Knight's Absolution (Knights of Hell Book 5)

by Sherilee Gray

  Later Luna stood just inside the control room, waiting to leave. It was dark outside and cloudy.

  Gloomy.

  She hugged herself, brushing her hands over the sweater she had on under her jacket. Gunner told her to dress warmly. He wasn’t here yet, and she took another step back as Gunner’s brothers moved to their mates. Only Grace wasn’t here, since she was already in the city with her crew, ready and waiting should the knights need backup.

  But Chaos and his mate would have shared a similar exchange as his brothers and their females when they parted.

  Luna tried to look away, but she couldn’t take her eyes off Lazarus and Eve, the way he threaded his fingers in her hair and took her mouth. The way Eve wrapped her arms around her mate as if she didn’t want to be parted from him. It made Luna’s chest feel hot and tight, a strange longing growing there.

  What would that be like? To be kissed like that? She’d seen humans kiss plenty of times and had been curious even then. Some kisses had been deep and consuming, like Lazarus and Eve’s, and some quick, a friendly show of affection.

  She assumed it had to be pleasurable. But having no concept of pleasure, she’d never really understood why they did it? But watching Gunner’s brothers now, the way Zenon looked at Mia like she was his entire world. The way Kryos curled an arm around Meredith and buried his face against her throat before whispering something in her ear—maybe she was beginning to understand.

  They had a connection, but it was more than that. It was as if they were two halves of the same whole and being parted physically hurt the other.

  The strange longing in her chest gripped tighter.

  “Ready, love?”

  She jumped, her face heating at being caught watching such private moments. She looked down, suddenly self-conscious. Sir had told her nearly every day that everything about her was ugly. A blood-sucking creature like her would never know what it was like to be someone’s missing half. And standing there beside Gunner, so handsome and kind, it hit her harder than she was prepared for. Than she had the ability to process.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  God, could he be any more wonderful? One day he’d find his missing half the way the rest of his brothers had. And that knowledge hurt.

  More reason for her to leave here as soon as the threat was gone. He’d find his female and move her into the compound, into his apartment. With a connection like the ones his brothers had with their mates, Gunner would forget all about her. He wouldn’t have time for her anymore.

  He sure as hell wouldn’t want to feed her.

  Pain lanced through her.

  But she’d always known she’d have to leave, right? And Spencer needed her, wherever he was.

  The knights rescued and trained demi-demons here before they left to start their own lives. They would expect her to do the same.

  A light weight pressed against her lower back. His hand. She looked up, and his worried gaze was focused on her.

  “Luna?”

  “I’m fine, just a little nervous, I guess.”

  His eyes softened, and she had to remind herself that this was his job; caring for her, being kind to her was all part of being a knight. Nothing more. Though, maybe they were friends as well. She hoped so.

  “I’ll be with you the entire time, and if you feel him, if we see him, you throw up your block, okay? You shield yourself from him the minute you feel him close.”

  She swallowed hard, painfully. “I will. I promise.”

  That steady touch to the small of her back stayed there as they walked toward the balcony where the knights had gathered.

  Gunner pulled off his shirt, tucking it in the back of his jeans, and without a word, he scooped her up in his arms and held her close to his chest.

  “Arms around my neck,” he said near her ear, making her shiver.

  She did as he asked, and the nerves in her stomach that had become unbearably strong at Gunner’s mention of Sir lessened. No, she hadn’t known this male long, but everything he’d done since he found her made it hard not to trust him—not to lean on him.

  The knights flew from the balcony, one at a time, and she tightened her hold on Gunner. Leaning on this male was a terrible idea. Relying on anyone but herself was a path right back to pain and regret. But she couldn’t help it. Being with Gunner was intoxicating.

  For so long she’d felt nothing, disconnected, empty, and every day she spent with Gunner she was learning more, experiencing more, feeling more.

  “You okay?” he asked as they moved away from the safety of the compound.

  She nodded against his chest, her throat too tight to speak. She was more than okay when she was with him. He held her tight, but he didn’t need to, she wasn’t sure she could let him go even if she wanted to.

  Yes, she should keep him at arm’s length, or at least try to—not easy when she was relying on him for blood—but she wasn’t going to. From the moment she saw him, she was drawn to him.

  Fighting it wasn’t an option right now, not while she was with him so much.

  And when she left, when this was over, it would hurt like hell. She had no doubt about that. But then, she was used to pain. What was a little more?

  They flew over the city, and Gunner gave her a small squeeze. “Lower your blocks, Luna.”

  Fear ignited in her veins, right down to her bones. There was no mistaking this feeling for anything else. What if Sir was strong enough to take her from the knights? What if he took her from Gunner and back to the hell she’d been living before?

  His mouth went to her ear. “I got you, Luna,” he rasped. “That fucker is not ever getting you back,” he said as if he could read her mind. “I won’t fucking let him.”

  She believed him at that moment; the conviction in his voice made it hard not to. So tightening her arms around him and burying her face against the crook of his neck, she squeezed her eyes closed and let her guard drop.

  Gunner’s arms flexed like the movement was involuntary, as if he felt it when she let her block drop. He cursed under his breath but didn’t say anything else as they began circling the city streets.

  Luna had expected Sir’s presence to immediately flood her, and when it didn’t, she forced herself to reach out with her senses.

  Nothing.

  She continued to try, even when everything in her recoiled at the idea. But Gunner never once loosened his hold on her, making sure she felt safe and protected, like he’d promised, and checked on her in that low rumbly voice at regular intervals.

  “We’ll do one more sweep,” he said after several hours of trying, and still no sign of Azel.

  Gunner signaled to Chaos.

  His brothers split up, heading in different directions, and Luna glanced over Gunner’s shoulder to the big male still flying behind them. He’d been there almost the entire time. “Rocco’s your brother as well, why doesn’t he live at the compound?”

  “He hasn’t been okay since Kyler was taken from him.”

  “I wish I knew how to bring her back.” The other male was suffering, and it was impossible to miss.

  “He was there when I found you. He’s made it his mission to help keep you safe.”

  She didn’t remember much of when Gunner found her, except wanting him, needing him.

  They flew over the lot where she’d lived with Azel, where the house had been at least. There were only charred remains there now. Azel had always moved them around a lot, but they’d been in that house for over a year.

  “Anything?” Gunner asked.

  She closed her eyes again and tried to concentrate.

  A vibration skated across her skin as they drew near.

  “I can feel…something, but it’s not strong enough to be him. He’s not here.”

  When Sir…Azel was close, she knew it. A shiver sliced through her even as that unwanted craving inside her tried to fire back to life.

  It scared her how quickly it grew. Feeding from Gunner every night had helped.
In the morning Luna was fine, but by the end of the day, before she’d fed again, she felt it fighting to take hold of her once more. What would she do when she had to leave the compound? Where would she go? Who could she bear to feed from after Gunner?

  “Time to head back,” he said, rousing her from her thoughts. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

  She nodded and clung to him as they headed back to the compound, Rocco veering off when Gunner gave him a signal.

  The idea of doing this again tomorrow sent fear through her all over again.

  But she’d do it. She’d help the knights however she could.

  She owed them everything.

  Chapter 17

  They landed on the balcony off the control room, and Gunner lowered her to her feet, his wings vanishing as if they’d never been there. She itched to touch them again, to make his big body tremble. To give him pleasure.

  He cupped her face gently, tucking her hair behind her ear. “How’re you doing?”

  She remembered Lazarus kissing Eve before they left. He’d looked down at his mate with eyes soft like Gunner’s were now. She licked her lips. What would it be like if he leaned in and kissed her now? What would it feel like?

  “Luna?”

  She blinked up at him. “Sorry?”

  “You okay?”

  She nodded. “Good, I’m…good.”

  “Do you need to feed?”

  His voice dipped low when he said it. It always dipped low when he asked if she needed to feed. She didn’t know why, but she liked the way he sounded, even while she hated that she needed that from him, that she had to take from him. But after what happened when she hadn’t fed, when she’d tried to resist, it wasn’t like she had any other choice.

  She lowered her gaze to the floor, hiding her eyes again. They must be lighter now. Ugly. No, she hadn’t felt Azel tonight, but there’d been a shadow of him when they were near their old house and it had affected her.

  It coated her skin even now, like toxic ooze. She shuddered. “Yes…please.”

  He took her hand. “Come on.”

  She followed like a lost lamb, through the control room and down the stairs to her room. He sat on the bed, still shirtless from flying. The muscles in his chest twitched as he positioned himself, and Luna was drawn to him as she always was.

  His beautiful deep gold eyes lifted to her. “Where from tonight, love?”

  She swallowed as her gaze went to his strong throat. His scent was exquisite there, and she loved the sound of his low growls when she struck, when she took the first few pulls—the way he swallowed convulsively and his breaths quickened.

  Climbing onto the bed beside him, she sat on her knees. Her fangs tingled, had lengthened. “Are you okay with me drinking from your neck again?”

  “You can drink from anywhere you want.”

  His voice had a husky note to it. Yes, he liked it when she drank from him. But she wished he’d let her repay him in some way. Still, he asked for nothing in return, insisting that holding her was payment enough. Resting her hand on his shoulder, she leaned into the spot she liked best. “Ready?” she whispered.

  “Yes.”

  She struck, and his blood filled her mouth, rich, fragrant, and so impossibly good. A moan slipped out before she could stop herself. Azel's blood had tasted bitter and dark and…wrong. Gunner made her body sing, made her want to get closer, made her want to touch.

  Her hands moved over his chest all on their own. She whimpered and moaned and wriggled closer. She’d been doing it more with each feed, getting used to her body’s reaction to feeding from Gunner and finding it harder and harder to resist what it wanted.

  Gunner's hands were suddenly on her hips, holding her still. Had she been moving them? She ached between her thighs and wanted pressure there, needed it. She squeezed her legs together the way she had the last few nights, but the ache grew more intense and her breasts felt full and tight, her nipples tingling.

  “Fuck,” Gunner muttered, startling her.

  Oh shit, she’d taken more than enough blood, and more time had passed than she’d realized as she’d relished the feeling that feeding from Gunner gave her.

  She licked the puncture wound quickly. “Sorry…I’m sorry.”

  His fingers flexed against her hips. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Luna.” He cleared his throat. “But I better head back to my room.”

  He stood and Luna had to stop herself from reaching for him. “You can’t stay a little longer?” God, she sounded needy, pathetic, but he usually stayed for a while and held her afterward.

  Her handsome knight ran his hand over his short hair, cheeks flushed, chest pumping hard. “Not tonight, love, I just…I’m tired. You need anything, anything at all, come find me, okay?”

  “Because we’re friends, right?” She didn’t know why she asked, but she needed to hear it. She needed to know she was more than just another demi-demon to him, that she was more than that.

  His hands went to his hips, and his nostrils flared. “Yeah, Luna, we’re friends.”

  “And friends look out for each other, do things for the other when their friends need them.”

  His eyes darkened. “That’s exactly what they do. You need something from me?”

  She shook her head, not sure how to ask for what she wanted. How could she when she didn’t know exactly what it was? “No, I’m…I’m fine.”

  He stood there for several long seconds, then finally took a step back. “Okay, well, night, love.”

  “Night,” she whispered.

  Then he walked away and out the door.

  She wanted to call after him, beg him to come back. The restlessness inside her had only grown and she didn’t understand it, or why it made her want Gunner closer. Not just physically. In every way.

  She scrambled off the bed and paced, not knowing what to do with herself. In the end, she took a shower to try to ease whatever this was. But by the end of her shower, the feeling swirling inside her had grown worse.

  The hot water over her naked skin was now too much, something she had barely registered in the past. The way the soapy washcloth moved over her nipples made her shudder, and they were tight and tingly, the color darker than she’d ever seen before.

  Dressing was torture. The texture of fabric on her oversensitized skin had her moaning. And there was a longing inside her that she didn’t know what to do with, or how to make it stop.

  And one thought kept swimming around inside her head, over and over, until she couldn’t take it anymore, until she walked out of her room and up one flight of stairs to Gunner’s door.

  She knocked, her face flushed hot and her palms sweaty.

  The door opened, and she dragged in a breath, oxygen she no longer needed filling her lungs until the useless organ ached and she forced it back out. He was in track pants, low on his hips, and shirtless. His cropped hair was damp like hers. He’d had a shower. Why the thought of him naked and soapy like she’d just been had her dragging in another breath, she didn’t know.

  “Luna? What’s going on? Are you okay?”

  She licked her lips that she was sure were fuller from her biting them, biting at them to stop the tingle from just the thought of what she was going to ask. “You said we’re friends,” she blurted.

  He stilled. “We are. What’s going on?”

  “I feel…weird, and I don’t know what to…how to…”

  He grabbed her hand and gently pulled her into his apartment and closed the door. “Talk to me.”

  “Will you kiss me?” she rushed out.

  He went still again like he sometimes did, and the only sound was him swallowing. His Adam’s apple slid up, then down, and his brows lowered. “You want me to kiss you?”

  “I think so, yes.”

  “You think so?” he asked in that impossibly deep, husky version of his voice that she couldn’t seem to get enough of.

  “I can’t stop thinking about the way Lazarus kissed Eve goodbye. It made me
feel restless, and I…I can’t go to sleep until I know what a kiss feels like.”

  His massive arms crossed over his chest. “When you think about it, who do you imagine kissing you? Lazarus? Or me?”

  “You,” she said without hesitation, then quickly added, “Because we’re friends. Friends kiss, right?”

  “Not the way Laz and Eve kiss.”

  “What would a friend kiss be like?” she asked as her hands trembled.

  Gunner moved closer. “You want me to show you a friend kiss?”

  She nodded. “Yes.” She wasn’t an idiot. Of course she knew couples kissed one way and friends kissed another way. She wasn’t blind. What she didn’t understand was this feeling inside her. What was it? And how did she make it stop?

  His gaze slid from hers, moving to her cheek, and then he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss there, lingering for just a couple of seconds before lifting his head again.

  “How was that?”

  She blinked up at him. “Nice, I guess…quick.”

  His lips curled a little on one side. “You didn’t like it?”

  “No, I liked it, but it wasn’t anything like Laz and Eve’s kiss.” She’d just said that out loud, hadn’t she? Her face grew hot. She’d lost all damn control over her mouth and what came out of it apparently.

  He licked his lips and tilted his head to the side. “Do you think you’d like to try a kiss like that?”

  She would, that’s exactly what she wanted. Her mouth was suddenly bone dry. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “Is that what you want, Luna?” he asked again, his tone almost demanding.

  She chewed her lip, hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. “You’d do that?”

  “Yes.”

  She wanted that, badly. She wanted Gunner’s lips on hers, to feel the way Eve had while it was happening, all breathless and happy. That’s how she’d looked anyway.

  You’re so ugly, little dhampir.