Unchained Memories

by Karen D. Badger

  “Okay, Billie,” he said, after nodding hello to Cat. “Time to get to work.”

  “No,” Billie said.

  “No? Did you say no?”

  “What part of no don’t you understand?”

  “Well, considering that word isn’t in my vocabulary, I don’t take no for an answer. I’m here to do a job, and like it or not, you’re going to cooperate.”

  “I said, no.”

  Joseph leaned over the end of the bed and grasped Billie’s ankles. “Well, I said yes.” He gave her legs a steady pull until she was lying flat on her back, walked around to the side of the bed, and began manipulating her legs.

  Cat was shocked at his use of physical force in an attempt to make Billie cooperate.

  “Damn you,” Billie shouted as she struggled. “Leave me alone.”

  “I suggest you cooperate before you hurt yourself.” Joseph continued his manipulations.

  Cat put her coffee cup down and readied herself to interfere. All she needed was a sign from Billie.

  “Don’t touch me!” Billie yelled.

  Cat caught the desperate glance Billie cast in her direction. Interpreting it as a silent plea, she launched herself at Joseph, and soon found herself flat on her back, lying across Billie’s legs.

  “Cat!” Billie shouted.

  Cat could only surmise Joseph had seen her coming and intercepted her tackle, swinging her up and around and landing her on the bed in front of him, across Billie’s legs.

  “You know, I really don’t know what you see in her,” he said to Billie.

  Then, without warning, Cat found herself thrown over Joseph’s shoulder and carried out of the room.

  Joseph deposited her in a chair in the hallway and blocked the door to Billie’s room. “Until you can learn to behave yourself in there, therapy sessions are off limits to you. Understand?”

  Cat was speechless as she watched him go back into Billie’s room and shut the door. She spent the next hour and a half fretting over the torture he was surely administering to Billie.

  Finally, he came out again and stopped in front of Cat who was still sitting in the chair. “I apologize if I got a little rough earlier, but sometimes drastic measures are called for. I know what I do hurts in the beginning, but it’s necessary.” He glanced back over his shoulder into Billie’s room. “She needs you right now,” he said and walked away.

  Cat scrambled to her feet and entered Billie’s room. Billie was lying on the bed, the sheets in wild disarray around her. It was obvious she had given him a hard time throughout the entire session. Cat walked over to Billie’s bedside and reached for her hand. Billie turned her tear-streaked face toward Cat.

  “I’m sorry, Billie. I tried to stop him.”

  Billie pressed her head in the pillow. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  The door to her room opened, admitting Julie to begin her occupational therapy.

  * * *

  Cat went to her parents’ house while Billie was progressing through OT, lunch, and her afternoon nap before seeing Dr. Connor. Cat needed to prepare the children for their visit with Billie that evening.

  A small body launched itself at her the moment she walked through the door. She wrapped her arms around the child. “Sky-baby, I’ve missed you so much. Where’s my kiss?”

  Skylar took Cat’s face in her hands and planted a big sloppy kiss on Cat’s mouth before hugging her again. “Where’s Mommy?”

  “Mommy’s still in the hospital. Want to go see her tonight?”

  “Yippie.” Skylar clapped. “Can we go now?”

  “Tonight, after you’ve had dinner. Grandpa will take you, okay?”

  “Where will you be?”

  “I’ll be with Mommy, waiting for you, Tara, and Seth to come visit. Where are your brother and sister?”

  “They’re in the family room playing Nintendo. Want me to get them?”

  “Would you, sweetheart?” Cat said and Skylar ran out of the room.

  “How is she, Caitlain?” a voice said from behind her.

  Cat swung around to see her mother in the doorway of the kitchen, a dishtowel slung over her shoulder. Their eyes met as a meaningful glance passed between them. Cat covered her mouth with her hand to prevent a sob from escaping and ran to her mother’s open arms. Several minutes later, Cat felt another set of arms circle around her and looked down to see Seth snuggling close into her side. Cat’s mother took a step back so Cat could comfort him.

  “Hey, sweetie,” Cat whispered into Seth’s hair. “You okay?”

  He nodded and Cat pretended not to notice how he tried to hide the tear that escaped from his eye. “Do you feel up to visiting with Mom tonight?”

  Seth’s eyes brightened. “Really?”

  “Really. After dinner, okay?”

  “Great!”

  She smoothed his hair. “There are a few things you need to know before tonight, so if you want to go drag your sister away from that video game, we need to have a talk. Okay?”

  “I’ll get her,” Seth said. Moments later, he was back with an irritated Tara in tow.

  “Mama, I was almost beating the game and Seth shut it off on me,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him.

  “Don’t blame your brother. I sent him after you. And is that any way to greet your mother whom you haven’t seen in two days?”

  Tara ran into Cat’s open arms, jumping up at the last moment so her legs straddled Cat’s waist. “You’re getting kind of big to be doing that, pip-squeak. Pretty soon, you’ll be knocking me over.” Cat placed a raspberry in Tara’s neck, making her squeal and wriggle away to drop to the floor.

  Finally, she had them all in the same room together. She sat cross-legged on the floor, and the children gathered around her.

  “Okay,” she said. “Tara, I’ve already told Seth and Sky this, but I want to take you to visit Mom tonight.” Three grinning faces peered up at her. “There’s something you need to know before you get there.”

  “What?” Tara asked.

  “Well, she… she won’t know any of you.”

  “What do you mean?” Seth said.

  “Seth, honey, you know she’s had brain surgery, right?” She waited as he nodded. “Well, sometimes after brain surgery, the patient wakes up and doesn’t have any memories. That’s what’s happened to Mom.”

  “Does she know you?” Seth asked.

  “No, she doesn’t. She doesn’t recognize Grandpa either.”

  “Will she get her memory back?” Tara said.

  “We hope so, but right now, she’s pretty scared. She doesn’t even know who she is.”

  “I wanna see Mommy,” Skylar said.

  Cat opened her arms for Skylar to climb into. “Grandpa and I have talked to her about you. She knows you’re coming to see her tonight, but I don’t want you to be upset if she doesn’t recognize you or remember your names, okay?”

  Seth and Tara nodded while Skylar snuggled in closer. “Okay. Any more questions?”

  “Can I color her some pictures?” Tara asked.

  Cat touched Tara’s cheek. “I’m sure she’d like that. She’d like that a lot.”

  “I made a bead necklace in Cub Scouts last night. Do you think she’d like that?” Seth asked.

  Cat was touched by the children’s offers. “Yes, I think she would.”

  “I’ll color some pictures too,” Skylar said.

  “Mom and I are the luckiest mothers in the world. Thank you, sweeties. Now, how about helping your old mother to her feet so I can get back to the hospital?”

  Seth lent Cat a hand. She hugged each of them and promised to see them later that night. She kissed them goodbye before hugging her mother and heading out the door.

  She arrived back at the hospital just in time for Billie’s counseling session with Dr. Connor. Her spirits were much improved after spending time with the kids. Deciding to use her father’s direct approach, she waltzed into the room like there was nothing wrong and perched herself on
the edge of Billie’s bed. “Hi,” she said, cheerfully. “How’d your OT go?”

  Billie’s gaze locked with Cat’s. “Fine,” was all she said; however, she continued to stare at Cat.

  Cat got the distinct impression Billie was waging some internal battle as she watched a wide range of emotions parade across her face. You’re not the only fighter in this family, she thought as she refused to break the stare.

  Long moments passed before their silent confrontation was interrupted by Dr. Connor’s arrival. Cat expected to be asked to leave when Dr. Connor came in, so she was surprised when Billie consented for her to stay. She chose the chair by the window, to allow Dr. Connor a closer position to Billie by the bed.

  “Cat, bring your chair closer,” Dr. Connor said. “Over there next to Billie. Now, let’s get started.”

  “How are you feeling today, Billie?” Dr. Connor asked.

  “Scared.”

  “How so?”

  “Cat’s bringing the kids to visit tonight.”

  “What about that scares you?”

  “I don’t remember them. I didn’t even know I had children until Cat told me about them. This is all so unsettling. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I live.”

  Cat reached for Billie’s hand but pulled it back quickly. “Billie, you live with me—with our children. We want you to come home.”

  “Cat, why did you pull your hand back just now?” Dr. Connor asked.

  “Billie doesn’t like me to touch her.”

  Dr. Connor looked at Billie. “Why not?”

  Billie’s brows knit together as she looked back and forth between Dr. Connor and Cat. “I don’t know.”

  Dr. Connor got out of the chair and sat on the edge of Billie’s bed. “Billie, give me your hand.”

  Billie did as she was told.

  “Now you, Cat.”

  Cat placed her hand in Dr. Connor’s.

  Dr. Connor turned Billie’s hand palm up and placed Cat’s hand, palm down, into it. “Now close your hands,” she said to them.

  Cat slid her fingers between Billie’s and closed her hand but was disappointed when Billie didn’t follow suit.

  “Billie,” Dr. Connor said.

  Billie glanced at Dr. Connor and then at their hands. Slowly, her fingers closed over Cat’s, and Cat’s smaller hand all but disappeared into Billie’s. Cat found it difficult to breathe as the love she felt for Billie flowed directly to their intertwined hands.

  “Cat,” Billie said in a whisper.

  Cat looked expectantly at Billie.

  “I’m sorry.” Billie abruptly released Cat’s hand. Cat felt like she’d been thrown a lifeline, only to have it snatched away. She took a huge gulp of air. Her body shuddered with emotion.

  Billie clasped her hands together on her lap.

  “Billie, look at me,” Cat said.

  Billie was unable, or unwilling, to meet Cat’s eyes a second time.

  The rest of the session was a blur for Cat. After Billie’s rejection, she stood at the window and stared out over the city. Her heart was broken in a million pieces, and she was beginning to think it would never be put back together again. How could Billie be so cold? Even an angry Billie was easier to deal with than this indifferent one.

  Billie sat on the bed, propped up on both sides by pillows, and watched Cat stand by the window. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, an emotion began to build. Guilt, anger, or anxiety? Billie wasn’t sure, but it was undeniable. Cat’s hand felt so soft, she thought. So soft, yet so strong and familiar. God, I don’t know what to do. This scares me so. She inhaled and said out loud, “Cat?” At that very moment, a deep voice from the doorway said, “Okay, Red, get out.”

  “Excuse me?” Cat said.

  “I said out. You know the rules,” Joseph said.

  “I’m not leaving.”

  Joseph narrowed his eyes. “You’ve got balls, lady. I like that. Okay, I’ll make you a deal. You stay back and out of the way with no interference, unless I ask you for some, and I’ll let you stay. Deal?” He reached out his hand to Cat.

  Cat placed her hand in his. “Deal.”

  Billie grinned as Cat won the battle of wills. Over the next half hour, she found herself grateful for Cat’s support as Joseph put her through a warm-up routine. Several times, she had to resist crying out when Joseph pushed her beyond her comfort zone. When the warm up was over, he climbed onto the bed and sat back on his knees, straddling her shins.

  “Now, give me your hands,” he said.

  Although wary of his motives, Billie complied .

  “Good. Now I want you to use me as an anchor and pull yourself into a sitting position.”

  Billie looked at him as though he were out of his mind.

  “Come on, you can do it. Pull against my hands. That’s it… pull. Good,” he said.

  Billie used every ounce of energy she had to lift her head and upper body off the bed and pull herself toward Joseph. When she managed to pull herself up enough so her upper body was at a ninety-degree angle to her legs, Joseph wrapped his big arms around her and hugged her tight.

  “I knew you could do it,” he said before lowering her back down. He made a move to climb off the bed. Billie stopped him with a hand on his arm. “No. I want to do it again,” she said.

  “I think that’s enough for today.”

  “Please?”

  Joseph held out his hands, “All right. One more time.”

  Chapter 25

  After Joseph left, Laura came in to massage Billie’s muscles. This time Cat asked her questions throughout the whole routine, hoping to be able to pick up enough knowledge to be of some help to Billie later. Finally, the massage was over and Cat was left alone with Billie once more.

  “You did a very good job in therapy this afternoon.” Cat knew she was making idle chitchat, but she felt too awkward with the silence to let it continue for long.

  “Thank you.”

  Cat’s heart melted when Billie cast the crooked smile she loved so much. “I was very proud of you when you pulled yourself up,” she said. A blush rose to Billie’s cheeks. Cat wanted to tease her about the nice shade of red, but she wasn’t sure how Billie would take it.

  Billie’s dinner tray was brought in and set in front of her. Cat walked over and took the cover off the tray. “Yummy,” she said.

  “Want some?”

  “No, that’s all right. I’m not very hungry.”

  “You, not hungry? That’s a first,” Billie said.

  Cat’s eyes grew wide. “What did you say?”

  “I… I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

  Cat’s heart was beating a mile a minute as she struggled to calm herself. It was obvious from the shocked expression on Billie’s face the response had been involuntary. Don’t push her, Cat. You’ll only scare her again. Let it go.

  Cat opened Billie’s milk carton, unwrapped her straw, and put it in the milk. She placed the carton back on the tray. “Are you nervous about tonight?”

  Billie nodded. “Are any of them mine?” she asked as she led a spoonful of mashed potatoes to her mouth. Cat was pleased at how much better Billie was becoming at fine motor skill coordination after only two days.

  Cat reached for Billie’s fork and knife and cut the meat loaf into bite-size pieces. “They’re our children—both of ours—but to answer your question, our son is biologically yours. The girls are mine.”

  “I have a son?”

  “And two daughters.”

  “Yes, of course. What are their names?”

  Cat felt her face glowing as she thought of their children. She leaned forward so her forearms rested on her thighs. “Seth is eleven years old, almost twelve. He’s a beautiful and sensitive child. He has corn silk hair and blue, blue eyes—like yours. He’s our little man. Tara is nine and very much an outspoken free spirit. She’s stubborn as all hell and quite a tomboy. She has red-gold hair and green eyes like mine. Skylar is the baby. We call her
Sky for short. You named her, Billie. She’s four years old and still very cuddly. She likes to curl up in your arms and cuddle into your neck when she’s tired. Skylar also has red-gold hair, but her eyes are blue like yours and Seth’s.”

  “Where are their fathers?”

  Cat sighed and sat back in her chair. “Tara’s father was an anonymous sperm donor, so I have no idea who or where he is. Seth and Sky’s father is in jail for kidnapping, assault, attempted murder, and rape.” Billie’s eyes widened with each offense Cat listed.

  Billie paused in mid chew. “Seth and Sky have the same father?”

  “Yes. He was your ex-husband when I met you. We’d known each other for less than a year when he raped me.” She paused for a moment. “Skylar is the product of that rape.”

  Billie watched Cat intently. “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s in the past, where it belongs. I try not to dwell on it. If I linger too much on what’s already past, I just might stumble over what’s in front of me, and besides, we have a beautiful daughter as a result, despite how she was conceived.”

  Billie sat back against the pillows.

  “All finished?” Cat asked.

  Billie nodded as Cat cleaned up her tray and pushed it aside. She noticed the contemplative expression on Billie’s face. “What are you thinking?” she asked.

  “How long have we been together?”

  “Well, Sky is four and I became pregnant less than a year after we met, so we’ve been together for just under five years.”

  “I had Seth before we met, then.”

  “Yes. You divorced Brian when Seth was three.”

  “Why did I divorce him?”

  Cat reached out to touch Billie’s hand but pulled hers away at the last moment.

  “It’s okay,” Billie said as she extended her hand to Cat.

  Cat’s heart leaped for joy, and she placed her hand inside Billie’s.

  “Tell me about Brian.”

  “Brian wasn’t a very nice man. In fact, during your marriage he was abusive… physically abusive. You divorced him when you realized you were attracted to women.”