Where We Meet Again

by Wilson, A. M.

  “Admit it. You seduced my father to get back at me for hurting you, and when you got pregnant, you ran away. No wonder you didn’t come to me.”

  “Please, listen,” I beg. My breaths quicken. I’m nearly hyperventilating. “You have to believe me.”

  He walks past, and it takes everything to restrain myself from reaching out to him.

  “I don’t have to believe anything you say. Not anymore.”

  He jams the button to buzz the nurses’ station with his thumb, and I follow him down the hall. The doors open, and he passes through without acknowledging my existence.

  “Which room is she in?”

  “Six.” The word floats out of me on a shuddering breath.

  “I can’t even stand to look at you. Once she’s out of the woods here, we won’t see each other again. Not in any capacity other than me coming and going.” He jerks his finger in the general direction of Evelyn. “But she’s gonna be in my life. You will never be.”

  He tears the door to her room open and leaves me outside. While every instinct inside me desperately wants to follow, I give him five minutes with her alone.

  That’s all I can stand.

  I’m grateful to see he put a chair on the left side of her bed for me. The one he occupies mirrors its position.

  I scoot as close as I can to her head. Reaching down, I lower the guardrail, cross my arms, and create a resting place for my head next to hers. My arms serve as a pillow. The beeps and expirations of her machines fill the silence.

  A train crashes in my mind, memories of the day I’ve tried so hard to suppress assail me from all sides. I’ve blocked them out and haven’t allowed myself to relive them for fourteen years.

  Today, I’m not strong enough to do that. They flood forward. After all this time, the dam I erected to hold them back is finally broken.

  21

  Fifteen years earlier…

  It was snowing.

  My mind was numb as I ran the two-and-a-half blocks from my house to Law’s. I couldn’t feel the hard ice crystals pelting my back and melting in my hair.

  I couldn’t hear the wind whipping past my ears or the cars splashing through the puddles along the side of the road.

  Headlights where nothing but a bright flash of yellow. The car behind them didn’t register. The sky was a mass of chaotic hues of gray.

  Sometimes being numb didn’t mean being unable to feel. Sometimes being numb meant feeling anything and everything all at once and being unable to process it all.

  That was me. I was numb. I was feeling everything in a way I knew it was about to destroy me.

  Law and I got into a fight at school. A big fight. An epic fight. The kind of fight most people don’t walk away from and remain best friends.

  Let alone, friends.

  Or even less, boyfriend/girlfriend.

  Which we weren’t, anyway.

  This happened at lunch, and the entire rest of the day, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I should’ve been happy he was honest with me. Instead, I felt crushed.

  I took the bus home, rather than catching a ride with him like I did every day, and that gave me a moment to think about what he’d said.

  “We should use this time for experiences, Cami. I want our future to have no regrets.”

  “You and me, we’re a forever kind of thing.”

  If that were true, then he’d have no problem being with me right now. But he had to go on.

  “I’m going to date Steph.”

  The memory of those words rang throughout my head as Law’s house came into sight. They made my gut clench and ache more than the Olympic speed I set my pace to in my desperation to get to Law before he left.

  With the icy snow numbing my face, I couldn’t even feel the tears streaming down my cheeks.

  I hit his porch still running and hurtled up all three steps in one leap. My fist collided with his front door. Still pounding, I shouted, “Law! Open up!”

  Nobody yelled back, and the door didn’t move. I hiccupped a sob. A clarity entered my desperate mind. My surroundings appeared, and I took them in. Law’s truck wasn’t parked in the drive.

  Disbelief placed my hand on the door handle and turned.

  Shock moved my feet forward inside of his house.

  Pain sent me running up the stairs to his second-floor bedroom.

  Empty.

  I barely made it to the edge of his bed before my knees gave out, and I collapsed. Naively, I thought my opinion would get to him. Would change his mind. He knew how much I cared about him, didn’t he? Why would he try so hard to push me away when I was begging him not to?

  Why was she better than me?

  I was stupid, that’s why. I’d lost just about everything. My parents were gone. Ritchie’s condition deteriorated daily. Maybe Law’s had enough of the lonely girl with the sad story? As many times as I heard bad news or lost somebody, he’d been there to support me. Could I blame him for saying enough is enough?

  Maybe he’s right. He needed to have real high school experiences while he still could. Cancer and death and money were adult responsibilities he shouldn’t have to think about.

  But where did that leave me? I couldn’t just walk away from my life. I couldn’t pretend my parents were still alive and that the brother I looked up to wasn’t dying from cancer.

  The tears physically hurt as they trailed down my sensitive cheeks. I fisted my fingers into the soft duvet on his bed.

  “Why now, Law?” I whispered.

  “Cami? Are you all right?”

  Law’s father stood in the entry to Law’s room, gripping the doorframe almost as if he were holding on.

  I startled and dashed away the tears on my cheeks, but it was no use. They kept falling. “Y-yes. I’m sorry for barging in.”

  “Did something happen to Ritchie?” He asked with the same tone of concern his son would have, and that twisted my heart further.

  “No, sir. Nothing like that.”

  “Law?” This time his voice held fear for himself. He stepped further into the room and stopped at the end of the bed, fingers gripping the footboard.

  “No! I-I’m sorry,” I choked, another sob taking hold at hearing his name aloud. This might be the last time I sit in this house.

  “Then what is it?”

  I dropped my head, sucking in a deep breath through my nose. “We had a fight,” I muttered.

  “Oh.”

  “I love him, and he’s on a date with another girl.”

  His father sighed and rounded the bed to sit beside me. “It’s no surprise to me you love my boy. The two of you have been nearly inseparable since we moved here when he was seven.”

  A fresh wave of tears assaulted me at the years of memories.

  “That said, he’s gonna do what he wants. That might mean seeing other girls. That might mean the two of you don’t end up together. But, Cami.” He waited until he had my attention. “As clichéd as this sounds, if it’s meant to be, he’ll come back to you.”

  “That’s bullshit boys say so they can fool around while the girl waits for them to come back.”

  He laughed, and his eyes focused faraway. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “I don’t want to wait for someone who isn’t coming back.” I started crying again. I couldn’t get a handle on the pain and talking wasn’t helping me.

  “Aw, girl. Come here. Don’t cry over my boneheaded son.” His father opened his arms wide, and I accepted. It’d been a long time since I’d had comfort from someone other than Law, and having spent so much time in his house, his dad was probably the closest thing I had to a parental figure. I didn’t view him as such, but so long as his son cared for me, he did as well.

  Which meant if I lost Law, I’d lose his parents, too.

  I was sick of loss. Why couldn’t anyone I loved stick around?

  The tears wouldn’t stop. They worsened with the hug, so his father eventually pulled away. He handed me a tissue from the box on Law’s bed. “I do
n’t want to know why these are here,” he joked, getting a small smile from me. “Let me get you some water.”

  When he left, I crawled up to Law’s pillow and curled into a ball on my side, facing the room. My head was a million miles away, in the land of memories and futures that would never happen, while my heart was lodged in my throat. Tears leaked continuously until the cotton beneath my cheek was soaked and strands of hair stuck to my face. The tissue clenched in my hand became useless.

  It took a while for his father to return. I assumed he was calling Law to come deal with me, because what adult male wants to deal with a hormonal, crying, teenaged girl? But he came back with a soft look on his face and a glass of water in his hand.

  He sat down close, the side of his left hip near the crook where mine bent, and handed me the water.

  As I came up on one elbow, I noticed the unmistakable smell of booze on him. Law’s father wasn’t a big drinker, but it seemed the last few weeks he’d been picking up the bottle more often.

  I wrapped my fingers against the cool glass; the condensation made them slippery. “Thanks.” I chugged it.

  He took the glass from me and placed it on the nightstand. I flopped back onto the pillow and tucked my hands beneath my head.

  “Let me just… stop crying… and I’ll go.” The words stuttered as I tried to breathe through the tears.

  “My son is an idiot.”

  My eyes flew to his at those words. His eyes were the only thing the two of them had in common. Looking into them hurt me so badly.

  “He’s got such a good thing right in front of him, and he’s throwing it away for nothing. That girl has been chasing after him for months. If he doesn’t get his head out of his ass, he’s going to regret this for the rest of his life.”

  I whimpered, the words hurting what’s already damaged. “You aren’t helping.”

  He smoothed the strands of hair away from my forehead. “You’re beautiful, and my son is a damn idiot.”

  The compliment warmed me and made me feel understood.

  What was happening here?

  His eyes unfocused as he stared just above my forehead. “He’s still a boy. Doesn’t know how precious women are. But I’m a man, Cami. I know,” he muttered. I shouldn’t have asked. I knew it wasn’t right, but I did it anyway. “What do you know?”

  His eyes focused back on mine, and he dropped his elbow to the bed to lean in closer. The tips of his fingers skimmed my hip. My body froze. The air evaporated from my lungs as I held my breath.

  “I know how a beautiful woman deserves to be treated. How to make her feel good. I can show you, Cami. Being with someone doesn’t have to hurt this much.”

  I didn’t think I answered. Maybe my subconscious took over and my head gave an imperceptible nod. Maybe my lips whispered yes, and I just don’t remember. Or maybe it was on my face. My features gave the invitation, and he gladly accepted.

  Whatever it was, the next thing I knew his mouth was on mine. Firm, yet exploring.

  The first second felt wrong, but then my body softened. A man kissing me felt good. Everyone wants to be loved. To be wanted. Why was this so different?

  I knew why, but in that moment, it was easier to pretend. It was easier to tell myself that I was worthy of attention when I felt anything but. It was easier to shove Law’s choices under the rug to be dealt with at another time. It was easier to push down the sickness at what was happening and imagine I was kissing someone else.

  His body moved to cover mine more fully, and I stiffened.

  “Relax. You’re so beautiful.”

  He reached between us and unsnapped my jeans. Exhaustion from the crying jag set in, and my vision blurred. A haze overtook me.

  The puzzle tore into jagged snapshots at that point, ones I could only seem to recall if I really tried.

  His hands and mouth touching me. The pain of him pushing inside. The angry bite of stretched and shifted clothing. The sensation as he found his release.

  The urgency of his voice coaxing me to get dressed.

  The silence of him driving me home.

  The forceful suggestion that we should keep what happened a secret, which only reminded me I wasn’t cared about at all.

  * * *

  Three weeks later, after missing my usually regular period, I took a pregnancy test that came out positive.

  That same night, Law showed up at my house when I got home from work at the local diner to get me back.

  I’d said no.

  The next day, when I should have been in school, I walked back to Law’s house. His father was home, as I’d expected, and seemed almost terrified to let me in the door.

  “What happened before can’t happen again.”

  He thought I was there to have sex. I was so dead inside that there wasn’t room for playing games. “I’m pregnant.”

  He’d let me in long enough to try to talk me into an abortion. When I’d refused, not because I wanted something from him–but because I couldn’t imagine letting a doctor murder the baby growing inside of me–he got angry.

  “You’re nothing but a little girl. What did you expect to happen here?” He tore a hand through his short, buzzed hair. The sight of those hands nauseated me. “That I’d leave my family to raise a child with you? If anybody found out, I could go to jail.”

  “I’d never tell anybody. That’s not what I want. I don’t anything from you.”

  He leaned forward on the island that stood between us, gripping the edge until his knuckles turned white. “Then why are you here?” he hissed through clenched teeth.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Get rid of it.”

  “No.”

  “This is blackmail. If I go down, I’m ruining your reputation. You’ll be known as the town slut.” He clenched his jaw and looked out to the four-seasoned porch that doubled as his office. Without warning, he took off in that direction.

  I watched, statute still, as he tore through drawers. The white dress shirt he wore became wrinkled from his frantic movements.

  “What have I done?” He covered his face and spoke in a way I didn’t think he intended me to hear him. “You have to leave.”

  His voice became louder. “You have to leave.”

  “I can’t leave,” my voice shook. “Where would I go?”

  “It’s the only solution. I’ll give you money, and you have to get out of here.”

  “Go where? I’ve lived in Logansville my entire life.”

  This solution calmed him down. He adjusted the burgundy paisley tie he wore and rounded his desk. He stopped in front of me, thankfully an appropriate distance away. “I have money, but you have to leave. I’ll give you ten grand upfront and twenty-five hundred dollars a month until the baby is eighteen. The only condition is you leave and never come back. You can’t tell anyone where you’ve gone or that the baby belongs to me.”

  I swallowed hard and looked around the space that had been so much like a second home. Knowing I’d never step foot in there again caused an ache to spread throughout my chest.

  I’d never see Law again.

  I knew what I had to do as soon as he’d said it. There wasn’t another option. Only, I had one condition.

  “I’ll take the ten grand today and leave. Right now. I’ll pack my things and go. I need your help to get a decent car to get me away from here, though. Mine would never make it. The last thing either of us needs is my car breaking down and forcing me to come back.”

  “Done. Anything else?”

  “I don’t want your charity. I don’t want the rest of the money.”

  “Non-negotiable.”

  “That’s stupid. Give me the cash, and I’ll be gone. A monthly payment would only leave a paper trail.”

  He sighed. His hands moved to rest on his hips, and his chin dropped to his chest. “You’re still a little girl, Cami.” He raised his eyes to mine. “As much as I want to make this disappear, I can’t just let you go o
ut into the world on your own with nothing. You’re sixteen. You don’t even have a high school diploma. What kind of job do you expect to get that could provide livable wages?”

  “That’s not your business. This is my condition. Take it or leave it.”

  “You aren’t leaving me much of a choice.”

  “I don’t have any choices, so it’s only fair, isn’t it?”

  His response was to pick up the phone and remove the cash from the bank.

  We stopped at my house to pack my things. After picking up the money, he took me to a used car lot and purchased a gently used, red Honda Civic. I got in the driver’s seat, and we drove separately down the highway to put my things into my new car away from prying eyes.

  As I was climbing in a second time, ready to drive away from the only life I’d ever known, Law’s father stopped me by calling my name.

  I froze with one foot out the door and a hand on the handle, about to slam it shut. My head turned toward his voice to see he’d stopped just beside my rear wheel.

  “I wanted to say good luck. I wish you and the baby all the best. And that I’m sorry.”

  With barely concealed emotion, I gave it to him as straight as I could without breaking down. “I hope the rest of your life sucks. Every day, I hope you think about the vulnerable girl you used and the child you’ll never know, and I hope it eats at you until it’s destroyed you as much as you’ve destroyed my life.”

  I pulled my leg in, slammed the door, and left him standing on the side of a snowy back road.

  * * *

  I made one stop on my way out of town. The conditions of our agreement were to keep this a secret. I’d forced myself to leave without telling Law, but there was nothing in the world that could stop me from telling my brother where I’d gone.

  That was the ultimate piece that broke me.

  He was so frail in that hospital bed; the sterile white room harsh on my eyes when I entered. I hit the dial to turn down the overhead lighting to give him a more comfortable setting. At the change, his eyes flitted to where I was motionless in the doorway.