Deceased and Desist

by Misty Simon

  “Tallie, you’re the one who’s saying you’re going to take her. I didn’t ask you to do it, you’re doing it all on your own.”

  “Then how about we look at it as Burton wants help, I’m willing to give it, but I need info?”

  He shushed me. “No one is supposed to know about that.”

  “I understand, but I need to know what you know,” I whispered.

  He nodded. “I can do that. Now let’s go find the dog’s food, and we’ll figure out a way to load all her stuff into your Lexus.”

  I stared at the dog. I was really doing this. I must have been crazy. It was the only acceptable explanation.

  * * *

  Fortunately, I was able to get ahold of my mother on the way home. I’d started out in the driver’s seat, but Peanut tried to cram herself into my lap to the point where I couldn’t see a thing. Gina and I switched positions. Peanut was a happy camper, woofing deep in her throat and thwapping Gina’s arm with her tail. Me? I still couldn’t see a thing in front of me and hoped that Gina was driving well. I couldn’t worry too much about it since I was trying to keep the dog from kissing me and talk to my mother at the same time.

  “Yes, Mom, she’s huge. I just wanted to see if you could talk to Dad about her before I actually bring her into the building. You know, so he’s not surprised to see a small pony in my apartment. He wasn’t exactly pleased at the prospect of Mr. Fleefers when you let me move in upstairs. A huge Saint Bernard could make him extremely angry.” Maybe this was a bad idea.

  “Oh, stop. Leave your father to me. I’m so excited to meet her! I’ll meet her when I come down to the parlor. Daddy will be fine!”

  Daddy would not be fine, but I let it slide. “We’ll be there in about five minutes.” I hoped I was right. I couldn’t tell where the heck we were so I could be totally wrong.

  “Okay, I’m leaving now. I’ll see you there. Does she need anything? A toy? A blanket? Treats?”

  Peanut must have heard the last word because she started barking that deep bark that had scared me the first time. This time it vibrated the whole seat. Thank God all of my neighbors were dead. At least they couldn’t complain.

  We pulled into the driveway about ten minutes later. We were further out than I had thought or Gina had driven slower than I normally did. My legs were asleep from having over a hundred pounds of fluffy dog sitting on my lap. I waited for Gina to come around the car to open the door for me. Fortunately, she had the leash in hand. I rolled down the window for her to put it on Peanut while I held the dog still in case she dove for the window. She didn’t move other than to wiggle in my lap, causing the tingles to start in my thighs. Getting out of the car was going to be painful.

  Peanut waited while Gina opened the door and then coaxed her out of the car with a treat. The dog looked back at me, almost as if she was asking for permission. “Go, go,” I told her, anticipating the pain of my sleeping legs to roar down from my thighs to my toes, which I could no longer feel.

  She hopped out and immediately started sniffing around the small patch of grass behind the parking lot. It wasn’t much, but she still managed to pee seven times.

  My mind ran through how many times I was going to have to walk up and down the stairs to take her out, and I groaned.

  What had I signed up for?

  Cats took care of themselves. As long as I gave Mr. Fleefers his food and water, and kept the little pan clean, we were good to go. Dogs were a whole different animal, literally and responsibility-wise.

  But I had offered, and this is what I would do until Marianne recovered. Please let her recover. Quickly would be nice.

  Mom zipped up in her little hatchback and was out and cooing at Peanut, who immediately licked her all the way up one side of her face. Mom’s hair stood straight up above her ear, and she laughed. Okay then.

  Getting Peanut to go up the stairs was another adventure. At first she wouldn’t approach, and then she zoomed up the second staircase like her tail was on fire. When I was halfway up, she ran back down to the landing, then passed me again on my way up.

  Mr. Fleefers must have smelled someone new in the building because he was right at the door when I opened it. I tried to grab him, but he backed up and scrambled away when Peanut came running in. He stood on top of the refrigerator while Peanut stood under him barking.

  “Hush,” Gina commanded, and Peanut immediately stopped barking. “Now sit.” And she did.

  I’d have to learn these commands and the voice to use with them.

  Anxiously, Mr. Fleefers paced back and forth across the top of the refrigerator, keeping an eye on the new animal in his home. What would he do?

  This could all go horribly wrong in a heartbeat. I thought of different scenarios—from Mr. Fleefers running around to the cat attacking the poor dog and digging in his wicked claws. None of them came to fruition.

  Mr. Fleefers jumped down from the fridge, circled through the big dog’s legs, and then sat down in front of Peanut, who also sat down. Mr. Fleefers laid down and so did Peanut, then Mr. Fleefers approached and rubbed his head under Peanut’s chin. He settled on her front paws and she rested her head on his back.

  What in the heck was that? It was totally better than what could have happened, but he’d never taken to anyone, or anything, like that.

  I’d once brought home a goldfish from the annual street fair and constantly found Mr. Fleefers with his paw in the bowl trying to grab the poor thing. I had hoped that Mr. Fleefers wouldn’t snatch it out and swallow it alive, but one day I came home and the goldfish was gone. No burial for that pet.

  “Aw, look at them together!” Mom exclaimed. “What sweeties. Who knew that Mr. Fleefers just wanted a friend? You’ll have to get him one after this puppy goes back to her owner.”

  If she went back to her owner. First, Marianne had to recover from her injuries, then she’d have to explain that wig along with her real reason for working either for or with Eli St. James. Fortunately, Matt had agreed to share it all with me.

  Oh man, I should have made him write it in blood on a napkin, and sign it, then pinky swear. Instead, I’d have to take him at his word. I wish I had been able to get into those files.

  Dad came up at that point and gave the dog a stare that demanded behavior. Peanut sat on her haunches right next to his leg and smiled at him. I swear that’s what she did. And when he petted her head, her whole body wiggled, but she did not jump or move beyond that. I had to figure out how Dad and Gina were able to get her to behave because I was seriously failing at it.

  Once all greetings were given and treats handed out in plenty, everyone but Gina left. I placed a call to Burton and left him a voicemail.

  “Do you regret taking her?” Gina asked, settling onto my couch.

  “No, I’m sure it will be fine for a few days.” I puttered around the kitchen because lunch had come and gone and I needed to eat something. I had very little food in my fridge but enough to make some sandwiches. Grilled cheese was good for a new dog day. When I finished grilling the sandwiches and sat on the couch, Peanut was standing guard next to me looking longingly at the grilled cheese and licking her chops.

  “What if it’s longer than a few days? The files are bad enough but that wig is awfully suspicious, too.” Gina accepted her grilled cheese, putting her plate on her knees.

  “I agree, but until Matt, or Hammond, gives up the story, we don’t have much to go on. At least they’re going to finally look into Eli’s murder.”

  “I think there’s far more to this story than just a dead guy.” She slipped a piece of her grilled cheese to Peanut, who then rested her chin on Gina’s knees next to the plate.

  “Are you sure you don’t want her?” I asked hopefully.

  “I can’t. Look at the way she and Mr. Fleefers already love each other.”

  Mr. Fleefers was winding around and around Peanut’s front leg. Every time he came to the front she’d lick him. There was no denying that Mr. Fleefers had never been this
nice to anyone, even Gina and Max, in his whole life.

  Max! He was supposed to call this evening and I had a ton to tell him. He wasn’t going to be happy, but it had been unavoidable. I didn’t ask for any of this, but I’d see it through to the end.

  I missed him and would have appreciated his cool head in all of this. I glanced over at the fridge where I had a picture of us at the annual Jubilee Day under a magnet. I wanted him to come home soon, but I hoped he liked dogs. We’d never really talked about that and we might not have to if Peanut was gone early enough.

  After I ate my grilled cheese, I pulled out all of Peanut’s stuff and arranged her bed under the front window, then tried to re-create the nest she’d had under her name on the wall at Marianne’s. Once it was all set up, she immediately went to it and scooted over when Mr. Fleefers joined her and curled up against her side.

  “Aw, look at how cute they are!” Gina said.

  “Yes, very cute, but he can’t get attached because this is not going to be forever.”

  “Right. Of course.” Gina ruined it by giggling.

  “Okay, let’s look at what we have going on right now while we wait for a call from Burton.”

  “Do you really think he’ll know anything this soon?”

  “Burton can make some pretty quick discoveries if he’s motivated properly. And Matt is giving him info on the down low since he’s not officially involved.”

  “Okay, so what do we have?” Gina settled back into the couch and pulled her feet up under her.

  “We have files in a filing cabinet that were supposed to be locked up and must have some kind of info from Eli’s private-eye business. We have a woman who was at least lying about her appearance if nothing else and about not being able to access the files. She took them back to her house and then we found her beat up and spread across the bed.” I grabbed a notepad from the drawer in the end table and started scribbling things down. We had far more than I had given us credit for and I didn’t want to forget any of it.

  “Don’t forget that we have the messages on the phone, too, with the threats.” Gina sat forward on the couch so far that I was afraid she might fall off.

  “Maybe. Would she have had time to erase them if she didn’t want anyone else to be able to access them? Maybe she took off, leaving me to look like an idiot when the cops came in?”

  Finally she sat back against the cushions. “We’ll have to tell Burton again about that and ask him to have Matt get the voicemails if they’re still there.”

  If they weren’t then that would be another piece missing. This case was not working out so well right now.

  “If they’re not there, now that Burton might actually trust me, he would probably take the notes I made on them when I listened to them.” It wouldn’t be hard evidence, but it would be something at least. “We also have the other inspector and Eli’s brother at the borough building. I have Matt and Uncle Sherman looking into those respectively. Plus, we might be able to find those complaints that never seemed to make it past the brother. They have to be filed somewhere before they go to him. Start thinking about who you know at the borough.” I gave her a piece of paper, and she started making her own list.

  “This is more like it,” Gina said with a grin.

  “It is kind of interesting, but I wouldn’t want to do it for a living. Can you imagine the kinds of people that can potentially come in as clients? Not the ones that are honestly looking for something, or need help, but the ones looking to exploit others. I think my BS meter would be swinging back and forth too much for me not to get a headache.”

  “I think you’d be good at it.” Gina looked up from her list. “Maybe you should think about it. It wouldn’t take too much schooling, I don’t think. It might be something you’d really enjoy.”

  “Yeah, and it would put me at odds with Burton over and over again. I don’t think so. There’s something out there that I want more, I just haven’t found it yet. I will though.” I still thought about a teahouse occasionally, but that idea seemed so far away from where I was currently stuck.

  “What about being Mrs. Max Bennett?” she asked.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Immediately my insides seized. I loved Max. I knew I did. But being a missus again might not be in the cards. I didn’t want to rush things. I was fine with Gina getting married. My own situation was different. I wasn’t ready to take that step just yet. Last time didn’t go so well. Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a wife, just an awesome girlfriend. “I’ll have to think about that. Maybe one day, but not now. So, don’t go doing anything stupid like telling him to stage some elaborate proposal.”

  She smiled at me. “He could come to you with a calculator that reads ‘Will You?’ and you could sigh and hit the total button so the tape runs out with the word yes.”

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s not even possible, Gina. When was the last time you used a calculator? It’s numbers and every once in awhile a word if you turn it upside down with the right numbers. I’m pretty sure will, you, and yes are not options. What about you? Are you ready to share my last name?”

  “The apology and the flowers and chocolates were nice, and I know my mom is pushing, but I need to be sure.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “Okay, enough about that. What else do we have?”

  I looked at my notepad. “Lots of questions. Not a lot of answers.”

  Gina sighed. “And so, the part where everyone goes to do their actual jobs happens.” She rose from her perch on the couch. Peanut lifted her head but when Mr. Fleefers kneaded her side she put it back down with a contented sigh. I had a bad feeling that if Marianne didn’t recover, or did recover and was sent to jail for whatever she was hiding under her wig, that I had just signed on for a dog. A huge dog. For life.

  * * *

  Since I didn’t have much else going on today, I compulsively checked in with Matt and Uncle Sherman until they both told me to stop calling every ten minutes. Matt had apologized and asked that I not tell his mom about the jail incident. He promised he wouldn’t arrest me again, unless the circumstances were dire, and I agreed to keep the whole incident between us.

  My wrist still hurt from my fall, so I sat on the couch with ice and my two pets, one who loved me and the other who seemed to now tolerate me because the first one loved me. We watched movies and Peanut howled every time I laughed, and laid her head on my shoulder every time I cried.

  The howling would have to go as we wouldn’t be able to do that when there was a funeral downstairs. Other than that, she was a peach. I couldn’t deny that she added something to the atmosphere. When my mom came upstairs, she didn’t even bother to ask how I was doing, or bother me about anything, because she was more interested in petting the dog and handing out treats. She’d even brought the dog a new toy and a new collar. I had to tell her that we could change it for now but when Marianne took her back we’d have to remove it. Mom scoffed and I ignored it.

  Finally, the call I wanted came through from Matt, though it wasn’t what I had expected. Then again, when was it ever?

  “You have some time to run out to Moe’s Car Corral?”

  “Um, I like my Lexus just fine. It might be old, but I’m not ready to turn it in just yet.”

  Matt laughed and said, “I think we’ve found Eli’s car and I think you might want to see what you can get out of Moe. He might not feel as threatened by you since you can’t pull him in for anything he might be doing that’s shady.”

  “Are you serious? Now you’re using me as an informant?” I sat ramrod straight on the couch.

  “Call it what you want. I just want to get some details before we go any further.”

  “And what am I looking for at the used car dealership?” If you could really call it that—it was more like a junker lot that Moe kept for tax purposes.

  “Just Eli’s car.”

  “Do you think Moe killed him?”

  “I don’t know that they even knew each other, but th
e car is a good place to start.”

  I told him I’d meet him there in ten minutes. I hurried to take Peanut outside, then made sure everyone had food and water. I told them to be good and ran out the door. Standing on the stairs halfway between the second and third floor I waited to hear any shenanigans or howling. Nothing. Good enough for me. I’d just handle whatever I came home to when I got to that point in my day.

  As I sat in my car, I called Gina after remembering my promise to keep her up to date.

  “Do you need me to come with you?” she asked.

  “No, Matt will be there, and I’ll give you the scoop when I get done. I’ll call you when I’m leaving, and you can have a latte ready for me when I arrive.”

  “I’m not your full-service coffee bar.”

  “Oh, but you could be.” I left her laughing, which was always a good thing.

  Pulling up to Moe’s lot, I looked for Matt. Eventually I spied him across the street hiding like a speed trap. He flashed his cruiser lights at me, and I got the signal. He’d be there if I was in trouble.

  Moe came out of the small office with his big beer belly, comb-over, and thick glasses. He wiped his hand on a rag that he then shoved into his back pocket. Note to self: Don’t shake that hand.

  “What can I do for you, little lady? That’s a fancy car you got there. I’ll give you a song for it.”

  “Like literally a song? Because I already have that on the radio in the dashboard.”

  He laughed one of those hardy, middle-aged guy, I’m-cool-and-got-your-joke laughs. Or maybe he’d fallen for my I’m-not-the-brightest-crayon-in-the-box vibe I was trying to throw out.

  “What are you looking for?”

  I realized at that moment that I had not asked Matt what Eli’s car looked like and panicked. Dammit, that was the whole reason I was here, and I’d forgotten. Since I was already talking to Mow it wasn’t like I could step away and call or text Matt for the information now. I’d just have to do the best I could.

  “Anything new to the lot?” I tried to think what kind of car Eli might have driven and came up with some bland sedan that got good mileage but wasn’t exactly good quality.