Onyx: Forever

by J. S. Lee

  “What are the other options?” Youngbin asked.

  “Option two: you guys are about sixteen months from contract renegotiations. We can put you on an indefinite hiatus and let you slip out of the limelight before-”

  “No!” CX blurted out.

  “That’s a really shit idea!” JongB agreed. “How is that any better than the first option?”

  “Im Jongsub!” Sungmin hissed at him. He looked ready to throttle him for the disrespect.

  As though he suddenly realized who he was talking to, he looked mortified. “I’m sorry.”

  “But he’s right,” Xiao said, sounding a little more respectful. “I thought the whole point was that we were trying to work out how we could be with Kate, raise a baby, and still be Onyx.”

  Holly raised her hand. “I was going to say that this was an option which would allow you to be together and with the least amount of fuss, especially when the baby arrives. We could look at solo options or acting options,” she suggested.

  Youngbin shook his head. “Respectfully, that won’t work either.”

  “What’s the third option?” I asked her, not sure I was going to like this one either.

  “OK, please hear me out before commenting because there’s a few bits to this suggestion,” Holly requested, waiting for us all to give our agreement before she continued. “Under normal circumstances, we’d let you have a couple of weeks rest and then we’d look at getting you working on your next comeback. Now, I’ve looked at your files, and given the age of Youngbin, it would probably be your last comeback before you’d have to enlist. And, before you interrupt, yes, you would still continue promoting as a five-piece during this period,” she hurriedly added.

  “This sounds more promising,” JongB said, looking pleased.

  “But that’s you guys, and not Kate, and I’m not sure that you’re going to like creeping around in the shadows forever.”

  The truth was, no, I wouldn’t. But sometimes, there are more important things that take precedence. If I had to suck it up, I’d suck it up. Hello, I was dating six of the hottest guys on the planet, living in a gorgeous house, and things could have been a hell of a lot worse.

  “Why would she have to?” MinMin asked. “I mean, I understand that we’re not going to tell the world what our relationship is, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go out as friends. We can do what we did on tour and make sure there was always more than one of us, and if we kept switching it up, it wouldn’t look like one of us was trying to use another as shield.”

  “Kate would be a single woman with a child – one with an Asian parent – hanging around six idols, who would never date.”

  “Are you saying we would have to date other people?” Jiwon asked. He looked outraged, but he sounded appalled at that idea.

  “You are kind of drifting away from the point I was going with, but no, you wouldn’t. A lot of idols, actors and actresses appear single, despite their age. Haven’t you noticed that?” she asked him. It was a fair point. “All we’d need to do is periodically drop a hint of you dating someone, or have you smile in the general direction of a member of Twice, and the world will have enough scandal that they’d be happy when you deny it,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

  “What are you saying?” MinMin said, still frowning.

  “We need a reason for Kate to be around you all the time and being a photographer won’t cut it. You’d mentioned once saying you were dating one of the group, and this might be the right time to do it.”

  “No,” I said, quietly, but it was drowned out by JongB.

  “I’ll marry Kate. Tomorrow – hell, let’s go do it now.”

  “You mentioned me and my enlistment,” Youngbin said, sending a furtive look in my direction before looking at Holly. “You think the public will be more forgiving with me because I’m about to enlist?”

  Holly nodded, but before she could speak, Jiwon stood. “What about me? The public already suspected something was going on with me.”

  “Actually,” Holly shifted uncomfortably, “I’m sorry, but you’re not a good option. We’ve already denied it to the public because of you specifically. With Youngbin, we might be able to keep your fan’s favor, especially if we time the announcement with him enlisting.”

  “I’m not marrying Youngbin,” I said, but once again, my calm objection was drowned out.

  “Excuse me, but what about me?” JongB asked, over the top of me. “I’m just as favorable an option.”

  “You’re young,” Jiwon growled at him.

  “I’m eight months younger than you. Plus, I’m American,” he said, looking proud at that fact.

  “And Xiao is Chinese,” Jiwon pointed out.

  “Yes, but American’s are weird and crazy. Don’t forget, I rented a car and drove us to Vegas!” JongB folded his arms, giving Jiwon a pointed look, like winning the argument of who was craziest was suddenly the most important thing.

  “Xiao rented a bus!” Jiwon snapped back.

  “Excuse me… What?” Holly asked, blinking in disbelief, before looking at Sungmin, expectantly.

  Sungmin shifted uncomfortably on the spot, while Jiwon and JongB suddenly looked anywhere but at Holly.

  “That option still sucks, Holls,” I told her, now that the room had finally fallen silent.

  “No, because people will figure it’s OK because I’m American too,” JongB said, earnestly.

  “I’m not marrying you,” I snapped at him. “And I’m not marrying Youngbin, and I’m not marrying Xiao. And to be clear, I’m not marrying Jiwon, Minhyuk or Yongsik.”

  “Katie-”

  “No,” I said, sounding more vehement than I wanted to, despite how much I needed to make them understand this. I looked at Holly. She was twisting her lips as she looked at me, but she stayed silent. “If we announce to the world that one of you is dating me, I’m going to feel like I’ve picked one of you, and that’s going to be OK to start with, because it means you can keep being Onyx while having the excuse to be around me, but in the long-term it’s going to suck because all you will see is me and this other member and I don’t want that resentment for anyone.”

  “We wouldn’t resent that person,” MinMin said, trying to assure me.

  I stood and walked to the other side of the room, putting some space between us. “I would resent me,” I told them, truthfully. “Being with you guys feels right and it feels natural to me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not always thinking about everything I do – about who I sit next to when we watch television, or who I choose to help do a chore, or who I sleep with. I love you all, and I love you all equally, and I don’t ever want any of you thinking that I have a favorite.”

  “I don’t think any of us think that, Kateniss,” MinMin said, looking at the others.

  “Of course we fucking don’t,” Jiwon snorted, glowering at me.

  “Will you think that if I were to marry JongB and then the press was full of images of us holding hands, or,” I fake gasped, “the scandal – us kissing in public? Because I know that you’re here and you’re not going anywhere, and I know you are happy with how things are – you’ve told me this, and I’m not doubting this. But I also know you don’t like the PDA of anyone, never mind me and one of the others, in front of you.”

  Jiwon gave me a stony glare but didn’t say anything.

  “So, no, I’m not marrying any of you, because I’m not making any form of public declaration that I love any single one of you any more than any other of you!” I sucked in a deep breath and made myself calm down. “If marriage is an option, it’s going to be to all of you, not just one of you.” I turned to Holly. “What’s option four?”

  Holly ran a hand through her hair. Holly always had the answers. Which meant, there wasn’t an option four. But my best friend looked up at me, shaking her head. “Kate, I’ve got nothing.”

  “You get what I’m saying though, right?”

  Holly closed her eyes before nodding her head. �
��I’d say the same thing,” she admitted. She leaned forward, her head sinking into her hands. “But I have no fucking clue what to do.”

  I sat down heavily in a vacant seat. If Holly was swearing, things weren’t good.

  “But you do have a favorite, right?” I looked up and saw JongB giving me a cheeky grin.

  I knew what he was trying to do, but I couldn’t crack a smile.

  “It’s OK,” he continued, boldly. “Everyone already knows I’m your favorite.”

  “You’re one of six,” I snorted.

  “There!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet and dabbing. “I’m Number One.”

  “One of, not number one.” Jiwon picked up a cushion and launched it at the side of JongB’s head.

  “You’re a number one pain in the ass,” I laughed.

  “Am I though, or is that MinMin?”

  Four things happened simultaneously. The first was my mouth dropped open. The second was Holly covered her ears, yelping how she didn’t need to hear that. The third was that MinMin – shy, quiet MinMin – looked at me and then winked. And the fourth was that Jiwon tackled JongB from out of nowhere, landing on him, and then sitting on him.

  Out of nowhere, Sungmin burst out laughing. Confused, and certain I was somehow hallucinating the whole thing, I looked at him. Somehow, that had him doubling over.

  Maybe it wasn’t me losing it. Maybe it was Sungmin…?

  While Sungmin walked off into the kitchen, Holly ran a hand through her hair. “Favoritism aside, I don’t have any other options, Kate,” she told me, apologetically. “They were the best I could come up with.”

  “Can’t Kate just continue to be our photographer and we continue to switch between the dorm and here?” CX asked. “I mean, we’d still have to do that anyway.”

  I rubbed at my face. This was never going to be an easy relationship to maintain when the guys you were dating were idols. “I can do that.”

  “But not long-term,” Holly told us. “There’s going to come a point when people will question why you’re around so much, especially if you guys continue with the level of success you currently have. You’re a popular group.”

  “Them be the facts,” I muttered in agreement. I was proud of them, and all they’d accomplished. They were talented and they were popular, and I had a feeling they would be one of the groups who would still be promoting successfully when they’d all completed their enlistment.

  “OK,” Holly said, sounding determined. “I’m going to think some more. And if any of you come up with anything better, please do let me know and we can see how we can work this out. In the meantime, let’s discuss the other problem.”

  The seven of us looked at her, blankly. “There’s another problem?” I asked.

  “You’re pregnant,” she said.

  “That’s not a problem!” MinMin cried.

  “Oh, the pregnancy’s not,” Holly agreed. “But as a reward for the completion of not only your first world tour, but Atlantis’ first world tour, plans have been put in motion to send you to Jeju Island for a week.”

  A vacation?

  “How is that a problem?” Xiao asked her, politely.

  Holly gave him a wry smile. “Under normal circumstances, I’d have kept this a secret and let you enjoy the surprise, but I’m not going to. Atlantis has paid for your families to join you. We’ve been planning and coordinating this for the last six weeks to be able to get all your families there.”

  My attention went straight to Xiao. While he got on well with his family, their financial situation meant that he hadn’t been able to see them since he’d moved to Korea to be an idol. Xiao had gone pale – paler than normal – and he licked his lips a few times. “Even mine?”

  “Dad, mom, and your twin sisters,” Holly nodded. “It’s the Onyx family reunion.”

  “My mom never said anything!” JongB said, disbelievingly. “Not even when we saw her back home.”

  “Yeah, that’s the definition of ‘secret’,” Youngbin told him, rolling his eyes. “You don’t tell anyone anything.”

  Holly’s news was being met with a range of reactions. Xiao, I was sure was thirty seconds from crying. CX and MinMin looked excited. JongB still seemed dubious – as though his mother would never keep anything like this from him, but also that Holly wouldn’t make something like this up. Youngbin seemed to be stopping himself from throwing his arms around Holly.

  And Jiwon… Jiwon refused to meet my eyes. He was the only one who didn’t have a positive reaction to the news.

  I knew better than to say anything in front of the others. Most of us knew the score there, but it was up to Jiwon to say anything. I had a feeling Holly wasn’t aware of the strained relationship he had with his family.

  Holly stood. “Surprise,” she said, unenthusiastically.

  Youngbin was instantly on his feet, bowing respectfully. “Thank you,” he told her. “I’m sorry, I haven’t seen my parents in such a long time. This is a good thing.”

  Almost instantly, the others were echoing their gratitude.

  “You now have things to talk about,” Holly said, flashing me a smile. “I’ll call you,” she mouthed at me, before leaving the house.

  I sat there, watching the others. They’d been distracted at the prospect of seeing their parents, and I couldn’t fault them for that, but they hadn’t really gotten the message Holly was giving them. They would, in a few minutes.

  While their excitement was there, I decided to sneak off to the kitchen and grab a drink. Sungmin was in there. He’d stopped laughing, at least.

  Instead, he was leaning against the counter, sipping a bottle of beer. “I would love one of them about now,” I told him, wistfully. I opened the fridge and looked at my options. Fruit juice it was. I pulled out a bottle, shut the fridge, and turned around. I squealed, finding Sungmin right behind me.

  “Marry me.”

  제9 장

  Now Or Never

  I glanced at the beer in his hand. “How many of those have you had?” It wasn’t a translation issue – not with the amount of times JongB had proposed to me lately. Which was why this made even less sense to me. Was this what he had been laughing at – everyone proposing all the time, so he was doing the same?

  “It’s your fourth option,” Sungmin said instead of answering my question.

  I stared at him, trying to process what he was saying. “What?”

  “What’s Kate’s fourth option?” Xiao asked.

  I glanced to the doorway. It was just Xiao there, but he was watching our exchange with curiosity. “Marrying me,” Sungmin replied. I looked back at him and found his eyes still locked on me.

  He hadn’t come so close that I was boxed in by him, but nonetheless, I moved out of the way, retreating back into the kitchen. I turned back as Xiao started walking over. “Of course I’m not marrying you!” I blurted out.

  Sungmin’s hand shot up to his cheek, rubbing at the scar that was almost hidden beneath makeup. “No, of course not,” he muttered.

  Before I could say anything, he set the half-drunk bottle of beer on the side and hurried out of the room. My hand flew to my cheek. “I feel like an ass,” I muttered more to myself than to Xiao.

  Xiao stepped in front of me, gently pulling my hand away from my face to hold in his. “Don’t.”

  “Why the hell would he ask me that?” I demanded.

  Xiao gave me a patient smile. “Because if you’re married to our manager, there’s a good reason for us to always be together. You could drop in to see ‘Sungmin’ at work all the time. It would keep fans happy if you were married to our manager, especially his own fans.” It was true. It was by no means as big as the Black Gem fandom that adored Onyx, but Sungmin had a loyal band of fans who would cheer for him as we toured. “And it would mean that not one of us was married to you.”

  “I get all of that,” I agreed. “But he has just heard me say I wasn’t going to pick a favorite. It’s not that I don’t want to get married
; I don’t want to marry just one of you. And until a world exists where that’s possible, I’m not doing it. Besides,” I added. “More importantly, why would he want to tie himself to me – to this?”

  Xiao tilted his head, giving me an amused smile. “You don’t see it, do you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Sungmin doesn’t like me like that.” OK, that might not have been strictly true. I’d never asked him, because I could have been wrong, but I’d had the feeling, recently, that things had changed between us, and maybe he was starting to warm up to me… but that was a big leap to marrying a person.

  “What would he get out of it?” Xiao asked me.

  I wrinkled up my nose. “Huh?”

  “If he didn’t like you, why would a good-looking guy, with a good job, who is smart and… OK, he’s not really funny, but he’s got other redeeming qualities… The point is, why would a catch like him offer to marry a pregnant woman if he didn’t like her? What would he get out of it?”

  I sucked in a deep breath, thinking of the scar he’d just touched. Because he didn’t think he could do any better. Oh, god… I cared about this man more than I should.

  “It’s OK,” Xiao said, interrupting my thoughts.

  I looked up at him, trying to work out what was OK, but not willing to ask him. Feeling guilty because I had upset Sungmin? Feeling guilty because I liked Sungmin? Sungmin liking me? Sungmin’s marriage proposal?

  Knowing Xiao, it could have been any of them. It could also have been all of them.

  “What are you two doing in here?” MinMin asked in the doorway. “Kate you need to come back in here and tell JongB that this vacation isn’t the perfect opportunity to ask your mother for your hand in marriage.”

  “I think I’m actually going to kill him,” I muttered under my breath, following MinMin into the living room. “Jongsub, we are not getting married,” I informed the persistent idol. “I’m not picking one of you over the others.”