Whiskey Lullaby

by Keren Hughes

  I undo the jeans that act like a second skin on her, and she lifts her ass from the bed so that I can wiggle them down over her hips. Pulling them down to her feet, I remove her heels before discarding the jeans and placing the heels back on her feet.

  I look up at her; she’s wearing the red lacy thong that matches the bra. She looks fucking incredible.

  Kneeling at her feet, I nudge her legs further apart before trailing kisses up each thigh in turn. Caleigh whimpers as I kiss her navel and run a finger along the waist of her thing.

  As I look up, I see her watching me. Her breasts move up and down with each ragged breath, and I swear I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life. She’s perfect. The creamy expanse of her skin, the emerald green gaze that swims with emotion, her luscious pink tresses, the swell of her breasts—I could die a happy man just to have known her for this short time.

  Her tattoos each tell a story, and she wears them well. They add to the mystique of her. I find myself wanting to hear the stories behind each and every one. And, who knows, maybe if she comes back to me after tonight, I’ll get to find out.

  I tug her thong down her legs, off one foot and then she kicks it off the other.

  Before I can help myself, I reach out to toy with her clit. I watch as her body writhes on the bed. I love the way it’s my touch that does that to her.

  “Brent, I can’t wait,” she calls out as I slide a finger inside her.

  Truth is, I can’t wait either. But I need to exercise a little patience. Good things come to those who wait. Or so I’m told.

  Caleigh’s his buck as she rides my fingers. Her walls clench around them, and god does she feel good. No, strike that, she feels exquisite.

  “H-harder Brent,” she pants.

  I am only too happy to oblige, so I up my pace and hook my fingers to hit the spot over and over until I feel her legs quivering. I know she’s so close.

  Her hands fist the sheet as I look up. God, she takes my breath away. And this is where she belongs—with me.

  “B-Brent … I-I …”

  At the last second, I withdraw my fingers and she cries out in frustration before I replace them with my tongue.

  So much for the angry sex I thought I was about to get, but hell, I’ll take it however I can get it when it comes to Caleigh.

  Her hands come up to fist my hair as I use my thumb to tease her clit. It acts like a detonator as she comes long and hard, crying out my name at the top of her lungs.

  My god, could she get any more perfect? Could my heart be any fuller right now? I really don’t think so. I stand up and look down at her. She’s so beautiful it steals all the oxygen out of the room. She’s flushed pink, and her lithe body turns me on now more than ever. My cock is rock hard, and I have to fist it a couple of times to try and get some relief.

  “Come here,” she whispers, looking up at me through her long eyelashes.

  Without hesitation, I move to the bed. Bracing myself over her, I lean down to kiss her. She moans as my tongue dances sensually with hers.

  I don’t waste a moment as I align myself with her. I break the kiss so that I can look deeply into her eyes. Watching her eyes light up as I sink slowly inside her is something I could get used to. There’s a deep sense of satisfaction as I stretch her to accommodate me and sink fully inside.

  I still for a moment, giving her the chance to change her mind. I get my answer when I feel the heels of her shoes digging into my ass. Her arms wrap around my neck and she tugs at my hair as I begin to move inside her.

  I feel her fingernails drag down my back, no doubt leaving marks, but I don’t care. She can mark me as hers, because that’s exactly what I am.

  Upping my pace, I feel Caleigh meeting my hips thrust for thrust. She feels so damn perfect and I want so much to come deep inside her, but I have to hold back somehow.

  I stop suddenly, making Caleigh cry out in frustration.

  Leaning in, I kiss her so deeply it’s enough to make her toes curl, then I pull her legs up onto my shoulders. I feel deeper inside her from this angle, and I’d be lying if I said the feelings swirling inside me don’t make me want to cry—happy tears, not ones of sadness.

  I’ve missed this, missed us. I’ve needed this since that fateful day when Gordon helped speed up the process of blowing us apart. Not that I can blame anyone but myself for the fallout. He just made it happen quicker. But now here we are. What comes next is anyone’s guess. That being said, all I can find it in me to care about right now is the here and now. The woman lying underneath me.

  I feel that familiar tingle, telling me how close I am. But I must chase her release first.

  “H-harder, Brent … p-please.”

  Withdrawing almost all the way, I thrust back inside her, making her cry out my name.

  “A-again,” she pants.

  I do the same thing another couple of times before stopping and leaning down to bite her nipple. Her back arches off the bed and she moans in ecstasy. Moving inside her again, I build a punishing rhythm, pushing us both closer and closer to our limits. Beyond them, even.

  With a final thrust, we both cry out as we reach our climax. Never has anything felt so right. This woman will be the death of me, pure and simple. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Lying curled up together under the blanket, we stay silent except for our ragged breathing.

  “Caleigh,” I say softly. “I love you so much. I don’t want to be without you.”

  “Brent, I … th-this … this was a mistake.” Her voice breaks as she utters those last four words. Four words that are like daggers to my heart.

  “Wait, Caleigh, what?” I cry as she jumps up from the bed and begins to dress.

  “This was a mistake. It can’t—won’t happen again. I’m sorry.”

  “B-but you wanted this as much as me. Didn’t you?”

  “I did. But that doesn’t stop it from being a mistake.”

  “Y-you regret it?”

  I look at her as she pulls her clothes on in a hurry. Her face is sad and my heart splinters. Why is she doing this?

  “I … no, I don’t regret it. Sex with you is … well, it’s beyond amazing. But it can’t happen again.”

  “Caleigh, I—”

  “Don’t.” She cuts me off with a hard stare that penetrates my soul.

  “Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll let you go without a fight.”

  “I-I c-can’t say that, Brent. You k-know I can’t.”

  “Then don’t go. Stay with me and we’ll figure it out together.”

  “I have to go. Rhi is looking after Hardin. I need to get back to them. I’m sorry.”

  She pulls her shoes on and walks to the door. Turning to look back at me, she opens her mouth but quickly closes it again.

  “Please,” I beg.

  “I’m sorry.”

  And with that, she leaves my room without looking back, taking my heart with her.

  I lie back on the bed and shout out in frustration. What the fuck am I doing with my life? Caleigh is giving me permanent whiplash. She loves me, she hates me, she kisses me, she comes to meet me, and we make love, then she tells me it’s a mistake and walks away. Goddamn it, it hurts so fucking much. I feel the pain carve a hollow in my heart, my soul.

  Caleigh made me feel for the first time in my life. I actually cared about a woman instead of just discarding her like others that came before her. I let myself fall in love. With her, with the life I could have with her by my side. I did it all for love, something I didn’t know anything about until I met Caleigh Rae Flynn. She’s extraordinary. She has her flaws, like I have mine. But she’s perfectly imperfect and she made me a better man just for knowing her. That’s why I know I’ll never get over her. There will never be another that signs their name across my soul, owning me the way she does.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Caleigh

  I pull up outside Rhiannon’s house and take a few deep breaths before walking to t
he front door. I let myself in and creep quietly down the hall to the guest bedroom.

  Hardin is fast asleep as I lean down and kiss his forehead. He stirs a little but rolls over in his sleep and cuddles up to his favourite Mickey Mouse plush toy. I sit on the bed next to him and kick off my shoes. With a weary sigh, I begin to change into my pyjamas. My heart feels heavy, like it’s weighed down with a million emotions. Probably because it is. I can’t believe I slept with him. Of course, I wanted to, but that’s not the point. The point is, I was weak. I let my love for Brent eclipse anything else I was feeling.

  Walking into the en suite, I turn on the light and grab my toothbrush from the sink. I look in the mirror and see sadness reflected back at me. I don’t want it to have been a mistake, I want to let myself love Brent. But something is stopping me.

  I can’t believe he’s quitting the band and moving to Brookhaven. He’s in for a culture shock, for sure, when he realises that this town is just like any other. Places he’s visited, things he’s seen, he won’t find any of that here.

  He’s used to the fame, the fortune, living life on the open road. He’s never been tied down, never put down roots anywhere. He’s never stayed anywhere long enough for that to happen. So, now that he’s about to put down roots, he’ll probably end up aching for the life he led before.

  I know that, in time, he’ll find someone else to love. He says I am his first love, but I won’t be his last. Now that he knows how love works, he’ll find someone special and build a life with her. I just wish it didn’t hurt so goddamn much when I think about him being happy with someone who isn’t me.

  I wish I could borrow somebody else’s heart, one that isn’t filled with as much sorrow as mine. Then maybe I’d stand a chance of being open to love again. But Brent showed me what it was like to love someone other than Angelo. He showed me how to live again, really live, not just exist. He is the keeper of my heart, and I will never be able to give it to another man. I might not be Brent’s last love, but he’ll be mine.

  With a sigh, I rinse my mouth out with mouthwash before heading back into the bedroom. I sit down in the space next to Hardin on the double bed we’re sharing for the night.

  Lying down, I pull the covers over me and close my eyes, visions of Brent dancing behind my eyelids. Images of his taut, muscular body, his soft lips and his soulful eyes plague me. No matter how hard I try not to let it, my mind wanders back to how it felt to be pressed up against him, how it felt to have him buried deep inside me, how my body ached deliciously after the orgasms I experienced tonight. Who am I kidding? My body still aches with the memory of the orgasms that rocked me to the core.

  Sleep takes its time, claiming me as my mind is stuck in an endless loop. Why did I agree to meet him tonight? Did I know what would happen? Did I hope for it? If I didn’t, why did I dress provocatively? Was it to show him what he’d been missing? Was it to make it impossible for him to resist me? All I know is that I wanted what happened as much as he did. It’s why I allowed him to kiss me when he asked permission. It’s why I let him strip me and make love to me one last time.

  Did I know it was going to be the last time before it happened? Was it some form of closure? Of goodbye? If it was, then how am I still feeling so confused? I’m more confused now than before. I love him, I want him—and not just in a sexual way. I need him. Yet I reject him and break his heart, shattering my own in the process. Man, I really am screwed up.

  Why does love have to hurt so much? I’m broken, but I can’t seem to walk away and sever ties completely. I need a clean break. That’s what moving to Brookhaven was meant to do. But now I know he’s moving here too, that I could see him in the street, in the supermarket, holding hands with another woman … that thought cleaves my heart clean in two.

  ***

  After a restless night, I wake and grab my dressing gown. Hardin isn’t in bed, so he’s probably playing with Luna somewhere.

  I walk into the kitchen and see Rhiannon making the batter for pancakes. My stomach rumbles, and it’s only now that I remember I didn’t have anything to eat last night.

  “Morning, beautiful,” Rhi says, sounding positively effervescent.

  Her positivity is too much for me this morning, so I reply with a flat tone.

  “Hey.”

  Just one word, that’s all I can manage.

  “Did you sleep okay?”

  “No.”

  “Honey, what’s up?” she asks as a frown mars her beautiful face.

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing or the Brent kind of nothing?”

  I mutter something unintelligible, and she huffs at me like an annoyed mum.

  “Sorry, Rhi.”

  “Honey, Lewis has already left for work, and the kids are in the garden. It’s just you and me. You can tell me anything, I won’t judge, I swear.”

  “W-we … we slept together.”

  “Oh, honey,” she sighs as she puts the bowl down and rounds the breakfast bar to wrap me in a hug.

  I rest my head on her shoulder and she strokes my hair, whispering that it will be alright. “Nothing will ever be alright again.”

  “Yes, it will. It might take time, but it will get better, I swear.”

  “I love him, Rhi. I can’t help it. I want to be mad at him for lying. I want to hold that against him as some kind of barrier to keep up between us. But any time I see him, I feel my resolve melt away. My fragile strength evaporates, and all I can see is love.”

  “Then why fight it, honey? Who says you have to stay mad at him? Who says you can’t just let go of the past and look to the future?”

  “I am looking to the future. A future without him. And it scares me.”

  “Oh, Caleigh.” She sighs and sits on the stool next to me before taking my hand in hers. “You deserve to be happy. And who’s to tell you that he isn’t the one to make you happy?”

  “I don’t need a man to make me happy, Rhi. I’m perfectly capable of finding happiness of my own making.”

  “I know, honey. That’s not what I meant. I just meant that if he makes you happy, if your heart races just from hearing his name, if looking at him makes you weak at the knees … if what you two have is special, then why not just stop preventing yourself from allowing it? I’m sorry to say this, Caleigh, but you’re kind of standing in your own way here. You need to stop and just go with your heart.”

  “That’s not going to happen,” I say as I shrug out of her grasp and walk to the back door.

  I look out and see the children running around, laughing and squealing. Their happiness makes me smile. My heart is full of love for my little boy, my family, my friends. I don’t have room in my heart for Brent. Not after everything that’s gone on, anyway.

  Once upon a time, I thought we could carve out a life together. Instead, he carved a hollow in my heart. A deep black chasm that I don’t think anything will ever heal.

  “Honey, don’t let anger cloud your judgment,” she says as she places a hand on my shoulder.

  “I’m not. Am I?”

  Am I? God, I’m so confused. All I really know for sure is that I’m looking to move and start my business. I’m looking out for me and Hardin. Anyone else isn’t a priority.

  “Caleigh, I know it’s none of my business really, but you want to move here, right? And you want to work in the area. What would you think about finding a house to rent privately instead of buying?”

  “What? Why would I do that?”

  “Well, partly because Brent bought your dream home out from under you—which I admit, was totally a dick move—and partly because you want somewhere to live sooner rather than later. You’d be able to find a house for rent quicker. Then you could look for somewhere to buy, once you’re already here.”

  “That’s not such a bad idea. And yes, it was totally a dick move. The jerk did it because he knew I wanted it.”

  “Did he really? You can’t really know someone else’s motivations.”

  “Well,” I
say with a sigh as I turn to face her, “actually, he said it was because he fell in love with the house. Turns out he’d been looking to move here for longer than I could possibly have known.”

  “Oh.” Her face suddenly brightens. “Then that’s one less reason for hating him.”

  “Would you stop with the pros and cons list already? I know you’re keeping a tally in that beautiful mind of yours,” I say as I give her a playful shove.

  “Maybe I am. Is that really such a bad thing? I mean, it kind of seems like you can’t keep track, so I thought I’d do it for you. Want me to list some of the pros?”

  “I most certainly do not. I want to spend the day with my best friend, my goddaughter, and my son before returning home. I want no more mention of Brent fucking Ryder.”

  “Then I shall not mention him again. Today, anyway.”

  ***

  After a lovely day with my bestie and the kids, Hardin and I made the long-ass drive home. I’m so shattered. A long soak in a hot bubble bath with a glass of rosé sounds perfect about now.

  Tucking my little man in bed, I get ready to tell him a bedtime story.

  “So, what’s your choice tonight then, baby?”

  “I want to hear a story about Brent. He said he was playing a game, like hide and seek. Will you tell me about it, Mummy?”

  So much for not having to talk about him again today. But I should have told him about Brent when he left, and Hardin was asking a bunch of questions I couldn’t answer.

  “Well, I’ll tell you if you promise to go to sleep straight after.”

  “I promise, Mummy.”

  “Good boy. Now, lie down and I’ll begin.”

  He snuggles down underneath his duvet and I begin to tell him about Brent being a famous singer and wanting to hide out for a while. He asks a couple of questions, so I answer him as honestly as possible, without telling him the details too big for little ears.

  “Do you love him, Mummy?” he asks sleepily.

  His question should shock me, but he’s always been sharper than a tack, and kids have a way of asking things so bluntly.