Our Way

by Swan, T L

  “I do.” My furious eyes hold hers. “Fall to your knees and suck his dick.” I turn and march off.

  I storm into my office and throw my bag on the desk. I text the girls.

  We are going out tonight.

  Stretch up.

  21

  Eliza

  It’s 2:00 p.m. when an email pings in my inbox from Nathan Mercer. I roll my eyes and open it.

  Good afternoon, Miss Bennet,

  I hope you are having a nice day.

  This is a welfare check to see if my girlfriend is feeling any more stable this afternoon.

  xoxoxo

  I smirk. Asshole. I have calmed down considerably, but whatever. I reply:

  Dear Dr. Mercer,

  Your girlfriend is still feeling unhinged.

  It is best to avoid her for your own health and safety.

  xoxoxox

  I smirk as I wait for his reply.

  Miss Bennet,

  Does she need me to come over and fuck the crazy out of her?

  I’m happy to put her health and safety above mine.

  xoxoxo

  I smile. Don’t be cute, asshole.

  I reply:

  Dear Dr. Mercer,

  Undoubtedly. However, it will have to wait until this evening.

  Miss Bennet will get fired for having sexual relations at work.

  xoxox

  I tap my pen as I wait for his reply. I look around guiltily.

  Miss Bennet,

  Is that supposed to be a deterrent?

  It’s an incentive to fuck you twice on the reception desk.

  xoxoxo

  I giggle. How can he calm me down with a few flirty emails? Oh well, I’m sick to death of fighting. All relationships have their problems, I guess. I just have to work out the best way to navigate through ours. I reply:

  Dear Dr. Mercer.

  I shall take you up on your offer.

  I am going out to dinner with my friends tonight.

  You can pick me up afterwards, if you wish, for my therapy session.

  xoxoxox

  I hit send and smile as I wait.

  My phone instantly rings, the name Nathan lights up the screen. “Hello.”

  “You’re going out tonight?” he snaps.

  “Just for dinner.”

  “I don’t want you to. I haven’t seen you all week.”

  “You don’t have a choice.”

  “Who are you going out with?”

  “Jolie and Brooke. It’s just dinner, Nathan. I haven’t seen my friends in ages, and I live with you. You get to see me all the time.”

  He exhales heavily, unimpressed.

  “Unless you want to start another fight over nothing,” I snap. “I’m only too happy to go there.”

  “Don’t be late,” he warns.

  “Will you pick me up?” I ask.

  “Fine.” He stays silent as he hangs on the line. “And?” he asks.

  “And what?”

  “Is that it?”

  He’s waiting for me to tell him that I love him. Well, too bad. I’m not. “Is that it from you?”

  “Yes, it is,” He snaps and I know he’s holding his temper.

  “I’ll text you where we are tonight. Goodbye.” I hang up in a rush.

  I can just imagine his fuming face right now.

  Oh well…. he can get over it.

  * * *

  I see Jo and Brooke at the back of the restaurant, sitting in a booth. I make my way over to them.

  “Hi.” I fall into my seat.

  “Hey.” Jolie laughs, and Brooke gets up and kisses me.

  I glance down to see a near-empty bottle of wine, and I frown. “How long have you two been here?”

  “A while,” Jolie replies dryly. “I’ve got issues.” I chuckle as I fill my glass with the remainder of the bottle. “Join the club.”

  Brooke rolls her eyes. “I don’t have issues.”

  “Yes, you do,” Jolie mutters dryly. “You’re fucking boring, that’s a big issue. It’s worse than ours.”

  I giggle as I sip my wine. “What’s the issue, Jo?”

  “Well, you know how I’m seeing Santiago?”

  “Yeah. Did you wee on him yet?”

  “No, but he wants me to go to Spain with him on a holiday.” I frown. “Right.”

  “But Brooke thinks he’s going to sell me on the black market or some shit.”

  My eyes flicker to Brooke. “What? Why?”

  “He wants her to have a threesome.”

  My eyes go back to Jolie. “Didn’t you do that already? You were talking about that last week.”

  “No.” Brooke smiles sweetly. “He’s saving her for his buddy back home. Isn’t he so thoughtful?”

  I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

  Yuck.

  “So, this fool,” Brooke sneers, “is actually considering going to another country with a man she hardly knows so that he can share her with his friends. Where she doesn’t speak the language, and has no idea who he is or what the laws of possession are.”

  “You don’t know him!” Jolie cries.

  “I don’t think I want to,” I reply. “Jo, you can’t be seriously considering this.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s fucking dangerous. I’m with Brooke; you have no idea what he’s into. He could be a sex trafficker and his job is to come to the states to bring pretty girls back home.”

  “He’s not, and you two have read too many dark romance books. That shit doesn’t happen for real.”

  “You don’t know that.” Brooke scoffs. “Seriously, you are killing me. You can’t be this stupid?”

  “Well, I want to go.” Jolie huffs. “I’ve always wanted to travel, and it’s only one week. He’s going to take me to San Sebastian.”

  “To probably kill you,” Brooke mutters under her breath. “He might make snuff movies or some shit.”

  Jolie rolls her eyes, and I chuckle. “Jeez, your story makes mine sound tame.”

  “Why?” Jolie sighs uninterested. “What’s happening with you?”

  It feels good to be with my friends. I’ve been building up all this stress and I’m bursting to vent about it.

  “I’m going to tell you bitches everything, and I want your support and understanding because my head is about to explode.”

  “Fire away,” Jolie does a little wave to the server. “It will take my mind off of sex trafficking.”

  I giggle. “Well, to start with, there is a chick at Nathan’s work who sucked his dick,” I blurt out in a rush.

  “What?” they both gasp and sit forward in their seats.

  “She wants him and she’s beautiful. She’s also a doctor.”

  “What the hell?” Brooke whispers. “Everyone fucking wants him.”

  “Oh, you don’t know the half of it. While on my conference last week, guess who I met.”

  “Who?” They both frown.

  “A guy who used to go out with Nathan.”

  Brooke’s eyes widen. “Oh, hell.”

  Jolie cringes. “Is it weird meeting guys he’s been with?”

  “It’s weird meeting anyone your partner’s been with.” I huff. “And now I find out that Robert is calling him all the time.”

  “Who’s Robert?” Brooke frowns.

  “His ex,” Jolie and I both say in tandem. Jolie has met Robert a few times. She doesn’t know him well but she knows who he is.

  “God.” Brooke sighs. “So, who’s the girl? I thought he’s never been with a woman before you?”

  “Well,” I whisper. “Where do I start?”

  The waitress arrives with our new bottle of wine. Jolie takes the bottle from her and refills our glasses. “At the very beginning.”

  Nathan

  I walk into the cocktail bar just around 11:00 p.m.

  Eliza hasn’t called me so I’m assuming she wants me to just show up.

  I see the girls sitting at a high table. Eliza wave
s in an unexaggerated way, and I smile. She’s well on her way to being drunk. As I get closer, I can see that they all are.

  “Hey, there.” Eliza smiles as she slides her hands around my waist, under my jacket. I lean and kiss her lips, and then look up to the girls. It looks like I’m forgiven. “Hi.”

  The girls both smile. “Hi, Nathe.”

  Brooke puts her hands over her eyes. “You two are actually together. I mean, I knew it, but I haven’t seen it with my own eyes until now.”

  Eliza smiles as she leans into me, and I hold her tight. She’s so cuddly and affectionate when she drinks.

  “I’m finishing my drink, and then we’ll go home.” She smiles up at me.

  “Okay.”

  “I’m going to go to the bathroom,” she says.

  “I’m coming,” Brooke says. She jumps from her stool, and they toddle off arm in arm, leaving me to sit down. I pick up Eliza’s margarita and take a sip.

  Jolie’s eyes hold mine as if she has something on her mind.

  I raise my eyebrow at Jolie. “What’s that look for?”

  “How’s this going to go, Nathan?” she slurs. She’s a lot drunker than she looks.

  “How’s what going to go?”

  “Eliza’s heart.”

  I bite my lip as I try to hold my tongue. Jolie winds me up on the best of days. “You don’t need to worry about Eliza’s heart, Jolie.”

  “Don’t I?”

  I glare at her. My fury begins to boil.

  “Your ex-boyfriend told her at her conference that you’re just looking for a uterus. Is that true?”

  “What the hell does that mean?” I snap.

  “What are you planning? Give her five years and three kids, and then go back to your ex, while your best friend raises your kids alone?”

  “What the fuck?” I growl as my temper breaks.

  “Nathan,” Eliza whispers from behind me as she arrives back at the table.

  I stand in a rush, and Eliza grabs my arm.

  “Nathan, calm down. What… what did you say to him?” Eliza stammers to Jolie.

  “How dare you even suggest such a thing!” I yell.

  Brooke looks between us. “What did you say, Jo?”

  “I asked him if he’s in love with Eliza or if he’s just looking for an incubator to make his babies.” She huffs.

  Eliza’s face falls. “Jolie.” She gasps.

  “You make me sick. You’re a fucking hypocrite, just like the rest of them.” I sneer at Jolie. “I thought we were friends?”

  “How am I a hypocrite?” She gasps, as if offended.

  “Oh, I’m your friend, Nathan. You have my full support. I love all people, Gay Pride, I go to Mardi Gras and celebrate. Let’s change our Facebook banner to prove we love gay people. Much like the rest of society, you play the game of acceptance, don’t you? Love is love, they all say… until it’s fucking not!” I cry. “A man who’s been with men in the past, who then falls in love with a woman must have an agenda, mustn’t he?” I yell. “There’s no way that I could just be in love with Eliza, is there?” I lose all control. “Love isn’t fucking love, is it?” I cry. “Love is judgement.”

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “Yes, you did. So, don’t you sit there with your pathetic hypocrisy and pretend to be accepting.” I slam my drink down on the table. “This. This, exactly right here, is why people like me don’t feel accepted in society. Because backstabbing assholes like you play the acceptance game until it’s on someone you know and care about. Then it’s wrong, and you suddenly can’t get your head around it.”

  “Nathan.” Eliza pulls at me. “Let’s go.”

  “You want to know an agenda, Jolie, you idiot?” I yell, I’ve completely lost control of my temper. “An agenda is a guy that sleeps with a woman to get porn footage.”

  Her face falls.

  “Oh, but that’s okay.” I shake my head in disgust. “Because he’s straight and normal, so he must be a good guy.”

  Eliza pulls me toward the door. I get a lump in my throat, overwhelmed with emotion.

  Love is love… What a joke.

  I storm toward the door as adrenaline pumps through my system like never before.

  I’m livid.

  I burst out the doors of the bar in a rush, and Eliza is near running beside me to keep up.

  “Nathan, don’t worry about what she said. It was out of line, I’m sorry.”

  I stride along the sidewalk toward the car.

  “Why would you let her worry you?” She cries. “We know it’s not true… is it?”

  I keep walking as my temper hits crescendo.

  Now I’ve fucking heard it all.

  She’s questioning if I actually want her for a child. Here I am loving her with my everything, and she thinks I’m using her.

  If she stabbed me in the heart it would be less painful.

  And you think you know someone.

  “Nathan?”

  “Go back inside, Eliza.” I growl. “I have nothing to say to you.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Do you even fucking know me at all?” I cry.

  She runs beside me. “I met someone you know at the conference.”

  I keep walking toward my car.

  “His name was Zavier, and you know Zavier, don’t you?”

  I stay silent, my fury beyond boiling point.

  “Zavier said—” She stammers in a rush.

  “I know what he said!” I cry, cutting her off. “And the fact that you don’t know the answer to it proves my fucking point.”

  “Will you slow down? I’m going to break my neck in these heels.”

  “I mean it. I don’t want to be near you; go back inside.”

  “Nathan.” She grabs my hand and pulls me back to a stop. “I’m sorry I spoke to my friends about it, okay? It upset me and I needed to vent.”

  I stare at her, lost for words, this hurts. “I asked you at least twenty times last night what was wrong, and you wouldn’t tell me. Then I turn up here to be abused by your friend. How do you think that makes me feel, Eliza?”

  “I needed to talk to someone.”

  “So, talk to me!” I yell. “Why are we together if you can’t even talk to me?”

  Her eyes search mine.

  “You think I need an agenda to love you?” I cry out.

  “I’m just scared, Nathan.”

  “Of what, Eliza? Of being like the rest of them? Of judging me because of who I’ve slept with?” I step back from her, disgusted. “Well, guess what… you should be scared because you are just like them.”

  Her eyes well with tears. “That’s not fair.”

  “I’ll tell you what’s not fair. It’s spending ten years of your life with someone, falling hopelessly in love with them, only to have them tell their friends that they think you’re using them to have a child.” I get a lump in my throat as I stare at her, my heart constricts.

  This hurts.

  I can’t be near her. I turn and get into my car, slamming the door hard.

  “Nathan!” she cries.

  I start the car, and she throws her arms up.

  “What are you doing?” She bangs on my window.

  I pull out into the traffic. “Getting away from you,” I mutter to myself.

  Eliza

  Nathan’s car takes off and I watch as he disappears around the corner, the tires screeching in the distance.

  Fucking hell……

  I can’t believe what just happened. So much for confiding in a friend. Jolie broke the friend code, big time. Furious, I turn and march back into the bar.

  “What the fuck were you doing?” I cry when I find her. “How could you say that to him? I told you those things in confidence.”

  “I just told him the truth, Eliza. It’s weird that he’s suddenly come to you professing his love after all this time. Gay men don’t turn straight. It just doesn’t happen. Everyone knows it, not just me. Deep down, you know it, too. One
day, he will leave you for a man. You can’t fight who you really are.”

  “You had no right. This was between him and me. Do you know how hurt he will be?”

  Jolie sips her drink and shrugs casually. “He needed to know.”

  “Know what?”

  “That I’m watching him, and that if he hurts you, I’m going to end him.”

  “The only thing he knows now is what a fucking asshole I am.” I cry.

  “Eliza, please.” She rolls her eyes as if I’m being dramatic. “You’re the one who’s insecure. You’re the one who has all these questions about his past. Don’t get angry with me for verbalising them.”

  My eyes fill with tears. I am an asshole.

  I turn and march from the club and out onto the sidewalk. “Taxi!” I call as I put my hand up. A few moments later, a cab pulls in, and I jump in the back. “Smith Street, please.”

  The driver pulls out into the traffic, and I stare out the window in tears.

  That wasn’t fair.

  My God, that so wasn’t fair. He did not deserve that. I bounce my leg as the car drives. “Can you hurry, please?”

  The driver points to the speedometer. “I’m not getting a ticket, lady.”

  I sit back, dejected. “Sorry.” I sigh.

  Twenty long minutes later, I arrive at the apartment and I take the elevator to our floor. I open the door, and I can tell instantly that he’s not here.

  “Nathan!” I call.

  Silence.

  “Nathan.” I look through the apartment.

  He’s not here.

  I take out my phone and call him. It rings out and goes to voicemail.

  “Nathan.” I screw up my face in tears. “Where are you?” I whisper. I close my eyes in regret. “Can you call me, please?”

  I hang up and begin to pace. I keep seeing the hurt on his face, and I put my head into my hands. Oh no, no, no. I dial his number again. I listen as it rings out and I screw up my face in tears when it goes to voicemail again. I text him.