Hymn of Praise

by Amy Clipston

  For a moment, Jay mentally breathed a sigh of relief knowing that Sharon had kept their conversation private, at least from his best friend. But that didn’t make up for her singing their hymn of praise to the Englishers like some entertainer.

  “Well?” Cal’s voice rose. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

  “I don’t have to explain myself to you, but I will tell you what upset me. I was furious to hear you all singing ‘Das Loblied’ for those Englishers as if it were some ordinary song instead of a hymn that’s important to our culture. It was blasphemous and sinful. That’s why I told Sharon she’s not the maedel I thought she was. She’s influenced all of you, and I told her we need a break.”

  Cal’s eyes widened as if they might pop out of his head. “You can’t be serious.”

  “I’m very serious.”

  Cal leveled his gaze with Jay. “You’re going to lose her.”

  The words punched him in the center of his chest. But he dismissed the feeling and pushed on. “I can’t act like it’s okay to parade around our beliefs as entertainment.”

  “You know what, Jay?” Cal began. “Sharon really cares about you, and you’re being blinded by whatever this conviction is. You need to think about what you’re doing. She’s about spreading the gospel, not using our beliefs to sell meals. And if you can’t see that, you’re missing out on the bigger picture of what these suppers truly are.” Then Cal stood. “And if you’re going to be mad at her, you might as well be mad at me and the rest of our freinden too. See you later.”

  Before Jay could respond, Cal was gone, and Jay was left alone in the big, noisy shop, confused—and near panic. Was he ready to lose Sharon over this? Could he even lose his friends? He felt very strongly, but he wasn’t sure about the cost.

  No. His heart ached so much that the pain brought tears to his eyes, but he had to stand his ground.

  Chapter Eight

  “Kaffi?” Holding a carafe, Sharon made her way down the long table in the Swarey family barn and filled coffee cups for the men.

  She looked toward the end of the table, where Jay sat across from his father, Moses, and anguish erupted in her chest once again. She’d spent most of the church service trying to avoid eye contact with him after their gazes tangled. His stony eyes had quickly looked away, and his rejection ripped through her heart like a jagged knife.

  She moved along the table, forcing a smile as she drew closer to Jay. How she wished she had chosen to fill cups at the next table to avoid him.

  But why should she avoid him? After all, she’d done nothing wrong!

  When she reached him, she stood behind his chair, pushing her shoulders back as she mustered all the courage she could.

  “Kaffi?” She held up the carafe.

  Jay’s back and shoulders went ramrod straight.

  “Ya, please.” Moses reached across the table and handed her his Styrofoam cup. “How are you, Sharon?”

  “Fine. Danki.” She filled his cup and then handed it back to him, working to keep her wobbly smile on her lips.

  Moses looked at his son. “Do you want kaffi, Jay? Sharon is standing right behind you, waiting for you to make a decision.” His words were measured, as if they held a hidden meaning.

  Jay didn’t turn to look at her. “No, danki.”

  Oh how she wanted to scream Look at me, Jay! Look at me! She was certain her stare could burn a hole in his back.

  “You two enjoy your lunch,” she said as pleasantly as she could. Then she moved on to the next table, her heart crumbling a little more with each step.

  Once she’d filled all the cups as requested, she hustled out of the barn and nearly crashed into Alice and Darlene, who were each carrying trays of food.

  “Are you all right?” Darlene’s eyes went wide.

  Alice gasped. “Was iss letz?”

  “I just saw Jay, and he won’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even look at me in there, and when he looked at me in church, he nearly glared. I don’t know how to fix this.”

  “Let’s think of a way.” Darlene looked up at the blue sky as if it held the answers. “I’ve got it. What if we all sing for Martha again this afternoon? I noticed she wasn’t in church, and when I asked her sohn about her, he said she was feeling too tired again.”

  “That’s a great idea,” Alice said. “Invite Jay to come with us. It will force him to be civil to you.”

  A tiny spark of hope ignited in Sharon’s chest. “All right. I’ll tell my parents about our plans and then ask him after we eat lunch.”

  As she walked toward the kitchen to refill the carafe, she prayed the plan would work.

  * * *

  After nearly inhaling her lunch, Sharon slipped outside alone, determined to catch Jay. She spotted him near his buggy; she’d learned to recognize his horse long ago. He was stepping back from Cal and Andrew, as though he was about to leave.

  She quickened her pace. “Hi.” She gave them all a little wave. “Alice, Darlene, and I are going to sing for Martha Bontrager today. Her sohn said she was too tired to come to church again. Would you all like to join us?”

  “Ya.” Andrew nodded and glanced at Cal, who also agreed.

  “Great. Would you like to come, Jay?” Her hope sank when he frowned.

  “I can’t. I’m sorry.” Jay opened his buggy door.

  “Why not?” Cal’s tone seemed harsh as he glowered at his best friend.

  Jay’s glare seemed to challenge Cal’s. “I have work to do.”

  “On a Sunday?” Cal took a step toward him. “It’s a day of rest, remember? Or are you not following the Amish rules?”

  Sharon blinked and turned toward Andrew, who grimaced.

  “Fine. I’ll rest. At home.” Jay turned to Sharon. “Sorry. Have a gut time.”

  The distance in his eyes made it hard for her to breathe for a moment. How could they go from being so close to near strangers in the blink of an eye?

  As Jay climbed into his buggy and then guided his horse to the road, she stood cemented in place, frozen by his casual dismissal.

  “He said no?”

  Alice’s voice was behind her.

  “Ya.”

  “Don’t blame yourself. He’s the one with the problem.” Cal nearly spat out the words. “He told me how he feels, but you did nothing wrong. And today he didn’t seem to want to talk to any of us.”

  Sharon turned toward him. “If I did nothing wrong, then why does it feel like I ruined everything between us?”

  “You didn’t.” Darlene touched Sharon’s shoulder. “Let’s go see Martha.”

  “Okay.” Sharon allowed her friend to steer her to Cal’s buggy, but she couldn’t keep her eyes away from Jay’s buggy as it drove away.

  * * *

  Sharon couldn’t bring herself to sing along as her friends sang “Rock of Ages” and Martha moved her head to the beat of the song.

  Instead, she stared down at the wood grain on Martha’s small kitchen table while her mind replayed her brief and heartbreaking conversation with Jay. Her heart couldn’t accept that he had just disregarded her as though she were an annoying child instead of someone he seemed to have cared for only a few days earlier.

  How could he forget all the feelings he said he had for her? He’d told her he cared. He’d even kissed her! Didn’t any of that mean something to him? Hadn’t she been important to him?

  “Sharon?”

  “Huh?” Sharon’s head snapped up to find Martha smiling at her. “I’m sorry. Did you say something, Martha?”

  “Ya.” Their friend pushed a plate of macadamia nut cookies toward her. “Take a kichli. It will make you feel better, sweetie.”

  “Danki, but I’m not hungry.” Sharon tried to smile, but her lips refused to tip up. She longed to leave. Once again she craved the privacy of her room at home, where she could cry into her pillow until she ran out of tears.

  “Why don’t we sing another one?” Darlene said. “How about ‘Farther Along’?”


  Sharon stood. “I really need to be going.”

  Her friends looked up at her with surprise etched on their faces.

  “You all stay. It’s not a long walk.” She started for the back door.

  “Wait, mei liewe.” When Martha struggled to stand, Andrew and Cal jumped up from their seats and assisted her. “Danki, buwe. Help me go outside with Sharon. I think we need to have a woman-to-woman talk. In private.”

  Sharon nodded. “That would be nice, Martha.”

  Andrew and Cal helped Martha out to the porch, where she and Sharon sat down, side by side in matching rocking chairs.

  “Now, Sharon,” Martha began as soon as they were alone, “tell me what’s burdening your heart.”

  Sharon pushed her chair into motion as she tried to put how she was feeling into words.

  “Is it about a bu?” Martha asked.

  Sharon nodded.

  “Did he break your heart?”

  “Ya, he did.” She summarized their disagreement. “I tried to explain that we were just sharing the Word of God and not doing anything wrong. My intentions were always gut.” She turned toward Martha, who was staring out toward a pasture.

  “Do you think I’m terrible?” Sharon gripped the arms of the rocking chair as she awaited Martha’s response.

  “No, I don’t.” She shook her head and then offered a warm smile. “Herman and I had disagreements plenty of times, and sometimes we wouldn’t speak for a day or two.” She reached over and patted Sharon’s arm with her frail hand. “You two will work it out.”

  “But he broke up with me. He dismissed me today as if I were a meaningless acquaintance. I think it’s over.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?”

  Martha gave her a knowing look. “I could sense how he felt about you when you two were here last month.”

  “How?”

  “It was the way he watched you. The way he gazed at you as if you were the only maedel in the room.” Martha gave a sigh. “My Herman used to look at me that way.”

  With her whole heart, Sharon wanted to believe Jay still cared for her, but merciless doubt plagued her. “Martha, I don’t mean to disrespect you, but I think you might be wrong. If I were important to Jay, how could he just throw away our relationship as if it meant nothing?”

  Martha turned toward her again. “Sometimes buwe can be gegisch. You can’t give up on him or your relationship. Give him a little more time, and he’ll realize he’s wrong. Just pray for him and have faith that God will guide his heart.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I am.” Martha patted her arm again and then nodded toward the door. “Would you ask those nice buwe to help me back inside? I think I’m ready for a nap.”

  Sharon summoned Cal and Andrew, and they assisted Martha back inside the house.

  After Sharon, Darlene, and Alice cleaned up the kitchen, they all said good-bye to Martha and then headed outside. Darlene elected to ask Cal for a ride home, and Sharon and Alice climbed into Andrew’s buggy.

  Sharon stared out the window, then she closed her eyes and sent up a silent prayer.

  God, please guide Jay’s heart back to me. I miss him, and I have a feeling he misses me too. Please find a way for us to work out our differences and build a stronger relationship through our love for you.

  Then she hugged her arms to her chest and tried to hold back threatening tears.

  * * *

  “I need to make a phone call. Would you please run the register for a few minutes?” Jay’s father asked when Jay entered the showroom of their store.

  “Of course.” Jay slipped behind the counter and smiled as a couple who looked to be married and in their thirties approached him. “Good morning. How may I help you?”

  The man pointed to the display of wooden lighthouses. “We’d like to get one of those. The blue one in the front.”

  “All right.” Jay told them the price and rang it up. “Where are you two from?”

  “New Jersey,” the woman offered as she pushed a red curl away from her round face. “It’s our first time here, and we’ve had a lovely time.”

  “Welcome to Amish Country.” Jay took the man’s cash and gave him change and a receipt. “What’s been the best part of your trip?”

  The woman looked at her husband, and they shared a smile. Then she turned back to Jay. “We had a meal at an Amish home the other night, and it was delightful.”

  Jay’s stomach clenched as he handed the man the receipt. “Really?”

  “It was so different from what we expected,” the man said as he closed his wallet. “We thought the opportunity would just be an excuse to eat more delicious Amish dishes, but it was so much more.”

  “That’s right,” his wife chimed in. “After we ate, they answered our questions, and then they sang for us. It was just fantastic. I felt as if the Holy Spirit was touching my soul as these young folks sang hymns we knew and then this lovely Amish hymn.”

  Jay’s mouth dried.

  “What did she call the hymn, Lee?” The woman snapped her fingers and glanced at her husband again. “Do you remember?”

  “She said it was a hymn of praise,” he told Jay.

  “Das Loblied.” Jay could hardly get out the words.

  “That’s it,” she said. “We came here expecting to do some shopping and eat some great food. I was pleasantly surprised to also find myself spiritually moved by this place. You all have a wonderful culture. I’m so grateful we’ve been able to experience it. It’s been a blessing to us.”

  “It truly has. Thank you.” The man left the counter and picked up their lighthouse.

  “You have a great day.” The woman gave Jay a wave and then followed her husband toward the exit.

  As Jay watched them go, confusion plagued him. Was Sharon right to share their hymn of praise? But what would Daadi say?

  God, help me understand what I should do.

  Chapter Nine

  On Friday morning, Jay examined the wooden lawn windmill he’d just finished making. It wasn’t his best work, but it was adequate.

  “Great job.”

  Jay turned as his father stepped into his stall. “Danki. It’s not perfect, though.” He pointed to the roof. “See that slat there? It’s slightly crooked, and the stain isn’t quite as even over here.”

  Dat scrunched his nose as he examined it. “I must need glasses, because I don’t see the imperfections you’re talking about.” Then he turned toward him. “You know, Jay, that’s your whole problem.”

  “What?” Jay took a step back.

  “You’re always looking for imperfections where there aren’t any. This is a prime example.” Dat gestured to the windmill. “This is perfect. In fact, I think it’s your best work. It might be the best windmill our shop has ever created.”

  He pointed at Jay’s chest. “But you choose to see what’s wrong with it instead of the beauty that’s here. I’m certain the customer who takes this home will cherish it for years, but you’ll still think about what you did wrong instead of what you did right.”

  Speechless, Jay stared at him.

  “Is that what went wrong with Sharon?” Dat said, pushing his point. “Did you expect something she couldn’t give you? Maybe perfection? A perfection you’ve defined on your own?”

  Jay gaped at him. “Dat, I—”

  “Can you honestly tell me you don’t miss her? Because when I saw you with her at church, before you broke up with her, you looked happier than I’d ever seen you.”

  “I miss her all the time.” The confession came out in a dry croak.

  Dat’s expression warmed as he stepped toward him. “So what are you waiting for? If you don’t go after her, another young man will snatch her up. I think your daadi would have agreed that Sharon is a wunderbaar maedel. I also think he would say that singing for Englishers is a way to share the gospel and isn’t a danger to our Amish beliefs and culture. Not even when they hear one of our own spec
ial hymns.”

  Jay nodded as God’s answer to his prayer echoed in his mind. Go after Sharon! Don’t lose her! Ask for her forgiveness! “You’re right. I need to start by making a phone call.”

  Dat pointed toward his office at the back of the shop. “Take your time.”

  Jay dashed into the office and closed the door. He took a deep breath as a plan filled his mind. And then he dialed the number for Cal’s horse farm.

  After a few rings, a voice picked up. “King’s Belgian and Dutch Harness Horses. How may I help you?”

  “Cal?” Jay asked. “Is that you?”

  “Jay?”

  “Ya, it’s me.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he searched for the right words. “I’m sorry for being such a jerk to you.”

  Cal snorted. “Keep going. I’m listening.”

  “You were right. I was too hard on all of you. You weren’t being disrespectful by singing ‘Das Loblied.’ I was completely wrong, and I want to make it up to you all.”

  “Including Sharon?”

  “No. Especially Sharon. When is the next supper at her haus?”

  “It’s tonight. Will you come?”

  Jay picked at a loose piece of wood on the corner of his father’s desk. “I want to. Do you think I should?”

  “Ya. I think you should.”

  Jay blew out a sigh of relief. “Would you do me a favor and not tell her? I want it to be a surprise.”

  “All right.”

  “I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Hey, Jay.”

  “Ya?”

  “I’m glad you’re back to your old self. We’ve all missed you.”

  “Danki, Cal.”

  “See you later.”

  Jay hung up just as his father came into the office.

  “How did it go?” Dat asked.

  “I called Cal and found out Sharon’s family is hosting a supper tonight. May I leave early so I can be there on time?”

  Dat smiled. “Of course you may.”