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by Pavlov, Laura

  “I would be happy to pay for your schooling, Jade. But you’d have to agree to that.”

  “No. I couldn’t do that. And I’ve earned my scholarship. I’d hate to give it up. I’ll go talk to my counselor this week and find out my options. Maybe they’ll hold it for me?”

  “No one knows this yet, but I met with Luke today and asked him to inquire about having auditions for a lead singer now. I just want him to ask. The rest of the band would be intact. Maybe the label knows someone. I said I’d still be willing to write all their music, but it would be a way for me to stay here. We’ll see what they say.”

  She moved off my lap and stretched out on the bed, and I rolled on my side to face her.

  “People survive the long-distance thing, too. We could make it work if we had to,” she said.

  “Dex is an asshole and I’m not looking forward to being trapped on a bus with him. My brother’s been really shady since the fire. He’s always in his room. Never seems to go to class. He gets mad when I ask about it. He’ll have his associate’s degree before we leave, and I want him to see it through. Just because we’re going on tour does not mean we’ve made it. If we don’t keep our shit together, it can all still blow up. I wouldn’t mind if it did, but I don’t want it to be at Lennon’s expense.”

  “You’re such a good brother,” she said and moved closer to me.

  Her head settled under my chin, and she smelled like sunshine. Her hand found mine and she interlinked our fingers, and we both dozed off. And just like that, everything was better.

  “Why are you here?” I said to my father as he flailed around in my living room.

  “You know damn well why I’m here. You think you can change the terms of this contract now? You had Luke ask about your replacement in the middle of this deal. So much for your big, fancy education. You’re not as smart as you think you are. They aren’t happy, Cruz. They want a commitment from you, or they’re out. Sorry, boys, but they think he’s the talent,” my father said.

  I hate this man even more than usual right now. I watched my brother crumble, and Adam’s gaze didn’t leave the ground. Dex jumped to his feet and joined my father in his tirade.

  “What the fuck, Cruz. Are you trying to kill this deal for us? I can’t even believe Luke agreed to speak with them. We’re lucky they aren’t walking,” Dex said.

  “Shut up, Dex. He never wanted this, and you know it.” Adam rarely got involved, but his face is red and angry.

  “Surprise, surprise. Adam’s on team Cruz. Shocker. If this deal dies, it’s on him.” Dex was in Adam’s face now, and I jumped between them.

  “Calm the fuck down. I just inquired. I didn’t say I’d walk. I offered to write the music which we all know is the only thing I’m decent at. Anyone could replace me as lead singer, and you know it,” I said.

  “They don’t agree. They said if you walk, they walk,” my dad said. He’s so smug and happy to shatter everyone’s hopes today. Force me to do something I didn’t want to do and make the other guys feel unimportant.

  “Jesus, Cruz. This is all for some girl-next-door fucked-up fantasy. Cut this chick loose, man. I’m over it.” Dex stared at me and it took all the self-control I had not to drop his ass. Again.

  “Dude, I’ve warned you to stop talking about her,” I said as the door flew open.

  Luke walked in looking like a disheveled mess. He was always so put together and polished that it surprised me to see him like this. His sandy brown hair was sticking up, like he’d been tugging at it for hours. His T-shirt was dirty and untucked, and he was wearing sweatpants. I’d never seen Luke in anything other than cargo pants and a collared shirt. He was a preppy son of a bitch, but not today.

  “Okay. We’re good as long as you agree to stay, Cruz. They are pulling the offer if you walk. I assured them you were in, so tell me I didn’t just put my reputation on the line for nothing,” Luke said.

  “Oh, you’re not walking, because if you do, I swear on everything I have, I will disown you. I’ll freeze your trust so fast your head will spin. You won’t be able to pay for school on your own, nor will you be able to afford to buy your girlfriend a house to live in. Don’t think I don’t hear about your large purchases, son. You don’t want to fuck with me. You can’t make it on your own,” my father said.

  His veins were bulging on the side of his neck and his face was dark red. He’d never threatened my trust fund before. I didn’t think he had the power to freeze it, but I didn’t have a fucking clue. He most likely set everything up to work in his favor, so maybe he was right. I didn’t know if I cared anymore. Being free of this man would be worth it.

  “Steven, you need to relax. Give the kid a chance to answer before you threaten him,” Luke said, and he gave me an apologetic shrug.

  “You’d never risk everyone knowing you disowned me. It wouldn’t look good on you, old man. But I’ll keep you posted.”

  I walked out of the room and down the hall, slamming my door and dropping on my bed. Fuck my life. How did I get here? Trapped into doing something I didn’t want to do when I finally had a reason to stay.

  There’s a quiet knock and my door creaked open. My brother was hesitant and nervous. He knew better than to push me right now. He shut the door, but he didn’t attempt to sit.

  “If you want to walk, I’ll understand. I’m sorry you feel all this pressure because of me.”

  I sat up and ran a hand over my face. “You know, we could just stay a local band and finish school. Have a little normalcy in our lives.”

  “It’s not an option for me,” Lennon said, and he met my gaze and I knew he was going to drop a bomb.

  “Why is that?”

  “I failed out of school a few weeks ago. I didn’t know how to tell you,” he said, covering his eyes with his hand.

  “Jesus, dude. That was your out. You would have had your associate’s degree next month. It was a step in the right direction.”

  “Maybe for you, Cruz. Not for me.”

  “Fuck.” It’s all I could say. He’d taken everything else off the table. Exiled was literally all he had. All he wanted.

  “We’re so close. I really think once we start touring and we grow in popularity, you will be able to step away. Maybe you just give it a year? I’ll help you get out,” he said.

  He wouldn’t. Lennon had never been someone I could depend on. It was always my job to take care of him, and maybe it would be that way forever. But I needed him to grow up. Man the fuck up. Take care of himself.

  “I’m not going to walk if they’re going to terminate the deal.”

  Luke and Adam knocked on the door before barging in. They informed us that my dad and Dex both left. Lennon told them that I agreed to commit to one year. My chest tightened. I knew I was making a deal with the devil. The devil being my father.

  “Thank you, Cruz. I will do everything in my power to help find a replacement for you in a year. Let’s just not talk about it with the guys at AF Records right now. We can work behind the scenes,” Luke said.

  “Did you tell them I need my own room on the bus because I’m going to finish my degree online? I’ll be studying while these assholes are getting drunk. I can still graduate on time. And did you talk to them about October thirty-first?”

  “I did. It’s been added to your contract. No shows will take place on Halloween.”

  Lennon looked over at me and nodded. He and Adam were the only ones that knew it was the day Jade’s mom died. I may not be able to control where I lived for the next twelve months, but I could make sure I was there for her on the anniversary. I’ll be there for her on the day that she needs me most, regardless of what she decides to do. My choice was now out of my hands.

  “Okay. Thanks for trying,” I said, reaching for my backpack. Regardless of the shit show that was my life—I had finals to study for. And most importantly, my hot
study partner was waiting for me.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Jade

  “I’m glad we came to the beach. It always calms me down before exams,” I said, lying on my stomach and looking up at Cruz.

  He was sitting up, smoking a cigarette. He hadn’t smoked in a while, but his nerves were rattled since his visit from his father today. I wasn’t surprised the label wouldn’t let him walk. We both knew it was a long shot. Cruz was way more talented than he gave himself credit for, and AF Records wasn’t signing anyone unless he was on board. My concern was that they would never let him go.Why would they be okay with him leaving in a year?

  “There’s something I need to tell you,” Cruz said.

  “Is it bad?” I sat up on the purple Northwestern blanket beneath us and crossed my legs.

  There was a light breeze coming off the water, and I was thankful for the warm spring weather.

  “It’s not bad, but I wasn’t completely honest with you about something.” He snubbed out his cigarette and dropped the butt in his empty water bottle.

  “What?”

  “The house you and Ariana are moving into on Grove Street? It doesn’t belong to a friend of mine. I bought it a few months ago,” he said.

  He was watching me. Assessing my reaction. The old me would be more upset. But after all we’d been through these last few weeks with the fire and the miscarriage, nothing seemed all that tragic anymore. The one thing that came from all the bad—Cruz and I were more solid than ever. And I wanted to be with him even if it meant making sacrifices.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Same reason you don’t tell me shit. I didn’t want to upset you,” he said, reaching for my hand.

  “So why now?”

  “Because my asshole father knows, and I don’t want him to throw it in your face.” He kissed my hand and pulled me onto his lap.

  I understood what my father meant about Mom being his other half now. Cruz was mine. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I loved him so much it scared me sometimes.

  “Well, it certainly makes sense why the rent is so cheap,” I said with a laugh. “So, what happens to the rental house if I go on tour with you for the year?”

  He nuzzled my neck. We hadn’t had sex since I told him about the miscarriage, and I was glad because I wasn’t ready. Yes, I was taking birth control, but emotionally I just hadn’t been in a hurry. And Cruz would never push me. We were both content just sleeping together, kissing and cuddling. To say we had a lot on our minds was an understatement, and just being with him made everything easier.

  “Nothing. It’s yours. I want you to have a place regardless of what you decide. If you come on tour and you hate it, you’ll always have a place here that’s yours. But I don’t want to make you feel pressured. We can make this work, you know. The long-distance thing. We have access to a plane, and you can fly out to wherever I am as often as you want.”

  “You don’t think I should go with you?”

  “Of course, I want you to come with me. But you’d be giving up a lot for me. What if it derails your path and you resent me later?”

  “Maybe you’re my path?” I said and his lips turned up on the sides.

  “You didn’t tell me what your counselor said today. Didn’t you meet with her this morning?” he asked.

  I didn’t bring it up because I knew he wouldn’t like it. “Yeah. It’s what we thought. I’ll lose my scholarship if I leave. I can reapply, but she said it would be unlikely. She said I could take some courses online while we were traveling, but with my major, it would be tricky because there are so many labs. She said med schools won’t be impressed if my science courses are taken online, so I would need to postpone those until I returned.”

  “Fuck. You know I’d stay for you if I could. Honestly, I don’t give a fuck about my dad’s threats. He’d get over it, or he wouldn’t—I’d survive either way. But Lennon. I feel like he’ll spiral if I don’t go. If this all dies right now. It sucks choosing between my brother and my girlfriend. The truth is—I’d choose you, Jade. But the reality is that you will survive for a year without me, and Lennon might not. If I walked away right now, and the deal fell through, I think he’d shut down,” Cruz says. His hair blew in the wind and I ran my fingers over the scruff on his jaw.

  “You shouldn’t have to choose. I don’t feel like you’re choosing anyone over me. You’re just doing what you have to right now. That’s why I feel like I should go. Everything in my life will still be there when I get back.”

  The more I thought about it, the more I leaned toward following my heart. Cruz wasn’t leaving me to chase his dream—he was leaving me because he was afraid of what would happen to Lennon if he didn’t go. He didn’t have the option of chasing his own dream, because he’d been living someone else’s for so long.

  “You still need to talk to your dad, and I don’t think he will support it. So, let’s just focus on finals, and get you moved into the new house this weekend. You’re coming with me for the summer regardless, so there’s no rush to make a decision.”

  Finals. The bane of my existence. I couldn’t believe I was almost done with my freshman year. In some ways, it felt like years had passed since I moved away from Bucktown and met Cruz. In other ways, it felt like just yesterday I moved into my dorm room and met him. So much had changed. But the good news—I finished my first year exactly how I’d hoped. My grades were great, I’d made new friends, and I’d found the love of my life. And yeah, there had been some bad times. But when the smoke cleared, Cruz and I were still standing. And that’s what mattered most to me now.

  “How much is this place?” my dad asked as he carried in the laundry baskets of clothing. The man had an actual issue with buying boxes.

  “Five hundred a month,” I say. Cruz asked me not to tell my dad he bought the place unless he specifically asked who owned it, because he didn’t want it to make Dad uncomfortable.

  “How is that possible?” He stood in the living room and took in the amazing space.

  Natural light poured in through the plantation shutters on the windows. It wasn’t large, but it was quaint. The original wood floors had been refurbished, and the kitchen was white and bright. It wasn’t something a college kid typically lived in. Ari and I were expecting a dingy apartment, so we were thrilled.

  “The guy wanted to rent it to two brainy college girls who wouldn’t throw parties, so we were in luck,” Ariana said with a chuckle. She knew Cruz owned the place, but she’d been sworn to secrecy.

  Jace carried in a huge stack of her clothes on hangers and she guided him to her room.

  “It’s amazing, Jady bug. And it came furnished? This stuff is nicer than our furniture at home,” Dad said.

  I dropped down on the couch and decided to broach the subject with him.

  “So, I told you Cruz is going on tour, right? He tried to get out of it, but they won’t sign the rest of the band if he walks.”

  Dad sat down beside me. “He’s in a tough situation. He thinks he can get out in a year? Will he finish his courses while he’s on the road?”

  “Yes. There’s so much you can do online now, so he can still graduate on time,” I said, planting the seed of positivity.

  “Oh yeah? That’s good.”

  “So, he asked me to go on tour with him this summer. I wanted to see what your thoughts were.”

  He sat a little straighter. “I figured this was coming. Well, I think it’s been a tough year and you’ve worked hard. I’m not against you having some fun, but you had plans this summer to work and take classes too.”

  “I know. I’ve already signed up for my summer session. I’m going to take two courses online, and Cruz said I could do some work for the band. They need people to manage their merchandising and Tory’s going to do it too.”

  “Who the hell is Tory?” Dad rubbe
d his temples and I knew this was a lot for him to digest. We’d never not lived in the same city at the same time.

  “Oh, sorry. She’s Adam’s girlfriend.”

  “I just don’t know how I feel about you living in a tour bus with a bunch of guys,” he said, and his dark gaze landed on mine.

  “Cruz has his own room on the bus, and I’ll stay in there.”

  He pushed to his feet. “Not helping, Jade. That is an image I don’t need.”

  “Oh, sorry. I just meant I’d have a space to go to get away from everyone. Think of the experience. I’d be traveling all over the U.S. You know that’s something I’ve always wanted to do. It’s just happening sooner than I planned.”

  He studied me, pushing his hands in his pockets. “Are we talking about a summer here? Why do I feel like there’s more to this?”

  “Well, Cruz has to go for a year. I’m thinking about going with him and taking a leave from school for a year,” I whispered.

  My dad was not a hothead. He’d always been calm in stressful situations, but I could tell he was struggling with this. He moved to sit beside me again.

  “That’s a lot to sacrifice, Jade. You’d probably lose your scholarship, and you’d be putting your education on hold.”

  “I would. I’ve looked into it. I could reapply, but it’s unlikely I’d get it back. But Dad, sometimes life happens, and you need to follow your gut, right? My path will just change a little, but I will still get there. I know I will,” I said.

  “Wow. You’ve already looked into this? What does Cruz say?” He watched me intently now.

  “He thinks I should go for the summer and come back to school. He’s afraid I’ll resent him later. He said we could do the long-distance thing and he isn’t worried about us making it work.”

  “Then what’s the problem. Why make a sacrifice if you don’t have to? I think he’s right.”

  “Because I don’t want to be away from him. He needs someone to support him. He’s never had that, Dad. His parents have never been there for him, and he’s always taking care of everyone. I want to be there for him,” I said, and tears streamed down my face.