Deceased and Desist

by Misty Simon

  “You’re in luck. Just got this in yesterday.” He cleared his throat. “Owner fell on hard times and just wanted the cash, so I can cut the cost for you to something manageable if you want to turn in that beauty you drove in here with.”

  As I was still thinking sedan, I looked around the lot and saw that much of his inventory consisted of economy cars. Now, I was all for economy cars, and if I didn’t have the Lexus, believe me I would not be choosy, as long as it could achieve freeway speeds without an issue and didn’t need thousands of dollars in repairs. I spotted nothing here, though, that would make me turn in the Lexus.

  “Okay,” I said just to keep him on the hook.

  “Come on over, and we’ll get the keys to test-drive it.”

  I did not want to get stuck in a car with Moe and his sauerkraut breath. My mind was working furiously, but for all its effort I was coming up with no way out when he stopped in front of one of those little Smart cars. The tiny ones that looked like a stiff wind could send you careening across the road, or a truck hitting you would turn you into a pancake.

  “Oh,” I said trying to come off as interested yet not thinking I had done a good job. “Where did you say it came from? It’s different from everything else on your lot.”

  “Yes, yes it is, but I didn’t want to turn the guy away. I’m sure it’s a good car. Looks good under the hood, anyway, what little of it there is.” He guffawed then composed himself. “Anyway, he fell on hard times. Decided to start biking to work so he gave up the car. I don’t have all the papers yet, but we’d be able to work that out in no time if you’re interested. I’d trust you to drive away without signing the title.” His smile was big and cheesy, and I vowed never to let anyone in my family, or part of my circle, or even anyone in town, ever buy a car here.

  “Can I take it for a test drive?”

  “Of course, of course. Let me make a copy of your license and then we’ll go from there.”

  Now how was I going to talk him out of coming with me? I wished someone else would show up to buy a car. Since Moe appeared to be the only one at the lot, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to leave for a test drive if he had another potential customer.

  Taking my phone out of my back pocket I shot a quick text to my brother, Dylan, the gardener. Moe. Come quick. Pretend to buy car.

  I shot another to Matt. Color?

  Matt texted back that I was looking at the right make of car but not the right color. I needed green and this one was red. Where was the green one then?

  Dylan didn’t text back right away, but I was sure he would come unless he was planting some azaleas or something. I looked over to Matt and willed him to come over. That never worked, of course.

  I needed a distraction and I needed it before Moe came back with the keys.

  Of all people it was my dad who happened to drive by and see me standing in the lot. He pulled in and was out of the car, headed for me with a stern look on his face, before the alarm finished beeping on his car.

  “Tallie,” he said in a low voice. “You cannot buy a car here. I’ve told you before that we can cosign a loan for you, if needed, or if you want to turn in the Lexus. So why on earth would you be here?”

  I was going to joke about third-chance loans at places like this, but I didn’t have enough time. “Dad, I need you to pretend you want to buy a car. I need to take a test drive by myself, and I want Moe to think he has another customer so he’ll let me go by myself. Can you please do that for me? Just this once? I know what I’m doing.”

  “This one time,” Dad said. “And then we’re going to have a serious conversation about this snooping thing. If you’d come work full-time and take the partnership I’m offering you at Graver’s, you wouldn’t have time to be messing with things that have nothing to do with you.”

  Moe was within twenty feet of us, so I took a small step sideways, faced the man who had helped in my creation, and set up the performance of a lifetime, or at least my lifetime, since I didn’t do things like this often.

  “I’m taking the Smart car for a spin—you can find a different one.”

  Dad bristled and didn’t miss a beat. “I need the Smart car more. I’ve been looking for some time and this is exactly the economical car I need. What would it take to make you change your mind?”

  “Nothing will make me change my mind, I want the Smart car and you’re not going to get it.” I sounded like a petulant child, but Moe appeared to be eating it up.

  “And I told you I need it.” Dad crammed his hands on his hips.

  “People, people.” Moe approached with his hands outstretched. “No need to argue. I have plenty of cars on the lot.”

  “Do you have another Smart car?” Dad asked. Brilliant question, because I found it to be a little too smarmy that Moe had this car for only a couple of days and wanted to sell it without papers.

  “Only the one.”

  Dad turned to walk away. “I’ll find another somewhere else then.”

  “Wait. Wait. I do have one, but it’s in the shop around back. I can bring it out, of course. Just have to warn you that it’s not going to be a top performer at the moment.”

  “What color is it?” I said, jumping in.

  “Like a greenish color?” Moe looked puzzled.

  “I prefer greenish. Give this old man the red one. I’ll take the other one.”

  Moe looked back and forth between us, and I was never so happy that I favored my mother instead of my father. I didn’t chance a look at my dad because I was pretty sure he was going to be fuming about the “old man” dig.

  “I think a man might be better able to handle the fixer-upper.”

  I saw my dad open his mouth out of the corner of my eye, but I jumped in again. “And I’ll have you know that I’m perfectly capable of fixing any car. Now get me the greenish one. I’ll take it for a spin and you can go with this guy just in case he has any health issues.”

  I left no room for discussion as Moe squinted at me. He took Dad’s license and I cringed. We had the same last name. Would he notice? It wasn’t like it was Smith or anything normal like that. Graver wasn’t exactly common. There were quite a few of us in town and not everyone knew everyone else so it was possible I could be safe. Maybe.

  Moe didn’t say a word and went into the office. He left through a back door and I sincerely hoped he was going to get the other car, instead of reporting us.

  When he brought the greenish Smart car around I noticed the grimace on his face, which confirmed my thought that he couldn’t resist a quick sale.

  This one was an olive green, like a little bug with black stripes. I valiantly did my best to gush over it. I let my father take Moe with him graciously for the test-drive and took off on my own.

  At the turnoff for the Cliff restaurant, I pulled into the quiet parking lot. I wouldn’t have much time and would have to be fast to find something, anything, that would be solid evidence that this was the right car. The plates had been removed and the dealer plate used magnets to stick to the back of the car. I searched every compartment, every nook and cranny. For such a small car there were quite a few. But only one that Moe must not have looked at because it held the car’s registration and one of Eli’s business cards. Score one for me and my investigative skills, or maybe those were just nosy skills.

  I called Matt and let him know about my find. He told me to get the car back to the lot as soon as possible.

  “Don’t touch anything else.” He sounded stern, but he was just going to have to get over himself.

  “Uh, I just looked over every single inch of this car—my fingerprints are everywhere. There’s nothing in here that I haven’t touched. I even touched the gas tank mouth.”

  “Jesus, Tallie, thanks for being thorough, but you should have at least used gloves.”

  I narrowed my eyes even if he couldn’t see me. “And when would you have had me put them on? Before I took the keys? How would I have explained that? Please enlighten me.”

>   “Right, whatever. Just don’t touch anything else and get the car back over to the dealer.”

  I got in and he paused but didn’t hang up. “I can almost hear your own imagination overheating. Spill it. You know I’m game for whatever.”

  “I figured out a way to make this all very legitimate. Hammond won’t know a thing.”

  I highly doubted that though I kept it to myself. “Spill.”

  And he did. I snickered as I got back into the car and tore out of the parking lot going as fast as the little putt-putt could go. I smiled when I heard the sirens behind me.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I saw my dad blanch through the window as he pulled up with Moe into the dealer parking lot. Moe was out of the car almost before it came to a full stop.

  “Hi, hi there, what’s going on, officer?” Moe stuck his hand out, and I really expected Matt to slap a handcuff on him. Instead, my cousin dropped his shades to the end of his nose, giving Moe a thorough once-over.

  “This your car?”

  “Uh, yes, it just came in yesterday. I didn’t have time to do everything to make it salable, but this lady insisted on driving it. If she got a ticket I’m not responsible for that, you know.” Indignation made Moe turn an interesting shade of puce.

  “No ticket, sir, but this car has been reported stolen. When I recognized it, I pulled the driver over to see how she got it. She told me it came out of your lot, and I asked her to stick around to corroborate your story. Whatever that may be.”

  Moe started sweating profusely and pulling at his tie.

  “Sir, how did this car get here?” Matt asked, cool like an autumn breeze.

  It was almost painful to watch, but it was also fascinating to see the human mind work to spin a yarn that wouldn’t immediately be thrown into the trash. You could tell the moment he came up with something he thought would fly. His face started glowing.

  “Yep. So, I bought it at auction yesterday. They don’t have any paperwork on it just yet, so I’m waiting for it to come to me. Yep.”

  As if that last yep sealed the deal.

  Matt walked around the car to the driver’s side to look at the car’s VIN. I hadn’t even thought of that. I hadn’t known the VIN, though, so it would have meant nothing to me even if I had looked at it. He consulted his notebook, looked back at the number, then consulted again.

  He was playing this for all it was worth.

  “Why are there scratches on the VIN number? Are you buying these cars from a chop shop? We’ve been looking into a ring of stolen cars. If you could give me the name and the paperwork showing your purchase, I should be able to make sure this is all taken care of, and we can get you your purchase price back.”

  More sweat ran down Moe’s face. I had a feeling he’d just painted himself into a corner that he couldn’t get out of. I watched for the moment he might bolt. I wouldn’t be able to take him down myself, of course, but I could certainly stick my foot out to trip him if it came down to his flight or fight instinct kicking in.

  Nothing happened for a moment, and then Moe slapped his hand against his forehead. “Dammit, I knew it was too good to be true.”

  “What was too good to be true?” my father asked. Surprisingly, my father could get plenty out of this guy. He knew his stuff from being a funeral director and having to talk people through all kinds of situations. He probably would have made an excellent interrogator if he’d chosen to go that route instead of following in his father’s and his father’s footsteps.

  Moe blew out a long breath and stuck his hands on his hips. His fingers disappeared under that big belly as he lowered his head and shook it. When he looked back up, you could see more sweat, but I had a feeling he was about to tell the truth. Who wouldn’t tell the truth to my father? Well, of course, except me.

  “The car was in the parking lot last night with a note that said it was being surrendered. I’m not doing so good here, and it was a perfect opportunity to sell this baby. I can’t seem to keep them on the lot, and they cost a pretty penny to buy off people or at auctions. I couldn’t pass it up.”

  “And you really thought that was a good idea?” my dad asked in that soothing voice he had. The one that could sell a satin-lined coffin with nary a protest.

  Moe laughed derisively. “It would have been fine if this police officer here hadn’t pulled over the bird. Were you speeding around, girl?”

  I didn’t answer because I didn’t have to. Also, I didn’t want to add to the lies.

  “I guess it doesn’t matter.” He sighed. “It was stupid all the way around. Do you have to arrest me since the car didn’t sell?” Moe’s face shone with hope.

  “We’ll talk about that later,” Matt said. “Do you still have the letter? That might go a long way toward not charging you with stealing cars.”

  Moe moved faster than I would have thought possible. He was back in a flash with a note.

  “That’s expensive paper,” my dad said. “I make the high-end programs out of that. You want to talk about costing a pretty penny? You’re holding about a dollar a sheet there when most paper costs less than one cent a sheet.”

  “Don’t go anywhere,” Matt said to Moe. “If I come back looking for you after I talk to my superior, and you’re not here, I’m going to look at each and every car on this lot and make sure you have all the paperwork in order in triplicate. If you don’t, I promise I’ll shut you down. I’ll also shut you down if you’re not here when I call on you.”

  “Yes, yes. I’ll be here.” Moe dragged the dirty rag from his pocket across his forehead, leaving a streak of black. “Not going anywhere. I swear. I’ll even stay after hours if you want so you don’t have to come to my house. My wife will kill me. I have a cot in the back for when she doesn’t want me around, so it won’t be any different from the norm.”

  “You’re free to go,” Matt said to my dad, then turned to me. “You, come with me. I need to take you in for fingerprinting so that we can see what you touched and rule you out for being the one who stole the car in the first place.”

  Dad choked while Moe started sweating again. Probably knowing his prints would be all over the place. I wondered if he had wiped it down before working on it just so that no one would be able to tell who it had belonged to.

  That would suck for him, but he wasn’t completely blameless in this. No way had he not known that taking a surrendered car without paperwork and trying to file off the VIN were not legal.

  Not my problem, but it was one more piece in the puzzle of who killed Eli.

  * * *

  After my brief time at the police station, where Hammond just rolled his eyes at me and sighed when I walked in, I went back to my apartment. We had a break and maybe could start finding more info now. I still wanted to know who’d killed Eli. I couldn’t have everything I wanted, though. Marianne was healing, but she wasn’t talking. That really wasn’t my problem at the moment, except that I had her dog.

  And speaking of the dog, I came home to find my mother making special dog treats in my kitchen and feeding Peanut some of the dough as she made them. Even Mr. Fleefers was there taking little nibbles.

  “Oh, sweetie, hi. I didn’t know if you would get home before I was done. I was going to leave you a note. Aren’t these two the cutest?”

  “Yes, they are.” Any further conversation was cut off when my phone rang. Uncle Sherman was calling. A second break in one day would be all kinds of awesome.

  “Tallie,” he said before I said anything. “I don’t know what you have gotten yourself into, but it took hours to find that complaint. It was hidden so deep I thought I might need scuba gear just to get a glimpse of it.”

  My giddiness transmitted to my mother. “Is it Max?” she whispered. “I love that he makes you smile like that!”

  I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was my uncle. But when she yelled hi, Uncle Sherman yelled hi back and she scowled at me. “Sherman? Is he looking into something with this stupid investigation?”<
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  I shrugged. “This stupid investigation brought you the dog, focus on that.”

  And just like that a smile popped out on her face again. She hummed as she mixed something that looked like brown barf in with other nasty-looking ingredients in one of my best bowls. I’d have to run it through the dishwasher with bleach before I used it again for people food.

  I walked out to the landing outside my front door, pulling the door closed behind me. I did not need her inserting comments with my every word, and I wasn’t willing to deal with her right now. Plus, she had the dog and the cat to take care of, so she didn’t need to pay attention to me.

  Maybe this dog wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

  “So, what do you have?” I asked finally.

  “There’s a complaint, all right. Actually, there are about twenty complaints. They’ve never been seen by anyone but St. James’s brother and the brother’s longtime secretary who brought them in. The secretary who just happens to be having an affair with the brother unbeknownst to the brother’s wife. It’s interesting what people will tell you when they think they’re about to get into trouble.”

  I whistled low and wondered if that was what kept the brother in check about the complaints. Maybe Eli blackmailed his brother to keep the complaints buried, and Eli got his hand greased. Eli wasn’t the lackey, his brother was.

  “Yeah, and there are pictures and all manner of things in these complaints that were ignored. This is going to be a huge problem in the borough, especially since some of these buildings are right in town. They are literally falling down but have passed inspection.”

  “Wow.”

  “So now that you have me on this trail, you might really want to look into the fact that one guy’s wife died thanks to a faulty inspection. It said that an elevator was in prime condition in that building on the square, but it wasn’t. She fell to her death. The investigation showed that the elevator was not in working condition, but they never pinned it on anyone, just a lack of maintenance.”