I lost my tough stance as I was utterly defenseless against Ben’s beautiful eyes. They were so blue, I could see my reflection in them. “Okay, twist my arm, you win. I’ll spend the day with you, but I want to go back to my dorm to change my clothes. I also have to call my sister to check in.”
“Perfect. While you’re there, pack an overnight bag, because I want you to stay again tonight.”
“Ben, this is moving too fast,” I tried to protest but he covered my mouth with his finger.
“Hallie, I promise again to not pressure you at all. I just want you close, okay?”
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Thank you, and don’t think I won’t try to change your mind today. I can be very persuasive.” He winked, and I knew he wasn’t kidding.
I have a feeling my sexy British boyfriend is used to getting what he wants. It’s the smile and those eyes he uses as his magic weapon. I silently smiled inside, and then he grabbed his keys and followed me home.
When we got back to my dorm, it was empty. The girls must be out and about. I dropped my bag on my bed and went over to my closet to pull some clothes down to wear today and pack something for tonight and tomorrow. After I packed my bag with clothes and toiletries, I went into my bathroom to change. I took my hair down and ran the straightener through it. I kept my makeup light and took a glance in the mirror to check my appearance. Satisfied with my look, I was ready and stepped out of the bathroom.
Ben gave me a wolf whistle and curved his finger for me to come over to him. Once I was in reach, he pulled me on top of his lap so I could straddle him, feeling his hard length pressing into me. I kissed him until all rhyme and reason went out of my mind. I felt Ben’s heartbeat against my own, and thoughts of making love with him took over my rational sense and need took over. I never felt this way before about any boy, and it’s more than physical attraction. Ben is kind, funny, and so easy to just spend time with.
His hands found my hair as he pulled me closer and kissed me continuously until I finally placed my hands on his chest to halt his movements. If we didn’t stop, I would let Ben have me right here, with me offering up my virginity to him.
He let out a breath and placed his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry, Hallie, and for this…” His eyes looked down to the bulge in his pants, and I just laughed hard until I was holding my belly.
“Okay, let me leave a note for the girls, and we can head out,” I said and looked for a piece of paper. I walked over to my desk and caught Ben’s reflection in the mirror. He was palming his jeans as if he was in pain, making me snicker under my breath. Oh man, he is so cute.
We left my car back at the dorm and took Ben’s. It was a pretty warm day considering it was fall in NC, but that’s what I love about it here. We took advantage of it and drove out to Jordan Lake. Ben rented a pontoon boat, and we took a ride around the lake, surprising me with his skills and knowledge on how easily he operates the boat. I sat out in the front, enjoying the warm breeze on my face. I took my sweater off and was comfortable enough in my tank top. Ben did a sudden jerk of the wheel, and I got splashed with cold water.
“You jerk! You did that on purpose,” I shouted at him over the loud roar of the boat engine.
“Yup, I did. You looked like you needed to cool off a bit,” he laughed and then blew me a kiss as he continued to drive on.
We stayed out on the lake for a good two hours before returning to the docks. He parked the boat effortlessly and then helped me out.
“I’m starving. How about some lunch?” he suggested.
“Sounds perfect. What do you have in mind?”
“You, but I promised to be the perfect gentleman,” he said, raising his hands up.
I was about to answer when my cell vibrated in my pocket. “Sorry, I have to take this, it’s my sister Leah calling,” I said, leaning up on my tip toes to kiss him before I answered her call.
He took my hand and led me back to his car.
“Hey, Leah, what’s up?” I asked.
“Um, it’s Saturday, and I haven’t heard from you today,” she said.
“I’m sorry. I should have called you this morning when I remembered.”
“So, why did you forget?” she sounded annoyed.
“Ask my boyfriend. He’s quite distracting.”
“Boyfriend? Oh, this is new. Is this the same guy you were telling me about?”
“Yes, and he’s sitting right beside me and hears everything you are saying.”
“Good! Tell him if he hurts my baby sister in any way, I’ll have his balls on a platter fileted like prime rib.”
“Ouch,” he whispered.
“Oh, I’ll tell him. Listen, are you okay? Everything good with Harry?”
“Yeah, I’m good. We’re good. I know you probably have plans today, but are you busy tomorrow?”
I furrowed my brows at the change in her voice. “No, I’ll probably just do laundry.”
“Good, bring your laundry here, and we will have dinner. I want to talk to you about a few things that require a face-to-face conversation. I promise I’m fine.”
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I disconnected the call, and Ben took my now free hand up to his lips to kiss. “Sounds like guy talk to me.”
“How do you know?” I laughed.
“Um, I’m a guy, and she was talking in code.”
“Well, whatever it is, she sounded happy, and it’s nice to hear.”
We stopped at the store to pick up some food to stock Ben’s fridge and extra for tonight’s dinner. I suggested homemade pizza with all the toppings. It’s quite easy, and it’s a happy memory from my life with mom. We often did this on the weekends, creating recipes for the ultimate pizza. I kind of cheated tonight with buying the pre-made crusts, while mom always insisted on making the dough from scratch. By the time we were finished, our kitchen looked like a hurricane of flour just blew in, but we didn’t mind the clean up because we had so much fun.
I peeled away some of my closed-off layers and shared that memory with Ben, making him hug me from behind as I covered his pizza with various meats and vegetables.
“Hallie, just because she’s not physically here anymore doesn’t mean she’s not here in your heart. It’s okay to remember her and talk about her. I’ll listen to any story you want to share with me.”
I felt my body tremble in his embrace as I wiped my hands with the towel and turned in his arms. I placed my arms around his waist and breathed in his scent. He held me for the longest time, and then he kissed me sweetly before taking the pizzas and placing them in the oven.
The silence was thick in the air, but it was not awkward at all. I felt at ease with Ben’s words and thought about what he had said about my mom. I only talked about her with Leah and my therapist, whom I haven’t seen in a while. We left things open-ended, with me promising to call if I needed to talk.
The sound of the oven timer brought me out of my thoughts. Ben placed the pan pizzas on a cooling rack and asked if I wanted anything to drink. He said he had some red wine in the house, but I declined and told him he could have it if he wanted to, but I was good with water. I used to like wine on the special occasions mom allowed me to have a glass, but since discovering a drunk driver was responsible for her death, I stay away from all alcohol. Ben didn’t open the bottle and drank water too.
“This is good. Feel free to cook for me anytime you wish,” he complimented me and then finished off his first slice.
“You’re welcome. This was pretty easy to make. I wouldn’t say I am anywhere near being a well-rounded cook, but I can hold my own.”
“Well, this is a treat, and I look forward to sampling more of your cooking.”
I kept my thoughts to myself and finished my own pizza. It was easy to get lost in thought around Ben and to dream of what’s to come in our relationship. I knew I was probably getting ahead of myself, but this is what my sister encouraged me to do. She probably didn’t mean jump
head-first with the first boy you meet, but Ben is no boy. He’s a man, well-educated, and who has the power to bring me to my knees with those magnetic eyes of his. I’m not making any promises to myself or to Ben. I just want to enjoy him and see where it goes. We cleaned up the kitchen and watched movies in his bedroom. We kissed and explored the other, pretty much throwing out the “take it slow” rule, but we didn’t go beyond second base.
Ben kissed me all over before clicking off the side light and holding me for the rest of the night. “Hallie, you make me so happy,” he said, and then I felt him even out and fall asleep.
It was too soon, I knew it was, but the words were there on the tip of my tongue. I didn’t say them aloud for Ben to hear but privately to myself.
“I love you, Ben, and you make me happy too!”
6
Changes
Every moment spent with Ben has been a whirlwind of amazement. He is wonderful. I was never one to believe in Cupid’s arrow, but he is changing my mind on that thought, and now it’s time to tell Leah about him.
I left Ben sleeping in his bed as I kissed him goodbye and left him a note telling him I would call him when I’m back from seeing my sister. He looked so peaceful, and I didn’t want to wake him up just to say goodbye. I’m not sure how he will react finding me gone, but hopefully my note will make him smile.
I used my key to enter the house we grew up in and called out to Leah that I was here. She was upstairs and told me she would be down in a minute. It was relatively early, so I fixed myself a cup of coffee and started flipping through the stack of magazines Leah had on the counter when one caught my eye: a bridal magazine? A few of the pages were marked with post-it notes, and I nearly choked on my hot coffee when I found a slip of paper with Leah’s name on it. It didn’t say Whitman. It said Mrs. Leah Childress. WTH? I turned around as Leah came down and entered the kitchen, wearing a smile as wide as the Cheshire cat.
“I guess the secret is out of the bag,” she said as she took me in for a big hug and kissed me on my cheek.
“Okay, who are you? And where is my sister, Leah?” I put the magazine down and waited for her explanation.
“I know, right? I don’t know, Hallie. I didn’t see him coming, and when I finally opened my eyes, it was like the love drug filled my veins, and I couldn’t get enough of it. Harry is amazing, and he wants to marry me. He asked, and I said yes, as if there was no other answer in the world to say.”
“Leah, how can you marry someone that I haven’t even met yet? This is just unreal and so out of character for you.”
“Listen, we’re not getting married tomorrow, but we are thinking early next summer. Don’t worry. You will meet him tonight when we all go out to dinner to celebrate our engagement,” she said happily and then showed me her left hand with a beautiful solitaire diamond on her fourth finger.
“Wow, this is beautiful. I’m happy for you, sis, and hopefully you will be happy with my news too.”
“And…? What may that be?”
“I officially have a boyfriend! Do you remember I told you about Ben?”
“I do, but since we haven’t caught up in a while, I’ve missed all that happened in the middle, so start from the beginning.”
We talked for hours with ordering pizza in-between. We’ve come a long way since mom and dad died, and when all you have is each other to depend on, you tend to be closer. I love my sister very much, and for a long time, I took her for granted, but not anymore. She’s great, and Harry is very lucky to have found her. I guess they both are.
After I heard all about Harry, it was my turn to tell Leah about Ben. “We literally crashed into each other on my way to one of my math classes. At first, I thought he was in it, but it was all a ruse to meet me. He’s a junior and twenty years old. He’s British, an only child, and his father has business here in North Carolina. Ben attended university in London before continuing his education here. He is amazing and treats me well. I like spending time with him. We’re not rushing into marriage, but I do like being his girlfriend. I’m taking it one day at a time, and so far, it’s been fun.”
“He sounds wonderful, Hallie, but…” she said slowly.
“Yes, you were saying?”
“Hallie, please let me say this. I’m not blind. I see how happy you are, and it’s great. It’s about time this family has had some happy. I just want to caution you a little, because this is your first relationship, and I’m assuming…” again she hesitates.
I say the words she can’t say herself. “Yes, I’m still a virgin, and if and when I decide to move forward to change that status, I will take every necessary precaution to keep myself safe. Does that answer your question?”
“Yes, and don’t be snotty. I had to ask, and now I know.”
“And what about you? Should I expect any little Harry’s anytime soon?”
“Smart ass! No, I’m on the pill, and they will come way later once I finish school, which will be happening before our wedding. I met with my advisor this week, and after this semester, I will have enough credits to graduate. What a weight off my shoulders! I can’t wait.”
“Awesome, that’s great news. So, what is the next step after the wedding?”
“Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about. Harry has a house that is double the size of this one, and he wants me to move in with him as soon as possible. We talked about it a lot and decided that it would be best to begin our new life together in his home, not this one. I still feel this is mom and dad’s house, and I have a bedroom here. As you can see, I haven’t changed anything. I still can’t walk into their bedroom without crying. And your room is here too, which you need when you come home from school. Harry is settled, and even if I didn’t work at all, he can provide and take care of me.”
“It’s a lot to take in, Leah. My head is spinning a bit.”
“I know, and I’m sorry about that. Listen, this is your home just as much as it is mine, and you don’t have to decide anything right now. I have no intentions of selling the house until you finish college, and that’s four years from now. I want you to stay here during the off months you’re not in school. As you know, the house is part of the trust, and any bills that are paid on the house comes from the trust, so you don’t have to worry about anything. Just live here freely, and I’ll feel a lot better knowing you have a sound roof over your head. Not a lot of college kids have this opportunity, but you do, and I just want you to be okay. I will always look out for you, Hallie, but I won’t say that I’m not excited to begin the next chapter of my life with Harry. I want it right now, but he wants to give me a proper wedding with all the bells and whistles.”
“Thank you, Leah. I’m very happy for you, but what if I decide to keep the house down the road? Do I have to buy you out or something?”
“No, don’t be silly. I would never do that to you.”
“But isn’t that the way things are done?”
“Yes, but I would never put that on you. If and when you decide to make our family home your permanent one, then you have my blessing. I will call Mr. Doyle and have him draw up the papers for me to sign over my half to you, and then it will be yours. If you decide to move on, then we will sell it at that point and divide the assets 50/50. You and I already divided mom’s jewelry and took what we wanted. As for the things in the house, there’s not anything I really want. All the photo albums and mementos are in the guest bedroom boxed up. We don’t have to decide on all that now, though. I think you have enough to process.”
“Yeah, that’s putting it mildly. Come here and give me a hug.”
My sister fell into my arms, and we just laughed, cried, and then laughed again. “To our new life,” we both said together, and then we got ready to meet up with Harry.
I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and took in all the memories of my life here in this house. So much happiness and loss over the years. I picked up a photo of the four of us taken in our front yard the summer before dad died. We had a hu
ge barbeque, and half the neighborhood was here. It was a great day, one I’ll never forget. We had a pie eating contest, and then it turned into a food fight, covering all of us with whip cream, blueberries, and whatever else I got hit with. We laughed and continued to hurl food at each other while someone snapped this photo of us. I never laughed so hard in my life, and although we were a mess, we were a happy family.
“Oh, I miss you two so much. I bet you think it’s pretty crazy about Leah getting married? Yup! Surprised me too, but I’m happy for her. We’re doing the best we can without you. Watch over us, okay? I love you,” I said and then kissed the picture inside the frame. I held it to my chest and sighed, fighting off the tears. I sat on the edge of my bed and let the tears fall until it was over, but they kept coming. I wiped them away, and then my phone vibrated, and I looked to see it was Ben calling me.
“Hey,” I said in a raspy voice. This always happens when I cry.
“Hi,” he said wearily. “What’s wrong? Are you crying?” he asked with concern in his voice. I wanted to lie, but it was no use. I sounded like I just smoked a pack of cigarettes, and there was no hiding my sniffling.
“I’m fine, Ben. Just here at my house, surrounded by too many memories.”
“And they make you cry?”
“Yeah, when I allow my mind to get lost in them. I miss my parents, and it’s been a long day with my sister.”
“Come back to my apartment. I’ll order some dinner for us.”
“I can’t, Ben. I have to go to dinner with my sister and her future husband.”
“Wow! That’s new.”
“Yeah, it is, but she’s happy, so I am too.”
“I miss you, Hallie. I didn’t like waking up to find you gone. Your note helped, but I would rather have you here.”
Before We Knew Page 5