Before We Knew

by Wasowski, Mary

  “Sure, no problem.”

  I thought he was going to shake my hand, but instead, he pulled me close for a hug, sealing our newfound truce.

  I drove back to the house with the intent of talking to Hallie, checking on my mother, and then packing our bags for home. I know I can’t cut him completely out of my life because of my mother, but I can keep him at a safe distance.

  Peter was at the house by the time I got home. He was in the living room with my mom having tea.

  “Hey, I didn’t expect to see you soon. How was your day with your father?” my mother asked happily.

  “It was good. We had lunch and talked.” I pasted the fakest smile on my face and lied to my mother’s face. Peter saw right through me.

  “How are you, mother? Did you have any appointments today?”

  “I had physical therapy, which is nearing the end. My therapists say I’ve made a lot of progress and can continue my exercises here at home.”

  “That’s great, mother. How are you feeling with your depression?”

  “Today is a good day,” she said and then turned to face Peter. “Peter, will you excuse us? I’d like to speak with Ben in private.”

  “Of course. I’ll be in the library finishing up some paperwork for Oliver.”

  “Real smooth, mom,” I joked, making her laugh in return.

  “Well, if anything else, I always have my manners. So, tell me how it really went with your father today.”

  “It was fine. I told you that.”

  “And I’ll ask again. What happened at lunch with your father? Did he say or do anything to upset you?”

  “I’m fine. We talked and cleared the air. Look, this is all that I’m capable of right now, and I’m not sure how much longer I can stay here. I have loved every moment spent with you, and it has made me so happy for you to get to know Hallie, but I don’t belong here anymore.”

  “I know, and I agree with you. You have been the perfect son, tending to my every need, and I truly appreciate it. It’s not lost on me why Peter has been spending so much time here, and I think you know why. What has your father done?”

  “Nothing he hasn’t tried before. He wants me to run the company he bought from under me, and to run it here in London.”

  “And your response was what?”

  “I told him that I would think about it.”

  “Will you, Benjamin?”

  “No, I’ve already made up my mind to say no. It’s another reason why I have to go home. I’ll admit we’ve made some strides, but underneath it all, he’s still him, and I have to be me. You don’t know how much I wish it could have been different.”

  “I know, Ben, and I want you to know that it’s okay.”

  “What about you? Are you going to be okay if I leave?”

  “I will be fine. My condition and health are stable at the moment, and I don’t want you to worry about me. Your father may be a lot of things but has always taken care of me. If something should change, he will let you know.”

  “This is not making me feel any better about my decision.” I threw my hands in the air, feeling frustrated and unsure of what to do.

  “Ben, listen to me, please. Oh, you are so much like your father than you realize. It’s like watching the Discovery channel with two alpha rhinos butting heads.”

  “I’m a rhino?”

  “Yes, and don’t make fun. It was the only animal I could think of. My point is, you and your father are similar in many areas, and I am the common element that bonds you both together. I also believe it’s why he is trying so hard to make things right with you. Benjamin, you think it’s just for my benefit, but it’s for him too. Your father has acknowledged his mistakes both to you and to me. I believe it’s heartfelt. He’s my husband, and I know him well enough to know when he’s lying. You mustn't believe everything has a motive attached to it. You are your own man, and I believe you know what is best for you. Just remember, in his own way, your father knows this too.”

  “I know, mom, and I’ll think about it.”

  “Good, nothing has to be decided tonight. Does it?”

  “No, I’ll sleep on it. Is Hallie here?”

  “Yes, I believe she’s upstairs in your suite. She had a long day sightseeing. Here, look what she gave me.” My mother handed me a book of poetry. I recognized it as one of the books Hallie had purchased when we toured the Keats house. This is so my girl to think of my mom, knowing it would make her happy. I handed the book back, and mom held it to her chest. “I have always loved Keats. He’s one of my favorites.”

  “I’m glad you like it. It was very thoughtful of Hallie to give it to you.”

  “She’s a thoughtful person. I really like her, Ben.”

  “Yeah, me too.” I smiled back.

  “Ben, I saw the ring on her hand. It’s lovely. She’s wonderful, and not that you need it, but you have my blessing to marry Hallie. Once upon a time, I had that kind of love with your father, but then I got sick and lost it to a place where my heart couldn’t go. Come here, son,” she said and offered her hands for me to take.

  “Mom, I know we’re young, but as long as Hallie is wearing my ring, we have all the time in the world to get married.”

  “I wasn’t going to say anything to deter you from marrying Hallie. I’m incredibly happy for you. If I shall wake tomorrow with no memory of tonight, then I want you to know how much I love you and how proud I am of the man you have become. The angels must have kept a close watch on you, because I know it is not any credit to me.”

  “Mother, please don’t put yourself down anymore. You have an illness that took control for too many years to count, and yes, you are here now for however long we have you. And I don’t want to miss a moment of it. I have a lot of time to think about subjects I never wanted to talk about, and I’ve come to terms with most of it. I have to go back to North Carolina and bring Hallie home. It’s all she knows, and it would be unfair of me to ask her to give up everything she’s worked for to stay here with me.”

  “I would never ask you to stay, Your father would, but not me. This is your time to live and experience life on your own terms. I will be here for as long as I am meant to be, and I will take each day as it comes.”

  “How are you so strong? You amaze me, mother.”

  “Thank you, but not necessary to say. Now, I’ve sucked up enough of the air in the room. Go find your girl.” She gave me a kiss on my cheek and shoved me away playfully.

  “I love you, mother.”

  “I love you, Ben.”

  I took the stairs two at a time, and when I entered our room, I found Hallie asleep, curled up around a mound of pillows.

  I kicked off my shoes and climbed in beside her. She stirred a bit, and when I pulled her close, she finally woke up and looked up at me.

  “Hey, you’re home,” she sighed and snuggled in the crook of my neck.

  “Home is wherever you are,” I whispered.

  “What a sweet thing to say. How was your day?”

  “We can talk about that later. I would rather ask about you. What did you do today?”

  “Ahh, what didn’t I do? London is amazing. I love it here. Thank you so much for inviting me along.”

  “Hallie, I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to tell me the truth.” I shifted us both so I could sit up against the headboard. She moved a little after hearing my question.

  “I will always tell you the truth, and you know that. What’s wrong?”

  “It was something my father said today at lunch. He said that you were interested in the abroad program at the University of London, and if you were thinking of transferring there, he could make it happen for you.”

  “Ben, yes, it’s true that I mentioned the abroad program, but I gave him no impression that I was going to transfer here. I was so excited just with the tour. I had coffee with some cool people, and they were laying it on pretty thick about the university, and I guess my head was just in the clouds. It’s excit
ing and also a major life decision if I were even to consider it. Besides, it’s too late, and the deadline has passed.”

  “I know that, but did you hear what I said? My father could make it happen with just a phone call. He can completely change our lives with a phone call, and I’m just wondering if he has gotten to you.”

  “No, Ben, I would never allow that to happen. My eyes are open when it comes to your father, and although I believe he’s trying, I also know he’s perfectly capable of manipulating a situation for his own gain.”

  I let out the breath I was holding and just pulled her to me. “Thank you, Hallie. Oh my god, thank you for saying that.”

  “Babe, what did he do?”

  “Nothing I want to talk about. Listen, you know I would do anything for you, and if you wanted to attend university here, then I would support it, but only if it’s what you really wanted.”

  “Ben…”

  “Please, allow me to finish. School is very important, and you will not become a teacher without it. My experience here was amazing, and I also loved UNC, but you still have three years and graduate school thereafter. It’s a big deal, and I don’t want to be the deciding factor where you attend school.”

  “You’re talking in circles, Ben, and making a lot of assumptions about me when I never gave you any reason to. What do you want me to say? I fell in love with London. It’s fantastic, and yes, I can see myself living and attending classes here.”

  “But…?”

  “Leah hasn’t returned my call yet, and she already suspects that I’m being brainwashed by your father to stay here. Is that what you think too?”

  “It might have crossed my mind when my father mentioned it earlier today. I’m sorry for not trusting you. It was a hard day all around, and I’m so tired of talking and reliving it.”

  “So let’s not talk about it. How about we go for a walk? I think it will do us both some good.”

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  We walked the grounds for a while, taking in the lush greenery and the flowers in bloom. My father never spared any expense when it came to the landscape on the property.

  “My mom mentioned the book you gave her. It was really thoughtful of you, and she loves it,” I said.

  “I was happy to give it to her, and it’s another thing we have in common. I love the talks we’ve been having. She’s really great, Ben.”

  “Yeah, she is, and I’m going to miss her very much when we leave. Hallie, it’s time to go home, and I’d like to leave by the end of the week.”

  “Really? I thought we had a few weeks left.”

  “I know, but I think its best we finish out the week and go home. I talked to my mom, and she understands why I need to do this. Please tell me you do too.”

  “Ben, I would if I knew it was what you really wanted. I think you are torn between your family and me, and it has you completely stressed out. Are we back there again? Are you going to continue to shut me out every time I ask about your father? We agreed to be open and honest with each other, and that includes talking about the hard stuff. Oliver Chapel is the hard stuff.”

  I kicked a stone in frustration. “Yes! We are back there again, because you won’t let it drop. Do you want to know about my father? Okay, here it is. The company he bought to prove a lesson in disobedience is now mine to do what I want with it. I can run it anyway I want and anywhere I want, which includes here in London. Do you remember when I said he can make things happen? Well, this is one of them. Don’t you see, Hallie? He’s still calling the shots, only this time he’s wearing a smile on his face. I need to be my own man and stand on these two feet without my father supplying the bloody shoes. I know him better than you do, and his approach may be different, but the motive is the same. He wants me here, he’s always wanted me here, and now with adding my sick mother into the mix, it’s a win-win. How could I say no when she needs me so much? All I have to do is tell him yes, and he will have you enrolled in school quicker than you can say London and have us moved here in a matter of a couple of days. I’m telling you straight, Hallie, this has been his plan all along, and he used my mother to get me here and will use her to make me stay.”

  “Do you want to stay? It’s a simple yes or no question.”

  “Yes, I want to stay. It’s killing me because I feel I need to stay for her, but then there’s a part of me that feels if I do, then he wins again. And then there's you, my love. I can’t be away from you, and I will not ask you to uproot your life for me. It’s not fair, and this situation completely sucks. I’m sorry.”

  “Ben, I love you, and you love me. You wouldn’t have given me this ring if you didn’t want a future with me. We have all the time in the world to make our dreams come true. Your mom can’t say the same. You are a good man, Benjamin Chapel, and I can’t wait to be your wife someday. You never have to worry about losing me, because I am not going anywhere. I promise you, Ben, I am all in.”

  I wanted to fall to my knees and worship at her feet. I was so in love with Hallie Whitman. I took her in my arms and swung her around until she squealed out in a fit of giggles.

  I asked, “Are you sure? Because I don’t want to pressure you into anything you are not certain of. This would be a big step, and you have to be sure.”

  “My money is on you, and no one has to tell me that you’re not a sure bet. I’m going to fly home on my own and talk to my family, and then you can join me a few days later to help me pack up the house. It’s going to be alright. I promise you.”

  “Leah is going to hate me.”

  “No, she’s not. She loves you. We are a family first, never forget that.”

  “Thanks to you, I now know what a real family is! I’ll never forget.”

  37

  See you soon, London

  Hallie…

  After we returned to the house from our walk, we opted to have dinner in our room and make plans to stay in London. We agreed Ben would talk to his father after I leave to tell him about our plans. The first thing we agreed on was not to stay at the house. We would secure a flat close to school, and this way we were on our own and would have our privacy. It wasn’t a problem when we were just on vacation, but Ben felt that would change if we lived there on a permanent basis.

  Ben was beside himself when he left me at the airport. He hated to see me go and pulled me back a few times into his chest, caging me in. I loved how protective he was. It would only be a week before we were together again.

  “If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain,” I said as I stood on Leah and Harry’s doorstep. I rang the bell and waited for them to answer the door. I specifically took this flight so I would arrive early Sunday morning and launch my surprise attack. I know in my heart, I should have at least warned Harry, but I didn’t see any another way.

  In my heart, I know this is the right thing to do. Now, it’s time to convince my family too. I was beginning to think they weren’t home, and then the door swung open, and Harry was there holding a cup of coffee.

  “Oh my god! What are you doing here?” he said and put his coffee down to give me a hug. “I was just getting the paper, and then I saw you. Welcome home, Hallie! Your sister is going to be so happy.”

  “I hope so. I traveled a long way to have this conversation.” I hugged him back, and then Harry looked at me and knew.

  “You’re not here to stay, are you?”

  “No, I’m not. Can I come in?”

  He shook his head and moved to take my bags. “Yes, come in. Do you want coffee? We were about to make breakfast.”

  “Coffee would be great. Thanks, Harry.”

  “Make yourself at home, and I’ll go upstairs to get Leah. Don’t you move.”

  “I won’t,” I said and poured a cup of coffee and waited for my sister to come down.

  A few minutes later, I heard a thunderous run come down the stairs with Harry close behind, telling my sister to slow down before she falls.

  �
��Oh my god! You’re home,” she shouted and pulled me into a hug. Her arms were so tight around my neck, I had to pinch her to relieve some of the pressure. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy you’re here. I was a jerk not to return your call. I was angry and being a brat. I’m sorry. Please say you forgive me? Big sisters mess up sometimes, but it’s nothing we can’t get through, right? Where’s Ben? I want to hug him too.” She looked around the room and then back to me. “Where is he?”

  “Leah, slow down and take a breath.”

  “Okay, I will. I’m just so excited to have you home. Now, where’s Ben?”

  “He didn’t come with me but will be back next weekend.”

  “Oh, great! For a minute there I was afraid you were going to tell me you broke up or something. Is that your ring?” she pointed to my hand.

  “Yes, it’s my engagement ring.”

  “Oh, let me see,” she clapped her hands and jumped up and down. “Oh, it’s beautiful. What a nice choice. Your man has great taste, but we already knew that, because he did fall in love with the second-best girl in the world.”

  I looked over to Harry for any kind of help, but he looked as lost as I was. She was like the Energizer Bunny on speed. He finally put his hands around her shoulder and made her sit down at the kitchen island. “Babe, Hallie’s here, and I’m hungry. How about I make those pancakes I promised you, and after we all eat, we can talk. How does that sound?”

  “Perfect, it’s a plan.” She gave me a kiss on my cheek and went upstairs to get dressed.

  I whispered a silent thank you to Harry, and he winked and began the pancake batter. I texted Ben to tell him I arrived safely and was at Leah’s. He asked me if I told them yet, and I said that Harry took one look at my face and guessed. Leah was another story, and I would have to be careful in choosing my words. I promised to call him once I left here. I had a mountain of mail to pick up from the post office tomorrow morning and make some big decisions regarding the house.

  Fifteen minutes later, Leah returned and we ate breakfast while Leah chatted away. We caught up on a month’s worth of conversations. I looked at every photo taken from their honeymoon, and then Leah rolled right into taking a French cooking class. She just wouldn’t stop talking, which was making my head spin off my neck.