Unscripted Desires

by Lawson, Cassandra

  “If you agree to make some of your chocolate chip cookies for dessert, then you’ve got a deal.”

  She laughed. “You couldn’t have possibly eaten all the cookies I made the other day.”

  “There may be a couple left,” I hedged.

  “Fine,” she agreed. “I’ll make more cookies, but these had better last a week.”

  “A week?” I asked. “How about if we agree that they’ll last the weekend?”

  Before she could respond, the speaker on my car announced an incoming call from Tamara.

  “I’d better take this,” I told her. “She probably got some whiny call from Rich about us saying we wouldn’t do another show for him.”

  “That wouldn’t surprise me in the least,” Gemma replied.

  “Hey, Tamara,” I said as I answered the call. “What’s going on?”

  “I have some exciting news.” She paused. “The news you’ve been waiting for.”

  I laughed. “Are you going to tell me or make me beg for the information?”

  “You’ve been offered a voice-over role for an animated TV series.”

  “Really?” Tamara wasn’t the type to joke around about work, but I still had a hard time believing I’d been offered a job I hadn’t applied for. I’d only been trying for movie roles. “How did this happen?”

  “The studio is connected to one where we sent an audition tape,” she explained. “I know this isn’t exactly what you were hoping for, but I think it’s a great way to get your foot in the door and give you some experience. There is one downside.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “It’s an adult cartoon,” she explained.

  That certainly wouldn’t have been my first choice, but it could still be good for my career. This would beat taking cameo parts in movies or doing commercials to gain acting experience. Then a thought occurred to me. “By adult, you don’t mean that this is porn, do you?”

  “Porn?” she asked with a laugh. “Do they even make porn television series?”

  Gemma giggled from the passenger’s seat.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I want to know what I’m agreeing to before I sign on.”

  “No porn,” she assured me. “I’ll send the details so you can look them over. They need an answer no later than Monday. The actor they originally cast in this new role backed out at the last minute, and they want to start recording by the end of next week. It’s too bad you’re renting out your condo in New York. I guess we can find an apartment until the lease is up on the condo.”

  “New York?” I asked. “I figured this would be either here or in LA.”

  “No, this one records in New York,” she replied. “Their animation studio is in LA, but they opted to do all the voice-overs in New York since they have three lead actors based on the east coast.”

  “I can’t take a job in New York,” I told her. “Gemma’s starting school, and I just got settled here.”

  “Ben, this is what you want,” she reminded me. “You may not be able to find something that doesn’t require a move on your part.”

  “I need to talk to Gemma,” I told her. “I’ll look over the details, but you should know I’m not likely to take this job.”

  Chapter 52

  Gemma

  Ben had to have lost his mind. That was the only explanation for him considering turning down this opportunity. He’d married a near stranger to try to make his dream come true, and now he was considering passing on a chance to get one step closer to that dream because he didn’t want to move? No way.

  I smacked his thigh when he ended the call. “Have you lost your mind?”

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “If you look at this proposal and like what you see, then you should take the job,” I told him.

  “Are you saying you’ll move to New York with me?” he asked.

  “No, I can’t move to New York,” I told him. “Not now, at least.”

  “So, what are you suggesting, Gemma?” He sounded surprisingly angry. “Are you saying we should get a divorce so I can take this job while you go to school out here? Is our marriage so insignificant that you think we should break up because of our career goals?”

  Now, I was pissed, but I still tried to keep my voice calm. “Those aren’t the only options we have. One of us doesn’t need to give up on our dreams to make the other happy.”

  “I know, but I can wait for an opportunity that works better for us,” he stated. “Why are we arguing about this? I’m fine passing on this job.”

  “Well, I’m not fine with you passing on this job because of me. How do you think you’ll feel about me five years from now if you don’t get other offers? How do you think you’ll feel if you give up your dreams to be with me?”

  “And again, it sounds like you’re suggesting we break up,” he accused.

  I released an exasperated sigh. “I’m suggesting you find out how many hours you need to be in New York every week before you decide this can’t work. It’s a long flight, but there’s no reason you can’t fly back out here to spend time with me. When I have a break between semesters, I can even fly out there so you can show me around. Who knows? You may look at this proposal and decide you don’t want to take the job. I’m just saying you shouldn’t rule it out simply because it will make things hard between us.”

  “Hard?” he asked with a humorless bark of laughter. “Try impossible.”

  “Now you’re being overly dramatic,” I accused.

  “No, I’m being realistic and speaking from experience,” he argued. “I’ve had more than one girlfriend cheat on me while I was on the road. You spend months away from someone, and it’s hard to make things work.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure it is hard,” I agreed. “That doesn’t make it impossible. You said you might go on tour again. How is this any different?”

  “I only said that for the cameras because I didn’t want to admit that I don’t know what I’m going to do. You think a long-distance relationship can work because you haven’t been in one. I’ve listened to girlfriends tell me how lonely they got when I wasn’t around right before I found out they were seeing someone else.”

  “I’m not going to cheat on you,” I snapped.

  He released a tired sigh. “I know you aren’t the type to cheat. You just need to understand that a relationship is difficult when you’re separated.”

  “Marriage is hard. You have to be willing to make sacrifices for the one you love, but don’t even think about telling me you’re planning to make the sacrifice of giving up this job. Look at the proposal before you make any decisions.”

  “Fine,” he reluctantly agreed.

  Chapter 53

  Ben

  It wasn’t my dream job, but I liked what I saw. The show was funny, and it would allow me to use my musical talent.

  I let out a tired sigh. It had been a lot easier to think about passing on the job before I’d seen the proposal. Now, I could see why Tamara believed I should take it. I wanted to take it, but I didn’t want to leave Gemma.

  Gemma was taking the pizza out of the oven when I walked into the kitchen. It smelled incredible, but my appetite was gone.

  “Hey,” I greeted her in a tired voice.

  “So, what do you think of the job offer?” she asked.

  “It’s great,” I admitted. “Other than being in New York, it’s perfect.”

  “New York isn’t the other side of the world,” she pointed out.

  “It’s about three-thousand miles away,” I argued. “That’s a six-hour flight.”

  “And that part sucks, but you want this job, Ben. I can see it in your eyes. I want you to do this.”

  “Are you that tired of me already?” I asked.

  She cast me a warning glare. “Stop.”

  “Stop what?”

  Before responding, she let out an irritated huff. “Stop making it sound like I’m trying to get rid of you. I don’t want you to move across the co
untry, but we can make this work.”

  She was right about us being able to make it work. I don’t know why I hadn’t come up with this idea before, but it made perfect sense. Neither of us needed to give up our dream. “You haven’t started classes yet.”

  “Not yet,” she agreed warily.

  I could tell she already knew what I was about to suggest, but I said it anyway in the hopes that she’d see the brilliance of my idea. “Why not apply to schools in New York?”

  “That’s not an option right now,” she replied. “I’ve already been accepted into a school, and I start classes in three weeks. This puts me one step closer to achieving my dream. It could be months before I get into a college in New York. Then what happens if this show doesn’t work out? Am I supposed to move somewhere else when you get another job offer? Am I supposed to give up being a teacher to follow you to each new job you take? You have to see that’s not fair to me.”

  I took several deep breaths to try to get my anger and frustration under control before I spoke again. “You’re being completely unreasonable.”

  “For not giving up my dreams in favor of yours?” she demanded.

  “No, for insisting that the only option is for us to be apart,” I snapped. “I offered to pass on the job without even looking at it, but you wouldn’t let that happen. You want me to take the job, but you won’t even consider moving to New York. It seems obvious that you want us apart.”

  “You’re an idiot,” she accused. “Why is this even coming up now? We knew, if you filmed a movie, you’d be away more. This was always a possibility.”

  “This is totally different,” I argued. “I expected to be an hour’s flight away for only a month or so. I’ll be across the country, and it’s not a temporary project. Who knows how long I’ll be working there? I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I feel the same,” she insisted. “I’m trying to find a compromise, so neither of us has to give up on our dreams.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m trying to do.” Why couldn’t she see the effort I was putting into making our marriage work? I decided to lay all my cards on the table. This arguing back and forth was a waste of time since I already knew long-distance relationships don’t work. “I love you, Gemma. I’ve never loved a woman the way I love you, but if I go to New York, you can either come with me, or it’s over.”

  Silence hung between us as she stared at me with her mouth agape. I hated the hurt I saw in her eyes, but I was only doing what was best for both of us. We couldn’t make it work any other way.

  “You’re giving me an ultimatum.” She wasn’t asking a question, and she didn’t wait for an answer. “I’m going to call Tucker to pick me up.”

  Pain sliced through me as I realized she’d made her decision. I swallowed hard and nodded. “I can drop you off.”

  She shook her head, and I could see she was fighting back tears. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her everything would be okay, but I refused to lie to her.

  “No,” she told me. “I would rather have Tucker pick me up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pack some of my things.”

  It took every ounce of strength I possessed to watch her walk out of the kitchen, knowing she might be walking out of my life for good. There was still a chance she’d change her mind, but deep down, I knew she wouldn’t.

  Chapter 54

  Gemma

  Tucker didn’t ask me what was wrong when he came to pick me up. He merely hugged me, told me everything would be okay, and loaded my stuff into the car. Once we were home, he asked, “Alcohol or ice cream?”

  He always asked that question when I was upset to gauge how bad things really were. Things were pretty damn bad. “Both. Start with the alcohol, and then we’ll alternate until I pass out or get a stomachache.”

  Tucker nodded and made a pitcher of margaritas. My first drink remained untouched as I told him about my argument with Ben.

  “Oh, sweetie.” He reached out and patted my hand. “I’m sure, once Ben has time to think, he’ll realize what a jackass he’s been.”

  “I want to believe that, but Ben is so jaded because of all his exes,” I told him. “I’m furious that he doesn’t think he can trust me. It’s not like we’re talking about being separated for months. We could probably see each other every week. Ben has the money to fly to and from New York four times a month.”

  “But that may not always be an option,” Tucker pointed out. “You may not be able to see each other every week, and that can be rough on even the strongest of marriages.”

  I glared at my best friend. “Are you saying Ben is right? Do you believe our marriage is over if I don’t move to New York?”

  “Calm down,” Tucker said as he went to get the ice cream.

  “I’m not ready for ice cream yet,” I told him.

  “Yes, you are,” he insisted. “You’re turning into an angry drunk.”

  “How can I be drunk when I’ve yet to touch my margarita?” I asked. “Besides, I’m only angry because you’re taking Ben’s side.”

  “I’m always on your side,” he reminded me. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to pretend the world is all sunshine and rainbows. You aren’t that naïve. There’s a lot of stress involved with a long-distance marriage. Does that mean I think you should drop out of school before you even get started? Hell no. If anyone can make a long-distance relationship work, you can. You're too stubborn to fail. I’m just saying I can see why this is scary for Ben.”

  I nodded as Tucker slid my bowl of ice cream across the table. “I understand his reasoning, but it’s so irritating that he refuses to compromise. It has to be his way.”

  “That seems to be what you’re saying, as well,” he reminded me. “You refuse to let him pass on the job to stay here with you, and you refuse to consider going to New York.”

  “Fine, I insisted on him doing things my way,” I admitted. “It’s the only way for us both to get what we want.”

  “And I agree with you,” he stated.

  “Then why are you arguing with me, Tucker?”

  “Because you need a good fight,” he explained. “You need to yell and tell me how stupid it would be to give up on your marriage because it might be difficult.”

  “It is stupid.” I stabbed my ice cream with my spoon. “How dare he insinuate I’d cheat on him because he’s not in my bed every night! What was with his ultimatum? I could see him asking me to transfer to a college in New York if he’s going to continue working on this show for multiple seasons, but I’m already registered for this semester. We also don’t know how long he’ll be there. Am I supposed to drop out of college and move every time he gets a new job?”

  “He offered to stay,” Tucker reminded me.

  “But he’d resent me,” I argued.

  “Give him a chance to come around,” Tucker told me.

  “And if he doesn’t?” I asked around the lump in my throat.

  “Then you’ll move on,” he replied with a sad smile. “You’re not alone, sweetie. No matter what happens, you always have me.”

  “Why can’t you be straight?” I asked. “My life would be so much simpler if I could fall in love with you.”

  “It’s not fair to hold other men to the Tucker standard,” he replied. “I’m an exceptional man.”

  “Yes, you are,” I agreed. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

  “I’ll always be here for you,” he promised. “Now, eat your ice cream before it melts.”

  Chapter 55

  Ben

  I called Tamara the next morning to tell her I’d take the job. The proposal was too good to pass up, though a big part of me wished I’d never looked at it, never even considered taking the job.

  The next few days passed in a blur as I prepared to move to New York. I’d offered to let Gemma continue staying at the house, but she’d insisted on moving back in with Tucker. We’d talked once on the phone, but nothing had changed.

  After that, we’d texted a few
times before I got the final text at the airport. I kept looking down at her message, seeing it for what it was—the end. I’d texted to tell her I’d call her once I got settled in New York.

  Gemma: Does this mean you want to try to make our marriage work? Otherwise, it might be best if we don’t talk. Every time you message me, I hope you’ve changed your mind. I love you, but this is hurting me too much.

  I stared at her text for a long time before finally responding.

  Ben: You’re right. I love you, and we need to stop doing this to each other. You can call me if you need anything. I’ll start on the divorce papers after I get settled.

  I let out a sad sigh. Neither of us had wanted to say the ‘D’ word, but it was time. My phone buzzed with an incoming call from Tamara just as they announced my flight was boarding.

  “Hey, Tamara,” I said as I grabbed my carry-on and headed toward the gate.

  “Are you okay?” she asked. “You sound down?”

  I’d texted Tamara my travel plans, but we hadn’t spoken since I’d told her I’d take the job.

  “Not really, but I’ll get there,” I assured her. “What’s up? I’m about to board my plane.”

  “I wanted to let you know that my assistant was able to find an apartment so you can cancel your hotel reservation. You’ll like this place. It’s close to the subway for Gemma.”

  “Gemma’s not moving with me,” I told her.

  “She’ll still appreciate the convenience when she visits,” she stated.

  “That’s not going to happen either.” I hadn’t told Tamara what was going on with Gemma since I’d been holding out hope that Gemma would change her mind about going with me to New York. “We’re getting a divorce.”

  “You’re doing what?” she practically screeched.

  “You heard me.”

  “I heard the words, but they make no sense,” she stated.

  “I offered to turn down this job, but she refused to accept that option.”