MoreJade_LPavlov-eBooks

by Pavlov, Laura

  “God, you remind me so much of your mother sometimes. She was a stubborn pain in the ass too, most of the time.” He took his thumbs and swiped beneath my eyes. “No more tears. You’re a smart girl and I trust you, always have. But really think about this, Jade. This is real life and these decisions will affect you for the rest of your life.”

  “I promise you, I will. Nothing’s set in stone yet,” I said, but I’d already made up my mind.

  I was going with him.

  Cruz stopped by the new house after his final.

  “Wow. The place looks great. Did your dad leave already?” he asked.

  “Yep. There wasn’t all that much to move. I talked to him about taking the year off from school.”

  He looked up at me, and I saw the panic in his honey-brown gaze. He didn’t want my father to dislike him, and I understood that. But my dad wasn’t like that. He wouldn’t hold my decisions against Cruz.

  “What did he say? Is he pissed?”

  “Surprisingly, no. He listened. He thinks there’s still a lot to think about. He supports me going for the summer, but he wants me to work, because that was the plan. I promised I’d take my two summer courses online while we travel.”

  “You know you don’t have to work. I can happily pay your bills,” he said, wrapping his arms around my middle.

  “You’re missing the point. It’s about being responsible.” I laughed and turned around to face him. He flinches and I pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I have a surprise for you.” He tugged his T-shirt over his head.

  There was a bandage over the left side of his chest. “What happened?”

  He lifted the tape to show me a new tattoo beneath the bandage. It was a shimmery jade color and the script read: More Jade.

  “Now you’ll always be with me, whether we are together or apart.”

  I couldn’t believe he’d permanently written my name on his body. My heart swelled.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “You like it?” he asked.

  “I love it. But we’re not going to be apart because I’m coming with you. I just have to meet with Holly, my counselor, to figure out the new plan. So, it might take me four or five years, and I might have to take out student loans if they don’t choose to renew my scholarship, but none of that is the end of the world.”

  “It’s not the money I’m worried about. Hell, I’d pay for your schooling now. My dad won’t fight that. But I don’t like you changing your life for me. I don’t want to derail you.” He pulled me close and whispered against my ear.

  “You derailed me the day we met,” I said with a chuckle before he captured my mouth with his.

  I reached for his hand and started walking backward while he continued to kiss me. He laughed against my mouth.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “You haven’t seen my room yet,” I said, and my voice was all tease.

  My legs hit the back of the bed and I fell on the mattress, pulling him on top of me. He braced himself so he didn’t crush me beneath him.

  “We don’t need to rush things. I know you’ve been through a lot,” he said, pushing the hair back from my face.

  “No more waiting. I’m all in.” I pulled him back down and captured his mouth.

  No more holding back.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Jade

  Finals were behind me and I had officially completed my freshman year. Dad and I stayed up talking until two o’clock in the morning, and I needed to get some sleep. He didn’t pressure me about my decision, and I appreciated it. I was really doing this. I was leaving school to go on tour with my rock star boyfriend. I was anxious to get everything organized with Holly in the morning. These were the times I missed my mom most. With Dad, I just felt like I needed to convince him I was doing the right thing. I imagined my mom would be the one convincing me what she thought I should do. But being with Cruz was the right thing to do for me.

  I packed up a few of Mom’s journals and slipped the one I was currently reading in my purse. This was the last night I’d spend in my childhood bed for several months. I reached for my phone before slipping into bed. There was a text from Cruz.

  Cruz ~ Miss you, More Jade. I can’t believe we’re leaving in the morning. So, fucking glad you will be by my side.

  Me ~ Miss you too. Nowhere else I’d rather be. I’ll see you right after my meeting with Holly. Love you.

  He didn’t reply. He was probably already asleep. I tucked into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin, closed my eyes and drifted away.

  I woke up feeling off. Really off. I dreamed of my mother last night. This had only happened one other time in my life when I’d been really sick and spent a few days in the hospital when I was younger. She’d come to me one night and stopped my shivering. She’d hugged me and held me tight. I could still see her vividly from that night. I always figured it was a hallucination from the high fever I had at the time. But last night—she was there. She wore the same white gown she’d been in last time. She kept saying the same thing over and over. Don’t lose yourself.

  Maybe my subconscious was struggling with my decision. I wasn’t following the rule book according to Jade like I always had before. I flipped through my phone to check my emails. There was an email from Professor Peters.

  Dear Jade,

  I wanted to drop you a note to let you know you received the highest score in the class on your final. It was a near-perfect score, and I am impressed with your hard work and dedication this semester. You are an extremely talented student and it has been my pleasure teaching you this year. I look forward to seeing what you achieve in the future.

  Best, Robert Peters

  I read the email twice and my heart squeezed with pride. I’d studied so much for that final and I was thrilled that I did so well. The doorbell rang and Dad called me from downstairs.

  “Sam’s here,” he said.

  “Be right down.” I closed my laptop and tossed it in my backpack before bounding down the stairs.

  Sam wanted to say goodbye, so he agreed to drop me off at my counselor’s office. Cruz had my other two suitcases already loaded on the tour bus.

  “Are you ready, rock star?” Sam asked.

  He didn’t agree with my decision to leave school, but he understood why I wanted to go. He liked Cruz. They’d actually become friends. But Sam’s instinct would always be to look out for me, and I understood that. But who was looking out for Cruz?

  Sara had spent the night, and she and Dad were officially dating. I was so happy they were together because it made leaving a whole lot easier.

  “I’m ready. We aren’t saying goodbye, Daddy-O. I told you I’ll be back at the end of summer for a visit,” I said, pushing up on my tiptoes and kissing his cheek.

  “Yep. And if you need me, I can come to you.” His voice cracked, and a piece of my heart splintered at his words. Sara rubbed his back and gave me a sad smile.

  “You’re going to get on a plane and come see me?” I teased. I didn’t want this to get heavy.

  “If you need me, yes, I’ll get on a plane.”

  Sam and I exchanged a look because Dad didn’t fly. I threw my arms around him. Everything I didn’t want to happen was happening now. He hugged me so tight that tears pricked my eyes. I’d never been far from him, and I couldn’t hold back the emotions and a sob escaped as the floodgates opened. Tears streamed down my face.

  “I love you, Dad.”

  “Love you too, Jady bug. Be safe. Don’t get lost out there,” he said with a chuckle, an attempt to lighten the situation. Why was everyone talking about me getting lost? I’d be on a gigantic bus with the love of my life.

  “I promise I won’t.”

  I turned and hugged Sara. “I love you, Sara.”

  “Love you more, swee
tie. I’m going to miss you so much.”

  “Call me tonight and let me know where you are,” Dad said.

  Sam grabbed my duffle and led me out the door. We remained silent until we were on the freeway.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yep. I’m good. Just hate saying goodbye to him.”

  “You sure that’s it? You aren’t having second thoughts?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Nope. But thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “I’m going to miss you, J-bird.”

  I’d never been far from Sam either. But we were growing up. There were things Sam didn’t know about me now. Things I’d only shared with Cruz.

  “I’m going to miss you too.”

  We pulled in front of the admissions building and I gathered my things.

  “No weepy goodbyes, okay?” I said.

  “Nope. Text me tonight from the road.”

  I leaned over and hugged him goodbye. “Love you.”

  “Love you, too,” he said.

  I jumped out of the truck and I didn’t look back. No more looking back. Only forward. I was ready for this new adventure. I walked into the quiet building. Everyone was out for summer break, and the place was pretty desolate.

  “Hi. I’m Jade Moore. I’m here to see Holly Green.”

  “Oh yes. She just phoned me and asked me to apologize. She’s caught in a bit of good ol’ Chicago traffic, and she’ll be here in ten minutes. You can take a seat over here if you’d like,” she said, motioning to the chairs in the waiting area.

  “No problem.”

  I sent Cruz a quick text to let him know I’d be a few minutes late and I pulled out Mom’s journal. I loved reading her daily entries more than ever now. Her life had gotten more exciting since she entered college, and in a way, I was sharing in her journey too. She was starting her first summer break after her freshman year in college as well. But I guessed she wasn’t going on tour with a rock band.

  May 9th

  Dear Journal,

  What a day it’s been. I got all the information for my semester abroad in Australia. I’ve dreamed of this my entire life and it’s finally happening. Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me go my first year in college, but now they are on board. What I didn’t expect was to be fighting with my boyfriend all week. Jack and I never fight. Well, never say never. He doesn’t want me to go. And guess what? I thought about not going because I love him.

  God, I love him so much it’s silly, really. But he’s a stubborn ass. I understand that being apart will be hard, but if we love each other, what’s the problem? I’m planning on growing old with this man. Why can’t I pursue the things I’ve always dreamed of and love him at the same time? I can. And if he can’t, then maybe we weren’t meant to be together.

  I’ve struggled with my choice this week, and I’m hoping I didn’t make a mistake because Mom and Dad just paid the deposit. I’m young and there’s so much I want to do. I don’t want to be forty and resenting him because I gave things up when I shouldn’t have. I don’t want to be old before I have to be. And right now, I’m young and curious and ready for some adventure. I want to see how other cultures live. I want to see what the rest of the world looks like. I want to pursue my passions. And I want to come home to the boy I love, and I hope he’s waiting for me. It’s not a long time, and in the big picture of life, this will be a little piece of our time together. He’s pursuing his dreams to become a fireman, and I need to pursue mine.

  I read Jack one of my favorite sayings this morning: The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much. It was written by the brilliant Ernest Hemingway.

  I think he gets it. I love Jack Moore more than I ever thought possible. I’ll come back to him and we’ll be together. But I love me too. And I’m going to spread my wings and go to Australia like I always planned. Hopefully Jack will support me. I think he will. We don’t have to want the same things right now, or experience everything together—all we have to do is love one another enough and trust in that. Hopefully that’s enough for him too.

  Ciao for now,

  J.E.

  I stare at the journal entry for a minute before slipping the book back in my bag. I knew my mom had studied abroad. I had no idea it had been an issue for them. I think about how difficult it must have been to make that choice. I can’t believe Dad gave her a hard time. I’m grateful Cruz supports my dream. Heck, I think it’s part of what drew him to me. That determined side of myself. The part of me that wants to change the world any way I can. Save someone else from the pain of losing their loved ones. Make a difference as a physician.

  “Jade, I’m so sorry. Come in,” Holly said as she barreled through the door. Literally. Her briefcase opened and papers spilled out on the floor. She reached for them and tipped her coffee cup and the lid fell off, allowing the liquid to pour on the floor. The woman was a flustered mess.

  “It’s no problem at all,” I said, bending down to help her gather her papers.

  I replay the words from my dream last night as I pushed to my feet. Don’t lose yourself. Have I done that? Did all the stress from the fire and the miscarriage cause me to lose sight of my own dreams? I pushed the thought away and followed Holly into her office.

  “Okay, I have all your paperwork and I just want to go over all of your options one last time, but I know you have your mind made up,” she said, laying out several papers in front of me.

  My mind raced. I thought of Professor Peter’s email, and I was overcome with pride. I listened as Holly went over all the pros and cons to taking a year off. There are more cons than pros because loving Cruz wasn’t something she counted as a pro. But it was the most important reason for me. But I listened as she laid my future out before me.

  I took an Uber to meet Cruz at the tour bus, feeling terrible for holding them up. He met me outside and reached for my duffle.

  “Everything go okay?”

  “Yep. All done. Wow, look at this thing,” I said, taking in the enormous monstrosity parked in front of us.

  “It’s our new home for the next twelve months, baby. Have I told you how much I love you yet today?” He took my hand and led me inside.

  Tory hurried over and hugged me. “Can you believe we’re doing this? You and me on the road with our rock star boyfriends.”

  The day had been a whirlwind and it wasn’t even lunchtime yet. The bus was enormous and spacious, and the guys were spread all around. Dark wood flooring and black leather couches ran along both sides of the space. Lennon and Adam were playing a video game on a big screen television and they both waved to me. Tory settled back on the couch beside her boyfriend. Dex looked up from his laptop and tugged out his earbuds.

  “I can’t believe you went through with it, Princess,” Dex said.

  I didn’t react to him. At least he wasn’t calling me Yoko Ono anymore, but he still found a way to insult me with his sarcasm.

  “Jesus dude, really? Is this how it’s going to be?” Cruz said.

  “Relax. It was a joke. Lighten the fuck up.”

  “Hey Jade, glad you’re coming along with us,” Luke said. He was a nice guy and I appreciated that he always seemed to be looking out for my boyfriend.

  “Me too.”

  Cruz tugged me down the hallway toward the bedroom and my phone rang. I saw Holly’s number and my stomach twisted. I was exhausted from our meeting, and I couldn’t imagine what else she would possibly need to tell me. It was done. I’d made my decision.

  “It’s Holly, my counselor, I better get it,” I said, and Cruz dropped to sit on the large bed. He tossed my duffle bag on the window seat and patted the spot beside him for me to sit.

  The bus started to move, and I answered the call, holding the phone to my ear.

  “Hey, Holly,” I said, sitting down on the bed.

 
“Hi, there. I just wanted to let you know I filed all the papers, and everything is done.”

  I turned my back to my boyfriend and let out a long breath. “Okay. Thank you for everything. I appreciate your help.”

  “Of course. It’s my job. I’ve actually really enjoyed working with you. You had an incredible first year and I’m really glad you changed your mind about next year, Jade. I submitted all of your courses and it looks like if you complete the two summer school classes online, you’ll remain on track to graduate in three years. Your scholarship is intact, and I look forward to seeing you in the fall. Have a nice summer and I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

  “Okay. Thank you.” A deep lump formed in my throat as I disconnected the call.

  Cruz wrapped his arms around me, and the bus jolted a little as it pulled out of the parking lot.

  “I’m so glad you’re here with me,” he said, and his lips grazed my ear. Chill bumps covered my arms at his nearness, and I squeezed my eyes closed.

  “Me too. But there’s something I need to tell you.”

  I took a deep breath as the bus merged onto the freeway.

  What I was going to tell him would change everything.

  I just hoped he loved me as much as I loved him—because it was the only way we were going to get through this next year.

  THE END

  A Love You More Rock Star Romance Series...

  When good goes bad in this star-crossed lovers trilogy, you’ll want to be there every step of the way.

  BOOK 2

  MORE OF YOU

  Bereft, betrayed, and broken, the healing begins in the last installment of Laura Pavlov’s star-crossed lovers trilogy.

  BOOK 3

  MORE OF US

  Book 2:

  More of You

  Chapter One

  Jade

  Music boomed behind the stage where I stood. The walls vibrated from the loud cheers coming from the audience. It was still hard to wrap my head around—how quickly Exiled’s fanbase had grown. “More of Me,” the song Cruz wrote, had skyrocketed to number one on multiple charts. Their tour sold out within an hour of tickets going on sale, and we’d spent the summer traveling across the U.S. from venue to venue. I kept a journal of our travels, and Cruz and I tried to do one touristy thing in each new location we visited depending on time. He always made a point to find a library in each city for me to see.