“How attached are you to these panties,” he whispers, and it takes a minute for my lust-drunk mind to clear before I can answer.
“Not attached,” is all I can manage, the building need inside of me making complete sentences a thing of the past. His hands slide under the lace of my garter belt and grab the hips of my panties, ripping them from my body in one precise movement. I notice that he tucks them into his pocket before returning his hand to the highest point inside my leg.
I slide my right leg around his waist and pull him into me, rubbing my now-naked core against the zipper of his pants. I can feel how much he needs me, and I lose all inhibition as I grind myself against him. His hand encircles my hip with a bruising grip, and I know he’s on the verge of losing control. He tips my hips up, allowing the stiffness of his length to rub against my most sensitive spot. This is the trade-off, I tell myself; he may be the type to sleep with a lot of women and not settle down, but because of that I get a man who knows his way around a woman’s body.
As my orgasm builds, I wonder if it’s actually possible for me to have one from just friction alone. Ben puts some space between us and before I can protest, I feel his fingers in my sensitive folds as he parts me to slide a finger along my core. My fingers tighten in his hair, and I try hard not to be overwhelmed by the sensation of his hot tongue on my breast and his rough fingers right where I need them. Just when I think I’ve grown accustomed to this amazing attention, he slides a finger inside me and I grip him tightly as sensation after sensation fires through my body. His one finger is joined by a second as his thumb begins to make tight circles against my aching need.
“Ben,” I whisper in warning, but not wanting him to stop.
“Let go, Lori. I want to hear you when you do.” The low timbre of his voice is all it takes, and I explode into the most amazing orgasm I’ve ever had. I cry out his name again as he rides it out until the end. When he removes his fingers and kisses my lips I feel a wave of embarrassment about what I just let him do to me on my kitchen counter. It doesn’t last long, though, because he whispers in my ear, “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Watching you come apart under my hand will forever be a favorite memory of mine. Now I’m going to leave before I take this where I want it so desperately to go.”
I shake my head because I still can’t form a great sentence, but he shakes his head and pulls me in for another kiss. “Let me go, Lori. I only know how to be with women one way. As much as I want that with you, I know how it ends. I won’t take that same path with you. Let me do this differently.” I can hear the vulnerability in his voice, so I nod and slide off the counter.
He takes my hand as we walk to my front door and I shimmy my hem down to an appropriate position and tuck myself back into the top of my dress as Ben tries hard to fight the smile growing on his face. I feel like a teenager again. All the excitement of first love races through me, and as ridiculous as that seems for a woman in her midtwenties, I’m going to enjoy every endorphin-induced euphoric moment.
“I’ll see you soon,” Ben says as he leans in for one more gentle kiss before leaving. I stand at the door for a few minutes watching him go.
Ben
When I step onto the elevator at Lori’s apartment complex, I put my hand on the inside railing to hold myself in. I want to stay with her, to feel her beneath me and finally have what I’ve been lusting after all week. I know I’m making the right move, but it’s killing me. I adjust myself before exiting into the lobby and pray that I don’t look as obviously aroused as I feel. It’s going to be a long fucking night and I have no one to blame but myself.
I nod to Jeffrey as he opens the door for me and then duck into the car. I can see by the look on his face he’s surprised to see me so soon. I usually have him wait around the block, and he knows to bring a good book to keep him company while I spend some quality time with my dates. He’s a very discreet employee and I pay him very well to stay that way. As we pull away from the curb, my phone chimes with a text, and it threatens to break down the small amount of strength I have to not have Jeffrey turn this car around.
Lori: Tonight was amazing. I wish you had let me show you how good it could have been if you had let yourself go
Me: I thought it was obvious how good it was for me just watching you let go
Lori: Ben, I’ll let you lead this time, but I too always go after what I want
Me: Is that right, Miss Easton? Can I see you again tomorrow?
I curse myself as I send the text, knowing I’m possibly coming off as needy. I’m willing to beg to see her tomorrow if that’s what it takes. I’ve only known her for a week, and I can’t imagine going a day without hearing her laugh.
Lori: You can count on it. I’m free tomorrow anytime, unless that sounds pathetic—then I’m only free for an hour
Me: I’ll pick you up tomorrow around 11. Good night, I hope you sleep well
Lori: It’s not MY ability to sleep that I’m worried about
Me: Don’t remind me. I’m aching already
I slide my phone into my pocket as I step out of the car at my place. I wave to Jeffrey and then make my way up to my home. I usually feel rested, tension relieved after a date with a beautiful woman, but tonight I feel wound up. I’m trying hard to push the image of Lori out of my head and turn off the sound of her calling my name, but I can’t. By the time I step into the penthouse I’m throbbing with need for her. I get ready for a cold shower in hopes it will offer some relief.
I kick my shoes off at the foot of my bed, then unbuckle my belt and slide it from the loops of my pants. I reach for my phone to put it on the dresser and find that I’ve missed a text message. An image appears on the screen that sends more blood to the already painful problem I have. It’s a carefully shot picture taken from the neck down of Lori lying in bed in just a small, silky nightgown. I can see the curve of her breasts and the tan skin of her thigh as she props her leg up slightly, allowing the silk to fall over it. Her hand rests suggestively on her hip bone, and I want so badly for this damn picture to be a video instead.
When I can finally bring myself to scroll down, the text below it reads:
Lori: In case you need something to think of in the shower XO
I think this is becoming a challenge for her, and I fear she’ll break through my resolve very soon. I need to talk to Caleb again and see what I should do next. Of course, after that text it’s going to have to wait until after my shower.
Even after Lori kick-started a little tension release in the shower, I still toss and turn trying to fall asleep. I feel so out of sorts all of a sudden, like my grip on my control is slipping. The problem is I’m not so sure I hate it. I always have to be in control, at work and in my private life. I’m driven and have been very successful because of that, but being around Lori has shown me that having another confident person pushing my boundaries is a turn-on. I think it’s her ability to step up and take control that lets me relax and let her have a little of it.
After a couple hours of sleep I drag myself out of bed determined to get a little coaching session out of Caleb. When I text him to get his ass out of bed and meet me at the gym at 5:30 a.m., he quickly responds that he’s already there. He works for our family business, too, but doesn’t take it as seriously as I do. He does his duties but also makes sure he never misses out on the fun moments happening around him. I take a few minutes to grab my stuff and then take off to the one place I know I can release some tension in a non-self-destructive manner.
I jump onto the treadmill next to Caleb and he removes his earbuds so we can talk. “How did it go last night?” he asks with such a mischievous grin I know he must have already spoken with Madeline.
“Fuck you,” I say, and he laughs out loud, hanging on to the handrail for support. “What did she say?”
“She said you were trying to bang one of her friends and she cockblocked you. You didn’t tell me the wedding girl was Lori Easton.” I watc
h as his smile fades and worry replaces it.
“What? You know her or something?” I say nonchalantly even though I feel panic rising within me.
“Yeah, I know her. She dated Max Turner for a little while—rumor has it he’s still pretty sprung on her. She fucking devastated him; I heard there’s a lot of bad blood there. She’s a cool chick. I’ve hung out with her a few times with Madeline and with Max. I think maybe you should clear a wide path around this one, bro.”
Fuck. Hugh Turner is a member of the board at Stone Industries. He’s been a good friend of my dad’s for a long time. Max is Hugh’s overprivileged asshole son and had been handed an unearned position in our family’s company the day he graduated college. I’m not even sure what he does for us exactly but keeping him on payroll appeases his father and was an unwritten agreement between our fathers long before any of us boys were born. We tolerate him because of the position his dad has earned and because in our circle of friends we don’t make waves since that could have a negative social impact, which could lead to a negative impact on our business.
“Why did they break up?” I ask, not that it matters. If Lori dated Max and he wasn’t the one to end it, according to the social law my family abides by, she’s off limits forever. This can’t be happening. I hold my breath, waiting for Caleb to put me out of my misery.
Caleb gives me a look of pity and then shakes his head. “Sorry, bro. She’s the one who broke it off. I hope you slept with her while you had the chance because now she’s officially off limits.” I slam my fist on the treadmill controls, effectively shutting off the damn machine. I grab my towel and make my way to the showers without even saying good-bye to Caleb.
Running up behind me, Caleb slows to a walk when he reaches my side. “Maybe we could talk to Dad, if he gives you the green light . . .”
“Don’t be stupid, Caleb. I won’t put Dad in that position. She’s a girl; I can fucking move on or something. Damn it! The first fucking girl I felt like I could actually get to know and she has to be off limits.” I grab my bag from my locker and head for the heat of the shower. For the first time in my life I feel the suffocation that Madeline was always talking about when it came to the rules my family has lived by for generations. Right now, I’m fucking drowning, my chest tightening with the thought of ending this thing with Lori before it really even had a chance to start.
Caleb doesn’t say a word to me until we’re both dressed for the day and heading to the front of the gym. “Sorry, Ben. I’d be willing to go to bat for you with Dad, but you have to make sure she’s what you really want.” I shake my head because I’d never ask him to get into my business with my father. I’m a big boy. I know the rules that bind us in this community, so I just need to tell Lori we’re through.
I say good-bye to Caleb and jump into my car. It’s barely seven o’clock. I send a quick text to Lori, asking if I can come over. I can’t wait until eleven to drop this on her. I have to do it now so it won’t mess with my head all day. I owe her an explanation for why I’m not going to be calling her anymore. My stomach clenches at the thought of cutting things off with her, but I’m sure she’ll understand once I explain. Her response is immediate, and I get on the highway, heading in the direction of her place.
After parking in the guest parking spot, I take the elevator up to her apartment. I want so badly for this to be under different circumstances. I knock on her door and it creaks open under my fist. For a minute I completely panic, imagining someone has broken in and left her door open in his or her wake. When I see that the whole place is dark, my heart begins to pound even harder in my chest. I call out her name and when I hear a soft, “In the bedroom,” the relief I feel is intense. I close and lock the door behind me and then make my way down the dark hall.
Lori comes out of the bathroom inside her room wearing just her pink robe. I look away but it doesn’t stop her from coming toward me. I can’t resist any longer and look into her eyes, trying to find the words to tell her what I have to say. When I open my mouth to start, she rises up on the tips of her toes and places her mouth over mine. I slide my hands around her waist and pull her into me. While it’s very sexually charged, the feeling that drives my need for her to be so near to me isn’t lust; it’s something else entirely.
I want to comfort her, to protect her from the harsh reality I’m about to dish out and the way it might make her feel. I kiss her for a long while, loving the way her smooth body conforms to my hard chest. She’s soft and warm, and I want so badly for this to not have to end. I break our kiss and rest my forehead against hers.
“We need to talk, Lori.”
“Less talking, more touching,” she jokes, and pulls me closer again, sucking in my bottom lip and causing my already needy body to spring into action. I push her hips away and try again.
“Lori, you aren’t going to like what I have to say, but I know you’ll understand.” She looks worried now, and I want to smooth the look off of her face. I put my hand on her cheek and close my eyes. “I need to tell you something.” She closes in again, but I put distance between us.
“You’re ending this, aren’t you?” she asks, closing her eyes to shield the emotion she must be trying to tamp down.
“Believe me, I don’t want to.” I brush my lips across hers again and then pull away so I can explain.
“Then don’t, Ben.” She makes it sound so easy but I know that it would be anything but if I was to break this rule.
“You dated Max Turner.” I look her in the eyes, my last chance riding on the hope that the information Caleb gave me is wrong.
“Yes. We aren’t together anymore. Haven’t been for a month. What does he have to do with anything?” I say a quick prayer that she’ll understand and then pull her over to the bed. Lori scoots onto the mattress and pats the spot next to her. I climb up, my heart heavy in my chest. I don’t want to do this, I just don’t see any way around it. My family comes before any other need, mine or otherwise.
I sit back against the headboard and lift my arm up, inviting her to lie on my chest. She snuggles in and wraps her arm around me. Looking up at the ceiling, I take one more big breath and then tell her what I came to say. “His father, Hugh, sits on the board of my family’s company. I’m sure since you’ve dated Max, you know how our circle works.” I feel her nod against my chest and realize that I want to stay here holding her all day.
“So you’re saying that because I dated Max, and his father works with your dad, you can’t date me.”
I nod and stop myself from explaining all of the intricate details. “I’m sorry, Lori. If I thought there was a way around it, I’d do whatever it took. There’s just no way. It would be bad for business and bad for family friendships. I can’t be the cause of that.”
“You must really care about your family, Ben. I wouldn’t want to do anything that would cause any trouble for you or Madeline. I understand it would be terrible if people found out about us.”
I take a big breath and let it out. “I feel like we were just getting to know each other.” I kiss the top of her head and breathe in her scent one last time.
“I understand it would be terrible if they found out about us being together, but what if they never found out?” She tips her head up to meet my eyes and I crease my brows in question.
“What are you saying, Lori?” I can’t believe any woman would be okay with hiding a relationship.
“We aren’t getting married, Ben. We’re just having fun. We can have fun without the world knowing about it.” She shrugs and smiles at me.
“You deserve better than that. I’m not ashamed of you, and that’s what it would feel like.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. Treat me with respect when we’re together and let’s just see if we can have a little fun without notifying the press.” She slides her leg over mine so that she’s straddling me, and kisses the sensitive spot behind my ear, working her way around to the front of my neck.
&nb
sp; I chuckle at her calling me dramatic and slide my hands up to her waist, pressing her body against mine. “I think I could live with that,” I say before pressing my lips to hers and pulling her against me. I won’t stop this time. I know what it felt like to think I’d never be able to touch her again. I reach up and untie her robe, sucking in a breath when it slides open, revealing her naked body beneath it. I could absolutely live with this agreement.
Lori
I refuse to let Max have any more control over my life. We may not be able to throw our relationship in his face, but I won’t let him get in the way of what I’m doing with Ben. I want him so badly. I press my core against him, running my tongue up his throat and then across his lower lip. He slides my robe off my shoulders and I can feel the cool air against my now naked body. I still for a moment as his eyes take me in, and I can almost feel the heat of his stare scorch my skin.
It seems like this has been meant to be for a while now, and the rhythm we have together confirms our ability to read and anticipate the other’s next move. I slip my hands under the bottom of Ben’s shirt and run my fingernails across his skin. He lifts up so that I can pull his shirt over his head. His chest is now bare to me, and I brush my naked skin up against his, loving the feel of the heat we’re creating together.
Still slowly rocking against him for the friction I need, I tuck my fingers into the waistband of his shorts. I look into his eyes for permission to take them off and he surges up, pressing his lips into mine with purpose before wrapping his arm around my waist and lifting me at the same time. He slides his shorts over his hips with his free hand. I giggle at how good he is at removing clothing and continue to rain kisses along his lips and jaw.
“Lori,” he rasps, “are you sure this is what you want? I understand if you don’t want to be a secret.” I slide my hands along his arms and lift his hands to cup my breasts.
Letting Go Page 6