Whiskey Lullaby

by Keren Hughes

  “That wasn’t my intention, bro. Now look, I have to ask one last time.” He pauses to drink the last of his coffee. Maybe he thinks he doesn’t have to finish the sentence. “Would you please play the song, just for me, just this once?”

  I don’t answer. I turn back and pour myself another coffee.

  As I turn around, I see him pocket his phone. My own phone chimes, so I pull it out of my back pocket.

  >Dude, just play him the goddamn song. It’s so beautiful. Don’t make me beg. A.

  As if I thought I could count on my other best friend to do anything other than be a traitor.

  >Go fuck yourself sideways with a cactus, you traitorous douchebag.

  >Harsh!

  >I could have said a lot worse, trust me.

  I pocket my phone and look up to see a smile on Jude’s face. He thinks he’s won the battle. And sadly, I admit defeat.

  We walk into the living room, and I pull Bess from her case. Of course, I wrote it on the guitar I bought while I was away. It reminds me of Caleigh. It’s bittersweet really.

  Jude takes a seat on the couch, and boy does his size dwarf it. It looks like it was made for a bloody Polly Pocket, not a three-seater for grown-ass adults.

  “Don’t leave me hanging, bro. I ain’t got all day.”

  “Patience,” I warn as I run a hand over Bess.

  ***

  Jude left not long after hearing the song, leaving me to cry in peace and quiet. I waited until I heard the door close behind him before allowing the first tear to fall, and they didn’t stop until I got in the shower and washed them down the drain.

  Sadly, it wasn’t long before they started up again, so I poured myself a whiskey to drown my sorrows.

  Three glasses of whiskey later and I’ve managed to take the edge off my pain. Not made it go away, just stopped it from being so razor-sharp. Maybe I should spend my days trying to find peace and solitude at the bottom of the bottle, but that would be a mistake. I need a clear mind to try and find the answers I seek. Trouble is, I don’t even know where to begin.

  >Open the door, bro. This food’s getting cold.

  I see the text and am confused. What the hell is Evan talking about?

  I walk to the front door and unlock it. I’d made a point to lock it after Jude left, so that I wasn’t interrupted again.

  “What the hell man? Since when do you lock your door when you’re home?”

  “Since my friends started barging in unannounced and unwanted.”

  “Careful, or I’ll take this back,” he warns as he waves a bag in front of me.

  The aromas from that bag make my stomach rumble. Funnily, I hadn’t even noticed I was hungry.

  “Come in, then, before it gets cold,” I reply as I move aside to let him in.

  “Quite the greeting, man. Nice to see you too.”

  “Sorry. I’m just feeling sorry for myself, and I was enjoying the company of my bottle of whiskey.”

  “Don’t be selfish, then. I’ll plate up; you pour.”

  I grab him a tumbler from the cupboard as he walks around, grabbing everything he needs to dish up whatever he’s brought with him.

  “How are Julia and Jessa?”

  “Good, yeah. They’re with Jules’s mum, so it was either an evening in front of the telly or force my company down your throat.”

  “Good job I like you then, hey?”

  “I didn’t know what you’d want, so I got a few things. You can have a bit of whatever takes your fancy,” he replies as he puts containers on the breakfast bar.

  “Ooh, is that crispy duck?”

  I point to a foil container and Evan nods.

  “What else are you hiding?”

  “Chop suey, egg fried rice, and chicken and mushroom soup, because I know it’s your favourite—besides the duck, that is.”

  “I didn’t even think I was hungry, but man this just smells like heaven.”

  “Like you’re headed there when life’s done with you.” His face morphs into his classic cheesy grin.

  “Yeah, fucker, because you’d know. One day, when I’m ruler of hell, I’ll make you, Ash and Jude my little bitches.”

  “The pay would have to be good.”

  Goofing around with one of my three best friends feels so good. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be doing it, so I’ll take what I can get, when I can get it.

  ***

  Thankfully, there was no mention of Caleigh or the song while Evan was here. I’m just assuming he knows about the song because the other two have big mouths—especially Jude. We enjoyed Chinese takeaway and a couple of whiskeys, leaving me feeling slightly buzzed.

  As I shower, I can’t help but think of Caleigh, though. I’m reminded of the showers we took together, pretty much every time I shower. Even when buzzed, apparently.

  I let my head fall back against the cool tiles and close my eyes. A vision of pink hair falling over her full breasts plays behind my eyelids.

  Ghosting my hand down over my abs, I imagine that it’s Caleigh’s hand touching me. Her soft silky skin roaming over the ridges of my body, down until she reaches the defined V shape she enjoyed touching so much. Slowly her palm cups my cock and strokes me up and down. Fuck! I’m hard, and there’s nothing I can do except bring myself to climax to the visions of Caleigh’s lithe body.

  I get into bed, satisfied that I no longer have a hard-on and a serious case of blue balls, but saddened that I opened my eyes and Caleigh dissipated into thin air.

  The ghost of her will no doubt haunt my dreams, just like she has done every other night since I left her.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Caleigh

  I’ve finally decided to bite the bullet and look for a house closer to Rhiannon. I know it means giving up my job at The Lock and changing Hardin’s school. It also means I won’t have my mum and dad on my doorstep anymore, and that makes me sad. But the fact is, I’ve done a lot of soul searching and decided that I need to make a fresh start.

  A new job, a new place to live, a new attitude. It’s what I need. It’ll be good for me and for Hardin.

  It will be a wrench to leave my parents behind again, but as they’re both retired, they can come and visit any time they like.

  Honestly, the decision was prompted by Rhiannon, but it’s not her making me do anything I don’t want to do. I always said I would rather not live in River’s Edge. Angelo and I had wanted somewhere bigger for the three of us and I only moved back because we lost him. Now it’s just time for me to move on with my life. Everything has to move forward. You need to keep swimming, like a shark, because if you stay still … well, in the case of a shark, it would die, but in my case, it would mean that I’m merely existing instead of living. I need to live. So I need to do it for me, for Hardin, and in memory of Angelo, who would want me to give Hardin the best life possible.

  I’m not saying we couldn’t rub along just fine in River’s Edge, but that’s all we’d be doing, rubbing along instead of really going out there and grabbing life by the proverbial balls.

  I’ve always known that life is a series of fleeting moments that you grab and squeeze as much joy out of them as possible. Some moments are longer than others, some are happier than others. But whatever you do, you make the most of them, because you never know when the time will come that you have no more tomorrows.

  As I pull up outside the house, Hardin looks up at it, his eyes as wide as saucers. It really is beautiful. It’s a house of character, not a new build with no love or care shown to it. I don’t know if it’s “the one”, but I know it has potential.

  Instead of renting a space in the town hall in Pedmore for my yoga classes, I can actually find a premises of my own. It’s not like I’d drum up much business back home either. It would make far more business sense to move somewhere like here and find a location for my classes.

  “Mummy, if we live here, then will we still see Nanny and Pop-pop?” Hardin asks in a small voice.

  I know i
t’s going to be hard for him seeing them less, but I’m certain we’ll be happy when we settle down somewhere. We’ll find a way to make it all work. We have to.

  “Of course we will, baby. They’ll come and visit, and we can visit them in the holidays.”

  “But I won’t see my friends from school anymore,” he adds, sadly.

  His words tug at my heart strings.

  “I know, baby, but you’ll make lots of new friends at a new school.”

  “How do you know they’ll even like me?”

  “Oh, baby, of course they will. What’s not to like? You’re an amazing kid. You’re clever, funny, and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.”

  “Okay.”

  His sadness really sucker punches me, but I take a deep breath and tell myself I’m doing the right thing.

  “Come on, baby, let’s go check out the house,” I say as I see the estate agent standing at the front door of the house.

  We climb out of the car and Hardin holds my hand tightly as we walk up the path.

  “Good afternoon, Miss Flynn. I’m Jane. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  I shake her outstretched hand and offer her a smile. “Hello, Jane. It’s good to finally put a face to the voice on the other end of the phone.”

  “And who is this handsome little boy?”

  I introduce her to Hardin, and he thanks her as she hands him a lollipop.

  “I knew you were coming, so I came prepared,” Jane says as Hardin unwraps it.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, Hardin. Are you excited to see the house?”

  “Umm … a little bit.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be happy with what could be your bedroom.”

  Jane leads us into the house where we start the tour. It really is beautiful. It’s spacious, there’s lots of natural light, and the bedrooms are great sizes. Everything about it is what I’d want from a place to call home. The kitchen is phenomenal, a mix of old and new.

  We walk into the back garden, and Hardin’s eyes light up when I tell him there’s plenty of room for him to play football.

  “This place is amazing,” I say as Jane leads us back to the living room.

  “It sure is, and the previous owners made some really great upgrades that make it that much more desirable.”

  “How soon would you need an answer?”

  “Well, I do have another showing in”—she looks at her watch—“five minutes. I’ve had quite some interest in this place because of the size and the price. It’s very desirable.”

  “Could I take some time to think it over?”

  “If I were you, I’d make an offer as soon as possible.”

  “Okay. I have to weigh up the price, considering I’m also looking to rent premises for my yoga classes.”

  “Just call me as soon as you can. I know this place would be perfect for the two of you.”

  “It really would,” I agree as we walk to the front door. “I’ll be in touch shortly. I’m just on my way to see the rental space.”

  “I look forward to speaking to you soon, then.”

  We shake hands, and I open the front door before taking Hardin’s hand in mine and bidding Jane goodbye.

  Walking down the path, I look around the front garden. It’s well tended, and although there’s a decent amount of space, it doesn’t look like the upkeep would be too hard.

  I really want to snap her hand off and take it right away, but I can’t because I have an appointment to view the space for my classes. I have to weigh up the pros and cons, but as she has another viewing, I guess I’d better do it fast.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry,” I say as I bump into a hard wall of muscle.

  “It’s my fault, I wasn’t looking where I was…”

  His voice trails off, and I have to blink back unshed tears. What the hell is he even doing here? Is he Jane’s next client? He wants the same house as me?

  “Caleigh,” he says softly, as if he might spook me somehow.

  “Brent.”

  I don’t have the words to say anything more to him. I nod curtly and move to walk past him, but he blocks my way.

  “Please don’t go,” he pleads.

  “I-I h-have to.”

  Great, so now I’m stuttering. What the hell has happened to my strength? My knees feel as weak as my voice.

  “Hi Hardin,” he says, causing me to move a hand to protect my son.

  I know Brent isn’t a threat, I just can’t help but want to shield Hardin so that he doesn’t feel the pain I feel.

  “Hi, Rhett,” Hardin replies, his voice a lot perkier than mine.

  “Actually, baby, this man’s name is Brent. He was pretending his name was Rhett.”

  Hardin looks up at Brent with a puzzled expression.

  “Why would he do that, Mummy?” he asks, not taking his eyes from Brent.

  “I was hiding in town and didn’t want anyone to find me,” Brent answers.

  “Like hide and seek?”

  “A little bit. I had to be really good at hiding,” Brent replies in a hushed tone.

  “Say goodbye, Hardin. It’s time to go now.”

  “Bye, Brent.”

  “Bye, Hardin. It was nice seeing you again,” he says as we go to walk past him.

  A hand on my elbow halts my movements. I forgot how electric his touch felt. My traitorous heart beats faster, harder because of his proximity. The smell of his aftershave permeates my senses and I feel all the hairs on my arm stand on end.

  “Hardin, baby, would you go wait in the car for Mama? There’s a good boy,” I say as I press the button to unlock the doors for him.

  “Okay, Mummy.”

  He skips down the path and opens the car door. Once he’s sitting on his booster seat, he waves out of the window.

  “Caleigh, please—”

  “Please what, Brent? Please fall at your feet like the groupies? Please forgive you for shattering my heart into a million tiny fragments? Please what?”

  I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing pulse. It isn’t working, even though I try over and over.

  “I know it isn’t worth much to you right now, but you look good. I’m shocked but pleased to see you.”

  “I wish I could say the same.”

  I choke back a sob as I hear Jane call Brent’s name. He replies that he’ll be right with her before looking back to me.

  “I’m so sorry, Caleigh. Sorrier than you’ll ever know. I will never have the words to tell you how badly I feel for what I did.”

  “Then don’t bother trying.”

  My curt response is strangled by the lump in my throat that threatens to consume me.

  “Caleigh, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I’m not asking that of you. I just … well, I don’t know, it’s just so great to see you. You … you look amazing.”

  “Thanks.”

  Why am I even entertaining this conversation? It’s not like we have much to say to each other now. We’re nothing but a memory. Something that was amazing, but something that will never be. We were a love that failed. Destined to crash and burn due to the course he set us on.

  I watch as his eyes burn a trail over my body, and I can’t help the butterflies that start to swirl inside me as his hooded gaze meets mine.

  “I know I broke your heart,” he says. “I know it because the moment it broke, I felt like I was being stabbed with a red hot knife. I also know I can’t expect you to forgive me, let alone still love me. The pain of that alone is enough to bring me to my knees. To know I’ll never feel your love again. Never feel your arms as you hold me, never feel your body pressed to mine …”

  I feel the tears fall, but I can’t move to wipe them away. I’m frozen in place.

  “Brent, please,” I whisper.

  I feel like I’m struggling to breathe, like he’s stolen all the oxygen in my lungs with his words.

  I have to admit, I still struggle with the same thoughts. Thoughts of never kiss
ing him, never making love to him, never being able to lie next to him in bed and just watch him as he sleeps. It keeps me up at night sometimes, wishing upon the brightest star that I could go back in time and keep us wrapped up in our little bubble.

  My brain doesn’t register what’s happening until it’s too late. Nothing makes sense as his body presses up against mine, his arms wrapped around me. It’s like it’s all happening in slow motion, but warp speed at the same time. That just doesn’t make one iota of sense, but it’s the truth.

  I can’t move away from him. My traitorous body is paralysed, as are my senses.

  Suddenly his lips slant over mine, ghosting a kiss over them so softly. Pulling back, he looks into my eyes. They must convey my confusion, but also the love I still feel for him, because he leans in to claim my lips once more.

  It’s not a sweet kiss, it’s white-hot and sensual. It sears right across my soul and I relish in it as it burns deep. His tongue duels with mine, dominating the kiss, stealing all my resolve as I relax in his hold and kiss him like it’s the first time all over again.

  My arms wrap around him of their accord; it’s like my brain is ignoring the warning signs. I play with the hair at the nape of his neck and feel my nipples pebble as he bites my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth.

  “Caleigh,” he says breathlessly, as he breaks the kiss.

  I look into his eyes and it’s like a journey I don’t have a map for.

  “I love you so much.”

  His words shake me from my stupor. What the hell was I thinking? I not only allowed him to kiss me, I actively encouraged it. Fuck!

  “I have to go,” I say, my voice at least an octave or two higher than normal.

  “Please don’t,” he sighs as he slips his hand into mine.

  Tears fall unbidden down my face and I almost let them devour me, but at the last moment, I come to my senses.

  “No, Brent. We can’t do this.”

  I want him to hold me, to tell me it’ll be alright. Internally, I’m struggling with myself. My head says no; my heart begs me to say yes.