Realization dawns on me. He’s willing to give me up if he thinks I’m not ready.
“What if you don’t like who I am?”
He chuckles. “I like who you are, Ace. You called me a dumbass in front of the whole god damned town. If that’s not cause for not liking you, I don’t know what is.”
I lick my lips nervously.
“Where do we live? My house is better suited for a family…”
He shrugs.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
Yeah. Right.
When we get home, Derek carries Zoey inside and puts her to bed. I pad to his room, peeling off my dress and undergarments and turn on the shower. The heat against my skin is magic. I wish I didn’t feel so heavy.
The shower curtain moves, and I feel Derek behind me. His strong, calloused hands wrap around my waist, his hands lay flat against the underside of my belly, gently lifting it up. Suddenly, it’s like all the weight is taken off my shoulders. My tailbone doesn’t ache, my skin doesn’t stretch, and when I lay my head back on his chest, he kisses my forehead.
“Whatever happens, Ace, we’re going to be okay.”
39
DEREK
Two weeks later
When Aria sleeps, the whole world falls silent. It’s a weird phenomenon. It’s almost like the world is the way it is because she’s awake and hyperaware of everything around her. As she sleeps, the brick wall she insists on keeping intact, opens like in that Harry Potter movie. She looks peaceful. She looks…happy.
She even lets me hold her close to me. To hold her when she isn’t so stiff, so reserved, is a gift. Part of me wishes she were awake so she could see herself like this. My lips find her shoulder blade, placing a gentle kiss to telepathically tell her subconscious I’m still here.
She stirs, gently moving, and then the thrashing begins. She kicks at the covers and scratches the mattress as if to crawl away to safety. The nightmares are the hardest. She doesn’t like talking about it, but this one seems too vivid.
“Aria,” I say her name, gently shaking her. “It’s just a dream, baby. Wake up.”
Her elbow strikes me in the sternum directly, taking my breath away, and sending me crashing to the floor. I wheeze as I try to catch my breath. She thrashes around on the mattress, her screams piercing through the night.
“No, Charlie—please!”
When I catch my breath, I get back in bed and grip her arms. Tears spill from her eyes and when her eyes finally fly open, she looks around the room until her eyes settle on me.
“Shit,” she murmurs.
I kiss her forehead and get back behind her.
“Are you all right?”
She pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.
“It was just a dream,” she convinces herself.
We lie in bed, but it’s obvious she’s too worked up to fall back asleep.
“Come on. Let’s take a walk.”
She doesn’t argue. And when I flip on the light and watch her rock herself out of bed and the sheet slips from her body, I can’t help but stare. She’s gorgeous. And she catches me staring at her. She bashfully turns her head away from me, instead, showing me her scarred back, and the full ass that fills her jeans out so nicely.
“Stop staring at me,” she pleads.
“But you’re so beautiful.”
Her shoulders tense. I wish she could see herself the way everyone else around here sees her. She slips on the shirt I was wearing earlier, and her sleep shorts while I grab my sweatpants and a different shirt. I like when she wears my clothes. They look so much better on her.
I lead her outside to the fire pit that is a few steps away from the back of our houses. She makes herself comfortable on one of the benches, drawing her legs underneath her while I build the fire with only my phone’s flashlight as my light source.
When everything is set, I sit next to her and pull her to my chest.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She shrugs lazily and sighs.
“I wonder if I should be calling them dreams. They’re more like flashbacks.” I bury my nose in her hair, huffing her coconut scent, getting high on Aria McKenzie. “Nate says they went to the exact coordinates where he shoved me into the grave, and there wasn’t anything there.”
“Did Charlie ever take you back there?”
She sadly shakes her head.
“No. I learned my lesson that night. But I’ve been thinking they moved the bodies after he put me there.”
Maybe he thought at some point Aria would rat him out. He doesn’t sound like one to take chances.
Except to escape the FBI…
“Do you suffer from PTSD?” she asks cautiously.
“We all do,” I reply. My eyes instinctually dart to Aria’s house, where all of my brothers are staying. A few lights flick on and I know they’re going to be coming this way to make sure everything’s all right.
“Does is get better?”
“I don’t think anything that includes trauma gets easier, or better. Some days are better than others. On those particularly bad days, when you remember everything, I tend to lock myself away.”
“Did you see a therapist when you got out?”
“Not right away. But when the divorce started ramping up, I felt like I couldn’t function. So, then yeah. I started seeing a therapist at the VA.”
“How often do you get those bad days?”
“Not as much as I used to.” The boys start down the hill, starting with Nate, ending with Logan. “But they still come. And I have a support system I’m not afraid to call on anymore.”
The corners of her mouth twitch as they approach the benches. Tanner grabs the bench next to Aria and stretches out. Joey and Logan share a bench, and Nate moves Tanner’s legs so he can sit.
“Everything okay?” Nate asks.
“I’m sorry for waking you. I had a nightmare,” she replies shakily.
“This is a cool view,” Logan says quietly, scanning the horizon where the barns stand proudly.
“We like it,” I reply.
“I’d like to request a new room. Joey is a nightmare,” Tanner whines.
It brings a giggle out of Aria, which only fuels Tanner’s stupidity.
“I’m the nightmare? Dude, your shit is everywhere. The only thing I have is a hamper and you have the rest of the room. Not to mention you’re an insomniac so your computer is on all fucking day!”
“I have a job, Archer. Unless one of you fucks want me to teach you what I know…”
Nobody says a word.
He rolls his eyes and stares into the fire.
“It could be worse. You could room with Nate and have Eve call you every five seconds,” Logan quips.
Our eyes meet, and Nate swears under his breath.
“Dude,” Tanner grumbles.
“You guys have no idea what it’s like.” He looks to me, and then to Aria. “You get it, right Bubba?”
Glancing down at the raven-haired beauty who is so fitting in the crook of my arm, absolutely. If I had a job that was forcing me to track down a maniac that could potentially put her in danger, I’d consider lying to her to make sure she’s safe.
Her hazel eyes find mine, questioning me silently.
“I understand where you’re coming from. But—” Nate growls angrily when I contradict him, “—I would think about telling her. She knows what your job entails, Olson. She knew what she was getting herself into. Be honest with her.”
He doesn’t like that.
“You want to know how I know you guys have never loved anyone before? Because Evangeline is the most important person in my life.” He glares at all of us. “And if she were to get killed because of my line of work, I’d end my life.”
That realization sits heavily on all of us. We knew it was bad, but not this bad.
“Would you have told Heidi?”
Logan shrugs. “I don’t know. What we did overseas wasn’t goin
g to follow me home, Nate. My whole plan was to have my furniture shop and have a shit ton of kids.”
Tanner snorts.
But Nate gapes at a loss.
“But…let’s say you ended up doing what I did. You became an agent. You had this dangerous asshole out there who could do one quick Google search on you and find your wife.”
Logan ponders for a moment. “No. I don’t think I would’ve told her. Because living a life constantly worried about me isn’t a good life. I’d want her to be happy.”
We all smile nostalgically. We miss Heidi. But there isn’t a chance in hell she’d let him go that easily.
“What was she like?” Aria asks, reminding all of us she’s still here and not a part of the hell we’d gone through before we landed in Sage Creek.
“Artsy,” Tanner replies dreamily. “She liked to paint. And she was unbelievably kind.”
“She was innocent,” Joey replies quietly.
That’s the sad truth, isn’t it? She was innocent.
“She saw the best in everyone. Even when they didn’t deserve it,” Logan replies. A melancholy smile spreads across his lips. “She changed me for the better.”
She changed all of us for the better.
“She held Em’s hand when she was giving birth to Zoey,” Joey chuckles.
We all snort.
“Yeah, Emily wasn’t the nicest to any of us. Especially Heidi,” Tanner laughs. “But she barged into the delivery room and held her hand when Bubba was about to faint.”
“I wasn’t going to faint,” I counter.
I know that’s a lie. I hadn’t eaten a damn thing that entire day, and I was anxious about meeting my daughter.
“She was the kind of person who could get even the most miserable man to smile,” says Joey. He briefly glances at me, and I nod. I know he’s had his rough spots too.
We reach a comfortable silence, my mind flitting from Heidi to Aria. I miss Heidi. I wish she could be here to meet Aria, because I’d want to know what she thought. But I think I already know. She’d love her. She’d call her a diamond in the rough and love her until Aria reluctantly returned the love.
“What’s your story, Joey? You’re the quietest here. I only know you from your not-so-subtle glares across the barn.”
The whole group bursts into chuckles, even serious Nate. Joey frowns and rolls his eyes.
“I’m the oldest one.”
Yes. I’m sure she could tell.
She silently presses him for more.
“Why’d you join the Marine Corps?” She asks, finally, sick of his silence.
“It seemed like the right thing to do,” he replies with a shrug. “I went to my brother’s graduation when I was in high school, and I fell in love with it. I knew it’s what I wanted to do.”
Tanner guffaws.
“You wanted to do it because you got to boss everyone around.” Tanner looks to Aria and grins. “We went to boot camp together. Even out of the older dudes who were there, Joey was the most serious. Gave the Drill Instructors a run for their money.”
Joey rolls his eyes.
“My brother and I raised our sister. So I knew I needed to get a job that would guarantee me money. My brother was an officer, so he became her legal guardian, and between the two of us, we raised her all the way out of high school.”
Another woman who likes to boss us around.
“I’m insulted you didn’t ask me first,” Tanner sneers.
Aria giggles underneath me.
“Let’s hear it. Who is the great Tanner Novak?”
“Tanner Novak is a God among men.” Every single one of us, including Joey, hoots uncontrollably. He looks on with disdain, giving us all the finger.
“Stop it,” I say to him between laughs, “She wants the truth.”
He rolls his eyes. “I got arrested as a teenager for hacking into the police database. They told me I could either join the Corps, or I could go to jail.”
“How patriotic,” Aria responds. Tanner’s cheeks flush and rolls his eyes.
“What about you, McKenzie? Why’d you leave this place?” Joey asks.
I stiffen, because I know the answer. I’m not sure if she’s ready to share this with people she doesn’t know. But she surprises me by sitting up and smiling.
“My brother and sister went to college an hour away from here. I think it was inevitable that one of them was being groomed to take over all of this. I didn’t want that for myself. I wanted to explore the rest of the country. I wanted to feel what it was like to live in a big city.”
She glances up at me and shrugs.
“It was the wrong decision. I probably could’ve saved myself a lot of pain if I’d stayed put.”
“I don’t know about that,” Logan says, a million miles away from here. “I’ve lived a lot of life in my short time on this planet. Life is short and unpredictable. Sometimes everything happens for a reason…” his voice trails off when I’m certain he’s thinking of Heidi. “You’re where you’re supposed to be. And besides, if you would’ve stayed put, you two probably wouldn’t have gotten together.”
She sighs against me and I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.
“I don’t know about that. He still would’ve given the goods to the whole town. I probably would’ve ignored him.”
Everyone snorts.
“I guarantee if I saw you first, I would’ve gone after you.”
A smile spreads across her lips and she tries to hide it. She likes me. I know she does. She can hide her smile all she wants.
“What happens after all this?” Tanner asks. But he isn’t asking Aria. He’s directly asking Nate.
“I don’t know. I’ll probably return to DC and keep doing what I was doing.”
Tanner shifts uncomfortably.
“So you’re not going to try to get back with her?”
“I told her I cheated on her.” The whole circle falls silent. “She won’t come back to me and I’m not going to seek her out.”
“Maybe you’ll be in a better place to clear the air,” I tell him. It goes in one ear and out the other. His mind is already set, and I can tell he’s going to brood about it for the rest of eternity.
“And you?” Tanner asks Aria.
She stays silent for a minute, carefully pondering her words.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to learn juggling working, farm work, and being a mom. It’s going to hit me all at once.”
It will. She’ll be exhausted and emotional. But as long as she still wants to hang out with Zoey and me, I’ll be happy.
“I was thinking about something,” she says, looking at Nate.
“The Dodges have a property in Montana. It’s bigger than our property, by like three hundred acres. But if they moved the bodies…they might take them there.”
“Why Montana?”
“Do you honestly think that they think the FBI is going to waste days combing that entire property?”
Nate’s gears are turning.
“What else is on the property?”
“A three bedroom house, one barn. I don’t think there is much livestock there anymore. They pulled out of the farming game ages ago and are trying to sell the property piece by piece. It’s the one thing that sticks out in my mind.”
“I’ll look into it,” he promises. He excuses himself, probably to get on the phone and talk to his people about getting warrants signed.
“Ace?”
“Hmm?”
“You feeling tired?”
“Not yet,” she murmurs. She grins up at me and then to Tanner who watches us with the smallest bit of admiration.
“What’s your real job?” she asks him.
“I run a cyber security firm.” Yeah, and our little group is his best client.
“Which is in…?”
“Brooklyn,” he replies proudly.
“And you?” She refers to Joey.
“I go where I’m needed.” Aria rolls her eye
s, just like we all do.
“And when you’re not needed?”
“Clinical psychologist,” he replies darkly. We all snicker. How ironic. The quietest guy, the one that feels like you’re pulling teeth to get a simple answer out of him is the one that listens to other people’s trauma.
“How’s the shelter going?” Logan asks.
“Pretty good. Tanner’s helping with the vetting process for the volunteers so that will be a step in the right direction. As soon as we get everyone trained, we’ll open the doors.” She smiles proudly, and I am insanely proud of her.
“Is that what you want to do with your life?” Logan asks again.
Hesitating, she nods. “I think so.” She takes a deep breath. “Lord knows this wasn’t what I had in mind for myself when I was a kid, but I think this is the best course of action. My way of getting out is a little unconventional. Not everyone has the luxury of having the FBI involved. But if I can help someone start a new chapter, I want to do that.”
For the first time since she’s met Logan, he smiles. A genuine one.
“Yeah. I like that,” he murmurs.
I glance at my watch, and when I see it’s two o’clock in the morning, I coax her back into bed. Joey puts out the fire and we all trudge home. Aria’s clothes are peeled off her body and when she’s flush against me to the point I feel her want for me seeping onto my leg, I smile.
“Go to sleep, baby. You have to be up in two hours.”
She pouts and reluctantly nods.
“Your brothers are cool,” she says softly.
I won’t be telling them she said that. But I agree. They are cool. And they’ll make sure she’s safe.
40
ARIA
Two weeks later
37 weeks pregnant…
I find myself in Dr. Nelson’s office after not being here for ages. Nate sits next to me, albeit distracted on his phone, texting with his team. I’m anxious today, and I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t heard from Charlie in a month, or maybe it’s because I miss Derek when we’re not together. It’s not fair. I wasn’t supposed to form any attachments and yet here I am.
“Good morning Aria, come on back.” Dr. Nelson says in the hallway. I follow her into the office and take up my typical seat, this time lying down and staring at the ceiling. “How are you feeling today?”
Make Me Dream (The Sage Creek Series Book 1) Page 30