Before We Knew

by Wasowski, Mary

  “You’re welcome, baby.” He kissed me softly and then picked up the tray and placed it on the dresser. He came back to the bed and sat in front of me, holding my hands in his. He kissed them every couple of minutes, bringing them to his lips. “I love you so much. Thank you for coming up here with me,” he said, and then his head dropped into our entwined hands.

  “Ben, what’s wrong?” I asked, and then I heard him sniffle, and when he lifted his head, I saw tears in his eyes. “Oh, Ben, come here,” I said, and then I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him while the extent of our separation finally hit him. I cried too, because I knew it was wrong to shut him out the way I did. I cut off all communication with him and even stopped going to our favorite bakery, because I was afraid that I would run into him.

  We continued to hold one another for a long time until we both cried over our shared pain. We never knew how our lives were intersected with the other.

  Ben was right. It was something of kismet.

  23

  What comes next?

  Ben…

  “I don’t cry, Hallie, not ever,” I said as I tried to break free of Hallie’s death grip of a hug she had around my neck. She cried just as much as I did, if not more, and although it may have been needed, it doesn’t sit well with me that I did it in front of her.

  She shot me a look and then raised herself up on her knees as if she was getting ready to fight, but then she lunged forward and tackled me down to the bed.

  “Big fucking deal! You cried. It doesn’t make you any less of a man. I don’t think I have loved you more, because you are real and don’t play games or dance around your feelings. You have always been straightforward with me, and showing this side of yourself makes me appreciate what I have been lucky to have found with you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Ben. I was cruel by silencing us. You don’t know how many nights I was awake in my bed, wishing you were there beside me. I’m so ashamed to have done that to you.”

  I leaned in and kissed her mouth in such a way that she would understand the meaning behind it. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, at least not anything we didn’t have control over. I want to talk to you, but it can’t be here in this bed. We are too raw, and all I want to do is be buried deep inside of you for the rest of the day.”

  “Ouch, my poor vagina,” she said and then giggled in her sweet voice that makes me incredibly hard.

  I looked down to my dick and said, “You see? This is why we need to get up and dressed. Please put on my thick cable-knit turtleneck sweater that will hide all of this.” I gestured to her naked silhouette that was tempting me.

  She laughed into the pillow, and I got up before I followed through with what I told her I wanted to do. I brushed my teeth and put on a shirt and sweats before taking the tray and walking downstairs.

  “Take your time,” I shouted back as my erection was still hard and painful.

  I cleaned up the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher while I waited for Hallie to come downstairs. My phone was full of messages, all from my father asking me if I was coming to London. I hit delete and moved on to the ones from Oz. We shared stories between us, but I don’t think he ever believed that his all put-together British friend would ever throw it down and kick some ass. Yeah, I didn’t see myself in that way either, but when it comes to the person I am in love with, nothing is off limits.

  I texted him that all was okay and that I was up at my cabin with Hallie. We were indeed back together and staying that way. It didn’t take him long to respond back, and then the group text went off with Drucker weighing in. My two mates both texted the middle finger emoji, and then Oz followed up with, “Thank fuck you got your girl back. You were a moody sonofabitch. See you when I see you.”

  “What are you smiling about?” I heard Hallie say as she walked into the kitchen. I showed her my phone, and she covered her mouth to hold back her laughter. “You? A moody sonofabitch? Somehow, I don’t see it.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m good at covering. Do you want to get out of here? It’s gorgeous outside, and I could use some air.”

  “Will you hold my hand?”

  “Absolutely.”

  We walked about a mile until we reached one of my favorite spots on the trail. The day was clear, and the sun was shining over the mountains. A perfect day that I appreciate so much, since most days in London are rainy and dreary. Sure, it's not all bad, but I sure do love living here, and the more time I dream up these plans in my head, all I can see is sharing it with Hallie.

  “Thank you for bringing me up here. It’s really beautiful,” she said.

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad you like it.”

  “Ben, can you stop being so wonderful and just yell at me or something?”

  “Hallie, I don’t want to yell at you.”

  “Why not? I deserve it.”

  “No, you don’t. Listen, I’m not going to lie and tell you that the last month was easy to get through, because it wasn’t. It was hell, and there was not a day that went by that I didn’t want to bang down your door and take you home with me.”

  “Why didn’t you, Ben?”

  “Are you telling me that you wanted me to do that? How would I know, Hallie? I filled your inbox with countless messages. I talked to Leah and Harry after you ghosted me and went off the grid. For the most part, I understood the reasons why. You hurt me, Hallie, but that’s over now, because you are home with me and back where you belong.”

  “Where I…belong?” she said and then smiled up at me.

  “Yeah, where you belong. I love you, Hallie, and I’m not going to make it easy for you just to walk out of my life again.”

  “Ben, I promise you that I’m not going anywhere. I’m done running and hiding from you. I needed the time to sort it all out about what we learned and how it would affect our life together. I didn’t want to look at you differently, and after a lot of soul-searching and one too many chats with Leah, I knew I didn’t want to hate your mother for taking away mine.”

  My hand went over my heart, and I let out the breath I had been holding in since she asked me to yell at her. Hallie was incredibly honest, and even though it took her some time to get there, she never held back once she did.

  I took her in my arms and positioned Hallie on my lap. I loved to hold her like this and just feel her heart beat against mine.

  “Ben, can I ask you a question?”

  “You know you can,” I said.

  “How’s your mom doing? Is she doing any better on the medication?”

  “She’s holding her own with good and bad days, probably more of the bad. My father has been trying to keep me in the loop with updates and even went so far by inviting me home to London for a visit. I turned him down and then got dragged to that stupid party only to find you, so I guess I made the right decision.”

  “Thank you for asking when I know you didn’t have to.”

  “No, I had to, and more importantly, I wanted to. I did think of you, missed you, and I wanted to call so many times.”

  “Why didn’t you?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Maybe I was afraid you wouldn’t pick up.”

  “I would have answered, and I would have brought you home.”

  “I would have come willingly, just like I did at the party.”

  “Good to know, but just so we’re clear…” I stopped to kiss her.

  And she said the words for me, “I won’t be doing any more running.”

  “You bet your sweet ass you won’t. Race you back?”

  “Oh, you’re on, Chapel.” She jumped off my lap and started running down the hill. “Eat my dust, sexy man!” she shouted, and I had to give her some credit for thinking I wouldn’t catch her. The day had been absolutely perfect. We talked for hours and for now, said all the things that needed to be said.

  “Wow! This is amazing. You have really honed up your cooking skills, and I’m impressed.” Taking another bite of fettuccine, she moaned in pleasure. �
��Mmm, I’m stuffed. You are a great cook but a messy one. It’s going to take hours to clean this kitchen.”

  “No, it won’t, because the housekeeper is coming tomorrow.”

  “Ben, let me at least wipe the stove down and countertops. You have sauce everywhere, and that stuff sticks.”

  “Okay, be my guest, and while you’re doing that, I will be making popcorn and choosing a movie.”

  She grabbed the sponge quicker than I could blink and began cleaning up.

  “Ben, your phone is ringing,” she called out to me.

  “Let it go to voicemail, babe,” I answered back as I continued to look through my DVD collection.

  “How do you feel about an action flick? I vote Die Hard, part one.”

  “You are so cute, and who doesn’t like Bruce Willis? Give me five more minutes, and then I’ll join you on the couch.”

  “You have three, and then I’m coming back for you. I love you,” I said over my shoulder and put the movie on. “Hallie, time’s up! John McClane is in the house, and the terrorists are taking over the building.”

  “Babe, your phone just went off again. Don’t you think you should check it?”

  “No, what I think is that you should get yourself over here and watch this movie with me. Come, I need you.”

  She did what I asked and found her spot on my chest. I put my arms around her and held her close to me. This is what I want and all that I need. I didn’t want to think about anything or anyone, just Hallie.

  Other than to eat, shower, and get fresh air, I kept Hallie practically tied up in our bed. I wasn’t ready to leave our paradise, but we both agreed that we would talk to Leah and see how she feels about Hallie leaving the dorm and moving in with me. I couldn’t be without her, and living separately just wasn’t an option after the amazing week we spent together.

  24

  Weddings, graduations, and domestication

  Hallie…

  “Honey, I’m not going to be able to go inside if you don’t let go,” I laughed as Ben continued to kiss me in front of my building.

  “No, come home with me, and I’ll drive you back in the morning,” he said and kissed me again.

  “Ben, we talked about this, and you agreed that I would take today to do my laundry, catch up with my friends, and then we would tackle Leah together.”

  “Ugh! Okay, but you better go right now, or I’m hitting the gas and you’re coming home with me.”

  “I love you. You know that, right?”

  “Yes,” he said sulkily and then got out to open my door for me. “Call me later, and don’t forget.”

  “I won’t. Just give me a day to catch up on things, and while I’m doing my stuff, you will call your dad and see how your mom is doing.”

  “Hallie, we’ve been over this, and I’m done talking about it. It’s you and me, right? He is not a part of us and probably won’t be anytime soon. He’s in London, and that pleases me to no end. So, beautiful girl, let’s just drop it.”

  “Ben, I think you’re making a mistake. He called you every day we were at the cabin, and you let every call go to voicemail. What if something happened to your mom?”

  “Trust me, Hallie. She’s in Switzerland, and the doctors are taking good care of her.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “I’m sure, because I’ve been in contact with the hospital. I’m on the list, and I get regular updates.”

  “You never told me that.”

  “You never asked. Now, go inside before I put you back in the car. Hallie, it’s going to be okay. I promise you that I know how to handle my father.”

  “I believe you. I’ll call you later. Get some rest.”

  “Doubtful since Oz and Drucker are coming over. Have fun with the girls.” He kissed me as if his life depended on it, and in a way it did, because I felt the same way. He’s my life, and it took almost losing him to figure it out.

  “Hey, we missed you,” Maggie said as I didn’t get two feet into the room before she hugged me.

  “I missed you too,” I said, dropping my bag on my bed. “So, how was your vacation? You look really tan. I’m jealous.”

  “No, I’m the jealous one since you have the hot British boyfriend, and I got dumped by Jeff over spring break.”

  “No! What happened?”

  “He’s a jerk and a cheater. And I’m so happy I found out now than later. I was ready to sleep with him, and then he got a text from Celeste, and several tit pictures followed.”

  “Ewww, gross.”

  “Don’t I know it? Anyway, Marina will be back tomorrow night, and she wanted me to give you our good news.”

  “Oh? What’s going on?”

  “The housing department called, and we are next on the waiting list for student housing. Hallie, we can move into the apartment as soon as the first week of August, and we each get our own room. How cool is that?” She did the happy dance, and it was contagious because I joined right in with her. I didn’t want to put a pin in her bubble so soon, but I had to before the girls got invested into the apartment and then I would have to bail on all their plans.

  “Maggie, there’s something I have to tell you. Please, please, don’t hate me.”

  “Oh, no, come on Hallie. We all agreed.”

  “Yes, we did, but that was before Ben. We’ve come so far this week, re-connecting and making plans with each other. He’s graduating and wants to find a new place for us to share.”

  “Are you serious? He wants you to move in with him? Like, cohabitate?”

  “Um, yup, that’s what living together means.”

  “It’s kind of soon, don’t you think? You’re going to be nineteen and living with your boyfriend who is older and out of college.”

  “Maggie, what can I say? I love him, and he loves me. We’ve been through hell, and we made our way back to each other. So, please, as my friend, support me on this.” I tossed a pillow in frustration, and then she raised the white flag and hugged me.

  “You never have to ask for my support. You’re my friend, and I love you. Marina loves you too and will be happy for you and Ben. Now, we just need to find a new roommate, or we will lose the apartment. Rules, you know. Anyway, you have bigger people to win over than just me and Marina.”

  “Leah will be cool with it. She’s moving out of the house next weekend, and then it’s wedding blitz thereafter. I can’t believe how fast time has gone by since she announced the engagement.”

  “I’m happy for her and for you. I don’t want to bring up sad memories, but how are you really coping with knowing about his mom and your mom?”

  “We are fine, believe me. Ben and I talked for hours every single day, and I can’t hate her, Maggie, you know? She’s very sick and had no control over her mind the night of the accident. His father was completely duplicitous and played us both, but in the grand scheme of things, I understand, and I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I can’t be without him, Maggie, and it’s the same for Ben. We love each other, and I can’t keep thinking of how lonely his life has been without having his mom in his day-to-day life. I had a loving mom for seventeen years, and Ben? He can count on one hand the number of happy memories he shared with his. It breaks my heart.”

  “Come here, you,” she asked and then gave me a hug while I cried for both of our mothers. “Hey, I got a pint of ice cream with your name on it. Want to share?”

  “No way, get your own.”

  “That’s my girl. Grab the spoons.”

  Two pints of ice cream later and about three loads of laundry done, I was ready to call it a night. Ben had spent the entire afternoon with the guys. They played touch football with a group of guys they knew from different frats and celebrated their win over a keg that James had provided.

  Ben was buzzed, to say the least, which was completely adorable. He said he’s a lightweight, and that was the end of getting his drink on. He called me before he went to sleep and said he was knackered and I should deliver
super strong coffee in the morning. Oh, my sexy British boyfriend. I love you.

  It was Monday, and I delivered my boyfriend his coffee and pastry order before I went to meet Leah for breakfast. Ben had the lightest schedule for his last semester, and because he had exceeded the required number of credits from London to here, his professors and dean of students allowed him to take his final exams early, which happens this week. I, on the other hand, have today off, because my classes don’t resume until tomorrow.

  I figured today was as good as any to talk to Leah about my moving in with Ben after the semester is over. He would rather me move in today, but I promised the girls I would wait until the semester was over and it was officially moving out day. I think he understood but promised not to make it easy on me and said he would think up new ways of persuading me to sleep over.

  “Enjoy your coffee, and I’ll see you tonight for dinner,” I said and then kissed my sexy boyfriend goodbye.

  He pulled me down to his chest and wrapped his arms around my back, making me giggle since he knew where to tickle me.

  “Ben, I have to go.” I kissed him and then pinched his waist until he released me. “And don’t think because you’re naked under this blanket that I can be convinced to stay. You are too handsome for your own good, but I’m smarter.”

  “Hmmm, I don’t know, Hallie. I’m pretty good,” he said while sitting up and taking a sip of his coffee. And then the sneaky beast yanked the cover off and showed me his delicious cock that was practically standing up straight.

  I blew him a kiss and ran so fast for the door, calling over my shoulder that I loved him. He didn’t chase this time and just told me he loved me back. Oh, what a tease!

  I couldn’t stop smiling all the way back to Cary to meet up with Leah. When I pulled up in front, movers were loading up boxes into a truck. Harry was here too and directing the movers on what to load.