BLACKOUT

by Olivia Evans

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “Right.” Gavin faked left, causing me to dart to the right. But at the last minute, he turned and within seconds, he’d wrapped his arms around my waist and spun me in a circle, my feet flying through the air.

  “Oh my God,” I laughed, the room tipping. “You’re going to drop me!”

  Gavin chuckled and set me on my feet, but he didn’t release me. Instead, he turned me to face him and pressed my back against the island. “You don’t really think I would have dropped you, do you?”

  I slid my hands to his biceps and squeezed. His muscles tightened under my grip, and it caused my skin to tingle. “No,” I whispered, the word sounding more like a question than a statement. He leaned closer, stopping only a breath from me.

  “I really want to kiss you again. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

  My heart hammered in my chest. “I really want you to kiss me again, too.”

  Gavin exhaled and snaked his arms around me, pulling me impossibly closer as his lips molded to mine. When his tongue swept across my bottom lip, my body coiled with desire. This kiss was different from the last; it was less cautious and caused a rush of lust to pulse under my skin. He slipped his hands down my hips to the backs of my thighs, and in one swift motion, he lifted me onto the island and stepped between my legs. I gasped, breaking our kiss. Gavin froze, his eyes screwed shut as he dropped his forehead against mine, his breathing labored.

  “Sorry,” he exhaled. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  It was then that I felt the slight tremble of his hands. I gave him a shaky smile and moved my hands from his biceps to his jaw, tilting his face until our eyes met. “Don’t be sorry. I’m not mad, just surprised.”

  Gavin let out a sharp laugh. “You and me both.” He took a step back and helped me down, his face flushed. “How about you assemble the kabobs, and I’ll start the grill. I could use the fresh air,” he mumbled, causing my lips to curve into a small smile. I knew exactly how he felt. By the time dinner was ready and we settled on the couch, we’d managed to regain our composure.

  “I have a surprise for you,” Gavin said, pressing a few buttons on the remote. The television came to life, and after a moment, I let out an excited laugh at the image on the screen.

  “Stand by Me!”

  “I did good?”

  “You did good.”

  The movie played while we ate, and every time I would sing along with the music, I’d hear Gavin’s soft laugh. “Hang on a second,” he said, pausing the TV and standing. “I’ll be right back.” I tried to protest when he cleared the plates, but he shook his head and said something about being a gentleman. While he was gone, I grabbed one of the blankets off the arm of the couch and pressed it to my face. My eyes fell shut from the smell of fresh laundry mixed with Gavin’s cologne.

  “It didn’t feel right not having dessert,” Gavin said, causing me to jerk and drop the blanket to my lap. He cocked his head to the side. “Are you cold? I can turn off the air.”

  Oh my God. I let out an embarrassed laugh and shifted away from the blanket like it would make the awkwardness go away. “No, I’m okay. What do you have there?” The subject needed to be changed immediately. I peeked at the plate and frowned. “You went to Lucky’s without me?”

  “Don’t be mad,” Gavin teased. “I had to stop by the group building to let in a plumber. Pearl saw me, and well, you know how she is. She asked if I was going to see you before the next meeting, and I told her you were coming over for dinner. She insisted I bring a slice of cake for dessert.”

  “Pearl’s the best,” I sighed, shoving a forkful of cake into my mouth. So are you, I thought, looking at Gavin. A wave of anxiety began to build, and I put down my fork, my eyes dropping to my lap. “I have something to tell you.”

  A nervous smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “This feels a lot like one of those ‘We need to talk’ conversations. Those never end well.”

  “It’s nothing like that. I mean, I don’t know if it will be. I guess that depends on you.”

  Gavin set the plate down and turned to face me. “Okay.”

  “Remember last week when I went to the baseball game with my roommate Ethan?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well,” I blew out a heavy breath. “Something happened.”

  “Other than the Braves getting their asses kicked?” He joked, but there was a tightness around his eyes that told me he wasn’t as okay as he was pretending.

  “He kissed me,” I blurted out. God, that was not how I planned on telling him. “It wasn’t a big deal. We’d been drinking and I’d had too much and he was helping me stay upright and, I don’t know, he just kissed me.” Even to my own ears, my reasoning sounded like a load of shit. It was a big deal, and after everything that happened over the last several months, I shouldn’t have drunk so much and he shouldn’t have taken advantage of the situation. Unwittingly, I was transported back to the night of the party. I’m been drunk that night too. Was it me? Did I act some way that made guys think I would be receptive to their advances? I was so caught up in my head, I almost didn’t hear Gavin’s question. Honestly, I wished I hadn’t.

  “Did you kiss him back?”

  I licked my lips. “No. I didn’t.”

  He was quiet for a second, like he was trying really hard to keep his composure. “Did you want him to kiss you?”

  My heart sank. I reached out and touched his hand, waiting until he met my gaze. “No. I didn’t.” I hoped he understood everything I wasn’t saying. He was the only person I wanted to kiss me.

  Gavin’s jaw ticked and his cheeks flushed. “Then it was, it is, a big deal.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but the look on his face stopped me cold. There was something akin to pain reflected in his eyes, and I realized lying was pointless. I dropped my eyes to my lap. “Yeah. It was.”

  “It is,” he corrected, a slight edge to his voice. “Lonna, I don’t know your story, but we would have never met were it not for group. A support group for sexual assault. And your roommate, who knows what happened to you, took advantage of you? That’s fucked up.” He shook his head, and that same look of pain flashed in his eyes. “Not that I’m not any better. Twice I’ve acted inappropriate with you. Still, I’m angry. For a number of reasons.”

  The burst of panic that shot through me fizzled and faded as I processed the rest of this words. He felt like he’d wronged me in some way. I scooted closer and put my hands on his. I had no idea where my surge of bravery had come from, but I wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip away. “It’s not the same. I...I like you. Way more than I realized I was capable of, all things considered. I like when you kiss me,” I whispered, too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

  Gavin let out a heavy breath. When he spoke, his voice was softer. “I feel guilty for the way I feel when I’m with you. Like it’s not normal for me to be happy. I have a lot of shit I need to work through, but Lonna, I feel the same way. About everything. I don’t want anyone else to kiss you. I want you all to myself.” He lifted his hand and traced the curve of my jaw. His confession was far from what I expected, as was the comfort I felt from hearing it.

  “I understand if you’re not ready for something like that, but I can’t let you go on without hearing how I feel. I can’t let your roommate try to steal you away before I’ve had a chance to tell you I want you to be mine.”

  My eyes stung with unshed tears. “I don’t know if I can give you want you want, but I want to try.”

  “We’re quite the pair, huh?”

  “Beatrix and Bill have nothing on our issues.” I let out a laugh, remembering the reason we’d decided to have dinner in the first place. “I have something for you. A congratulations on your new job present or whatever.” I dug in my purse and pulled out a gift wrapped in a plastic grocery bag. “Don’t judge my wrapping. It’s the thought that counts.”

  Gavin pulled it from my hands and grinned. “You didn’t h
ave to get me anything.”

  I waved him off. “Just hush and open it.”

  He unrolled the bag, his face breaking into a smile. “Lemon cake.” He pulled the top off the candle and inhaled, his eyes closing when he released his breath. “Holy shit, that smells fantastic. Is this Pearl’s cake?”

  “No,” I laughed. “I happen to know someone who knows someone who sells designer candles. I thought you might enjoy the lemon one since that’s the first cake we shared together. Also, if the power goes out, you’ll have light, and it’ll be like I’m here with you in the dark. Although you might imagine Pearl here with you, which would be weird, but okay too, I guess.” Oh my God, what the fuck was I saying? My face heated. How in the world had I managed to make a complete idiot out of myself over a freaking candle?

  “I like thinking about you being here with me in the dark,” Gavin said, his face close to mine. I blinked, and for a second, I was pretty sure I forgot how to breathe. He pushed his fingers into my hair and pulled me close, placing a soft kiss against my cheek. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I smiled and let out a shaky breath. “Are you ready to watch the rest of the movie?”

  “Just a sec,” Gavin said, setting the candle on the table. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

  “Okay…”

  He reached up and brushed his thumb across my lips. The look on his face, the way his jaw flexed and his eyes darkened like a storm rolling over clear blue skies, made my heart thud in my chest. “I’m the only one allowed to kiss these lips, correct?”

  “Yeah,” I exhaled, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “So, if your roommate or anyone else kisses you without your explicit consent, they’re going to have to answer to me. Okay?”

  My throat felt thick. I wasn’t sure how to feel about his statement. On the one hand, I wanted to argue I could take care of myself. On the other, I found it extremely comforting he wanted to defend my honor, unnecessary as it was. “Okay.”

  Gavin leaned forward, stopping just before our lips touched. “May I?”

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I closed the distance between us and pressed my mouth against his. He let out a low moan and swept his tongue along my bottom lip, opening me to him. He tasted sweet like cake, and he smelled warm like cloves. It was intoxicating. Once we were both breathless, he pulled away and dropped his forehead to mine.

  “You make everything so much better,” he whispered.

  “So do you.”

  “You look like you’re going to puke.”

  I turned to Krista and pressed my palm against my forehead. “I’m totally going to be sick.”

  Krista fell onto my bed and patted the space beside her. “Come sit. Talk to me.”

  I groaned but did as she asked. I really did feel like I was going to lose my lunch. “I’m nervous.”

  “I know.”

  “This has the potential to be a disaster.”

  “I know.”

  I frowned. “Then why did you insist we do this?”

  “Because it needs to happen sooner rather than later. You and Gavin are together. Ethan kissed you without your consent. They have yet to meet, but it’s inevitable. Why not do it at a baseball game with tons of security? Also, Ethan will have a date, so everyone should be on their best behavior.”

  I wanted to argue with her logic, but I really couldn’t. Every time I’d started to invite Gavin over, I’d hesitate because of what happened with Ethan. Gavin was pretty mellow, but guys were guys, and there was bound to be a pissing contest at some point. Which was the reason I’d avoided it for so long. But I was tired of not living my life the way I wanted because of other people. Those two would just have to work their shit out, and with any luck, no one would end up in jail. However, that didn’t mean I had to be excited about it.

  “What do you know about this girl anyway? Is she even Ethan’s type?”

  Krista shifted and averted her eyes. Now, she seemed nervous. “What is it?”

  She cleared her throat. “I don’t know a lot about her. She’s a friend of Brett’s. They all go to the same gym, and Ethan asked about her a few times, so Brett set them up.”

  I looked at my watch and sighed. “There’s something you’re not telling me, but we don’t have time for me to drag it out of you. We need to head out. Gavin is going to meet us there. What about Brett, Ethan, and what’s her name?”

  Krista smiled and stood. “Her name is Ashley. She’s really nice. I think you’ll like her. And they’re meeting us there, too. Ethan is going to text me when they’re walking up to the stadium.”

  “Well, I guess we should get this disaster on the road.”

  “Don’t be so negative. This will be good for everyone. Set some boundaries. Make it clear who is with whom.”

  “It shouldn’t even be a question,” I muttered, pulling on my Braves cap.

  When we arrived at the stadium, we found Gavin waiting at our designated meeting place. He was leaning against a pole, his hat pulled low on his head. His khaki shorts hung loose around his waist, and his Braves shirt fit snug on his lean torso. God, he got more attractive every time I saw him. That, or I was slowly allowing myself to appreciate him more without feeling like a horrible person for objectifying him. I shook my head and pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. I had enough to deal with today; getting mixed up in my head wasn’t going to help with my already DEFCON-level stress. I did a quick scan to see if I spotted the others, but they were nowhere to be found.

  “What time is everyone else getting here?” I asked, waving at Gavin.

  “Brett just texted. They’re walking up now.”

  “Hey,” Gavin said, pulling me against him and dropping a kiss to my cheek. My insides did that drop and roll thing that made me dizzy and warm.

  “Hi.”

  “Hello to you too, Gavin,” Krista said with a smile.

  Gavin gave Krista an apologetic shrug and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

  “Of course you didn’t. I just wanted to give you a hard time.”

  “Of course you did,” I deadpanned. I looked over her shoulder, and my nerves kicked in when I spotted Ethan walking toward us. However, those nerves came to a screeching halt when I saw a girl who I assumed was Ashley standing next to him. Her build was similar to mine. Her long dark hair fell in soft waves below her shoulders, complementing her olive-toned skin. From a distance, we looked exactly the same.

  “Please tell me this is a joke,” I whispered, my eyes locked on Krista.

  Krista looked over her shoulder before turning back to me, her lip trapped between her teeth. “I know this is a little weird, but he needed a date, and she was interested. She can’t help how she looks.”

  “You mean the fact that she looks like she could be my sister? Krista, this isn’t a little weird, it’s weird as fuck.” Gavin’s grip tightened around my hip, and I could imagine the things going through his mind.

  “Don’t make a big deal out of it,” Krista muttered. “Up close, you two look nothing alike. I swear.”

  Gavin leaned down and pressed his lips to my cheek, pulling my back closer to his chest. “We can always bail and go back to my place.”

  I turned in his arms and frowned. “Are you uncomfortable? We can leave if you are.”

  “Not nearly as uncomfortable as I would be if your roommate looked half as much like me as his date looks like you.”

  I groaned and dropped my head to his chest. “This is so messed up.”

  “Which part? My struggling not to imagine punching your roommate, or the fact that he chose to ask out a girl with an uncanny resemblance to you?”

  “All of it,” I mumbled, a sick feeling twisting in my stomach. Why would Ethan do that? He had to know it would be really awkward. Was that the point? Had he done it on purpose?

  “Trust me on this,” Krista said, her words coated in remorse. I shook my head. She should have wa
rned me.

  “Hey, guys!” Brett said, throwing his arm around Krista and planting a loud kiss on her lips. Krista giggled and squirmed out of his grasp.

  “Let me introduce everyone,” she said, turning to Gavin and me.

  “Brett, this is my lovely roommate and best friend, Lonna, and her equally lovely boyfriend, Gavin. Guys, this is Brett.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I said with a smile as Gavin extended a hand to shake Brett’s.

  “How’s it going?” Gavin asked. His voice sounded normal enough, but I could feel the tension in his body.

  “Good,” Brett answered. “Nice to meet you both. I’ve heard a lot about you guys.”

  “And this is Ashley and, of course, Ethan,” Krista said. I felt like I was going to come out of my skin. This had to be the most god-awful awkward moment of my life. And then Ashley spoke.

  “Like, hey guys! It’s so dope to meet you!” Ashley’s voice was this weird combination of Valley girl and nails on a chalkboard. I didn’t know if I wanted to roll my eyes or cringe.

  “Ethan, Gavin. Gavin, Ethan,” Krista said, her tone overly cheerful. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to lighten the mood or keep from laughing at my expression from the sound of Ashley’s voice.

  “What’s up?” Gavin said, the semblance of normalcy his voice held with Brett nowhere to be found. I really was going to be sick.

  “Not much. Good to finally meet you. Lonna’s kept you hidden like a dirty little secret for the past couple months. It’s about time she brought you around.” Ethan’s smile was easy, his tone joking, but his words were clearly not meant to be as friendly as he wanted them to seem. What in the hell was wrong with him?

  Gavin chuckled, and the sound sent goose bumps racing across my skin. “That’s probably my fault more than hers. I like having her to myself.”

  Jesus Christ. I needed the “my dick is bigger than your dick” pissing contest to end now. “Why don’t we head in? We can grab a beer before the game starts.” I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth. Drinking beer at a Braves game was the reason things were so messed up to being with. But there was no way I would make it through the day without something to take the edge off.