Knight's Absolution (Knights of Hell Book 5)

by Sherilee Gray

  “No,” he said honestly. “I can’t.”

  Grace nodded in understanding. “Do what you need to stay solid, just give her the rest of the day, okay?”

  Gunner jerked up his chin and strode off. He wouldn’t usually care what anyone else thought. The only person’s orders he followed were Chaos’s. But Grace had been through this recently, and she was right, even if he hated that she was. It would be so easy to make the wrong move and send Luna running.

  Instead of breaking down her door and dragging her back to his apartment like he wanted to, and never letting her out of his sight ever again, he sat on the floor by her door, leaned his head against the wall, and stretched his legs out in front of him.

  Yeah, he seriously needed to calm his shit down. Closing his eyes, he attempted something he hadn’t since he found her, something that had never worked before—he reached out to her with his mind.

  Well, fuck.

  He felt her.

  She was there, still inside. Relief pounded through him. She was close, just inside the door. Could she feel him, too? He focused harder, trying his best to wrap his senses around her, to comfort her the only way he could.

  Gunner didn’t know how long he’d sat there, a few hours probably, his eyes closed, just letting his senses curl around her, letting her presence soothe him.

  It was nearing mealtime; Grace would be here soon to check on Luna. The thud of boots, not Grace’s, reached him a moment later. Someone sat beside him.

  “She okay?”

  Silas.

  Gunner didn’t open his eyes, kept his focus on his female. “I’m not sure. She’s blocking herself, but not totally? I’m not sure what I’m feeling, I just know she’s in there.”

  “She’ll get through this,” Silas said.

  “You know this? Or are you just spouting shit you think I want to hear?”

  There were several beats of silence. “I may have had a lot of my powers stripped and been thrown out of Heaven, but I’m not completely useless.”

  “That’s not an answer,” Gunner muttered.

  The angel shifted, getting comfortable. “I can’t see the future the way I once could, but I get this feeling, if that makes sense?”

  Gunner huffed. “Not even a little bit.”

  The angel chuckled low. “When I think about Luna, the feeling is…good.”

  “These feelings, is that how you knew she had something to tell us in the control room yesterday?”

  “Yeah, something like that. It’s a feeling, but it’s more visceral than that. The heart of her, Gunner, it’s so bright and warm. She’s full of goodness, but yesterday she was afraid, sick with guilt. A dark shadow hangs over her. She can’t see the truth through it, and right now she doesn’t know who she is, she’s never been given the chance to know.”

  Gunner’s gut gripped tight. “You got all that from a feeling, huh?”

  “Well, that and a bit of keen observation.”

  Gunner opened his eyes and looked at the angel. “You wanna tell me what I can do to reach her?”

  “Before I lost my powers I would have known, but I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. Now, I have no fucking idea, but this feels…right.” His silver eyes met Gunner’s, the corners crinkling. “How’s that?”

  Gunner huffed out a laugh. “Fucking useless.”

  Silas laughed with him. “So nothing’s changed, then.”

  “Nope. You’re still as confusing as fuck.”

  Grace walked out of the elevator, a tray of food and a drink in her hands. Gunner got to his feet, Silas with him.

  “Let me take it in,” Gunner said to her.

  Grace screwed up her nose.

  “I’ve waited out here for hours. I’ve fucking left her alone like she wanted, I just need to see her for myself.”

  “Fine. It’s not like I can stop you.” Grace knocked on the door. “Luna? You wanna open up? I wasn’t sure if you need to do the whole food thing, but I’ve got some here for you just in case.”

  Nothing.

  Grace tapped on her door again. “Luna?”

  A low moan, so soft, but it still reached them.

  Gunner was against the door in a second. “Luna, answer me,” he yelled.

  Again, nothing.

  He gripped the door handle and twisted it viciously, busting the lock. Then he put his shoulder to the door, smashing the deadlock, and rushed in.

  Luna was lying on the floor, shaking and pale. Her cheeks were sunken in as if she’d been starved for days not hours. Gunner dropped down beside her. “What’s wrong? What’s happening to you?”

  Her eyes were glazed, and her little fangs extended. “I need him,” she whispered, then sobbed. “I need his blood. I need it.”

  Gunner scooped her up off the floor. “Jesus, why didn’t you come find me? Why did you let it get so bad? I’ll give you all you need, love. Whenever you need it.”

  She shook her head, her body arching as a wail of pain tore from her. “I need him. I need Sir.”

  Everyone in the room stilled. Gunner’s arms unconsciously tightened around her struggling body, holding her tighter to him, afraid she was going to get away from him, that he’d lose her again.

  “I’ll feed you, Luna. Let me feed you.”

  She shook her head again, bloody tears starting to leak from her eyes. “No, not you. I need him.” Another sob left her. “Let me go. Just let me the hell go.”

  Gunner’s heart might as well have been torn from his chest and thrown on the fucking floor.

  Silas stepped closer, his silver gaze moving over her thrashing body and looking into her pale violet eyes, almost as pale as the day Gunner had found her starved in that fucking basement.

  “It’s as if she’s going through withdrawals, like a human addicted to drugs.”

  Gunner growled. “How the hell is that possible? She hadn’t fed for a month when we found her. What is she addicted to?”

  “This demon, his blood, if she drank from him a lot, her body could’ve developed a dependency.”

  Gunner tore his gaze from Luna and back to the angel. “Before me, she’d only ever fed from him.”

  Silas frowned. “There’s something different about this demon, his blood, for it to do this to her.” He leaned closer and gently cupped Luna’s face. “Look at me, Luna.”

  Her glazed eyes struggled to focus, and she arched again, crying out.

  “What’s his name?” Silas asked her. “Tell me his name, sweetheart.”

  “Sir. Only Sir. N-never his real name,” she said, panting, still struggling.

  “Do you know it?”

  She nodded.

  “What is it, Luna?”

  “A-Azel.”

  Silas stilled, then his eyes slid to Gunner. “Azel's not a demon…he’s an angel.” His eyes hardened. “No wonder she’s suffering like this. Our blood is potent.” He swore. “You need to feed her,” he said to Gunner. “You’ll need to feed her every day until he’s fully out of her system.”

  That’s all Gunner needed to hear. “Out,” he said to Silas.

  He was going to find this fucking angel and fuck him up.

  “What can I do? What does she need?” Grace said, her gaze heavy with worry.

  He shook his head. “I have everything she needs.”

  Gunner shut the door after them and carried Luna across the room to the bed against the wall.

  He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “You can beat this, love. We’ll do it together.”

  Chapter 12

  It hurt. Oh god, it hurt.

  Luna was pressed against something hot. The warmth drew her in. She was so cold, and the gnawing hunger in her belly made it hard to think.

  “Drink from me, love, come on, you need to feed.”

  Gunner.

  No.

  She didn’t want to hurt him. Didn’t want that with him. No. She wanted to keep him in a corner of her mind that was good, that was honest and real. Not turn the kindne
ss he’d shown her into something sordid and manipulative. She’d already been forced to give herself to one man to survive, and he’d taken a part of her soul with it—still had it in the palm of his hand even now.

  But not Gunner, she couldn’t do that with Gunner.

  All the fantasies she had about the male, the mere thought of him, had helped her get through the weeks she’d been locked away. She didn’t know why, but he was special to her, and she didn’t want to taint that, didn’t want reality to ruin the only good thing she’d ever had.

  He cupped the back of her head. “Drink, Luna. You need to drink.”

  She shook her head, using up precious energy. “No. I can’t. Not you.” She sobbed. “Not you.”

  His chest was bare, his skin warm under her palms. He was the heat drawing her in. Her hand was on his stomach, and the muscles tightened as he threaded his fingers in her hair.

  His mouth teased her ear, his hot breath against her cold skin. “He can’t have you,” Gunner growled. “He will never have you again.”

  Then he pressed her closer, her nose right up against his throat. His scent was stronger there, wonderful. She made a desperate sound as his pulse throbbed through her, as the rush of his blood pumping through his veins grew louder.

  Her mouth watered, remembering his taste, wanting it, wanting him coating her tongue, sliding down her throat, even as her craving for Sir’s toxic blood increased. She was being torn in two.

  The pain heightened, and her mouth opened against his skin as she cried out.

  “Do it, Luna. Bite me, love. Take from me.”

  She shook her head, fighting the urge to drink. Her fang nicked his skin, and a small drop of blood bubbled to the surface. Luna groaned and licked it before she could stop herself. The scent had her clawing at him to get closer, to get away, she wasn’t sure which. Her head swam, white-hot agony gripping her gut like a million razor blades slicing into her stomach.

  Gunner gripped the back of her head harder as she fought and pressed her mouth right there, right on the small wound she’d made, smearing blood across her lip.

  “No…no…”

  “Fucking bite me, Luna,” he growled, fisting her hair tighter.

  That slight sting of pain penetrated her foggy brain, and with it, something inside her shattered. There was no more holding back. She wasn’t that strong.

  She struck, latching on to his throat, sinking her fangs into the fat vein. She crawled over him, needing to get closer, her tongue worked his pulsing artery, encouraging his blood to flow faster as she drank him down. She closed her eyes and sobbed from the pleasure of it. The relief.

  The thick warmth slid over her tongue and down her throat, the pain easing. His blood was fragrant and dark and exquisite. Luna couldn’t think past her hunger; her thirst was too intense.

  But the more her pain eased, the clearer her mind got.

  She was so goddamn weak. Too weak to resist him. He had to think she was some desperate, pathetic creature. How could he not?

  She needed to release him, to get the hell away, but Gunner’s wide palm at the back of her head held her firm.

  “Don’t you fucking dare, Luna,” he growled out. “You take what you need, and you don’t stop until you’re done.”

  She glanced down his body.

  He was hard.

  Her hands curled into fists as she squeezed her eyes shut. She should stop drinking, but she couldn’t. She needed him, this. The alternative was going back to Sir. She almost had. The hunger had grown too intense, had almost driven her to return to that monster.

  She’d been hoping for Gunner fantasies for a little while longer, but that wouldn’t be happening anymore. Now everything would change. The reality was, for her to survive, she needed to drink, and nothing came for free. Sir had taught her that from the moment he took her from her mother.

  And right now, Gunner was the only one offering her blood when she would have preferred it be anyone but him.

  Mouth still attached to Gunner's throat, she quickly undid and shoved down her jeans, wriggling her legs to kick them off. The only thing she had that was her own was her body. Dhampir had been bartering their bodies for blood as far back as her kind had existed. It was a commonly accepted exchange.

  Gunner had gone completely and utterly still.

  Reluctantly, she pulled away, swiping her tongue over the wound she’d made.

  She tilted her head back but couldn’t meet his gaze. “I need to keep drinking,” she murmured. “I need more. May I drink from your wrist?”

  “Yes, you can have—”

  Hooking her fingers in her panties she shoved them down, too.

  “What are you doing?” he choked out.

  “Would you prefer me naked?” She grabbed the bottom of her top to yank off.

  “What the fuck, Luna?”

  At his sharp, rough words, she made herself look at him. “While I drink from you, I thought you’d want to…”

  “You thought I’d want to what?” he asked, his gaze boring into her.

  Her eyes dipped to the huge bulge straining the front of his jeans, then back to him. “I owe you. You give me your blood and I give you—”

  “Your body?”

  A warmth she’d never experienced before grew low in her belly. “It feels good when I drink from you, right?” She licked her suddenly dry lips. “You can fuck me, it’s fine. It’s an accepted and common payment from a dhampir to their donor.”

  He growled low, and the warmth in her belly morphed into a tingle. She’d never felt anything like it before.

  “Azel took this barter?” he asked, that growl in every word. Something flashing through his eyes made her want to squirm.

  “Yes.”

  His jaw tightened, his fists clenching and unclenching as he took several deep breaths. Finally, he said in a voice that was impossibly rough, “Put your clothes back on, love.”

  He was rejecting her offer?

  Her cheeks burned as she quickly tugged her panties and jeans back on. “Sorry, I just thought…I thought…” She sounded hysterical, but she couldn’t stop it. “I need to repay you.” Her new emotions were all over the place, confusing and disorientating.

  She was still hungry, shaking from her need, but she couldn’t bring herself to take from him again without giving something in return. When you owed people, it put you in a weak position. She didn’t want to be weak anymore. And not with Gunner, never with him.

  He watched her carefully, but she couldn’t hold his penetrating gaze. “I don’t need payment, Luna.”

  Her eyes stung. Not now, not more goddamn tears. How could she make him understand? She pressed her hand to his chest. “No…I need to give you something for all you’re doing…I need to, Gunner.” She was shaking now, and those tears threatened to escape from sheer frustration. She didn’t want to fucking cry, not again.

  His head tilted to the side, his gaze searching hers. “You won’t drink from me unless I take payment from you?”

  She bit her lip and nodded, holding back a whimper of hunger.

  “Okay,” he said gruffly.

  Relief fired through Luna, and she reached down to undo her jeans again, but his hand caught her fingers, stopping her.

  Her gaze shot up to his. “I don’t understand?”

  “I want to hold you while you feed from me, and while you drift off to sleep afterward.”

  Luna blinked up at him, his big body now leaning against the headboard of her small bed. “Hold me?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s all?”

  “Yes.”

  Why? Why would he want to do that? “How is that payment?”

  “Trust me, it is.”

  His gaze stayed on her, and for some reason the way he was looking at her made her belly do weird little somersaults.

  “You still need to feed?” he asked.

  She looked down at the mattress. “Yes.”

  “Then come here, Luna, and take fro
m me.”

  She crawled back to him, her skin flushing all over for some reason as he lay on his side on the bed and pulled her in close, tucking her in front of him. His entire body was pressed against hers, her butt snugged up against his groin, his tight stomach against her back. He wrapped his arms around her then, one arm going around her belly, the other coming up, so his wrist was close to her mouth.

  Slowly, she took his thick, tattooed forearm in her hand and brought it to her lips. She couldn’t help but draw in his scent, and the swirls and flutters in her belly grew more intense. On a moan that she couldn’t hold in, she bit down into the thick blue vein and moaned again when the warmth of his blood rushed over her tongue a second time.

  And for some reason, the tears that had been stinging her eyes, that she’d been fighting to hold back, began to slide slow and hot down her cheeks.

  Nothing in her world made sense anymore. She’d been a monster’s plaything most of her life, she saw that now, but as messed up as it sounded, at least her role had been clear. She knew what was expected. She’d had a plan. Find Ronan. Kill Sir. Leave this city with her brother and never come back.

  Now she didn’t know anything.

  And Ronan was dead.

  Her need for Sir’s blood had almost sent her back to him today, so deeply lost in her hunger and confusion. And the male holding her, who she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about from the moment she saw him, who fascinated her in a way she didn’t understand—but couldn’t stay away from—was now forced to feed her.

  She felt so goddamn weak. Once again, she had to rely on someone else just so she could function.

  A giant fucking burden, that’s what she was.

  And Gunner thought she was so pathetic, so pitiable, that he didn’t even want to use her body. He wouldn’t take from her the only thing that she could give him as payment for letting her feed off him like a goddamn bloodsucking parasite.

  She squeezed her eyes closed and more tears escaped—and she hated fucking crying.

  “Shhh, love. It’s gonna be okay,” Gunner said against her ear. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  No, it wouldn’t.

  Nothing would ever be okay again.