Before We Knew

by Wasowski, Mary

  35

  London, part five

  Hallie…

  “When are you coming home? We miss you, little sister,” said Leah during the call we scheduled when she came home from her honeymoon.

  “I don’t know, Leah, and if you want an answer right now, I can’t give it. London is amazing. I love it here. I love the people, and exploring the city is just one adventure after another.”

  “Okay, Hallie, what are you doing?”

  “I don’t know what you mean by that question? I think you need to rephrase.”

  “Hallie, it was one thing when I gave you my blessing for you and Ben to live together. I would have never given it to you if you weren’t such a level-headed young woman. You are so smart and have it together. I don’t have to worry about you because I know you think things through before leaping, unlike your two friends who just took a road trip to California and are not returning to school. Is that what is happening with you? You followed your boyfriend to London, and because it's so great, you can’t tell me when you’re coming home? You do know your home is here in North Carolina, right?”

  “I can’t believe this,” I angrily said.

  “What? What can’t you believe? That you have a sister who loves and cares about you? I’m worried, Hallie, and I’m worried about Ben. How is he handling all of this new change with his mother’s health? And his tyrant of a father who has completely turned the corner…what is that?”

  “You don’t get it, Leah, and I’m not going to explain it in one tense phone call. One thing I can say is that Oliver is trying to make amends with his family. Lily’s health is improving more and more with physical therapy and sessions with her therapist for the depression. It’s all positive and all we can hope for right now. Leah, she was able to take a walk yesterday in the garden just holding Ben’s hand. Can you just pump the breaks for one minute and open your eyes to what I am telling you? Look to a blank wall. What do you see?”

  “Hallie, I’m sorry,” my sister began to say and then I shouted for her to stop. “What! What do you want me to do right now?” she screamed back.

  “I want you to literally look at a wall. Pick one already.”

  “Okay, I picked a wall. Now what?”

  “Now, listen,” I said. “I want you to picture Lily. You remember what she looks like, right?”

  “Yes, I do. She’s very pretty.” I could tell her voice had shifted, probably thinking of our mom, because she was pretty too.

  “Okay, it’s sunny and warm. She has her long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. She’s wearing a simple, white cotton dress and sneakers for comfort. Her left hand is in Ben’s, and she’s walking without her cane. They stop and literally smell the roses, because every step she takes is part of the miracle. Do you see it? Because I can and have. I’ve been writing in a journal every single day, marking the milestones she’s achieving and even some of my feelings about it. It’s therapeutic in a lot of ways.” I heard Leah crying on the other end, which never feels good. It’s not what I wanted my sister to do, but I feel I had to make her hear me.

  “I see it, Hallie, and I’m very happy to hear how well Lily is doing. I can’t help but worry about you two, and I just want you to come home.”

  “Thank you for your honesty, but I’m okay, and I hate to pull this card, but I am an adult. I know what I’m doing, Leah, and I want you to be okay with the decisions I’m making.”

  “Oh, Hallie,” she stretched out my name in worry. “What else do you want me to see? Because I’m kind of thinking there’s more you want to say.”

  “Ben asked me to marry him on the night of your wedding. It was out in the garden, which was a really nice touch.”

  “And…what did you say?”

  “Hmmm, what do you think I said, Leah?”

  “You said, yes? Do you seriously want to marry Ben? While you are still in college?”

  “Yeah, maybe I do. My answer was yes, and it will always be yes when it comes to Ben. Whether it’s now or after I graduate or in-between, my answer will not change, because it’s Ben,” I said curtly and to the point.

  “I think it’s a mistake. You’re too young, and you can’t begin to understand how this will change your life. Please, Hallie, just slow down.”

  “Says the sister who met, dated, and accepted a marriage proposal from Harry all in the course of a few months, and now you’re married. You never looked happier and complete than on the day I got to stand up for you. Why can’t you do the same for me?”

  “I want to, Hallie, I really do, but I can’t help but be a little scared and concerned. I’m just being honest here. Isn’t that what you want?”

  “You know what this feels like? It feels like the night we had that big stupid fight on the night mom died, and everything changed after that.”

  “Why would you ever bring that up? We have moved passed that night. It’s not something I want to revisit.”

  “Well, maybe I do. You called me selfish and spoiled. You called me clueless, and then I accused you of being jealous. Are you jealous now? Because I am finally happy and in a place that just feels good. Yes, I may be young, but I am not clueless, nor have I ever been. I know what I want, and loving Ben will not alter my plans for school or anything else I choose for my life.”

  “Fine! I don’t really know what else to say here, so I’m going to go. Please just keep in touch. We love you.”

  I didn’t have to look at my cellphone to know she had ended the call. “Bloody hell! Fuck!” I shouted, not realizing Ben was standing behind me.

  “I love how you are adapting to the native language, but you say it with such gusto.”

  “I’m sorry, Ben. You were not meant to hear any of that.”

  “Come here and talk to me,” he said patting the sofa cushion.

  “Can we just have sex and call it a day?”

  “Hmmm, tempting, and I love how your mind thinks, but it’s going to have to be on hold until you tell me what’s wrong. I guess the call with Leah didn’t go over all that well? What’s wrong? And why are you so upset?”

  “She doesn’t believe in us, and it hurts.”

  “Did she say those words to you? Or it was something else, and you just heard the worse of it?”

  “I told her about our engagement, and she was less than thrilled about it,” I sighed and buried my nose in Ben’s shirt.

  “Come on, beautiful girl, it couldn’t have been that bad. Leah is pretty cool, and she knows how serious we are. What’s the problem?”

  “For starters, location. She wants me to come home.”

  “I see, and what did you tell her?”

  “I told her that I was having the time of my life and really love it here. The next term doesn’t begin until after Labor Day, so why do I have to go home now when I have plenty of time? I hate that she’s put me in this position to feel bad when I was feeling everything but that up until my call with her. Why does she do that, Ben? I have been one hundred percent supportive of her and Harry, but when it comes to me, I get the lectures and the pros and cons list. For once, I want to be able to make a decision and not always be second-guessed.”

  “Okay, take a beat and relax. Your sister and brother-in-law love you to the moon and back and only want the best for you. I understand she has reservations. Of course she would, it’s normal. In a perfect world, your mother and father would be putting me through the paces and calling me out on every intention I have for their daughter, so I can understand why Leah is concerned. She loves you, Hallie, and with that love comes a ridiculous amount of protection, long conversations, and a disagreement once in a while. Suck it up and call her back. You need to apologize for hanging up on her.”

  “For the record, she hung up first,” I said crossly.

  “It doesn’t matter who did it first. What matters is that it was done, and it should have never gotten that far. Look at me, Hallie,” he asked while tipping my head back with his finger.

  “I’m lookin
g at you, Ben.” And I was thinking, ugh! I hate when my sexy Brit is right. Can I kiss you? Because I really want to.

  “Stop undressing me with your eyes. I know what you’re doing, and you will not deter me. Call your sister,” he kissed me soundly and handed me my phone. “I love you. Be nice.”

  “I love you, but I don’t like you.”

  “Be still my heart, love,” he said blew me a kiss as he closed the door behind him.

  I stewed for a while just staring at my phone. It felt as if it was burning a hole in the center of my palm. I knew Ben was right and had to suck it up. I hit her number in the recent calls and waited for Leah to pick up but unfortunately got her voicemail.

  “Hi, you’ve reached Leah. I’m not available at this time, and if you would be so kind as to leave me a message, I will call you back as soon as I can. And if this is Hallie, I want you to know that I did hear every word you said, and even when we disagree, I love you anyway.”

  I wiped away a tear and said, “I love you too,” and prayed we would be okay.

  36

  London, part six

  Ben…

  It’s been close to three weeks here in London, and I can honestly say it’s been an eye-opening experience. My mom is bypassing every expectation her doctors set forth for her. I got to see it for my very eyes when I accompanied her to her last doctor appointment. I met with her team, and my mother gave me clearance to ask any question I wanted.

  It was good that I went, because it’s one thing hearing it from my mother and father in their words. Hearing about my mother’s progress from her doctors was something different. It put my mind at ease, and I worried a little less. Her struggles were far from over, but knowing she had a chance at leading a happier life just made me feel better on all fronts.

  The progress of my father was another matter. All our conversations revolved around my mom and not enough about us. Today, I was meeting my father at his office to talk and to have lunch. I told Hallie that I was going in without any over the top expectations, but I promised I would listen to what he had to say. Hallie still hadn’t talked with Leah, but she left a message, and I’m hopeful they will work things out soon.

  Harry called me when I was with my mom at the doctor, and I couldn’t step out to answer his call. I sent him a text telling him that I would call him once I was free, but by the time that happened, it was way late in the States. I’m hoping to call him today once I finish with my father.

  “Come in, Ben. Your father is just finishing up with his call and will be with you in five minutes,” his assistant said.

  “Thanks, Lorena, it’s good to see you again. How do you like being in London again?”

  “I always love coming home, but my kids are grown, and my biggest responsibility is keeping him…” she pointed to my father’s office door, “in check, so it’s fine. I love the change, though. North Carolina is lovely, and I will miss it.”

  “Miss it? Why do you say that?”

  “Your father’s business has concluded, and he will be in London for the foreseeable future.”

  “I see.”

  And then my father stepped out and welcomed me inside. “Come in. Sorry about the delay, it couldn’t be helped. Lorena, please hold my calls.”

  “Certainly. If there is anything you need, I’ll be right here.”

  “This I know, and thank you for arranging lunch. So, as you can see here, Lorena ordered lunch, and you have several selections to choose from. Are you hungry now? Or we can wait.”

  “Um, I’m not really hungry anymore. Let’s talk instead.”

  “What’s wrong, Ben?”

  “When were you going to tell me about not returning to North Carolina? Is that what this lunch is about? Are you buttering me up?”

  “No, this is just lunch, and whatever we talk about is just a conversation. As for not returning to the States, yes, that’s true. I’ve been traveling for more than two years now, and with your mother home and doing so well, my place is here. I told you this in North Carolina, but I guess you didn’t trust me enough then to believe it.”

  “Father, you do know that I can’t stay here permanently, right? I have a life to return to, and Hallie will be starting school soon.”

  “Yes, I’m well aware of your plans, and Hallie’s too. Can we sit? There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

  “Here it comes. I knew this wasn’t just lunch. You always have a card to play, and you almost had me fooled.”

  I was getting ready to storm out of his office, and he blocked me with his body, probably expecting it. “Stop right there, Benjamin. Cool down. Are you a mind reader? Do you think you know me so well that you can predict my every move? Because you are wrong and, frankly, out of line. I arranged this lunch to do something nice for us and to talk. I do not have any ulterior motives here, so calm yourself and take a seat.” He pointed to the sofa, making me feel like I’m five years old.

  “I’m sorry, but how did you expect me to react?”

  “I deserve that, because in the past, I’ve given you no reason to believe otherwise. However, today I am telling the truth, and this is just lunch. Please, let’s eat, and then we will talk, okay?”

  “Okay, what are we eating?” I asked as I lifted the covers to look at the selections. Everything looked great, which made me feel bad, because I behaved like a jerk. “I’m sorry, father,” I said.

  “Apology accepted and thank you.” He quickly looked away, and I filled my plate and joined him at the table. After we finished, he poured a brandy and offered me a glass, but I opted for another water.

  “So, let me begin by saying how much I’ve enjoyed having you home. It has made a world of difference to your mother and to me. I know I haven’t been the best role model for you, and that’s on me. These last weeks have shown me how much time I have wasted commandeering your life. You are my son and not a hostile take-over. I will always want the best for you, because you are my son, but I will no longer stand in your way for what you want in your life. I know it’s Hallie, and I know you are anxious to begin working. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I believe I’ve come up with something I hope you will consider.”

  “Okay, what is it?”

  “When I bought Innovate Now, it was my sole intention to rip it out from under you and show you that I was still in control. I was angry about graduation and hurt that you didn’t want me there. Ben, I had a right to be there, and it hurt my heart to be left out.”

  “You were punishing me?”

  “Yes, but you punished me first,” he said and then finished off his brandy. I could see the tension in his jaw as we shared another truth between us.

  “How do you explain what you did to Hallie? The big Coffee House showdown, where you told her to leave me?”

  “Another grave error in judgment for which I’ve apologized for. My talks with Hallie have been very productive.”

  “Just a reminder, she’s a person and not a business negotiation.”

  “Right, thanks for the tip. Speaking of Hallie, has she mentioned that she took a tour over at the University of London?”

  “She did. Where are you going with this?”

  “Relax, Ben. She was the one that told me about it. I know she’s been sightseeing, and the university was on her list.”

  “Sorry, I’m a work in progress too! I guess when you said you were starting from scratch, I should have known it applied to me too. Father, I don’t mean to be a dick and fly off the handle at you. It’s just a knee-jerk reaction, and it’s going to take me a while to trust you. I want to see you as my father and not as someone I hate.”

  “Do you hate me, Ben?”

  “I never hated you, father. I just never understood you and made a lot of presumptions about you over the years. It’s hard to separate them now.”

  “We are quite the pair, aren’t we?”

  “Seems that way. So, what were you trying to tell me about Hallie?”

&nb
sp; “Well, she mentioned the study abroad program, and although the timetable for admissions has passed, as you know I am on the alumni board since I attended there and you did as well. If Hallie wants to attend university here in London, I can make that happen for her. I can pretty much make anything happen if I wanted to. Ben, this is who I am, but the difference from then until now is I am offering you and Hallie a choice.”

  “And if Hallie says yes, this would mean we would be staying here in London, right?”

  “Um, yes, unless Sir Richard Branson has a magic jet that can help with the commute.”

  “What would I be doing?”

  “Anything you want, but I never did give you a graduation present, so I’m prepared to do so now. Innovate Now is yours. It may have been founded in North Carolina, but it can continue here in the U.K. if you choose to do so.”

  “It’s that easy?”

  “It can be.”

  “But it’s my choice, right?”

  “Exactly,” he said and then lifted his drink to me as if it was in victory.

  I promised Hallie that I would try with my father. We understand each other’s feelings and have at least come to terms with the reasons behind those feelings, but no one, not even my father, can do a complete turnaround and not expect me to be a little guarded. This is classic Oliver Chapel. The only difference here is that he is presenting his offer in a different manner, and I’m sorry, but he is not fooling anybody, especially me. So I can play too! After all, he taught me the game.

  “Can I think about it?” I asked.

  “Take all the time you need. The company is secure and will be waiting for you when you’re ready.”

  “Great! I have to go. Hallie’s waiting on me. I’ll see you tonight at home.”

  “Yes, you will. Please tell your mother I won’t be too late.”