“I will. I love you guys. I’ll see you tomorrow or maybe the day after that, depending on how tonight goes.” I flashed them both a wink and made my way back to Ben.
I practically sprinted down the stairs and into his waiting arms. He scooped me up and off the ground in a bone-crushing hug. I wasn’t going to complain since I missed him so much and thought we were over.
We drove back to his apartment, holding hands and talking like the way we did on Sunday night. He only let go to walk around the car to open my door, and then he took my bag and held my hand again as we went upstairs and into his apartment. He mentioned he punched a few things, but I didn’t see anything out of place when he flicked the light on.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.
“Yeah, water would be great.”
“Are you hungry? I could make something for you. I’m not the greatest cook, but the housekeeper stopped by today and re-stocked the fridge.”
“You have a housekeeper?” I asked in surprise.
“Yes, my father insists on it. Again, I’m not the average college guy, and you don’t know how I wish that were different. So, a sandwich?”
“I’m fine, thank you. If it’s all the same to you, how about we just talk?”
He smiled and said that he would love that. We both changed and got into bed. His bed was huge and comfy, and I wanted him to hold me and never let go. Once we were settled, I began my story in the comfort of Ben’s embrace.
“My mother, Jo Beth was her name, was the greatest person in the world. She loved us so much and always put us first. The night she died was just like any other night, only we didn’t know when we said goodbye to her that morning that it would be the last time we would hug her and see her smile as we left to begin our day. I remember she made omelets for us with bacon, and Leah made fresh orange juice. I was stressing over the bake sale that I forgot to tell my mom about, because I was so wrapped up in myself that I shrugged off a commitment I made to the PTA on mom’s behalf. Of course, my amazing mom, always fantastic in a crisis, took charge and started baking cookies before she went to work. I told mom that I would finish them when I got home, but I never did, and Leah took over for me.”
I shifted a little when I felt a ting of wetness on my cheek. Ben kissed me and encouraged me to go on with my story.
“This is really hard, Ben,” I sighed.
“I know, but you’re doing so great.” He hugged me tight and gave me the courage to continue sharing my feelings.
“Anyway, while Leah was finishing up with the baking, I was busy preparing my college applications, not caring about anything else. Leah and I argued, and it escalated with me saying a few not so nice words to my sister. After a while, we made up, but that fight opened my eyes to a lot of things I have taken for granted. I was so used to depending on mom for every little thing that I didn’t even realize she wasn’t home from work yet. I forgot she had meetings, and then on her way home, she stopped at the store to pick up cookie tins for me for the bake sale.”
I continued, “All we wanted was for mom to come home, but she insisted on picking up the tins and then told us not to worry and she loved us. We went to bed thinking we would see her in the morning, and then there was a knock on the door with two police officers telling us that our mom was killed in a car accident. It was just a blur, Ben, and the moments that followed were even worse. I don’t know how I got through it, but somehow you find the strength you didn’t believe you had, and you just do it.”
“I’m so sorry, Hallie, for you and for Leah. You are so young to have suffered a loss like losing your parents to sickness and to a tragedy like a car accident. How did the accident happen?”
“We were told that she was struck by a drunk driver that crossed lanes and smashed into her. She died on impact at the scene. I’ll never forget it, Ben, for as long as I live. We had to go down to the morgue to identify the body. Leah was the one that did it. She prevented me from going in with her, and I was so upset that I had to wait outside, but Leah insisted. I had no choice. Leah is like mom, always putting me above herself and doing what she feels is right.”
“And how do you feel about that? You know with Leah taking control the way she did? Did you feel left out of the decision making?”
“Yeah, I did for a while, but then I know it comes from a good place and Leah wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. It’s been a long road. I was a junior in high school getting ready for all the great things to look forward to in my senior year. Mom said it would be the greatest time of my life, and the world was my oyster.”
“What happened to the driver? Did she go to jail?”
“No, she didn’t. The charges were argued down, and she served no jail time. I don’t even know her name. We don’t know how it happened and still don’t understand how a person responsible for killing my mother is just free and living her life as if it doesn’t matter that she took one because of her reckless behavior to drive drunk. Leah wanted to fight and find this person, but our parents’ lawyer encouraged us to let it go and move on with our lives. Although it was so hard to do, I finished school and then took some ‘me’ time over the summer. Leah worked and got me ready for my senior year. It wasn’t the greatest time for me. Sure, I did the normal things kids my age did, but it wasn’t the same coming home to an empty house, knowing my mom wasn’t there to ask about my day and just to see how I am. To put her arms around me and give me hugs and tell me she loved me. It’s not fair, Ben.”
“No, it’s not, but look at you, Hallie. Look at how much you and Leah have had to overcome, and you’re both standing and happy. I didn’t know your mom, but from what you’ve shared about her already, I know she is a big part of who you girls are, and she’s still here with you, just from another place. Come here,” he said.
And then in one swift move, I was on top of him. My body was aligned perfectly with Ben’s arms around my back. It felt right to be here with Ben, and more so than ever, I needed him to hold me like this and not let go. I didn’t want to have a nightmare tonight, especially with Ben beside me. I sometimes wake up screaming or thrashing in my bed. It’s not pretty, and I don’t know what I would do if I forgot where I was, and then to freak out Ben would just be too much for me to handle.
He began kissing me slowly, passionately, until I was relaxed and my crying jag was gone. We molded into one another with each kiss and caress.
I felt him hard against my sex, causing friction between us that aroused us both. I wanted him, and it was obvious Ben wanted me too. Would he take me tonight? Or would he stop before we took it too far? I didn’t want to overthink it, and I sat up to straddle him, pulling off my top. His eyes brightened, and then I unclasped my bra and tossed it to join my shirt on the floor. He looked conflicted, and then I shook my head to stop him from stopping this.
“Please, Ben, make love to me. I promise it will be okay.”
“God, you are making it so hard for me. My dick is so hard right now. It’s painful, but baby, tonight is not our night. I want you, and don’t even think of allowing your mind to believe anything else. You are so beautiful, and I love you.”
He pulled me down to him and held my face with his big hands, and he said it again, “I love you, Hallie.”
8
Giving thanks
“So, how do you feel knowing you just survived your first semester at college? And aced all of your classes? Who knew I was in love with such a smart woman? I may have you start writing my papers from now on,” Ben said as we walked hand-in-hand back to his apartment.
We stopped by my dorm to pick up my suitcase and then head off to Ashville for the weekend. Ben rented a house for us so we could be alone and celebrate our three-month anniversary. We never made love that night after I bared my soul to him about losing my mom. I was exhausted to protest, and we fell asleep with Ben holding me.
He told me that he loved me, and I was stunned into silence for a moment until he kissed me again and looked d
irectly in my eyes and repeated the words again. This time they registered, and I said them back.
Ben flipped me onto my back, and then he removed his sweats and the rest of my clothing too. My pants and underwear joined the rest of the pile on the floor, and Ben showed me all of him. He was breathtaking with a hard-muscled chest, not too big, but really defined. He was tall, and his legs were strong too. Our gazes met, and my insides were ablaze with wanton lust. It was too much with all my senses firing off at the same time.
“I love you, Hallie, and we’re going to take this very slow. I know you need to feel something other than the pain from your loss, so I’m going to give you pleasure that you’ve never experienced before, which makes me feel like a fucking king, because I know I’m the first who’s been there. You are beautiful. Every inch of your silky skin is gorgeous. You take my breath away just by smiling.”
“You’re the real beauty here, Ben. I can’t believe I found you.”
“No, it’s the other way around. Hallie, meeting you when I did has changed my life for the better. It was something of kismet, you know? And I didn’t stand a chance against it. I know in my heart that it’s right, and I trust it completely.”
My mind was flooded with racing thoughts, and I couldn’t form a single sentence if I tried. Ben was gloriously naked above me, talking about destiny and how we are meant to be. It’s all too much, and my body was ready to implode if he didn’t touch me soon.
He kissed and crushed his lips down to mine, begging my mouth for entrance. I let him in willingly, and then he moved down to my breasts. My nipples were erect as he began taking one into his mouth while touching the other.
I shouted out all my emotions. I didn’t sound like me at all. It was unfamiliar and overwhelming.
Ben continued his ministrations on my body, and then he moved down and positioned himself between my legs, never taking his eyes off mine. He gently parted my legs and began to enter my body with his tongue. I held onto the blanket for dear life. The feeling was beyond intense, and I felt I was going to explode from within.
Ben continued to feast on my sex and then slowly entered one of his fingers inside of me. Another feeling foreign to me, but I welcomed it. As he entered another finger, he pressed on my clit, making my pelvis move up for me to get closer. This was happening, and I was about to experience my first orgasm with Ben as my first, my first in everything sexual.
“Hold on, love. We’re almost there,” he whispered, and then he pressed harder on my clit with his thumb, and then I literally saw stars as I came over and over again. Ben released my sex in a suction motion and then climbed back up my body to take my mouth and claim me as his. I tasted myself as he continued to kiss and worship me, telling me he loved me.
Once my breathing was back under control and I could form words again, I simply said, “I love you, Ben. Thank you for making it better,” and then my eyes closed, and I fell asleep and woke up in his protective arms, not having any nightmares.
From that night until where we are now, we had just fallen into step with each other, spending as much time as we could between classes, friends, and seeing Leah and Harry. My path never crossed again with his father since that night we met. I asked Ben if he would be seeing his father over the holidays, but he quickly dismissed it and said he was traveling and probably would be going back to London to spend time with his mom.
Ben expected everything from me, and I willingly gave him anything he wanted, but it’s not an even exchange. He’s so closed up when it comes to talking about his family. From what I do know, his father is controlling and charters every part of Ben’s life. His mother lives in London and has no plans of joining her husband here in North Carolina. Ben said she suffers from depression and has had to seek treatment in the past. I can’t really get a read on him when the subject of his parents come up. It’s like he’s afraid to tell me that he cares about them, even though I think he’s been raised to believe that’s wrong showing affection for them.
But when it comes to me, it’s all he does. It’s so effortless on his part. He’s gentle and patient. We’ve explored each other’s bodies and have done oral sex, but he never took it further than that, always saying our time is coming and it will be amazing when it does.
Leah asked me a million questions when I told her we were going away for the weekend. Of course, the topic of safe sex came up along with a lengthy conversation. She was naïve to the fact that I was completely innocent, but she preferred me not sharing every detail of what I do with Ben. She knows that I stay over at his apartment and was mad at first, because after all, we are paying for a dorm room that I’ve hardly used in three months. To appease her and find the balance between having a boyfriend, my studies, and friends, I promised to do better and not stay over there every night. Yeah, that lasted for two days, and then I practically begged Ben to come and pick me up.
Maggie and Marina both had steady boyfriends and split their time between their dorms and ours. I loved hanging out with them and having the occasional girl’s night out, but it was my time with Ben that I loved most. I kept him separate in a part of my heart that I didn’t want to share with anyone else. He did the same when it came to the few friends he had. Toward the end of the semester, Ben was really busy in his classes and took a time-out to cram for his exams. He was sure he would pass, but with what grade? His father demanded excellence and would not settle for anything less.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, bringing me out of my deep thoughts. He brought my hand up to his mouth and placed a kiss to my hand and then moved to the inside of my wrist, making me squirm in my seat.
“You, my amazing boyfriend, for bringing me up here,” I winked and then he smiled as if he knew I was giving him a half-truth.
“It’s my pleasure, and I hope to give you a lot of it this weekend. Um, you do know the ‘no clothes’ rule, right?”
“I believe you put it in your list of demands that I had to agree to before leaving my dorm.”
“Good, as long as we are on the same page.”
We both laughed, and then Ben turned onto a private road, and we drove for about two miles before the beautiful log cabin came into sight. The mountains were snow covered, and the ground was blanketed with a fresh layer of snow. It’s North Carolina, and the weather is forever changing, but here in the mountains, it’s almost guaranteed for at least one storm.
“There’s smoke coming out from the chimney. Are you sure this is the right place?”
“It’s the right place,” he said and then reached for our bags as I followed close behind. He had a key to open the door, which was odd, because when did he pick it up? I would have thought rentals would have an electronic code or something.
The door opened, and my eyes popped out of my head. It was an open floor with French doors that led out to a balcony. My eyes found the second-floor landing with wraparound railings from one side to the other.
“Oh, Ben, this is beautiful. Who owns this place?” I asked as I took in the gorgeous woodwork and comfortable furnishings.
“I do, and now I get to share it with you.”
“What? You’re twenty years old. How is this house yours?”
“My father gave it to me on my eighteenth birthday, and since I agreed to come to America with him without argument, this was my reward. Yes, he can be a bastard but a generous one when his only son falls into line with what he wants. I like the quiet, always have, and I like everything outdoors, so this was perfect. Yes, my father uses it too, but it’s mine.”
“As long as you comply, right?”
“Sadly, yes, but I don’t want to talk about that right now. This weekend is about us and only us. I love you so much, and it’s our time.”
He didn’t give me a chance to respond and quickly kissed me before taking our bags upstairs to the bedroom. Ben had planned all of this and just for me to make our first time special.
My insides were jumping, my heart was racing, and it took every
effort not to jump up and scream. I am in love with Ben, and he loves me. This is the weekend he makes me his, and he will be mine in every way possible.
I knew this would happen eventually, but now that it's here, I’m a little nervous. Once Leah realized I was serious with Ben, she took me to the doctor and got me on birth control pills. I was of legal age and didn’t need her consent, but I wanted her support. She was there for me every step of the way from the consult, to the examination, to driving me to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. I almost want to call her for advice, but I just need to take a breath and let Ben lead me as he’s been doing since the moment we met. He’s the calm one out of the two of us, so level-headed and strong.
Arms engulfed me, and then I felt his warm breath on my neck. “Are you happy?” he asked.
“Yes, very much,”
“Good, because it’s only going to get better from here,” he whispered.
9
No turning back
“So, what would you like for dinner?” he asked as he continued to place gentle kisses down my neck, making me shiver with goosebumps lining my skin.
“What do we have?”
“What don’t we have? I called ahead and had the cabin stocked with all of your favorites.”
“And how would you know what I like and don’t like?”
“Simple, I know you and pay attention to your every want and need. So, I’m thinking my girl wants me to heat the tray of macaroni and cheese, along with the barbeque pulled pork, and you can never go wrong with ice cream for dessert.”
“Hmmm, you seem to have me all figured out, but you slipped up with the dessert.”
“And how did I do that?” He kissed me again, never releasing me from his embrace.
“What’s my favorite flavor? Because I’m kind of a weirdo and only like one flavor.”
Before We Knew Page 7