“I just need to crawl into bed and get a good night’s sleep for tomorrow,” Tristan replied.
It was totally illogical and didn’t belong in his thoughts. Especially with what was about to happen. But he wondered if Nathaniel had been involved with anyone since he’d moved in.
The man was gorgeous, sexy, and very well off. He was sure he must have someone he spent time with. Even if Tristan hadn’t seen anything to prove that. Not that he’d been paying attention or anything. Wasn’t like they spent all their time together.
“What are you thinking?” Nathaniel asked.
He considered deflecting. But Nathaniel rarely made things personal, so he decided to go for honesty.
“I was just wondering if you’re seeing anyone.” His cheeks reddened at having asked.
“Ohh!” Nathaniel murmured, looking at Tristan intently. “No! No! I’m not. I don’t date much.”
Tristan wasn’t satisfied with that answer and decided to go for broke.
“I guess, I meant are you fucking anyone right now?”
Nathaniel blushed furiously and looked at Tristan’s lips for a second before answering, “No, Tristan, I am not fucking anyone, as you so wonderfully put it.”
“Huh, okay. Good!”
Nathaniel looked at him and asked the same question.
Tristan simply said, “I am neither dating or fucking anyone right now either, just in the spirit of information sharing.”
The answers seemed to satisfy them both. Even though they didn’t take it any further, it felt like they had defined something. Like something was evolving and forming between them.
They stared at each other for a few seconds. The silence as loud as the beating of Tristan’s heart. He felt like it was trying to pound right out of his chest.
Circumstances had brought them together. And their lives wouldn’t get any less complicated, but if they went down this road, it would be a whole hell of a lot more complicated.
Tristan knew the sane thing to do. Keeping his distance from Nathaniel Alexander.
He shouldn’t let emotions come into their situation. They really shouldn’t give into the electricity they felt between them, but he had a feeling it was already too late. That ship had sailed.
“You don’t depend on anyone, do you?” Tristan said to Nathaniel.
“Haven’t ever had anyone to depend on before,” Nathaniel replied simply, shrugging his shoulders.
“You’ve got me,” Tristan replied.
After studying him thoroughly, Nathaniel’s only sign of acknowledgment was a nod.
That was enough for Tristan right now. He knew that Nathaniel didn’t trust easily. It was his job to show him there was another way. That he was worth trusting. That he was worth Nathaniel letting his guard down for. And that he wouldn’t run. The man needed to know he had no plans to up and leave.
28
Nathaniel
He was a nervous wreck. It was 9 am the day before surgery day, and they had left Samantha and Wyatt at home with Ms. Bea, while he, Tristan, and Emma went to the hospital.
Emma kind of knew what was going on. She’d been to the hospital for tests and doctor’s visits since the initial hospital stay. But he wasn’t sure she understood that she was about to have major surgery. All she really understood was that after this she would be back to normal. Although Emma wasn’t the one freaking the fuck out.
“She’s a tough kid. She’s going to be fine,” Tristan said. “We both will.”
“That’s what I want to believe,” he replied.
“Then believe that, nothing else. Focus on this being done and all of us going home,” Tristan said.
Nathaniel was ashamed. Here Tristan was about to go under the knife, and he was the one trying to reassure Nathaniel.
Even with his rioting emotions, he couldn’t help but love the fact that Tristan had called his house home.
“You can do any damn thing you put your mind to. You’re Nathaniel Alexander, right? Please don’t kill my vibes. Don’t tell me all that press is false.” The man joked, still trying to distract Nathaniel from his worries.
He didn’t know how he even had the wherewithal to joke at a time like this. But it was comforting.
“Let’s make a deal. How about after the surgery, you and I open one of those wine bottles in your cellar. We’ll open your best bottles, and you can tell me all about how you started your company,” Tristan said, still trying to distract Nathaniel.
He laughed shortly. “I’ll hold you to that deal. Don’t do anything stupid like cancel on me or something,” he said softly, hoping Tristan caught his hidden meaning.
“Everything is going to go fine. I have no plans of ‘canceling’ on you. So how about you talk to the chef about planning a dinner six weeks from today. Or however long the doctors say I have to wait till I can have wine again. By the way, if I can’t drink, then neither can you,” Tristan added, laughing.
“I’ll mark my calendar,” he bantered with as much lightness as he could muster. “If dinner is on me, you bring the desserts.”
“Oh! There’ll be dessert. Don’t you worry.” Tristan winked at Nathaniel.
Why did he feel like Tristan wasn’t talking about anything as mundane as a cheesecake or crème brûlée?
“Wouldn’t it be such a relief when the surgeries are over when everything goes back to normal?” he asked.
Tristan snorted. “Whatever that is.”
That finally got a real laugh out of Nathaniel.
“Dr. Prescott is the best,” he said out loud to nobody in particular while holding Emma tightly to his chest.
He knew she was getting too big to be carried like this, but he needed her close right now. He had to believe that everything would go perfectly and that his daughter would be happy and healthy and back to running around their backyard after the surgery. The alternative was completely unthinkable.
Just in case there was a God listening, he found himself praying he wouldn’t lose Emma…. Or Tristan. He couldn’t picture his life without Emma in it. And somehow he felt the same way about Tristan too.
He thought back to the night before. Tristan kneeling at Samantha’s bedside trying to explain things to her. He’d told their little girl that they were taking Emma to the hospital to make her better so that they could swim and go on the swings and run around as much they wanted. He loved Tristan’s patience with the kids, especially how he never talked down to them.
He’d also told Samantha that Daddy was also going to the hospital with Emma to help the doctors make her better. He’d promised they could make cookies and fairy cakes once Daddy and Emma felt better. That had seemed good enough for Samantha.
He’d felt for Tristan. He could tell the man felt torn, leaving Samantha in what was essentially a strange house. But he had been around Ms. Bea the past week, and he knew that his friends were going to take turns spending time with Samantha. That seemed to have settled some of the worries down. At least a little bit.
He’d told him last night and again this morning when he saw him in Samantha’s room before they left, “She’ll be fine. There will be lots to do, and before she knows it, you’ll be home.”
He’d looked over at Nathaniel, meeting his gaze before he replied, “She’s used to me coming and going. She spends time with her uncles and her nanny, and she sometimes goes for a playgroup for an hour or two. It’s me who is experiencing severe separation anxiety.”
Their check-in was relatively painless. They were in the VIP suites of the hospital. He wasn’t one to flaunt his wealth, but for this, he didn’t hold back.
As Emma was hooked up to an IV, heart monitor, and a whole lot of other medical equipment, he felt as if he were being ripped apart. Apparently no matter how many pep talks you gave yourself, seeing your four-year-old lying in a hospital bed brought on the waterworks. He would have done anything to avoid this moment. This day. The whole fucking situation. He would have happily traded places to spare his daughter fr
om going through this.
He gently tucked her hair behind her ears, telling her, “You’re going to be alright.”
She looked at him funny like she thought Daddy was talking crazy. “I know, silly Daddy.”
Intellectually he knew the surgeon was skilled, and everything should go as anticipated. He knew there were no other alternatives. Emma needed the surgery, and she was expected to make a full recovery. But Nathaniel knew life so very rarely went according to plan. He hated variables he couldn’t control, and this whole situation was one big uncontrollable variable.
He now had double the worry. It wasn’t only Emma he was worried about; Tristan had been added to the list. He knew the procedure should be straightforward, but as with any operation, there was always a risk. And in his OCD-ness he had read everything that could go wrong, which in hindsight may have been a severely poor choice because they were playing in his mind on repeat. Every possible horrible outcome was on a loop.
One person he loved and one he had confused feelings for were facing imminent danger… He felt like a basket case. Like he was holding on by a very thin thread, but for Emma’s sake, he was smiling like his life depended on it.
“It’s going to be okay,” he heard someone say. He looked up and saw the motherly warmth in Sonya’s eyes. Nathaniel let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding.
When Sonya pressed a warm kiss on his cheek and enfolded him in a hug, for a moment he let his eyes close and found solace in the maternal warmth he had never experienced.
Their appointment with the transplant coordinator was for 11 am, and he was surprised that Sonya never left his side. She reached for his hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze whenever she thought he needed it. And he definitely needed it.
Tristan was brought into Emma’s room by Lain in a wheelchair. And he wouldn’t stop bitching about it. He insisted he did not need it. But he was out of luck because it was hospital policy, so he had no choice. He was relieved to see the man still had his attitude present in full force.
Nothing made him happier than hearing him and Lain take shots at each other at that moment. Somehow Tristan acting “nonchalantly” helped ground Nathaniel. It was almost like he was feeding off of the man’s energy and emotions.
Soon after, Dr. Prescott came into Emma’s room and greeted them. She then took them through what would happen over the next few days. Today was the final evaluation of Emma that would include more blood tests and an ECG.
The medical team would do a final crossmatch to make sure Emma could still receive Tristan’s liver. And Emma had to start taking drugs to prevent her body from rejecting the new liver.
Dr. Prescott took them through every step of the procedures, step by step on what the donor and the transplant recipient would experience. Making the transplant sound very routine. It helped settle Nathaniel’s frayed nerves. At first, he was worried that Emma would get overwhelmed by the large group of people in the room. Apart from the family, there was her whole transplant team that included a transplant surgeon, a transplant coordinator, a nutritionist, a psychologist, a social worker, and a bunch of other people needed for the surgery the next day.
He shouldn’t have worried though because every time he took his eyes off the doctor and looked at Emma, he would catch Tristan shooting her funny faces distracting Emma and making her smile.
He wasn’t willing to look too closely at how his heart filled with admiration, gratitude, and something else for Tristan. If Tristan could act so blasé about the whole situation, it was his job to follow suit and remain calm. It was the only way he would get through the next few days, especially tomorrow with his sanity intact.
After the appointment, Lain, Cristian, and Ben showed up with food for all of them. It was just soup and sandwiches. Something light for those that had surgery the next day they supplied.
Nathaniel was still overwhelmed by all the support he was receiving. Sonya didn’t have to stay with him, but she did. He could admit he’d had to hold back tears countless times throughout the day. Whenever she squeezed his hands in support, his heart had expanded in gratitude.
They all kept the conversation going as long as they could, trying to lessen the anxiety about tomorrow. But Nathaniel noticed that someone was missing and asked the room at large, “Where’s Teo? I haven’t seen him today.”
Sonya replied, “He’s with the other babies at your house.”
“Yeah, today was his day with Sammy and Wyatt. So we could be here. Tomorrow is Cristian’s,” Lain added.
The love they had for each other floored Nathaniel. It just wasn’t something he had ever seen or experienced. They didn’t have to take time out of their schedules and be here, especially not today. It wasn’t as if the surgery was today, but still they’d shown up for moral support.
He was at a loss for words.
Before he knew it, it was evening, and Emma had gone to bed without any prompting. He knew she was probably just tired, but it added to his stress. It made him grateful that tomorrow would be here before he knew it, and she would be back to trying to stay up past her bedtime. As much as he tried to pretend like it wasn’t the case, his daughter wasn’t the same vibrant child she was just six months ago. He would rather have his daughter attempting to wheedle her way out of going to bed than have her too tired to even ask for a story or even run around to show him she wasn’t tired while yawning to stave off sleep.
Even after Emma had fallen asleep, they didn’t leave him or even retire to Tristan’s room. Instead, he listened to them tell Samantha stories. He knew they were for his benefit since they’d all been present. He soaked it all up gratefully.
This amazing group of people had not missed a moment of his daughter’s life. They had attended birthdays. They’d gone on vacations, cheered over first words and first steps. And now, somehow, Emma had that too. She had just gained a huge family, and by default he and Wyatt had too. For the first time, to his shame, he found himself being grateful for the switch.
For a wild moment, he let himself fantasize. He saw himself sharing meals with Tristan, saw them taking their kids on vacation with the whole family, and saw them curled up on a sofa enjoying glasses of wine sharing about their day. He imagined sharing the same bed, waking up next to each other for the rest of their lives. It was everything he had always wanted and then some.
He didn’t even know if that was even in the realm of possibility, but for right now, he was ever so grateful for fate bringing this family into his life.
Why shouldn’t he imagine a life with Tristan, a stubborn part of him argued? The man was handsome. That felt like an understatement. To be completely honest, he was gorgeous. Throw in how thoughtful he was and the fact that he was an amazing father. Above all that, he understood family. First taking in his sister’s child, when he didn’t have to. And now he was making a huge sacrifice without a second thought to his own health and welfare.
He couldn’t help but wonder what if. He would be a fool not to. What if they didn’t have to talk about visitation and handing their children over every other week or weekend or whatever. What if they could have it all. What if they weren’t just co-parents but partners too.
He sighed. Even if it was possible, and he sincerely hoped it was, tonight wasn’t the time to even think it. They all had a long road ahead.
Before he knew it, visiting hours for them were over, and Sonya, Lain, Cristian, and Ben had to take their leave.
“We’ll see all of you tomorrow bright and early,” Sonya said, hugging first Tristan, then Nathaniel, and stopping to kiss Emma on her forehead and brush her hair back with a tender gaze.
Not long after they left, Tristan must have read his somber mood because he said, “Everything will be okay. She’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. Stop worrying.” He laughed before adding, “You’ll get wrinkles on that pretty face.”
Nathaniel smiled and once again prayed to whatever deity would listen to make it so.
29
> Tristan & Nathaniel
After his family had left and it was just Nathaniel and him sitting at Emma’s bedside, he could see Nathaniel’s anxiety surface. To take his mind off things, Tristan hit him with the first thing he could think of.
He looked at Nathaniel sitting at Emma’s bedside stroking her hair tenderly, and said, “I have to say I’m very surprised that you’re not married.”
It was comical how hard his neck snapped backward. He resembled a cartoon character with how his jaw had dropped open and his eyes opened wide. For a second he was worried the man would give himself whiplash the way he startled at the question.
“M...married?” Nathaniel stammered.
“Well, yeah.” He looked at Nathaniel blatantly. “You’re not bad to look at, you’re on Forbes list, and I’m sure there are plenty of guys that would die for the whole hot dad thing. I bet you’ve had plenty of admirers.”
Nathaniel snorted. “Damned with faint praise I see. ‘Not bad to look at,’ he says.”
“Oh please. You know you’re a near-perfect specimen of a man. With all that hair you just want to grab onto, those amazing violet-blue eyes, those plump, perfectly pink, kissable lips, and an ass you could bounce a quarter off.” Realizing what he admitted, he said, “Stop fishing for compliments,” hoping he sounded mocking, but he could tell he had missed the mark entirely.
It was almost comical how taken aback Nathaniel seemed by the barrage of compliments. Could it be the man truly didn’t know how attractive he was? It just wasn’t possible. He had a mirror, for crying out loud. He had to know he was fucking stunning!
Since their first meeting, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about all the things he could and would do if he ever got the man in bed.
When Nathaniel didn’t respond, Tristan refused to break the silence first. It may have been childish, but he’d just had word vomit and told Nathaniel how attractive he found him. It wasn’t too much to ask for a response.
A Family For Keeps Page 15