Hymn of Praise

by Amy Clipston

  She tried to focus on their guests, but her eyes kept moving to the windows as she hoped to catch a glimpse of Jay.

  * * *

  Jay looked at the clock on the wall and ground his teeth. He was late, very late, for the supper at Sharon’s house. Guilt crawled onto his shoulder and dug its talons into his already sore muscles. He’d hoped to leave early, but then his father received the rush order for three wishing wells from the motel on Old Philadelphia Pike, just after most of the carpenters had left for the evening. Out of loyalty to his father, Jay had offered to stay despite his promise to Sharon.

  He had to get to her house before he broke her heart. He had to make sure Sharon knew she was his priority, or he might run the risk of losing her. The notion sent icy fear slicing through him.

  He set his tools in his toolbox and then made his way to the office at the front of the shop, where his father sat at a desk staring at a stack of paperwork. With dark-brown eyes, graying brown hair, and a matching beard, Dat had always reminded Jay of his paternal grandfather.

  Oh, how he missed his daadi! He had always been around to help Jay with a project or talk about anything from God to their friends in the community. His grandfather had been a mentor alongside his father when he was learning to build the wooden creations they sold at the store. Daadi had always been there when he needed him.

  “Dat,” Jay said, and his father jumped with a start as he looked up. “I didn’t mean to disturb you, but I’m late for a supper at Sharon’s haus.”

  “Oh.” Dat looked at the clock on the wall above his desk and then back at Jay. “Why didn’t you tell me you had plans for tonight?”

  “I wanted to help you with that wishing well order, but I’m really running late. Is it okay if I just come in early tomorrow?”

  “Ya, ya.” Dat waved him off. “You go. Be safe on the road.”

  “Danki.” Jay hustled out of the shop and toward their house, which was behind the store. He had to get changed and hurry to Sharon’s. He just hoped she would forgive him for being late.

  * * *

  After the Englishers had finished their supper, Sharon, Alice, and Ruby Sue brought out the desserts while her mother answered questions about their community.

  When the guests ran out of questions, Mamm turned to Sharon and asked in a low voice, “Are you going to sing now?”

  “Ya.” Sharon looked at her friends as an idea took root in her mind. “Why don’t we do something different tonight? Why don’t we sing a traditional Amish hymn?”

  Alice raised a reddish-brown eyebrow. “Which one?”

  “How about ‘Das Loblied’?” She picked up a copy of the Ausbund, the Amish hymnal, sitting on the counter behind her.

  Cal and Andrew looked at each other and then faced Sharon, both nodding.

  “Ya, that sounds gut,” Ruby Sue said, agreeing with them.

  “Okay.” Sharon looked at their guests. “We’d like to sing a traditional Amish hymn for you called ‘Das Loblied.’ It’s a hymn of praise we sing during our church services. We have a young man in the congregation serve as song leader, meaning he starts each line, and then the congregation joins in.” She held up the Ausbund. “This song, along with other traditional Amish hymns, is included in our hymnal, which is called the Ausbund.”

  “Tell us what the song means.” The question came from a young man probably in his midtwenties. He had bleached-blond hair that stuck up as if he’d added quite of bit of hair gel to it before coming.

  Sharon opened the Ausbund to the hymn and began translating. “‘O Lord Father, we bless thy name, thy love and thy goodness praise.’” Then she shared the rest of the English words for verses one, two, three, and four.

  “It’s beautiful,” a teenaged girl wearing a T-shirt with a cat on it said.

  “Thank you.” Sharon turned to Andrew and Cal. “Who wants to be the song leader?”

  “He does.” Andrew pointed to Cal, and everyone chuckled.

  “Okay. No pressure.” Cal cleared his throat and then began to sing.

  All her friends and Ruby Sue joined in, and Sharon closed her eyes as she lost herself in the words of the familiar hymn.

  * * *

  Jay couldn’t believe his ears as he opened the back door and stepped into the mudroom. The words to “Das Loblied” filled the air as Sharon’s beautiful voice rang out above the others. It was bad enough that she and his friends were singing for Englishers. But to make matters worse, they were sharing a hymn of praise sacred to the Amish church! Anger raced through his veins, causing his jaw to clamp shut so tightly that it ached. His grandfather would never approve of this!

  He entered the kitchen, and his eyes locked on Sharon as she sang with Ruby Sue and his friends. Then he looked at the Englishers. They were watching his girlfriend sing as if she were a street performer.

  This was wrong! So wrong!

  Jay took in a gush of air through his nose as resentment boiled in his chest. He couldn’t stand here and watch this. He’d already been concerned about singing for the Englishers, but sharing this precious hymn was too much. He had to leave.

  He looked at Sharon, who was no longer singing, but he didn’t care. He turned on his heel and stalked out of the kitchen, through the mudroom, and out the back door. Sharon wasn’t the maedel he’d thought she was. Perhaps it was time to end their new relationship. He wasn’t even sure about being friends after this.

  As he strode toward his buggy, his anger transformed into disappointment and anguish, breaking his heart with each step.

  Chapter Seven

  Sharon had stopped singing when Jay abruptly turned and stomped out of the kitchen. He’d come in with his face twisted in a deep scowl, and now she heard the back door nearly slam shut.

  What had she done wrong? He knew they’d be singing tonight. Confusion whisked through her as she looked at Alice, chased by worry.

  Alice motioned toward the door and mouthed Go.

  “Excuse me,” Sharon muttered as she weaved past the tables of Englishers and then ran outside, sprinting toward Jay’s horse and buggy just as he started toward the road. Her heart felt as if it might beat out of her chest.

  “Wait! Jay, wait!”

  The horse stopped, and Jay climbed down from the buggy.

  “Jay!” She ran over to him, then paused just long enough to catch her breath. “What happened? Why are you leaving—and looking so angry?”

  His eyes sparked. “Was it your idea to share ‘Das Loblied’ with outsiders?”

  “Ya.” She shrugged despite her apprehension. “I thought they might be interested in hearing one of our traditional hymns.” She could hear the tremble in her voice.

  “Why would you share something so sacred to our community—and convince our freinden to do it too?” He pointed toward the house. “What were you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking singing our hymns to others is more meaningful than sharing how our stoves work.” The words flew out of her mouth as she defended her actions, her heart. “What’s wrong with singing hymns of praise for outsiders? Aren’t we called to spread the gut news about Jesus?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t understand you. We’re supposed to be separate. That’s what makes us Amish.”

  “Are you saying it’s wrong for mei mamm to host Englisher suppers?”

  Jay hesitated. “I won’t criticize your mamm. It’s not like she’s sharing how the Amish worship.”

  “But I’m not breaking any rules. It’s just a hymn. I’m only sharing what makes us Plain. I’m not doing anything sinful or degrading.”

  He took a step back. “I think we need to take a break.”

  “What?” Her voice broke. “You’re breaking up with me over a hymn?”

  He glared at her. “I need to go.”

  “Jay, wait.” She ran after him and reached for his arm, but he eluded her grasp. “I’m sorry this upset you. Come inside and we’ll talk about it, okay?”

  “I’ve had a long day, and
I’m tired.” He looked down at the ground and then up at her again. “We’ll talk another time.”

  As she watched him climb into his buggy and leave, Sharon pressed a palm to her chest as if it could somehow stop her heart from splitting in two.

  * * *

  Jay’s body thrummed with irritation and misery as he unhitched his horse and led it to the barn. Then he stood at the horse’s stall for a moment and took deep breaths as he recalled Sharon and his friends singing for those strangers.

  How could Sharon believe it was acceptable to share something so sacred with Englishers? Had he ever truly known her if she would do something so blasphemous? And what would Daadi say about this? He always said Das Loblied was his favorite hymn. It had reminded him of when he was a boy and his father was the bishop of the community. He’d been honored when he was called to serve as song leader and start the first line of each verse. And because the hymn meant so much to his precious daadi, it was special to Jay too. What was Sharon thinking?

  “Jay?” Dat came toward him. “Why are you home so early? Was the supper canceled?”

  “It should have been,” Jay muttered as he kicked a stone with the toe of his shoe.

  “What do you mean?”

  Jay leaned back against the barn wall and fingered his hat. “I went, but I couldn’t stay.” He explained how Sharon had been singing for Englishers, but he was never comfortable with the idea. Then he shared what he’d heard earlier, as well as his argument with Sharon. “I can’t believe she would do something like that. I thought I knew her, but she’s not the maedel I believed she was when I asked her to be my girlfriend. And she’s even influenced our freinden, including my best freind!”

  To his surprise, his father seemed more confused than disturbed. “Are you saying you’re upset because Sharon and your freinden were singing ‘Das Loblied’? And that’s why you argued with Sharon?”

  “Right.”

  “Jay, your mamm and I have always appreciated that you take your beliefs seriously. You’ve never given us any trouble. Nor have you ever strayed from the community. While some of the buwe in your youth group got their driver’s licenses and purchased loud sports cars, you joined the baptism classes and became a member. And I’m glad you did that. We never had to worry that you would leave the church or leave our family.” Dat paused and fingered his beard. “But at the same time, sometimes I worry that you’re too serious.”

  “What do you mean?” Jay bristled at the comment. “A man my age has to be serious. And I’ve always worked hard for you. When your other employees leave for the evening, I stay an hour or two later to work on a rush project.”

  “I know.” Dat’s expression was warm as he touched Jay’s shoulder. “But I think you’re overreacting in this instance.”

  Jay’s anger roared to life. “How can you say that? Daadi always told me how important it is for us to adhere to the rules. He said that’s what makes us Amish and that’s what sustains our culture. And I think singing for—”

  “Mei dat was very conservative, and I always respected him for that. After all, his dat had been the bishop. That’s how he was raised.”

  “Are you saying he was wrong?”

  “No, but just think about this for a moment. Sharon and your freinden sang a hymn of praise. What if an Englisher who was struggling with his faith was at the supper, and the hymn brought his heart back to God? Wouldn’t that be a miracle?”

  “You’re completely missing my point, Dat. Daadi would never have approved of what they did.” Jay tried to shove away his festering frustration. “I’m going inside.”

  As he made his way to the house, Jay shook his head. His father thought he had overreacted, but in his heart, he knew his instincts were right. Now more than ever, he needed to honor what his grandfather taught him.

  * * *

  Sharon’s lower lip trembled as she stood at the back of the kitchen and listened to her friends sing “Jesus Loves Me” with the Englishers. She had tried to sing along, but her voice wobbled as a swelling lump clogged her throat.

  She was heartbroken. Why would Jay break up with her over this? How could he be so furious with her when she was trying to spread God’s love through singing?

  When the singing was done, the guests left, and her mother, sister, and friends dove into the leftovers. Sharon sat down at one of the clean tables, not wanting to be rude. But she needed this evening to end so she could run up to the privacy of her bedroom and allow her tears to flow.

  “Are you okay?” Alice whispered in her ear. Ruby Sue was there too.

  Sharon shook her head.

  “What happened?” Ruby Sue asked.

  “I can’t talk about it now.” Her voice cracked.

  Mamm brought a stack of plates to the table.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” The sympathy on Mamm’s face nearly caused now-pooling tears to leak from Sharon’s eyes.

  Sharon glanced behind her at Cal and Andrew and then looked back at Mamm before shaking her head.

  “Okay.” Mamm touched her hand. “I’m here to listen when you’re ready.”

  “Danki.” After everyone had eaten, Sharon focused on washing dishes while Mamm dried, Ruby Sue wiped down the tables, and Alice swept the floor. Dat had gone to bed.

  When the tables and chairs were stowed, Andrew and Cal said good night, but before he left, Cal looked at her with a question in his eyes. Did he know how strongly Jay felt about their singing to Englishers? After all, the two men were best friends. Maybe he’d believed Jay hadn’t come to the suppers because he was just busy at work. But did he know why Jay had stalked out tonight? She didn’t think so.

  Once they’d left, Sharon leaned over the sink and allowed her tears to break free.

  “Ach, mei liewe.” Mamm rubbed her back. “What happened?”

  “Sharon!” Ruby Sue rushed over and touched her arm. “Was iss letz?”

  Alice was soon at her side. “Did you and Jay argue?”

  “We basically broke up.” Saying the words aloud sent a shock wave of agony through her chest.

  “Ach, no!” Mamm took Sharon’s hand and steered her to the sofa in the family room.

  Ruby Sue and Alice sank into the wing chairs across from them.

  Mamm handed her a tissue. “Take a deep breath and tell us what happened.”

  Sharon wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Then she shared her conversation with Jay while the women stared at her with disbelieving expressions.

  “I just don’t understand,” Sharon said. “How could singing a hymn be a sin? Why would he get so upset when we’re just sharing a tiny piece of our culture? We’re not accepting money for singing, either. The money the Englishers pay is for the meal, not the singing. We’re not using our hymns as entertainment. We’re just sharing God’s Word.” She looked at Mamm. “Do you think I’m terrible?” She sniffed as more tears filled her eyes.

  “No, no.” Mamm touched her cheek. “If I thought what you were doing was wrong, I would tell you. Your dat and I wouldn’t allow our kinner to do something we considered sinful. I agree with you completely.”

  Sharon looked at Ruby Sue and Alice, and the pity in their eyes was almost too much to bear. “What do you think?”

  Alice shook her head. “I think he’s completely wrong.”

  “Ya.” Ruby Sue’s nose wrinkled as if she smelled something foul. “I think he’s narrisch.”

  Sharon chuckled despite her anguish. “What can I do to fix it?”

  “Give him time.” Mamm patted her knee. “Let him calm down and then talk to him.”

  “Okay.” Sharon stood. “All this crying has worn me out. Let’s clean up the kitchen so I can get to bed.”

  Later, Sharon walked Alice out to the back porch. “Danki for helping tonight.”

  “Gern gschehne.” Alice hugged her. “Don’t give up on Jay. Pray for him, and then talk to him. Everything will be okay.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “You kno
w I am.” Alice gave her a little wave. “Gut nacht.” Clicking on her flashlight, she started down the driveway toward her farm.

  After showering, Sharon slipped on her nightgown, then turned off her lantern and crawled into bed. As she stared at her dark ceiling, she opened her heart to God.

  “Please, God,” she whispered, “help me figure out what to say to Jay to make him realize that I would never disrespect our culture. Please grant me the words to explain that I only meant to do your will and not use our culture for my own means. Help Jay and me find a way back to our special relationship.”

  Then she rolled onto her side and wished for sleep.

  * * *

  Jay slammed his hammer onto the workbench the next morning and then picked up a screwdriver.

  When he turned back toward the windmill he’d been making, he found Cal watching him with his chin lifted and his arms folded across his wide chest.

  “If you banged that hammer down any harder, you’d probably leave a dent in that workbench,” Cal quipped.

  Jay leaned back against the wall and eyed his best friend with suspicion. “What do you want, Cal?”

  “That’s a nice greeting.” Cal sat down on a stool and pointed to the one across from him. “Why don’t you have a seat so we can have a little chat?”

  “I don’t have time,” Jay grumbled as he turned back to the windmill.

  “Sure you do. Sit.”

  Jay narrowed his eyes. “If you’re here to lecture me about last night, you can save your breath.”

  “You’d better believe I’m here to discuss last night. You acted like a complete dummkopp.”

  Jay froze. Had Sharon told everyone what they discussed? Had she always shared their private conversations?

  “Why would you come into Sharon’s haus, glare at all of us, and then stomp outside? What were you thinking? Why would you embarrass Sharon that way? What could we have possibly done that upset you so much? Or were you just angry with her for some reason?”

  “She didn’t tell you why I was upset?”

  “No, but she came back inside and looked like she was going to cry. In fact, she looked that way for the rest of the evening.” Cal gestured wildly. “What did you say to her? What could she have possibly done to deserve your making her that upset?”