by K. C. Stone
“Damn, Boss, sorry. Had I known you had Bambi in here, I would have asked to be next, that sweet butt loves a good double team.”
“Fucking, moron.” I shake my head.
Hmm so her name was Bambi I make a mental note that she is NOT named after a food but a damn Disney movie. Not that I cared. It was not her face I pictured; it was always her. I pictured her with black hair and brilliant blue eyes wrapped around me. Fuck, I know I need to get my shit straight.
Rolling my eyes. “Fuck you, Tech, what was so damn important that you cock blocked me you asshole.”
“Boss, do you remember that sweet butt that used to hang around last year? Her name was Ricki but I think she went by the name Red. She was hot as fuck, had long blonde hair, huge tits, and legs that would never stop, always wore that bright red lip shit?”
“Fuck yeah, I do. She sucked like a dream, I thought we had a regular thing going but then she stopped coming around. I just thought she found some dude. Why the fuck does it matter anyways?”
“Well, Boss, how the fuck do I say this?”
“Tech if you don’t just spit the shit out, I swear I am going to tell every sweet butt here that you have fucking herpes and the clap, spit it out!!” I demand.
“She’s dead, Boss. From what I understand she was with a john and they overdosed on pills. Fuck, Boss, I don’t really know!”
Looking at my brother sitting in the chair across from me I stare at him waiting for the reason I am supposed to be upset.
“Damn, what a shame but, Tech, was that really a reason to intrude on what I was doing?” “Listen, fucker, after all the shit that went down with Jules and Dom, getting that shit with Sal figured out. All I wanted to do was get off and relax but you went and screwed all that up, and now you come in here and tell me that some chick I banged a few times last year is dead.” I stare at him waiting for a response. “What do you want from me? Yes, I feel bad but what do you want me to do about it.” I ask him since he still hasn’t responded.
“Damn it, Locke,” and at that I freeze. Staring at him because I know when he calls me Locke and not Boss it is about to get bad. “There is a chick downstairs, and she has a kid and from what the chick downstairs says the kid is yours.”
“Excuse me, the fuck she does!?” I say unable to comprehend what he said knowing that these assholes are fucking with me for some reason. “What the fuck are you talking about if I had a kid don’t you think I would know it?”
On second thought, no due to recent events, I did have a damn kid and didn’t know it.
“Brother, I’m just telling you what the woman downstairs is telling me. She said that Ricki had a kid and she said he is yours, other than that I don’t know what else to tell you.”
Leaning against my desk I look at Tech trying to gauge his expression, the scary fucking part is that he doesn’t look like he is kidding one fucking bit. Taking in a deep breath I stand and go to walk out of the room. “Let’s go deal with this shit!” I bark out making my way down the hallway.
Walking into the family section of the clubhouse, I see a woman with jet black hair standing nervously shifting from one foot to the other, looking up when she hears us approach, her eyes widened and her tan carmel colored skin suddenly went pale, which happens a lot when people see me. Standing six foot five inches with emerald green eyes, I know I am good looking, I don’t have a problem getting laid. Sticking out my hand I introduce myself.
“You must be Locke,” she says before I can get any words out.
“That would be me and who the hell might you be?” I ask trying to be as polite as I can looking at the woman who might just fuck up my whole world with her next words.
“My name is Katie, I worked with Ricki at the Sin Ranch.” Looking at the woman in front of me, she is pretty, not uncommonly good looking but whatever.
“Nice to meet you Katie. How can I help you? My brother here tells me that Ricki passed and had a kid that you think is mine. Can I ask why you think that?” I say, wincing because hearing it I know I sound like a complete dick.
“Well,” she says, pulling the bottom of her shirt down. Eyeing her clothes and mannerism she doesn’t seem like the type of girl you would see at Sin Ranch.
“Yeah, I know all this is sudden, but Ricki and I had talked about this a lot. I guess she used to party here with you guys sometimes. One day Ricki came to me and told me that she was pregnant and that she couldn’t tell me who the father was because she didn’t plan on telling him. Sorry,” she whispers, shrugging one shoulder.
“Keep going,” I bark fuck I am a dick. But this chick is standing her telling me shit that is mind blowing.
“She seemed pretty excited about the whole pregnancy, she worked the whole time said she was going to make the best life she could for herself and the baby. Don’t get me wrong she was doing really well. Our boss let her work the desk and answer phones he was really supportive. Everything was going great.”
“If everything was going so great what the fuck happened?” I hear from beside me and I turn to see Tech completely engrossed in our conversation.
“I am getting there,” she says a slight irritation in her tone.
“Watch it,” I say coolly.
Clearing her throat, “That was until after the baby was born, that’s when Ricki started to change, she was different, leaving the baby with me and the other girls backstage so that she can go party, she was even picking up clients outside the club.”
Biting her lip fighting back the sadness. “It wasn’t until recently that we had noticed that she has been really into pills. When our boss confronted her, he gave her a chance to clean up. I offered to take the baby for a little while and she agreed. That was two days ago, she was supposed to drop the baby off, and our boss was going to get her into the clinic in town.”
“So, what happened?” I asked.
“The only problem was she dropped him off and instead of meeting with our boss, she met a client in some seedy motel joint and from what the cops say they both overdosed. The officers said there were empty bottles of pills and booze all over the room as well as evidence of other drugs.”
“Katie, I am really sorry Ricki died, but how do you know that her kid is mine?” I ask tension and anxiety rising in the room I can feel it.
“I am getting there,” she snaps.
I cross my arms over my chest staring at her once more.
“Sorry,” she mumbles, rubbing her hand on the back of her neck.
“Yesterday, I went to her apartment and I was going through her things. The cops said that if we didn’t figure out who the father was, he would have to go into foster care.”
Hearing her say those two little words sent chills down my back, I fought a tremble that would have caused my whole body to shake.
“Sorry say that again,” I said when I realized she was talking to me.
“I was digging in her dresser and I found these,” she says handing me three letters.
Taking them, I look at the first envelope a single word written in a feminine handwriting.
Locke
Opening the letter, I pull out the single sheet of paper, unfolding it a photo of a tiny baby with tons of curly reddish-brown hair and bright green eyes looks back at me.
Fucking hell, my heart sank to the ground for the second time I have stared into those same eyes in two different photos today.
“That’s it, the paper’s blank,” I say incredulously.
Opening the second envelope, the single sheet of paper read.
Locke, I’m sorry.
“This some kind of joke?” I ask, over messing with this letter bullshit.
‘I’m sorry’ was all she had to say.
So, I open the third and final letter.
Locke,
I have tried to write this letter three times, please don’t hate me for getting pregnant. I am sorry I tricked you, I just wanted someone to love me unconditionally. I never wanted to tell you about him. But tha
t is wrong of me you deserve to know him; he deserves to know about you. I thought I could get my life together and live for him, but I realize I am not a mother, not cut out to be a mom, sorry.
Looking up at Katie confused. “That’s it she doesn’t finish any of the letters?” my voice rising. “No, I’m sorry, Locke, I should have told you; I should have figured something out sooner, I am sorry for not saying anything sooner. “Nothing!” I barked.
“Boss, calm down.” This isn’t helping anything right now.” Tech’s voice cuts through the haze of anger.
“So, because you found some letters with my name on them you what, tracked me down and thought you could, just tell me this story and I wouldn’t think twice about taking in some kid that I might or might not have fathered?” I spit out.
I know I sound like a dick right now but, I need to think, this is all so much. I haven’t spoken to this woman in over a year and now you tell me that not only is she dead but I have a kid with her.
“Boss, why don’t you take a moment and walk down the hall while I talk to, shit what’s your name again?” Tech asks.
“Katie,” she clips.
“Take a breather, brother,” Tech tells me almost pushing me into the hallway.
“Fucking Hell!” I roar wanting to kick something or put a damn hole in the wall. Instead, I slide down the wall leaning back I close my eyes. I know part of my anger is still stemming from finding out about Jules. I take a deep breath when she walks out of her room.
Opening my eyes, my stomach lurches and my heart sinks, when I see her holding a small child against her shoulder. A small child with reddish brown curls that I know from first hand knowledge will shine red in the sunlight, and chubby pink cheeks the color of roses. His lashes long and thick that still held the remanence of tears clinging to them. I look up at Cara, red eyes, pale cheeks with wet lashes and my heart breaks. I can tell she has been crying, she gives me a small smile and my heart skips another beat, over the past few weeks she has awoken something inside me that has been dead ever since the day she walked away from me all those years ago, something so powerful it is overwhelming but it is also mixed with anger.
Terrified of what she has to say I look down at my hands unable to fathom any of this. When I hear a soft snore, I see him, such a small helpless infant in her arms. He starts to stir as Cara softly sings him back to sleep. Her melodic voice floating to my ears, I know in my heart I am fucked, this kid is mine I knew it when I saw the photo. He looks just like me when I was a kid hell, he looks just like me now.
Standing I look into Cara’s eyes. “What am I going to do? I have never had kids, Cara; fuck you know what I mean.” Realizing what I said and how I said it. The sadness in her eyes lets me know she is sorry about Jules and I know she is but shit that will have to wait for another day. “I know nothing about them, how can I raise a baby? Hell, I don’t even know how old he is, does he have a name? Fuck, I know nothing.”
The moment is frozen in time when she leans up and kisses me, taking my breath away. Nothing drastic just a gentle graze of her lips against mine. I am at a loss for words, I just stare at her.
“He is six weeks old and no he does not have a name,” she informs me.
“How the hell do you know this?” I ask her incredulously.
“Because I asked,” she shrugged. “What? I was curious. Now are you finished acting like a baby instead of the big bad biker and listen to me,” she says softly, trying not to wake the sleeping baby in her arms.
“Yes,” is all I can say still reeling how just that small kiss has completely caused my entire world to shift and crash.
“I will help you, Matthew, we can do this together.” Hearing her say my given name not my road name always settles something inside me no matter how anxious I feel inside just hearing her call me Matt or Matthew always gets me. “We can do this; it will be alright, he is yours.” Her voice held no doubt, she too knows he is mine.
“What about Killian,” I interrupted.
“His name will be Killian McKenzie, Kili for short I am thinking.” When I said it out loud, I knew it felt right.
“That is a beautiful name, sweet baby Killian,” she coos gently, running her fingers through his curls.
“I named him after our conversation years ago, do you remember?” I ask her.
“I remember but you know you don’t have to.” The softness in her eyes made my heart melt.
“We always said that if we ever had kids you wanted to name one after your mother and one after mine, and if we have a boy you wanted either the name Killian or Brady, personally I think Killian sounds like a badass,” I say, running my finger down her cheek her skin feels so soft under my touch.
“You caught that did you? Are you mad that I named her Juliane after your mother?” she whispers partly because she feared my reaction, partly not to wake the baby in her arms.
“I’m scared,” I tell her, knowing that everything that Cara has been through and how far we have come, I know she would never judge me for being vulnerable.
Looking down at Killian still sleeping softly, then looking up into Cara’s eyes and I am transfixed staring into steel blue eyes and her smile just as gut wrenching and captivating as her daughter, our daughter I mentally correct myself. By her words alone I feel a comfort fall over me, to have someone in my life that has undeterred faith in me was something I treasure most.
“Do you think we can do this?” I ask, hoping she understands I mean more so us versus the baby.
“Yes,” she says softly. “Oh, and Matthew, if you ever want to discuss us, past, present or future do not even think about touching another clubwhore again,” she says, walking away with the baby in her arms.
All I could do was smile, she knows she has me.
Who would have thought one fucked up night would completely change your life? Honestly, I can’t be mad that one-night set in motion a series of events that have saved my fucking life. A life that I was drowning in and didn’t even know it.
If only the threat of drowning was my only problem.
Chapter Eight
Cara
Feeling like the wind has been just knocked out of me, I could not believe my eyes or what I was hearing, Matthew a father!
Jealousy rocked through me at the thought of Matthew with another woman and now he has a baby. A loud cry caused me to look up from my internal torture to see a set of familiar emerald green eyes my breath catching, flash back to when Jules was born.
My eyes welling up with tears he is the spitting image of Matthew McKenzie. Looking at the little boy screaming and squirming trying to get free. I do not know what comes over me as I walk over and ask to see the little chubby boy in his mother’s arms.
“May I see your chubby little angel?” I don’t quite understand the heart breaking look the lady gives me.
“He isn’t my son; his mother was a friend of mine,” she replies.
“Was?” I asked, the ominous tone caused my chest to convulse a little.
“Yes was, his mother died a week ago, she overdosed they think,” she says. wiping a stray tear off her cheek.
Gasping, “Oh my! Poor baby I am so sorry,” I say pulling him closer to my chest, rocking him slowly, calming his screams and hysterics to slow sobs and hiccups.
“Do you mind if I walk around with him?” I haven’t held a baby since Jules was little.
“No, maybe he will sleep, this is the first time he has stopped crying in days.”
“What is his name?” I ask unsure if I even want to know.
“He doesn’t have one, his mother really didn’t know what to call him so some of the girls just called him handsome or angel,” she replied, looking down at the ground.
“How old is he?” How could your mother not give you a name I think to myself?
“Six weeks,” she said.
“Listen, I have my own issues to worry about that is why I brought him here. I know it sounds callous, but I can’t take care of him.�
�� The look of sadness lets me know that what she is saying is true.
Walking around holding the beautiful little chubby cheeked boy, I sing to him the songs I sang to Jules when she was little. Once he was asleep, I took him to my room to place him on the bed but just as I laid him down, he started fussing again. So, I just paced the floor with him, holding him close, all I think about is this poor little baby lost his mother the only parent that he has known no wonder he is so inconsolable.
He feels lost, looking down at him I brush his curls back the sadness in his eyes breaks my heart.
“Don’t worry, sweet boy, you’re not the only one that feels lost. I promise your daddy will take great care of you.” Startled by a shout in the hall I open the door and come face to face with the same pair of emerald green eyes red rimmed and terrified.
Standing up he walks toward me unsure of what he was going to do, I reached out and touched his face. “We will figure it out together.” Not sure why I said it but when I did a sense of peace lodged itself in my heart.
Days have passed since the news and arrival of Killian Matthew McKenzie we have all come to call him Kili honestly, he has stolen everyone’s heart. Matthew and I still have not figured out a way to tell Jules about him or the fact that she is a big sister to the adorable baby. My relationship with Matthew has changed after we talked and I explained everything which took every ounce of bravery I had left, our relationship shifted he no longer harbors hate for me. Though I ask forgiveness when I think of everything he missed out on.
Some days I thank Killian’s mother for giving us a second chance at life. With raising Killian together guilt still surfaces so I know I need to tell Jules soon. Matt and I both agreed it should be me alone, I just don’t know when or how to tell her. I am not sure if she will hate me knowing what we went through with Sal.
A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts just as Locke brings Killian in.
“It’s bedtime for this little monster, Jules gave him a bath and said he loved it. This time there was no blood curdling screams so that was a win,” he says.