Whiskey Lullaby

by Keren Hughes

  Extricating myself from his grip, I turn and walk away. I hang my head, my heartbreak weighing heavily on me like an anvil crushing me slowly. In his eyes, I saw the missing pieces of me. It might sound crazy, but it was like for that tiny moment, I felt complete. In that brief space in time, it all wasn’t true. Then reality crashed in and I was hit with a tsunami of emotions, each one wringing me out, gutting me and bringing me to my knees.

  Frightened of what I might see, but what I might miss if I don’t look, I turn as I get to the car. He’s watching me, sorrow etched into his face like it’s taken up permanent residence. Lifting a hand, he offers me a small wave and I close my eyes.

  I don’t want to leave. I want to run back up the path and tell him we can get past anything. To tell him that, together, we can overcome any obstacle life throws our way, dodge each curveball. But the sad reality is that we can’t. There’s too much in our way. Mostly me trying to prevent my heart from being eviscerated again.

  I climb into the car and turn on the ignition. The car rumbles to life and I look at the dashboard. I’m running a few minutes later than I’d hoped to my next appointment. Looking in the rear-view mirror as I pull away, I see Brent standing there, unmoving. He becomes smaller and smaller until I blink, and he’s gone.

  All of a sudden, my fragile heart begins to beat hard against my ribcage. It begs me to turn the car around. But I can’t do that. I won’t do that. What’s done is done and can’t be undone. The past is exactly where it belongs. And Brent is in my past, not my present or my future, much to the chagrin of my traitorous heart.

  Since when did I listen to Rhiannon about my heart feeling something? It defies logic, but the facts remain the same. My heart still beats for Brent Ryder, even though he’ll never know it.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Brent

  Touching my fingers to my lips, I still can’t believe that it happened. It’s like a very lucid dream. Did I really kiss her? What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking, is the answer. I was feeling. The strong, gravitational pull that drew me to Caleigh came back with a vengeance and it was like my body overrode the signals from my brain that were warning me against it. It was a bad idea. It would only make me miss her all the more when she inevitably left me standing all alone … and she did.

  I stood and watched her drive away, unable to tear my eyes away even for a second. It gutted me all over again as she disappeared from my life for the second time. But she kissed me back. Why did she kiss me back?

  Her body had moulded to mine, her tongue duelled with mine in a frenzied, white-hot kiss that I’ll never forget until my dying day. My body had reacted to her closeness, my arousal prominent and pressed against her. I’m sure if I’d been able to, I would have felt her pussy dripping wet, needy, wanting me as much as I wanted her.

  It was hard to go and view the house with Jane. She didn’t question me about Caleigh, but I asked her how much interest there had been in the house and she’d said it was one of the most desirable houses on the market in Brookhaven.

  What the hell Caleigh was doing viewing a house there, I really don’t know. Is she planning to leave River’s Edge? It’s none of my business anymore, but I still need to know.

  As soon as Jane finished giving me the tour, I offered over market value for the house. It was a dick move, I know, but I didn’t want Caleigh to buy it.

  I’m not a complete asshole, I bought the house because I fell in love with it the instant I saw it. But I can’t lie, Caleigh wanting it was a reason to offer over list price. Why? That’s simple. I don’t want her to live anywhere that isn’t with me. I can’t imagine her anywhere else except by my side for the rest of my life. I might have to accept that, but my head and heart aren’t in agreement on that. I still have visions of winning her back.

  Buying a house that she was interested in wasn’t part of the plan, but it buys me some time to try and win her back. If she isn’t already looking at other properties, that is.

  I’m lying on the bed in the B&B when my phone rings. Looking at the caller ID, I see Evan’s name and swipe to answer.

  “What’s up, Ev?”

  “Well, you disappeared. For the second time, I might add. Where in god’s name are you?”

  He sounds irritated and disappointed.

  “I had something to do, Ev. I’ll be back late tomorrow.”

  “So, you aren’t even going to tell anyone where you are?” he asks as he sighs in frustration.

  I scrub a hand over my face and sigh. I haven’t plucked up the courage to tell the boys. I wanted to do what needed to be done first. I had to find a house or else I wasn’t going to tell them anything just yet. Now that I’ve found somewhere, I know it’s time. But not until I sign on the dotted line tomorrow and fly back home.

  “I’m sorry, Ev, I really am. But listen, I’m not completely off the grid. You can call or text and I promise to answer. But I can’t tell you anything until tomorrow. If you looked hard enough, I’m sure you probably could find me. But please don’t try. I need the night, Ev. Please?”

  “Okay.”

  “Thank you,” I say as I breathe a sigh of relief.

  “You owe me an explanation no later than tomorrow, Brent.”

  “I know, and I promise I’ll give you one.”

  “Until tomorrow then.”

  “Yeah. Bye, Ev.”

  I hang up and see the pink-haired beauty that still graces my screen. I can’t bring myself to change the wallpaper on my phone. I can’t delete any of the photos we took together. It’s too painful.

  Pulling up a new text thread, I do something I hadn’t anticipated.

  >I know I have no right to ask, but I can’t help myself. Are you staying in town or going back home?

  I put my phone down and grab a towel. Turning the water on, I wait until it’s nice and hot before stepping into the small en suite shower.

  My thoughts turn to Caleigh. I close my eyes and see her naked, bent over and bracing herself against the tiles. Her hair is wet and clings to her shoulders. I grab a fistful of her luscious pink locks and inhale deeply, storing the scent of strawberries in my memories for later. A loud squeal erupts from her as I spank her wet ass. Her giggles are like music to my ears and I wrap an arm around her as I align myself with her. I sink into her and she calls out my name, my real name.

  And that alone is enough to break the fantasy. She never did that in real life.

  I dry myself off, pull on my shorts to sleep in and pick up my phone.

  >Go the fuck away, you piece of shit. You bought that fucking house to spite me. You’re a prick, Brent. A goddamn douchebag.

  >Caleigh, I can explain. It wasn’t out of spite at all. Please just tell me if you’re in town tonight.

  >So what if I am?

  >I need to see you. Please, Caleigh, I’ll come and fetch you or meet you somewhere. I just need five minutes.

  >Will you explain why you bought my fucking house?

  She’s obviously angry because she doesn’t really swear unless she’s mad.

  >I’ll do anything you want if you agree to meet.

  >Shit. I don’t know why I’m saying this but … where are you? I’ll come to you. I don’t want you here where Hardin can see. It was hard enough explaining to him why you kissed me.

  >I’m at the B&B on Whitmore Crescent. You know it?

  >See you in fifteen minutes.

  Fuck. She’s really coming. Or is she leading me on? No, she wouldn’t do that, she’s not the type. I don’t really know why I asked her to come. It was as surprising to me as the fact that she actually said yes.

  I watch the clock as the minutes tick by. Fifteen long minutes later, my phone chimes.

  >Room number?

  >Six.

  A minute later, there’s a knock at the door. Opening it, I see a vision better than my memory could conjure up.

  Caleigh is dressed in a V cut vest and painted on jeans. Looking down to her feet, I see her black Louboutins. I�
��d know them anywhere, considering they’ve left marks on my ass when she’s had her legs wrapped tightly around me.

  “My eyes are up here, douchebag.”

  My gaze snaps up to meet hers, and there’s a fire in her eyes. She’s blazing mad, and I don’t blame her. But, for a brief moment, I remember what Evan said about angry make-up sex, and it’s all I can do not to grab her and throw her on the bed. Instead, I stand to one side and allow her into the room. She huffs as she passes me and throws her bag on the end of the bed.

  “So, would you mind telling me why I’m here? Why you bought my house? Why you kissed me like you were giving me part of your soul?”

  “I don’t know why you’re here, only you can answer why you came when I asked. As for why I bought the house, it was because I’ve been interested in that place for a while and Jane told me how desirable it was. I made an offer and the owner accepted. The kiss … well, honestly, I couldn’t help it. It was something I had to do.”

  “I don’t know why I came. Don’t know why I even answered your text, if I’m being honest.”

  “Do you want to leave?”

  She’s silent for a few moments before letting out a breath and whispering “No”.

  “Can I get you a drink? I can only offer tea, coffee or a bottle of water.”

  “I’ll take a coffee. One sugar, please.”

  She perches on the side of the bed and offers me the slightest smile as I walk around the bed to the kettle. I’m not much of a fan of instant coffee, but the fresh brewed stuff is hard to come by in a B&B. I sit in the chair next to the bed as I hand her a mug.

  “What are we doing, Brent?”

  “Well, we’re sitting in a room in a B&B, drinking coffee and talking,” I reply, trying to break the tension surrounding us.

  She offers me a small smile before taking a sip from her steaming mug.

  “You know that wasn’t what I meant.”

  “Honestly, Caleigh,” I begin as I scratch my head, “I really don’t know. I didn’t think I stood a snowball in hell’s chance of you agreeing to meet.”

  “It came as a surprise to me that I agreed.”

  “Where’s Hardin?”

  “He’s with Rhiannon. We’re staying tonight rather than make the two-hour drive back home.”

  “Are you honestly hoping to move here?”

  I know I’m making small talk instead of saying what’s really on my mind, but I can’t help it.

  “Yeah. I’m looking to put down roots somewhere bigger, where I stand a chance of attracting more clients.”

  “Clients?”

  “Yeah. When we met, I was coming back from a job interview, I told you that.”

  “Uh-huh, I remember.”

  “Well, it paid off. I got the job. And that means moving to Pedmore or Brookhaven, because I wouldn’t get many clients in River’s Edge. I was going to use the town hall in Pedmore, but decided I’d like to look for places to rent.”

  “What’s the job?”

  “Yoga instructor. I qualified a little while before we met. It took a while to actually qualify, but I persevered. It’s something I enjoy and practice at home daily—or most days, if I can’t manage every single day—and something that I can fit around Hardin’s school hours and holidays.”

  “Wow. I’m really happy for you.”

  “Thanks. I work for a company, but it’s like being self-employed. You set your own hours; they help pay towards the rent on a premises where you’d set up the business. It’s a bit like working for a taxi company. You work for the actual main company, but you rent out a room or something, like how you might rent a taxi for use. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

  “No, no, you’re not. I like hearing about your big plans.”

  I also like the ease with which she’s talking to me. I expected her to be more guarded.

  “I know it’s a big change, but I always knew I couldn’t stay in River’s Edge forever. I couldn’t work at The Lock for the rest of my life. I’ve always felt like I was made for something bigger.”

  “I’m so happy for you, Caleigh. Grabbing life by the balls and doing something you really want to do, something that will make you happy. That’s the best thing you could do.”

  Something crosses her gaze, but I don’t have time to figure out what it is.

  “So, what about you? Why did you buy a house in Brookhaven? Don’t you already have somewhere back home, wherever home is?”

  I take a deep breath. I hadn’t planned to tell her this. But then I hadn’t planned on seeing her at the house, hadn’t expected her to come to see me, so I scrub a hand over my chin and open my mouth, afraid of what’s about to come out of it.

  “I’m quitting.”

  “Quitting what? I need more than that to go on.”

  “Whiskey Lullaby. The boys don’t even know it yet, but I’m quitting. I just don’t love what I do anymore. I thought my stay in River’s Edge would give me the answers I needed. Thought I’d get over my writer’s block. Hoped I’d reconsider my hatred of being in the limelight. None of that happened. Well, I managed to finish the tour and I wrote one more song. But going back to the tour and recording the album afterwards, that confirmed my worst fears; I don’t want to do it anymore. Don’t get me wrong.” I pause to take a deep breath and finish my now cold coffee. “I’ve loved my time in the band. I’ve loved travelling. I’ve loved the fan base we cultivated. But, whether it’s because I’m getting older or what, I don’t know, I just know that my heart isn’t in it now.”

  “I can’t believe it. I thought you were going back to the groupies and whatever else it entails.”

  “Honestly, so did I. Not the groupies, that hasn’t been doing it for me for a long time. Then I visited a quiet little town where I met a pink-haired siren who stole my heart.”

  Her gasp is audible, and her skin turns a deep shade of pink.

  “I fell in love for the first time in my life, and it made me re-evaluate everything I thought I ever wanted. To be honest, I was never really comfortable with the limelight, but I tolerated it for my love of music. However, my time away from the band only confirmed that I am more comfortable with anonymity.”

  “That’s why you dyed your hair and stayed away from big towns where you’d be more likely to be noticed. You wanted a taste of being anonymous.”

  “Exactly.” God, it feels so good to get everything off my chest. It’s like a weight has been lifted.

  “You were the driving force, Caleigh. Your loving me for the man I am, not the fame or fortune, that’s what made me really make the changes I’ve needed to for a long time. After making up my mind to make the move across the country and start my life afresh, I felt so much happier. I won’t lie, I wondered whether I’d ever see you again. But I didn’t expect to bump into you—especially quite so literally—today. Seeing you made my heart start beating again.”

  I look up to meet her gaze. I see her eyes swimming with unshed tears.

  “I don’t know whether I could ever make you fall in love with me again. I’m not even asking you to try; I know I don’t have that right. But you being here now,”—I pause as I reach out to take her hand, tracing small circles with my thumb—“it makes my heart thunder in my chest. While I was back home, it’s like it forgot how to beat. I needed to see you again to be reminded.”

  “Brent,” she whispers.

  “Caleigh, you asked why I kissed you. Well, I didn’t exactly tell the whole truth before. I needed to be reminded of the way you used to kiss my lips. To remember how you held me in your arms, how you felt pressed up against me. I needed one last reminder of the love that we once shared.”

  I stand and close the short distance between us. Crouching so that I’m eye level with her, I bring her hand up between us and place gentle kisses on it.

  “I want to kiss you, but this time, I’m not going to take what I want without your permission.”

  Caleigh nods furiously and that’s all I need before my lips are on her
s once more. I push her back on the bed and brace myself over her as she licks at the seam of my lips, and as I open to her, she bites on my bottom lip just like I did to her earlier.

  She moans quietly as I taste her, my tongue dancing with hers the way it has so many times before. My hand trails up from her thigh to the hem over her vest. Her sharp breathy moan as I touch her bare skin is like kindling to a flame.

  Suddenly our hands are everywhere, and I realise—quite belatedly—that I’m only wearing my shorts from earlier. Her soft hands roam the bare expanse of my skin, and my breathing becomes laboured as one hand makes its way to the waistband of my shorts.

  I need one last reminder of how it feels to make love to her. I need to remind her how much she felt when we were together. How she fell in love with me. The real me, even if not by name.

  “Oh god, Caleigh,” I moan as she pushes my shorts down over my hips, freeing my erection.

  She looks down, and when she looks up at me through hooded eyes, her grin is nothing short of salacious.

  I want her so much it physically hurts. I’m trying to show some restraint, to draw this out so that it isn’t over before I can process what’s happening. I want to remember every second, every feeling, every touch, every emotion she draws out of me.

  “You feel so good,” I whisper as I reach to pull her vest off over her head.

  My eyes fall to the red lacy bra she’s wearing. I’ve peeled it off her before. Boy does it make her cleavage look enticing. But then, she could be wearing a damn bin bag and she’d still look amazing.

  Her pink hair falls over her shoulders and I reach to brush it back, wanting an unobstructed view of her lithe body.

  “I want you so damn much, Brent.”

  God, my heart wants to soar as I hear my real name fall from her lips. I’ve waited so damn long to hear it, and now my heart wants to burst from my chest.