by Max Hudson
“Lane!” I called into the mess of boxes.
I obviously wouldn’t hear a response but I did see some boxes in the living room shake as he popped out from behind them.
“Hello!” He said and I barely caught it.
“What's going on?” I asked while pushing a box blocking my entrance to the side.
“Well I’ve never actually gotten to purchase my own furniture before so I went a little overboard.” He bit his upper lip and looked at the chaos he’d caused. “And I also ordered clothes, and something else that I’ve been trying to find for ages.”
“I can help you look for it,” I offered. “And help you set all this up.”
“That would be amazing. I didn’t want to hire movers just in case they recognized me. But now I’m realizing I have no idea how to put any of this together.”
“Luckily for you, I’m pretty handy. And I know just how you can repay me.”
“Oh?”
“You can make us whatever meal makes you happiest tonight.”
“I also ordered groceries so that I can do.”
I helped him set everything up while he sorted through the rest of the boxes and put his new wardrobe in the closet. I noticed it was filled with color. I didn’t even see a black piece of clothing in there besides the leather jacket I saw him wear in many of his stage photos. I saw him, out of the corner of my eye, grin as he put a lime green jacket on a hanger like it was the most magical thing in the world. I couldn’t help but smile myself and had to turn away so he wouldn’t notice.
I was under the impression before that meatloaf was a foul-smelling brick made of meat. But when Lane made it, I could’ve had it for every meal going forward it just melted in my mouth. Every time I complimented him, he’d bashfully look away and I saw pink dust his cheeks. I liked how it looked on him.
“So, Lane,” he began as our dinner finished up. “I have some questions.”
“Shoot.”
“But first. Do you mind if I ask questions about the uh, deaf thing?”
“By deaf thing you mean my deafness.”
“Yeah,” he looked appropriately embarrassed.
“No worries Lane. There’re some things you have to understand for the both of us to live well together, and people are curious. If I’m ever uncomfortable, I’ll let you know. Thanks for asking first though.”
“Okay. Can I ask how?”
“Yeah.” My gaze trailed off behind him. “Childhood illness. Don’t want to go into details but I lost about half of my hearing pretty young. But I didn’t go completely deaf until three years ago after it finally degenerated as it had been for years.”
Lane nodded. “Sorry if that was too personal.”
“It’s fine.” It was an obvious question to ask but I’m glad he didn’t push it any further. I didn’t like to think about those half-remembered years in and out of the hospital.
“If I want to get your attention and you aren’t looking at me, how should I do it?”
I grinned. Now that was a thoughtful question. “If I know you’re there the little tap you’ve done on my shoulder is fine. If I don’t know you’re there, try to get into my line of sight so I can notice you that way. If you just grab my shoulder out of nowhere, I might pull you into a chokehold.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Have you done that before?”
“Maybe,” I teased. “But if it’s an emergency, go ahead and get my attention anyway you can. Even if I jump at first, I’ll understand.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
His cheeks turned pink again as he readied his next question. I wondered what it could be that could make him so embarrassed?
“This is going to sound dumb,” he began and had a hard time looking at me. “But can you listen to music? I’m sorry that’s a stupid question.”
“I can actually.”
He blinked up at me. “What?”
“You’re right that it’s different from ‘listening’ to it, but music is all vibrations. I can still feel vibrations.”
“Can you show me?”
“Yeah.”
We left the dinner table behind and I took him to the living room now blessedly clear of boxes. I pulled out an old speaker and connected my phone to it. Then I pushed the coffee table forward and laid down on the ground.
“It’s good that you’re here so you can tell me if my volume is too loud.”
He stood over me, looking a little lost.
“Come on.” I tapped the floor next to me expectantly and he slowly laid down too.
I scrolled through my music collection and put on a song with heavy base that I knew all the lyrics to by heart already. “Try listening to the music without your ears.”
I turned up the volume and let it play. I closed my eyes as I felt the music pulse beneath me. I let my head rock a little to the beat and let it all flow through me.
After the song was done, I sat up and looked at him. “I love that song.”
“It’s great,” Lane agreed. “I was just worried that… Never mind.”
“Don’t worry I can still enjoy music. People don’t think that we can but there are even deaf musicals. I just have to make sure I listen to music while most people are at work because I like to turn it up really loud so I can really feel that beat.”
“Have you ever gotten noise complaints?”
“Actually, yes but the landlord laughed it off because he had no idea what I could do to make so much noise. Sometimes people not understanding it works in my favor.”
“I tried doing what you told me too, to listen without my ears. It’s hard but I think I understand a little. I tried to feel it.”
“When I told Bunny about how I listen to music she told me she thinks people can hear anything that has vibrations. She likes to take people’s hands and listen to the sound of their heart.”
“Do you think it works?” Lane asked.
“Sometimes…” I let my voice trail off. “Yeah. Sometimes I think it does.”
Lane held his hands out in front of him. We were still both sitting on the floor next to each other, close enough that he could have put his hand in my hair. “Can I try it?”
After a moment of hesitation, I took his hands. “Bunny always tells me to try listening without your ears and just try to hear the heart. The first part is easy, the second part, not so much.”
Lane nodded eagerly and closed his eyes in concentration.
“Do you hear anything,” I asked after a moment.
“I’m not sure,” Lane said slowly.
“It takes some practice I think,” I explained. “If it is even real at all.”
“We’ll have to practice another time then.” Our hands broke apart and he stood up and headed back to the kitchen to clean up the mess from that night’s dinner.
He left behind a kind of ringing in my head, like I had just missed something through our connection, broken a second right before a revelation.
Chapter Eleven
Lane
I adjusted my hair underneath my baseball cap again for the fifth time that morning. How did Nate wrangle my hair so easily? I would have asked him to fix it for me, but I left while he was out and hoped to be back before he returned from his workout. He didn’t leave the apartment very much so I had to make sure I used the time I had to be sneaky. It was a little dangerous to be out on my own, but Nate taught me well. I walked to the address I looked up earlier as confidently as possible. I was supposed to be here and it was no one’s business but my own. I believed in that and no one stopped me.
The community center was part of a local university that offered different classes to anyone who wanted to learn. I did some college online before I was swept away into stardom so I felt more than a little nervous stepping into the classroom I was looking for.
“Hello?” I knocked and called into the room.
“Come in!” A woman standing at the front of the classroom yelled back at me without turning around as she wiped of
f the chalkboard.
I walked in until I was standing in front of her desk. God, I felt like I was in grade school again.
She turned around to face me and gave me an appraising look. She was an older woman who carried her age with grace. Her auburn hair was greying in places and her eyes were a brilliant green. “If you’re looking to join the class you just missed today’s session.”
“I’m actually here to ask if you provide private tutoring?” I shifted from side to side. My hands were definitely shaking too much so I shoved them into my jean pockets.
“I do provide private lessons…” she trailed off and I watched her eyes sweep over me. “I know you.”
Unconsciously, I backed away. “You do?”
“You’re Lane Daughtry.”
I glanced back at the empty classroom, worried someone was listening in and ready to expose me. “Please don’t say that name so loud.”
Her kind expression suddenly turned as she looked at me sharply, like I’d just danced on her flower garden. “My niece likes your music.”
“I’m glad she’s a fan?”
“I tolerate it.” Her glare didn’t let up. “I think you’re a bad influence with the way you treat people.”
“I swear I’m not really like that!” I put my hands up like I was shielding myself from her. “It’s just an act to get people interested in my music.”
“If you have good music in the first-place young man you shouldn’t have to act like a pig to sell it.”
She might as well have shot me through the heart. “People like it,” I said weakly.
“That is all beside the point. What are you doing here?”
“I was serious about asking for private lessons. I heard you are the best teacher in town and I can’t go to the classes without worrying about someone finding out who I am.”
She looked me up and down again. “Why do you want to learn sign language?”
“My friend.” I thought of Nate helping me build the shelf now standing proud in the little room I called my own. “He’s deaf. He can read lips really well, but he can’t always and it feels unfair that there are times where he just can’t talk to me. It feels like I shut him out and he doesn’t deserve that.”
She hummed a single note and flipped absently through a lesson planner on her desk.
“Even if you think I’m a pig at least help me for his sake.”
She looked at me with her green eyes that reminded me of a cat’s. “Well. I would never turn down someone willing to learn.”
“Thank you, you don’t know how much this means to me—”
“Up, bup, bup.” She wagged her finger, getting me to stop in my tracks. “I will teach you for the normal hourly rate, and I want a signed poster for my niece.”
Lane Daughtry, popstar, didn’t sign autographs for his fans. He brushed them all off and went his own way. He didn’t care about his fame.
“I’ll get her one.” Just Lane was glad her niece liked my songs. “But I thought I was a bad influence?”
She frowned. “I can’t help what she likes. But I know that will make her happy and I’ll be happy with that.”
“Thank you so much, uh?”
“It’s Ms. Maze thank you very much. That’s what you will refer to me as.”
“Of course ma’am,” I said automatically.
“Now let’s plan a time for your lesson and I’ll get you one of her posters to sign.”
I nodded eagerly. I wanted to make sure I never had to leave Nate out of conversations. I could make things easier for him because lip reading was a lot of work. And a little selfishly, I hoped it would make him smile.
***
“I’m back,” Nate announced to the apartment.
I looked up from the book I was half-reading on his couch. I had made it home fifteen minutes ago and wanted to look like I’d been there for a while.
He walked over to me and sat down next to me. He smelled like pine mixed with salt water. Everything about him made me want to get closer and drown in him. I held myself back and set my book down on my lap.
“Have anything you want to do today?” He asked.
Since I moved in two weeks ago, he had asked me that question nearly every day. He said he didn’t have much else going on and didn’t mind being my personal tour guide plus sort of bodyguard if I wanted to explore the city. Whenever I tried to ask what he wanted to do he always made it about me. The attention was nice but I didn’t want to focus on me all the time, I wanted to do something with him that he loved.
“I want to do what you want to do,” I tried to say as stubbornly as possible.
“I told you Lane,” Nate started the same as all the other times. “I don’t really do much. I’m happy going along with whatever you want to do.”
I had lived a lot of my life so far doing what other people wanted to do. I knew it wasn’t healthy, it just made me feel lonely. “I’m serious. There has to be something you want to do.”
He frowned. “Bunny gave me a list of different hobbies to try but so far I’ve hated all of them.”
“Let me see that list.”
He shrugged and pulled out his phone to the notes app. He handed it to me and I scrolled through what seemed like thousands of hobbies. “She sent you all of this?”
“I have a lot of free time,” he shrugged. Even then there was no way he could get to everything.
I found several crossed off, cooking included, but most of the items on the list were untouched just because of the sheer quantity of stuff he could do.
“I was thinking about trying woodworking next?” That was the very next item on the list not crossed off. He was just going in order not thinking about what he might like.
I scrolled through and an idea came to me. Maybe I was overstepping. Maybe I would turn out to be wrong. “What if you tried this one?” I was a thousand numbers away from woodworking.
He squinted at the phone. “Volunteer at an animal shelter? Why that? I’ve never had a pet. The lease won’t allow it.”
“I just think,” my hands shook a little as I spoke. “That you are a very caring person. Selfless. And this would let you do it for fun.”
He blinked owlishly at me. Had I gone too far?
“I never thought about it like that.”
“You never thought to try something out that you might like?”
He shoved me a little with his shoulder. “I was trying to go outside of my comfort zone.”
“You can do that without becoming a different person,” I responded.
He looked at me funny. “Yeah. But I can’t volunteer all the time. I need to find something else too.”
I blushed. “I sort of had my own idea.”
“You did?”
I stood up and headed back to my room. The thing I had ordered and couldn’t find. Thank God I opened the box with it inside and not Nate.
I headed back to the living room with the small thing in my hands.
“Here,” I held it out to him.
He took the pot gently from my hands. “A plant.”
“It's a succulent,” I explained. “I looked up housewarming gifts and I noticed you didn’t have any plants so I ordered one.”
He twirled the pot around in his hands, examining the green leaves that gradually faded into a light pink. He looked back at me, something unreadable in his expression.
“Maybe you can try getting into plants? I know it’s not as intense as being a bouncer or a bodyguard but It’s also taking care of something that needs help.”
“Thank you, Lane,” he said so softly. “I love this.”
I felt a warmness spread from my heart to all over my body and the shaking in my hands stopped for a moment. I wanted Lane to look at me like that forever, with just absolute love and excitement in his eyes.
Chapter Twelve
Nate
“I’m starting to think I created a monster,” Lane texted me in response to the picture I just sent him of the kitchen w
indow.
He was out doing “popstar things” he said when I asked. I offered to accompany him but he said it would be best if he went to work alone to keep our association down so people wouldn’t stalk our apartment. I agreed but I couldn’t wait to show him what I’d done.
I used my okay skills at being handy to build a few hanging shelves in front of the kitchen window to hold all the plants I had been gathering the past few weeks. The top shelf was full of glass jars I’d cleaned out from my fridge that I filled with water and placed plant cuttings in so they could grow new healthy roots. When Lane gave me my first plant that now lived on my bedside table, I thought it was rather sweet of him and I casually began looking into how to care for it. That’s when I learned about propagation and how I could continue to grow new plants from cuttings. Of course, I needed to buy more potting soil for the cuttings and a little watering can. Then at the store I saw some plants with broad, dark green leaves, and I left with one of them. I started going to the plant nursery more often and was leaving with plants more often than not.
Lane had hit the nail on the head. I liked feeling useful. I always had. It drove me to leave home. It drove my whole life. I could be useful to the plants. I watered them and cut them down and they grew. I could grow so much new life it was starting to overtake my apartment. I bought wilted plants dying in the back of the plant nursery and took them home and watched them slowly return to life.
Lane would sometimes go with me to the plant nursery and tease me about the plants I was sneaking into the cart behind his back. But he never actually complained when I, embarrassingly, would ask him if he’d put another potted plant in his windowsill.
When I wasn’t working out or taking care of the garden, I’d turned my apartment into, I did volunteer at the animal shelter. They were happy to have more hands around to take care of everything, especially since I could do a lot of heavy lifting for them. I fell in love with every one-eared cat and old blind dog. To every guest looking to adopt I talked on and on about how amazing they all were. I had gotten some animals that had lived in the shelter for years adopted.