The Peabrain's Idea (The Peabrain Adventures Book 1)

by Martha Carr

  “Well, at least you eased her into it.”

  Maggie stared at Bernie’s face, studying it for sarcasm or insanity. It was hard for her to point fingers about the crazy though, given her present circumstances. “You want to try that again?”

  Bernie leaned in closer till with each whistle, a small stream of cool air and a little spit hit Maggie’s cheek. “This…” Bernie waved his arms in a large circle over his head. “This is all an organic ship. Not that solid planet thing they teach you in elementary school. Kind of hollow. Hollow-ish. Modern technology from thousands of years ago. Uh huh, uh huh,” he said in a hushed tone, nodding his head. “We are the mechanics of the ship, the guides.”

  “The crew,” chimed Jack.

  “Yes, yes, the crew.” Bernie looked down at his feet for a moment but looked back up at Maggie, a resolute look on his face. “Rule number four. Rigorous honesty. Best and worst of the rules. Okay, you see, we had a little problem.”

  “Easy, Bernie.” Jack took another step back.

  Maggie looked pointedly at Jack. “Are there about to be explosions?”

  “Well, a bombshell of sorts.”

  Bernie cleared his throat. “About twenty thousand years ago, we had to steer around a meteor shower…”

  “You can steer the Earth. That’s what you’re saying.” Maggie did her best to suppress a giggle. “I have gone crazy. Or is this the waiting room after you die? They test you here to see where to send you next. How do I pass so I get the good place?”

  Bernie ignored her and went on with his story. “Not the first one to think that either.” He snapped his fingers in front of her face. “Your sister’s right. That does seem to work well with you. We had to steer around the shower, but we took the curve a little too sharply.”

  “You mean, you did.”

  “I was in charge that day, it’s true. I was such a young gnome back then. We took that curve, got sucked into the stream of the Milky Way and whipped around, barely missing Venus and Mars till we wound up here. In the sun’s orbit.” He threw up his hands, still annoyed at the ancient memory.

  “We’ve been stuck here ever since.”

  Maggie let out an annoyed sigh. “This is the best you have? A whacky story about Earth whipping around the solar system with a bad GPS? Who are you two, really? I’ll bet I’m really passed out on drugs at the hospital.”

  Bernie pinched Maggie’s arm, hard, and she slapped him.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” He held up his hands, leaning backward. “Just proving a point. You’re not dead, you’re not on a high somewhere, and you’re not crazy,” ticking them off on his thick, calloused fingers. “This has always been going on, but we hide it from most of our former passengers.”

  “You only have a few minutes to put her back in place, Bernie. Move it along with the story. Just cover the highlights.”

  “Fine.” Bernie opened his mouth in the shape of a perfect ‘O’ and blew out a translucent blue bubble. The sweet smell of strawberries hung in the air, almost sickly sweet. He whispered words over it that Maggie couldn’t understand as images appeared inside of it, creating different scenes. “Thousands of years ago, there were a few of these ships roaming different galaxies and acting as oversized ships to transport cargo and passengers. You Peabrains were passengers and would go from one place to another in giant herds. The Huldu gnomes, like Jack and myself, we are the mechanics who kept the ship running.”

  “The Kashgar, our cousins…” Jack rolled his eyes, shrugging.

  “Those tall bastards, they live above ground with all the headroom. Of course, they grew taller!” Bernie calmed himself smoothing down the front of his sweater. “They were the muscle. They made sure nothing ate anything else topside. It was a great system that worked well.”

  Maggie listened trying to take it all in, watching the images appear in the bubble, fade and then another one appear. She reached out to touch the bubble, but Bernie gently held back her hand. “Stings like a mother if you touch someone else’s bubble.”

  “Rule number fifty-four,” said Jack, nodding. “Never mess with another man’s bubble.”

  “But then we ended up here and all bets were off. A rift started with the Kashgars somewhere around two thousand years ago.”

  “I was a much younger gnome, still had hair. This place was a regular paradise before that very bad day.”

  “Trouble really started with you Peabrains.”

  Maggie waved her hands in front of her face. “Wait a minute, what’s with the Peabrain thing? Why do you keep calling us that?”

  “It had a different meaning a long time ago.”

  Maggie was listening but suddenly felt a lurch in her gut and she let out a hiccup followed by a bubble that popped, letting out the sounds of Mamie and Joey screaming. “What the holy hell was that?” asked Maggie, even as she belched out another bubble.

  “Can’t hold this time gap much longer. We’re running out of time, Bernie, speed it up. You took too long with the intro.”

  “Okay, highlights. Peabrain used to mean magical being. Humans were the most magical of all. It was a name of honor. You were a clever bunch.” He was spitting out the words as fast as he could, feeling the pressure of time. “You even constructed this amazing library in Alexandria, Egypt that contained all the records of everything that had ever been known, anywhere.”

  “And he means anywhere. Covered all the Earth ships, all the different galaxies, all the destinations, everywhere. But you’re not explaining the Peabrain part! Let me try. Humans have two brains.” He held up two fingers. “That’s right, two. The main brain we all know and love and a smaller brain buried at the top of your spine, along the back of your neck. Much smaller…”

  “And so far, not detectable by science, thank you very much.”

  Jack rolled his eyes. “Bernie’s the one who’s been able to foil that a few times. Very proud of himself. And you’re stepping on my explanation.”

  Bernie ignored him and plowed ahead. “That little brain…”

  “The size of a pea…”

  “Is the part that contains the magic. It’s small in size…”

  “And amazingly powerful! Blows the mind.” Jack blew air out, expanding his cheeks while shaking his hands near his head.

  “Peabrains, I get it,” said Maggie. Pressing her palm against her stomach.

  “It’s why the hair on the back of your kind’s neck tingles when you sense something exciting or dangerous. That little pea is stirring, but usually not enough to turn on the magic.”

  “Turn it on?” Maggie rubbed the soft, smooth skin along the back of her neck.

  “Save something for later.” Jack batted at Bernie. “There’s too much to tell and that part… that should wait till we have to tell her.”

  Maggie wanted to interrupt but Bernie was already chattering away, deep into the story, talking loudly. The sound echoed off the machinery that snaked along the walls and down the different tunnels.

  “The height of your magical abilities was the Library of Alexandria, at least so far. Took a special counsel of Peabrains coming together to pool their magic to do it, too. It was an amazing feat. But, that’s what helped the Peabrains find out they had been betrayed.”

  “By the Kashgar, tall dirty bastards!” Jack pounded his fist into the palm of his hand.

  “We found out the Kashgar on this ship had made a deal to turn over everyone on the planet and put your kind into magical servitude, then chop shop the ship.”

  “You mean cut up the Earth?” asked Maggie, watching the images inside the bubble of the Library at Alexandria and its different gardens, and zoo and shrines. But just as quickly, the image started to blacken around the edges and catch fire inside the bubble, destroying everything.

  “To gain immense power. The Kashgar wanted to cut off communication outside of this ship with other planets and burned the library and all its contents to the ground. They rounded up the most powerful Peabrains and sacrificed them to
the lions,” said Jack.

  “They went old school on their ass. Turns out they had different plans. Someone had made them an offer and they wanted to seize the ship and take it to a different destination. Almost worked, too.”

  “Instead, the Huldus were able to take apart key pieces of the machinery and infuse them with magic.”

  “To hide them, we breathed each one into different magical creatures.”

  “We never thought it would take long to get moving again.”

  Bernie slapped his palm against his forehead and shook his head. “Boy, brother, you said it. Thousands of years! Still stuck right here!”

  “One of them must have been an ancestor of yours, which means you hold a piece inside of you.”

  “Who knew? You’re the Elemental Human Peabrain.”

  “I’m magic,” whispered Maggie in awe, pressing both of her hands to her stomach. A surge of air erupted from deep inside her belly and she covered her mouth, trying to hold it back. But it only made her belch louder, spitting out a continuous stream of bubbles as she felt a stronger lurch in her belly, jerking her backward. “What’s happening?”

  “That’s the alarm. Time’s up!” yelled Jack. “You have to go back, and on borrowed time!”

  “But all I’m left with are questions! What do you mean borrowed? Do I have to give it back at some point?” Maggie felt the pull again and stepped back, almost falling over, the bubbles streaming out of her mouth in a continuous flow and the sounds of the Wag-A-Bag pouring out of the bubbles. “My gun!”

  “Right! Right!” Jack opened his hand and a gold bubble emerged, zipping over to Maggie’s side, popping to reveal her gun.

  “Not to worry,” said Bernie. “We’ll be in touch. We even took care of that problem you’re having with a bullet aimed at your head. Okay, I took care of it. I broke a rule, happy Jack?” Bernie harrumphed. He shook his hands in the air, making his case. “You’re an Elemental and we need you to get this ship moving again. Watch out for the Kashgar, though. They want your kind dead. You most of all, you’re the key to everything.”

  Bernie leaned forward, the round knob of the compass barely poking out of his pants pocket, pleading with Maggie. She saw it, at the same time she hiccupped loudly, and lunged for the compass, catching Bernie off guard. She clutched it in her hand as something yanked her back into darkness and Bernie yelled for her to stop. “There’s so much you don’t know! It’s dangerous for you to have it. You don’t understand.”

  “Tell the grackles!” yelled Jack. “They’ll have to guard her.”

  “It won’t be enough.”

  “Then it will have to be you!”

  “What?” He let out a tinny whistle of air between his teeth.

  “She’s gonna need a guide.”

  Their voices grew fainter until Maggie found herself standing back in the Wag-A-Bag at the precise moment when she had left. She heard the second burglar’s gun click as he fired and she braced herself, her hand squeezed around the compass. Just in time, she realized she had come back just six inches to the right. Bernie took care of it.

  The bullet whizzed by her ear, a high-pitched whine breaking through the air. Instinct kicked in and she pulled out her gun, shooting the man as he fell backward onto the floor. A small pool of blood quickly oozed around his ribs.

  “Alabar los cielos! Is it over?” Joey was still crouching on the floor, lifting his head slowly to look past the rack of chips.

  Maggie’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out, her hand shaking. It was a text from Jake. Looking forward to seeing you Saturday.

  “That’s hard to say,” said Maggie, still clenching the compass in her other hand. “It seems it’s all just getting started.” A small bubble floated out of her mouth, popping as it rose in the air.

  6

  The coroner took his time assessing the scene at the Wag-A-Bag, finally gathering up the two dead thieves. Outside, the grackles gathered across the phone lines screeching in unison as some took flight, only to be replaced by other large black grackles crowding the space. Joey sat in a chair behind the counter being comforted by Mamie, refusing the EMT’s repeated suggestion to get checked out at the hospital.

  “I have customers,” he kept saying. “They will need their lunch.”

  “Dude…” said the young paramedic, “You’re going to be closed for the day. It’s gonna take a while to clean up this mess.” He scanned the pools of blood already turning a darker color and shook his head.

  Joey clutched his chest and looked up at Mamie, panic in his eyes.

  “Joey, why don’t we feed these nice people, instead. A little act of kindness in the middle of all this,” said Mamie, gently.

  The idea came over Joey and he took in his first deep breath in hours, the color seeping back into his face. “Yes, yes, what a good idea.” He kissed Mamie’s hand and took another deep breath, standing up slowly. The sadness came back over his face as he looked at the blood on the floor and the yellow tape, but Mamie gently tugged at his hand, pulling him away.

  “This must be a hard job to do, mi querido. Don’t you think? Let’s go see how we can help.”

  Maggie stepped aside, mouthing, thank you to Mamie and marveling at how well the couple worked together. Not my skill set at all.

  Two homicide detectives came in the door, making a beeline for Maggie.

  “Kind of funny, you know. A robbery detective getting held up, right?” The tall, dark haired detective let out a snort and pulled out his iPad, making notes.

  Maggie pressed her lips together, forcing a smile at Detective Easton. The jokes were beginning already.

  “Too soon?”

  “You mean five minutes later, Easton? No, not at all. I mean, you want to be first with the jokes, right?”

  “Alright, I get it. My wife tells me the same things, daily. So, can you give me the basics and we’ll get to the mountain of paperwork later?”

  “I was in here to get coffee, like I do every day and two armed gunmen came in, weapons drawn. I announced myself as police and drew my weapon and defended myself. I shot before the first perpetrator could get off a shot and returned fire with the second.”

  Detective Easton scratched his head, looking around at the distance between the row of coffee pots and the front door. “Lucky thing these two mooks were such bad shots. I mean, come on, both of them missing you. What are the odds?” He looked back down at the iPad and typed with two fingers.

  Maggie pressed her hand against the compass in her pocket. “Pretty high, I imagine.” She kept her voice calm and even, slipping into detective mode. “Sometimes you get lucky.”

  “Right, I suppose so.”

  Maggie walked into the precinct carrying two Styrofoam boxes of chicken and waffles, walking as fast as she could down the hall toward the large open room and her desk. She reached over and set one box down on her partner, Detective Peter Taylor’s desk that sat opposite hers and pulled her chair closer.

  “You trying to drum up your own cases these days, Parker? Austin a little too calm to suit you?” Detective Moss, an old veteran ambled over from his nearby perch on the edge of his desk.

  Maggie gave the detective a crooked smile. She knew it was his way of asking her if she was alright. “Bullet missed me, so it’s a good day and I got chicken and waffles thrown in for my trouble.”

  “That is a particularly good day.” He opened the box, turning it around at different angles.

  “You want a piece, Detective?” Maggie arched an eyebrow, sliding it closer to him. “Help yourself. Not much of an appetite today, anyway.”

  The detective took out a leg and breathed in the aroma, smiling. “That your first shoot, right? That can be tough. I’ve been around here for over thirty years and only had to shoot once. Don’t tell anybody but I missed the guy. Fortunately, he missed me too.”

  Maggie smiled, feeling her muscles across her back relax. She didn’t believe the story, Moss was known for his high scores at the s
hooting range, but she appreciated it. The old robbery detective was never going to hold her hand and she didn’t want that, anyway. Feelings were not her specialty.

  Detective Peter Taylor came bustling in, dropping his brown lunch bag on his desk, his tie yanked to one side and his thick mane of grey hair standing up in places. He wasn’t much younger than Moss. “You doing okay? I heard the basics on the scanner.” He noticed the white box on his desk and breathed in deeply, eyeing his crumpled lunch bag and gave it a quick push into his grey metal trash can with a swipe of his large hand. “No one tell the missus. Claire would not be amused,” he said, patting his belly. “She has me eating grass and avocado, damn rabbit food,” he grumbled.

  “Has she figured out you’ve been sliding Doritos in the middle?” Moss laughed and grabbed a second piece of chicken. “May I?” Maggie nodded, smiling. He took a bite without waiting for the answer.

  “No, and we’re gonna keep it that way. This is real food. From the crime scene? Good thinking, multi-tasking. I’ll take it.” He sat down at his desk and opened the box in front of him, closing his eyes and smiling. He shut it again and slid it to the side, narrowing his gaze at Maggie. “I hear that wasn’t the only point of interest in your day? Something about another break in at your house.” He held up his hands in protest, shaking his head. “Save it, I know you didn’t file a report. This is still a small town for us locals. Your first mistake, you told your mother in front of her crew. They told a few others. Took about thirty minutes to reach me. Slow day for them.”

  “Not for you,” mumbled Moss, looking up at Maggie, his mouth full of chicken. “And the day’s not even half over yet. Trouble tends to run in three’s. Just saying.”

  Maggie ignored him. “It was nothing. I got into a scuffle wrestling with a bald version of Gimli.”

  “Love Lord of the Rings. Claire and I are saving up for another trip to New Zealand. He get away with anything?”