Our Way

by Swan, T L

  “Feels like a long time since I’ve seen you,” I murmur as I hold her tight.

  “I’m home now, baby.” She smiles and kisses me. “Come on.” She takes my hand in hers. “Let’s go home.”

  We walk to the car hand in hand, and she chats away, telling me about her week. I watch her in a detached daze.

  How have I come to depend on her so much? I can’t even sleep without her in bed with me. I’ve tossed and turned every night, watching the clock until the sun came up.

  We arrive at the car and, unable to wait any longer, I take her face in my hands and kiss her deeply. My tongue pushes through her soft open lips. Her hands rest on my hips, and my cock begins to swell with every sweep of our tongues.

  “What’s for dinner?” she asks, pulling away.

  “I don’t know what you’re eating,” I say as I open her door, “but I’m eating you.”

  Once in the car, we drive in silence, and I hold her hand in my lap.

  She’s quiet.

  “Are you tired, babe?” I ask.

  “A little.” She kisses my fingertips. “What’s been happening here?”

  “Nothing. I had surgery on Wednesday, and clinic all week. The apartment is lonely without you.” She presses my hand to her cheek as she watches me. But it’s a weird kind of look, as if she’s assessing me. Maybe she can sense my fragility. Perhaps it’s just in my imagination.

  “I missed you,” she whispers.

  Relief floods me. “I missed you, too… more than you know.”

  We arrive home, and I put my hands over her eyes as we walk through the front door.

  “I have a surprise for you.”

  “What is it?”

  I walk her into the living room and stand her in front of the wall and I take my hands away from her eyes. Her mouth falls open as she stares at the huge painting hanging on the wall.

  While she was away, I had a photo of us on our first night in Majorca commissioned to be painted in a semi-abstract way. It was copied from a photo of her and me facing each other. We are holding hands and staring at each other dreamily on a bridge in front of the ocean. We look so deliriously happy. It was the night we went home and made love for the first time. I’d asked a stranger to take a photo of us, and this one was taken when we weren’t looking. Eliza loved the photo so much that she made it the background of her cell. I loved it so much that I made it the focus of our apartment.

  Eliza stands still and stares at the huge painting on the wall.

  “Do you like it?” I ask.

  She nods, her eyes welling with tears. “It’s perfect.”

  “What’s wrong?” I frown.

  “Nothing. These are happy tears.” She takes me into her arms. “I love it. Thank you.”

  We kiss as she holds me tight. She screws up her face against my chest, as if pained.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” I whisper, something is off with her.

  “Nothing.” She smiles sadly and takes my hand in hers. “Come on, shower time.”

  We walk into the bathroom and she lifts my shirt over my head as we kiss. I unfasten her dress and throw it aside. We stand in our underwear for a long time, kissing, drinking each other in. For the first time all week, I feel like I can breathe again.

  “God, I missed you,” I murmur against her lips.

  Her face creases and tears form again. An uneasy feeling washes over me. Something’s wrong, she’s never teary.

  “What is it?” I frown.

  “I’m just glad to be home. I’m over-emotional—hormones, probably.” She pulls me into the shower.

  I pin her to the wall of the shower as my arousal escalates. We kiss like it’s our last kiss, and I lift her and she wraps her legs around me. Her soft, lush body pressed up against mine is the ultimate aphrodisiac. This is when we are at our best, when there is nothing between us. I grab the base of my cock and slide her down onto it. She moans, deep and loud as we stare into each other’s eyes.

  I’ve missed her.

  My need for friction takes over and I slowly begin to move her up and down on my body, her beautiful cunt rippling around me.

  Milking me, making me hers.

  She tips her head back and moans as she comes hard. I feel the vise-like grip on my cock, and I put my hands on the back of her shoulders for leverage and let her have it. The sound of our skin slapping in the water echoes throughout the bathroom.

  Fuck, I love that sound.

  I give her all the emotion I’ve suffered this week without her. I give her all of myself. Every inch.

  I hold myself deep, and then I come, hard, deep inside her body. Her face creases as if she’s overcome with emotion before she drops her head to my chest. She clings to me and I hold her up, my heart racing. She’s panting, and I frown as I hold her. What’s going on here?

  She’s different.

  * * *

  It’s late, and we’re in bed, on our sides, staring at each other.

  We’ve made love for hours. We crossed over to a new level of intimacy.

  It was soft and tender, intense and passionate, as if tonight is all we have.

  Eliza is teary every time she comes, and I don’t know if it’s because the love we’re making is so special or if it’s something else, but she won’t tell me why. She keeps telling me that she’s just hormonal. I hope to God that that’s the truth.

  Is she feeling guilty about something?

  I want to push her for an answer but she seems so delicate and close to the edge.

  The edge of what, I just don’t know.

  She sits up and runs her fingers over my tattoo of the three swallows.

  She kisses the first two—her and me—and then she runs her finger over the back one as she stares at it.

  “Who is this bird?” she asks. I frown as our eyes lock. “Who is this bird at the back?” She traces it with her finger.

  “It’s…” I pause as I search for the right description. “It’s… symbolic.”

  “Of who?”

  “I told you. Of the life I left behind.”

  Her eyes hold mine before they go back to the swallow. She’s deep in thought, miles away.

  “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” I ask.

  “Nothing,” she lies and climbs back up into my arms. I hold her tightly, and our lips meet, our bodies a naked tangle. The sex we had is still smeared on our skin. “How long have you wanted children?” she asks.

  I frown, where is this coming from? “What?”

  “You said that you were open to anything.”

  “I am and I know that you want them, so I’ve actually started to look forward to it one day.” I smile softly as imagine Eliza with a baby—my baby. “Why do you ask?”

  “I wondered how long you wanted them, that’s all.”

  “I hadn’t ever put any thought into it before.” I rub my whiskers back and forth across her cheek. “But the world is full of possibilities with you by my side.”

  I feel her smile against my chest.

  I kiss her forehead and hold her tightly in my arms.

  “You know you will always be my best friend,” she murmurs sadly.

  I frown, that sounded……off. “What does that mean?” I ask.

  “Nothing. I just wanted you to know that.” She kisses my chest. “I love you. I really do love you, Nathan. More than anything.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “Goodnight, Nathe,” she whispers as her eyes flutter closed.

  “Night.”

  An uneasy feeling washes over me. It’s like she’s reassuring me of our friendship.

  Why?

  Why would she say that unless she was pre-empting an end to our relationship?

  What the fuck is going on?

  Eliza

  I wake to the sound of the shower, and I drag my hand down my face. It feels late. The sun is up.

  “What time is it?” I reach over and grab the phone from the side table. “Oh, it’s Nathan’s ph
one, not mine.” I swipe it on, put in his code, and look at the time. It’s 7:00 a.m.

  Huh, Nathan has usually left over an hour ago.

  His phone flashes silently with a notification.

  Missed call:Robert.

  Hmm, I click out of it in disgust. What, does he call him when he gets to work every morning?

  I frown at the thought and click through to his call register.

  Mom outgoing

  Elizaoutgoing

  Elizaincoming

  Robert outgoing

  Robertoutgoing

  Elizaoutgoing

  Elizaincoming

  Robertincoming

  Alexoutgoing

  Elizaincoming

  Robertoutgoing

  Dadincoming

  Officeincoming

  Robertoutgoing

  “What?” I sit up, and, suddenly interested in the call history. I look at the times and dates of when he spoke to Robert. I scroll down and go back over a long period of time.

  Sometimes Robert calls him, other times Nathan calls Robert.

  They speak nearly every day, I look through the call times. Sometimes for five minutes, sometimes up to nearly an hour.

  On the second day that I was away, they spoke four times. What the fuck?

  I hear the shower turn off. I turn the phone off and put it on the side table, and I pretend to be asleep.

  Nathan comes out and gets his clothes out of the walk-in closet. He takes them out into the living room to dress to be less noisy.

  I stare at the ceiling. Wow.

  There are so many things that are fucked up about this relationship, I don’t even know where to start. I have every right to feel insecure. This isn’t in my fucking head.

  Anger begins to bubble deep in my stomach. So, he can get crazy jealous whenever he wants, but it’s okay for him to speak to his ex every day? They’re friends, I remind myself.

  Ugh…whatever. I don’t want him to know I snooped in his phone so I can’t even say anything.

  I get up and shower as I mouth angry, fighting words to the shampoo bottles.

  I can’t say them to him, so I’ll let them have it.

  Don’t be the insecure girlfriend.

  That isn’t who I am, and I’m not lowering myself. When the time is right, I’ll address the Robert issue. Until then, I’ll carry on as if normal.

  Calm, calm. Keep fucking calm.

  After many deep breathes and a huge pep talk to myself, I get out of the shower and dress for work. I put on a fitted black dress and high-heeled pumps with sheer stockings. I make an extra effort and put my long dark hair into a high ponytail. I apply a full face of makeup to make myself feel confident.

  I look at my lipstick selections all lined up in my makeup drawer.

  Red. It’s a red lipstick day. I put it on as if it’s war paint and I’m preparing to battle. Don’t mess with me today, anyone, or you will go down, and it will fucking hurt.

  I walk out into the kitchen to find Nathan dressed in a dark charcoal suit. He has a light blue shirt on and a navy tie. His hair is longer on top with that just-fucked messy perfection. He looks fucking edible. Ugh, it’s so annoying.

  “Morning.” I fake a smile as I kiss his cheek.

  His eyes drop down to my toes and then back up to my face. His eyebrow rises as if angered. “Red lipstick for work?”

  “Yeah,” I reply casually as I pour myself a coffee from the coffee machine. “Why haven’t you left yet?”

  “I wanted to talk to you. I’ll drive you to work.”

  I turn toward him with my coffee in my hand. “What about?”

  “Last night.’”

  My eyes hold his. “What about it?”

  “You were acting weird.”

  “Was I?” I sip my coffee as I act casual. “Maybe I’m a little over-emotional.”

  “Why?”

  “You asked me this already last night, Nathan. Why are we talking about it again?”

  He steps toward me, and his eyes hold mine. “I wanted to have the conversation again when we were dressed. What happened at that conference, Eliza?”

  “What?” I frown.

  “Do you feel guilty about something? Is that why you got teary every time we had sex?”

  I stare at him as my brain misfires. What the fuck?

  I point to my chest in disbelief. “You think I feel guilty about something?”

  “You sure are acting like it.”

  “Ha.” I scoff as my temper begins to soar. “Of course, in Nathan’s kingdom this has to be something that I’ve done wrong.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” He growls.

  “It means that people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

  “What?” He explodes. “I’ll throw a fucking rock if I want to. Why do you look like that to go to work?”

  “Like what?”

  “Like you’re good to fucking go.”

  I lift my chin as I glare at him. I don’t think I’ve ever been so furious in my entire life.

  I was emotional last night because I am petrified that I’m going to lose him, and here he is accusing me of being a floozy. “You are un-fucking-believable!” I snap. “Don’t bother driving me to work.”

  “Is the lipstick for him?” He growls.

  “What?” I scream. “Are you fucking kidding me?” The pressure explodes. “I’m not even seeing him today. I’m at the hospital. And for your information, the lipstick is for me, to make myself feel better so I can act like I haven’t got a care in the world.” I storm into the office and collect my laptop from the charger.

  I grab my things and head out the door. Nathan follows me. I hit the elevator button with force, and he stands beside me. “I’ll drive you.”

  “Don’t bother.”

  “Stop it.”

  “Fuck.” I close my eyes. “Seriously… Nathan, leave me alone. I’m not even joking.”

  The elevator doors open in the lobby and he pushes the button for the basement. “Shut up.”

  The doors open, and I march out to the car. You know, his little jealous alpha thing was cute when we were friends, but this bullshit he’s carrying on with now is infuriating. I have a reason to be jealous, and I’m holding my tongue. Yet he can do and say whatever the fuck he wants.

  Like hell.

  He opens my car door and I get in. He slams the door hard and goes around to his side. Moments later, he drives off with a rev.

  I sit and glare out the window.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asks.

  “Nothing.” I cross my arms.

  The phone rings in his Bluetooth. and the name Robert comes up on the screen.

  He immediately hits decline.

  My eyes flicker to him. “Why didn’t you take that?”

  “I’ll call him later.”

  “Oh, you will, will you?” I sneer sarcastically.

  His eyes flick between me and the road. “What does that fucking mean?”

  “When are you going to cut the umbilical cord, Nathan?”

  He narrows his eyes, and it’s clear he has no idea what I’m talking about.

  “Would you like it if I spoke to my ex all the time?” I ask.

  “What?” He screws up his face as if I’m crazy. “We’re friends.”

  “Okay, fine. I’m going to call Samuel today and…” I hunch my shoulders casually. “Might have a drink with him, since we are”—I hold my fingers up in quotation marks—“friends.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” He punches the steering wheel.

  I close my eyes. God, how did this fight escalate to this?

  I sit and stare out the window. We drive into the hospital parking lot, and he pulls over into the parking bay.

  I look over to him, and we glare at each other.

  “Is that it?” he asks.

  “Yep.”

  He gives a subtle shake his head.

  “Is that it
from you?” I ask.

  “I’ll pick you up.”

  “Don’t bother.” I get out and slam the door. He winds the window down.

  “Eliza?” he says.

  I lean down and look through the window. “Yes.”

  “Have a nice day.” His face softens.

  Wow. Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde.

  “I will. Oh, and Nathan? On one of your ten conversations with your ex-boyfriend today, send him my love.” I fake a sweet smile.

  He narrows his eyes, and I turn and march into the hospital.

  I walk through the doors on a mission.

  Fuck. I’m a bitch. I’m a total fucking bitch, but I don’t give a damn. He deserved it.

  Is that lipstick for him?

  Of all the fucking nerve. I need coffee. I walk down to the cafeteria. My face is flushed, and I can feel the adrenaline still surging through my veins.

  Nobody can piss me off like Nathan Mercer can.

  “Eliza!” a woman’s voice calls.

  I turn to see Stephanie in her white coat with her stethoscope around her neck.

  “Hi.” She smiles.

  “Oh, hello.” I’m taken aback. I didn’t expect to see her.

  “Have you got a minute?”

  “I haven’t actually, I’m in a rush,” I lie. I’m an hour early. I was so pissed off, I didn’t even look at the clock. “What do you want?”

  Her face falls. She looks around as if uncomfortable. “I was just hoping we could talk.”

  “About what?” I ask flatly.

  “Um.” She fakes a smile, and it’s obvious she’s uncomfortable. “I was just… I was hoping we could be friends. Nathan mentioned that…”

  He’s talked to her about me? My temper explodes like a firecracker, and the sky turns red.

  “You’re not the kind of friend I would want, Stephanie.”

  Her face falls. “Why not?”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose with a chuckle. This woman is fucking stupid.

  “I would expect a friend of mine to direct me back to the person I had feelings for. Not ask him to…” I pause and search for the right word. “Practice his skills on me.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Don’t be a fool.” Her eyes hold mine. “Do you know what I would do to have a man like Nathan Mercer in love with me?’