of it. I’d said the words out of anger, saying the most hurtful thing I could think of to make him feel the way I felt. Confused. Hurt. Frustrated. “I’m sorry.”

  We were silent for a full minute and I held my breath, waiting for him to walk away from me. Neither of us spoke, yet Fox made no move to leave, either.

  His gaze dropped to the floor when he finally spoke. “Is there any chance of you coming with me, or have you already made up your mind?”

  There was a vulnerability to his tone I’d never heard before. No, that wasn’t true—I’d heard it once before, right after the invasion at his house. I drew back on that moment, and my heart constricted as I shook my head. “I haven’t made up my mind. I just... I don’t know what to do,” I finally admitted.

  We stared at each other for nearly a minute before he spoke. “I’m asking you, Eva—please give me this chance.”

  I lifted a brow. “You don’t want to drag me back to Chicago with you?”

  “Of course I do.” He took a tiny step forward and settled his hands on my hips. “I would keep you with me forever if I could.”

  My heart gave a hard thump, and I swallowed hard. It was so reminiscent of our last few weeks together that it was becoming harder and harder to keep my emotions in check. “What about me? What if I decide I’m not happy there?”

  I felt his hand tighten infinitesimally where it rested on my waist, almost as if his body had reacted automatically at the idea of letting me go. Silence stretched between us, and I could practically hear the thoughts rolling around his head as he fought to come to some sort of conclusion.

  “Come to the island with me first. If you’re still not happy, then... I’ll let you go.”