I Had That Same Dream Again

by Yoru Sumino

“You don’t smell like a bad adult.”

  “That’s because I’m not an adult.”

  I really was getting worried about her wrist now, and mustered the courage to reach out to touch it, but she snatched her hand away and wrapped her arms around her knees, leaving my hand swinging through empty air.

  “There’s still a lot that I don’t know about the world,” I said. “If there are people who can calm down by cutting their arms.”

  “You’re awfully haughty for a child.”

  “You know, I had no idea this place was here.”

  “I see.”

  “Do you always come here, Minami-san?”

  My little friend had begun wandering the rooftop, her tail swaying, so I stood up to follow. As soon as I started walking, I realized how much wider the rooftop was than I had imagined. I came back, close enough to see the blood on Minami’s wrist.

  “What’re you hanging around here for?” she asked. And then: “I only found this place recently.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  I scooped my little friend up in my arms and spun around. Miss Bobtail cried out and I let her go. She wobbled as though the ground had gone out from under her, and flopped down at Minami-san’s feet. I laughed.

  “Don’t pick on it.”

  “I’m not picking on her. We’re playing.”

  Minami stroked Miss Bobtail’s back, as though pleased by the black stripes of her fur. Hearing the cute, pleased mewl she let out, it occurred to me again what a wicked girl she was to resort to such flattery.

  “So, what are you doing here, Minami-san? If I was coming to a big open place like this, I think I’d dance. How about you?”

  “I don’t dance. I just sit and look at the sky.”

  “And then you cut your arms. Now that I’m looking, I can see that you’ve cut them plenty of times…you really are going to die.”

  Minami-san looked at her arms and sighed. I had no idea what that was supposed to mean. Should I continue this conversation? Her expression said both that she wanted to talk and that she didn’t. I was sure that I had never made such a complicated expression. When I wanted to talk, I did, and when I didn’t, then I didn’t.

  I reminded myself to ask Skank-san about the face Minami-san was making. If you wanted to know about adults, you should ask another adult. Instead, there was one other thing that I wished to discuss, so I turned my sights towards that.

  “Hey, Minami-san.”

  “What? Shut up already.”

  “I was wondering if you like to draw pictures.”

  “What’s this all of a sudden?”

  I had spied the notebook and pen hidden away in her shadow. Perhaps she understood what I was getting at, because she quickly shoved the notebook under her butt and pulled a face, as if to say “You were just seeing things, there’s no notebook there.” But I was sharp enough to see through such lies. I pointed at her behind.

  “Why do people who draw always hide it? There’s a kid like that in my class too. He draws such wonderful pictures, but he hates people knowing it. Why do you hate showing off?”

  For a few moments Minami was silent, staring up at the sky. But, as my little black-furred friend sprung away to chase a small white butterfly, Minami sighed again.

  “It wasn’t a picture.” There was a pause, as though she was mustering her courage, before she spoke again. “I was writing.”

  “Writing? Were you writing in your diary?”

  “No…I was…writing a story.”

  “Whoa! That’s amazing!”

  Minami averted her eyes, as though worried she would be smashed to pieces. But as the words leapt out of the bottom of my heart, she looked surprised. Maybe I’d let my voice get a little too loud again. However, I quickly saw that it was not my battle cry that shocked her. Something very peculiar had caught her surprise.

  “You aren’t…gonna laugh?”

  I was unsure of what she meant.

  “Laugh? Me? At what? Why would I laugh, when I haven’t even read any funny jokes? If you’re saying that I would laugh at people who write stories, then my stomach would probably twist up and kill me while I was busy reading. Why would seeing someone write a story be funny enough to make me laugh?”

  She shook her head. For the first time, I glimpsed her eyes through her swaying bangs. They were beautiful, just like Skank-san’s. And Granny’s.

  “That’s not it!” she said, as loudly as I had.

  I was not surprised. If I got surprised at things like that, I would shock myself so badly that I really would die. I decided to implore her.

  “Say, let me read that.”

  “Huh?” she said, surprised again.

  Obviously, if there was a story then I wanted to read it. But I knew that was not normal for a child of my age, so I could understand her shock.

  “I’ve already said so, but I am clever. I know how wonderful stories can be.”

  “What’s that supposed to…no!”

  “Why not? Oh, do you have some other engagement?”

  “I mean, I don’t.”

  “Then please, let me read it. I know how wonderful stories are, and honestly, I’ve always thought that I’d like to write one of my own someday.”

  Minami’s face showed not the slightest hint of movement, but the secret I had revealed seemed to grant her power. She pressed her hand to her mouth and grumbled, utterly resigned.

  “Why do I gotta show this to some stupid brat I just met?”

  She handed me the notebook.

  I’m sure that Minami-san knew that a girl’s secrets did not come cheap. I had not told anyone that I wanted to write a story before. Although I had grand plans of one day moving everyone with something I had written, this was the first I’d ever told anyone. In exchange, I secured the chance to read a brand-new story. I think that’s what people call negotiating.

  “Ah, wait.”

  “What is it?”

  “I completely forgot. I’m reading about Homeless Huck right now.”

  “Huh, I read that when I was a kid, too.”

  “I’ve never read another story when I’m already in the middle of one. That’s my rule. I want to be able to completely immerse myself in a world.”

  “Then give it back.” Minami pursed her lips and took the notebook back. “I get what you mean, though,” she muttered, placing the notebook back under her backside.

  It was like a treasure chest she was hiding so no one could find it. It made me want to read her story all the more.

  “I’ll finish reading Huck soon! Let me read your story when I’m done!”

  “I’d prefer you just forget about it.”

  “No, I won’t forget. Life is like the contents of a refrigerator!”

  “What the heck does that mean?”

  “Even if you forget about the nasty peppers that are in there, you’ll never forget about the delicious cake!”

  Minami-san laughed, as though simply expelling air from her lips. “You’re really something, brat.”

  I didn’t get any bad feeling, like I was being badmouthed. Although she kept calling me “brat,” which I knew was something that people said when they were being cruel, I got the same wonderful smell from her “brat” as I did from Skank-san’s “little miss,” and Granny’s “Nacchan.”

  I suppose that Minami-san recognized me as a friend. It was probably because she enjoyed stories just as much as I did.

  If only everyone in the world loved books, I thought, then it might be a more peaceful place.

  No one could ever think about hurting other people if they knew about something as exciting as stories. And yet, given that she knew this, I still could not understand why Minami-san would cut her own arm. She still would not say much about it, but I could get her to speak about other things, such as books.

  She knew about way more stories than I did. However, even she did not properly understand The Little Prince, and I realized how truly impressive Granny was, that she
could solve questions that even a high school student could not grasp. Minami-san said that she liked the part about the fox in the desert.

  “Well, I’ll come back here again.”

  “You don’t need to. But I mean, you can do whatever you want. I don’t own this place or anything.”

  “I can’t wait to read your story!”

  “Whatever.”

  “Don’t cut your arm anymore.”

  Minami-san said nothing, but waved her right hand to shoo me and my tailless friend away. As we carefully descended the stairs, Minami-san was still up there, watching the reddening skies.

  Today, I had gained another destination for my daily walks.

  “Happiness won’t cooome, wandering my way sooo, thaaat’s why I set ooout to find it todaaay!”

  “Meow meow!”

  By the time we made it down the mountain, there were no more children left in the little park. Instead, there was a lone adult, sitting on an unswaying swing with a terribly sad look upon his face. I was suddenly quite concerned for him. I felt like I had seen him somewhere before, but I could not recall who it was. But, as I went to approach him, I noticed my tailless friend moving on. I just ended up just heading home for the day.

  When I arrived at home, I was surprised to see that, for once, my mother was home before me. She looked between the flier I had left on the table and her pocket planner, and gave me wonderful news about the observation day. I found a new resolve—I had to think even more seriously about happiness. I dove into my soft bed that night with my mother’s promise locked safe inside my heart.

  The next day, I was faced with a very difficult choice.

  “Life is like a bowl of shaved ice. There’re so many good flavors to eat, but you can’t eat all of them. You’d get a tummy ache.”

  I had to decide between Skank-san, Granny, and Minami-san. If I went to see all of them, I would run past the curfew my mother had set. I could only visit two places at most. It was as difficult as choosing between strawberry, lemon, and soda-flavored ice.

  “So why’d you come here?” Minami-san asked, drinking a bottle of barley tea with a sullen look on her face.

  “Oh? Well yesterday you said I should do whatever I liked,” I replied.

  “Go play with your school friends.”

  “I don’t have any school friends.”

  “Seriously? You really are a loner, huh?”

  “That’s not true. I do have friends. I have this little one, and you.”

  “You can’t just decide I’m your friend.”

  She looked at the sky and let out a snort. I mimicked this, watching a bird flying above. I thought about how difficult it would be to sleep in a bed if I had wings.

  “I came here because I don’t know anything about you,” I said. “I want to learn more.”

  “You don’t need to know anything about me.”

  “That’s not true either. Life is like a Japanese-style breakfast.”

  “What the heck does that mean?”

  “There’s nothing that you don’t need to know about.”

  “What are you talking about?” she said. “You’re really something.”

  “I’m not something,” I said. “And I don’t want to be ‘something,’ I want to be more clever.”

  “Weird for somebody so impressive to say they don’t want to be.”

  “People who are impressive can’t make time to go out with their families on Mondays, can they? There’s no point in being that impressive.”

  That was all I said, but…

  “You talkin’ about your parents?”

  I was surprised to hear her say this. She really did have a high schooler’s smarts. However, I was loath to nod in agreement, so I was silent. Minami-san huddled up again, wrapping her arms around her legs.

  “Might not be such a good thing to be so clever after all.”

  “That’s not true. I want to be super clever! There’s no way you can write a story without being sharp, right? I never knew that there was a tree called the ‘baobab’ before I read The Little Prince. I didn’t know there were talking roses, either.”

  “There are no roses like that.”

  “What? Are you saying baobabs aren’t real either?”

  I began to grow uneasy. Not once in my whole life had I even seen a baobab tree. But then, Minami-san was a high schooler.

  “Baobabs do exist. They’re big trees that take over a hundred years to grow. People say that they’re the biggest on Earth, and that they were some of the very first trees. I’ve also heard that God was angered by the baobab tree’s jealousy once and turned the tree upside down, which is why its branches look like roots.”

  “Who was the baobab jealous of?”

  “Of the palm tree, who was more slender; and the fig, with its fruits.”

  I was deeply moved by this.

  “That’s a unique and wonderful story. How like you, Minami-san.”

  “There’re just myths. It’s not like I made up those stories.”

  “Still, you’re much more clever than I am, if you know all these interesting stories. I hope I can grow even more clever so that I can know them too.”

  “Hmph,” said Minami-san, as though she had no interest in either me or the baobab tree.

  However, I could tell that she was not unhappy. When I begged her to tell me more interesting stories, she had plenty to say. The most interesting one was that the phrase “under the rose” meant “secret” in English. I did not speak English yet, but I was sure that when I was an adult and I could, I would need to find a reason to use it.

  I completely lost myself in talking to Minami-san that day. By the time I realized, it was already time to head home. I had completely forgotten to visit Skank-san or Granny. All the next day, I wanted nothing more than to talk with Minami-san again, but no matter how boring it was, I still had to go to school.

  The idiot kids were still idiots, and my neighbor Kiriyuu-kun was scribbling secretively in his notebook, so school was as boring as ever. Still, at least there was one good thing. During break, while I was alone at the library, Ogiwara-kun showed up. I decided to strike up a conversation right away. I was dying to tell someone about all the things that Minami-san had said, but had no one else to spill them to.

  Just as Ogiwara started to leave, not even noticing me at the far end of the library, I chased after him, making a face as though I was leaving, too.

  “Ogiwara-kun!”

  “Oh, Koyanagi-san. I didn’t know you were in here.”

  “Yeah! What did you borrow?” I asked, pointing at the book in his hand.

  He showed me the cover with a smile. I knew exactly what that expression meant. I, too, knew the joy of holding a brand-new book.

  “The Memoirs of a White Elephant, huh? I’ve read that one too.”

  “Yeah, I wanted to read it when I found out it came from France, just like The Little Prince.”

  Of course, that was Ogiwara-kun for you. He chose books the same way he laid the groundwork for our conversations. Taking advantage of this newly laid foundation, I told him about the baobab and the rose as though I had known them the entire time. Ogiwara-kun showed proper surprise for each. Surely, he and I were the only ones in our class who would find such things interesting. Because we were both clever.

  We talked on and on, but I still was not satisfied. However, our conversation ended abruptly when a boy from our class called Ogiwara’s name from the other side of the hall. Ogiwara turned and left as though he had forgotten we’d even been speaking. Of course that would happen. Not only was Ogiwara-kun clever, but he had plenty of friends.

  I would have to find another outlet after school for everything trying to burst out from inside of me. Sitting under the blue sky on a concrete rooftop, I told Minami-san all about what had happened today.

  “He’s got your heart racin’, huh?”

  “I mean, we were just standing there.”

  “Not what I meant.”

&
nbsp; The corners of her lips were turned down again today, but that did not mean she was angry. Bit by bit, I was coming to learn about her.

  “Oh right,” I said. “I’ll be finished with The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn soon.”

  “Yeah? And what about it?”

  “Then I can read the story you wrote. I’m really excited for it.”

  “No idea what you mean,” she said grumpily.

  She was sitting on her notebook as always. She had probably been writing before I arrived.

  “I’ll see you next time, then.”

  “Do what you want.”

  Minami-san’s “Do what you want” carried the same meaning as Skank-san’s “See you later, little miss.” I waved at Minami-san’s back. After that, I stopped by Granny’s home, and told her about the same things I had told Minami-san. It was a wonderful day.

  Lately, I was attending language arts class with some rather complicated feelings. Although I looked forward to it, it felt sort of like standing at the bottom of a long set of stairs. It was the same feeling that the hero of a fantasy tale would have when facing down a massive dragon. I was the type to stand proudly before both steep hills and dragons, but there were children who would shrink back into their own shells. My neighbor was just once such child.

  “Hey, what’re you drawing there?” I asked Kiriyuu-kun.

  “I, uh, nothing…” he replied, reluctant as always.

  Although he was fine as a partner in group projects, I worried how he would fare as an ally on an adventure. Because he was my neighbor, we also ate lunch together. After that, I headed to the library alone and then, after school, I decided to head to Minami-san’s building again. There was a particular reason for this.

  “It’s better to have lots of allies on your adventure.”

  “Meow.”

  Miss Bobtail seemed to enjoy Minami-san’s company as well. Although we were completely opposite in appearance, our tastes in people usually aligned.

  “You here again?” Minami said brusquely as we came out onto the rooftop.

  Her words carried the same meaning as Granny’s “Good to see you.”

  I sat down on the ground beside Minami-san, copying her huddled-up pose. “Salutations,” I said. “I trust you are having a marvelous day?”