Quantum Cheeseburger

by Jeremy Michelson

  Why was I not surprised? Where else were they going to go? They didn’t have the object or Kincaid’s formulas–if the formulas were real.

  “Are they in the hanger with the old junk in it? The trailer?” I asked.

  Kincaid glowered at me. “Yeah.”

  I sighed. This base had terrible security. Really, really terrible. Someone needed to fire Mattany. Unless...

  “Is General Mattany part of your conspiracy?” I asked.

  “What conspiracy?” Kincaid asked.

  He was a terrible liar. His eyes wouldn’t meet mine and his face flushed. I flicked the safety off the rifle. It hummed to life. Kincaid tried to shrink back against the seat, but he was already there.

  “How about the conspiracy where you’re stealing alien artifacts and giving them to alien gangsters?” I asked.

  He gave a slight shake of his head. “You have it all wrong,” he said, “We’re not working for the Dons. We’re trying to draw them into a trap.”

  “Who’s we? Give me names.”

  “Julie, her husband, me,” he said.

  “Who else?”

  He swallowed hard. “Okay, Mattany is part of it, and...”

  “And who?” I asked.

  He closed his eyes. “Azor and Pejk.”

  “Who is Pejk?”

  “He’s the Blinky you shot,” Kincaid said.

  I sat still for a few moments, considering it. The steady drone of the Grum was soothing. I caught the lingering scent of the burgers in a bag. It made my stomach growl.

  "So you're doing this for the good of our world, to keep the Dons from getting hold of this precious artifact and doing what with it?" I asked.

  He licked his lips. "Okay, okay, what I'm going to tell you is beyond classified, okay? The thing we had is an artifact of an extinct alien race called Dendon. The last survivors of this race escaped their world with this thing. Somewhere along the way, they were attacked by Dons. The Dendons escaped. No one knew where until that old miner guy found the artifact. When he touched it, it reactivated it somehow. The Stickmen had an outpost at the edge of our solar system. They picked up on the energy signature of the device. They knew our planet was inhabited. By their laws, they couldn't just drop down and take it. So they brought in the Blinkys and initiated first contact.

  “Fortunately for Earth, the Blinkys and Stickmen went and set up a security perimeter around the planet before the Dons could move in. Though, as you can see, they managed to slip through anyway. Lucky for us, his movements are limited. He can’t go past the cloaking area of his ship.”

  “If he can’t go anywhere, how did you find out about him?” I asked.

  Kincaid rubbed his cheek. “The Dons have been cultivating agents for years. One of them was the Professor.”

  “The asshole who spiked my burger with nanobots?” I asked.

  Kincaid nodded. “Yeah, him.”

  I rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Julie and the goon worked with that guy,” I said, “So that means you were working with him, too.”

  Kincaid shook his head. “No, no, Julie was doing the double agent thing,” he said, “The professor was an idiot. He thought the Dons were going to make him emperor of the planet when they took over.”

  “And what did the Dons really want?” I asked. I tapped my chest. “What does this device do? And don’t tell me it’s about a faster than light drive.”

  Kincaid stared hard at my chest. What lies was he contemplating? Or was he thinking about how he could get the thing out of me?

  “The Stickmen and the Blinkys aren’t a hundred percent sure what it is,” he said.

  “Throw me some of their theories then,” I said.

  The Grum slowed, then made a turn. Liz must have reached the end of the patrol area. I hoped that’s what she was doing.

  “They know the Dendon high command had FTL drive. It may have only been a prototype. The only time anyone saw it used was when the King used it to escape the Dons.”

  “King?” An image of long arms, slender fingers working controls rose in my mind. I saw the body of the woman, slumped in the other chair. Something about her armor tickled my memory, but I couldn’t catch it.

  “Yeah, apparently this alien dude was the last of his kind. He and his bodyguard left their world headed for SixUnion’s Neutrality Station.”

  “What’s a neutrality station?” I asked.

  “That’s the name of it. And a description, I guess,” Kincaid said, “The were on their way to a meeting of SixUnion leadership. They were going to lodge a formal protest against the Dons.”

  The hair on the back of my neck rose. I shivered, even though it was stiflingly hot inside the armored vehicle. The thought of the Dons filled me with anger and foreboding. Except I didn’t think the feelings were my own.

  “Why were they making a protest?” I asked.

  Kincaid sighed and rubbed his beard. “Alien politics aren’t my specialty,” he said, “And I’m not sure the aliens have been all that honest with us. The gist of what I heard is that the Dons had hunted the Dendons to extinction and the Dendon King was going to on his way to the Union’s seat of government to protest said hunting. Or something.”

  I shook my head. “That sounds stupid. Why would he do that? If the alien United Nations is anything like Earth’s, it’s a useless, toothless body. The King would die of old age while they debated what kind of sternly worded letter to write.”

  Kincaid shrugged. “Yeah, that’s what we thought. And Pejk sort of confirmed it in a private conversation with me.”

  It didn’t make any sense. The king and his bodyguard, escaping from their empty world, on a pointless mission to a useless body to do...what?

  “So how did any of them know about this mysterious device?” I asked.

  “From the Dons,” Kincaid said, “The Stickmen captured the Don ship that fired on the Dendon royal yacht, or whatever it was. They extracted the information from the crew. Where the Dons heard about, we don’t know. Probably spies on Dendon.”

  “So what is it? What is this device supposed to do?”

  He looked at me, eyes moving to my chest, then back up. “You tell me, that fucking thing is inside you. Has it been communicating?”

  Had it? I thought about the dreams of the king and his female bodyguard. The feelings about the Dons. Was there anything else?

  I pressed the rifle barrel against Kincaid’s skin.

  “Tell me what they think it does,” I said.

  He stared at me for several seconds. Was he wondering what the thing was doing to me?

  “They think it’s one of two things,” Kincaid said, “One, it’s a super sophisticated computer intelligence that is carrying the complete knowledge of the Dendon race. Pejk told me all the libraries and data storage of the Dendons were destroyed by the time anyone got to the home world.”

  Kincaid took a deep breath a looked away.

  “What’s the other thing?” I asked.

  Kincaid rubbed hard at his cheek, a worried look coming over him.

  "Or, Two, it's a super sophisticated bomb that the King was going to destroy Neutrality Station with. And kill all the assembled leaders there," Kincaid said.

  Fifty-Six

  The silence in the Grum was like the stunned calm after a thunderclap. Sweat dripped down my sides under my stolen sergeant’s uniform. The grit of desert dust was on my tongue. The poorly seal doors rattled as Liz slowed the truck and made another turn.

  “Guys, do we have a plan yet?” Liz asked, “Because I think someone might be getting suspicious here.”

  I ignored her for the moment. I leaned toward Kincaid.

  “Why did the professor put nanobots in my burger?” I asked, “And did you know about it?”

  Kincaid snorted. “Of course I knew about it. The Dons wanted to do two things. Create a distraction so Julie could steal the device, and two, send a message to SixUnion.”

  “And I was supposed to blow up?” I asked.

&nbs
p; Kincaid wouldn’t look directly at me. “Well, that’s what Julie told me,” he said.

  The rage rose in me. "And you were okay with that? Snuffing out my life, that is?"

  Kincaid shifted in his seat. “Listen, this is a big, complicated thing. The fate of worlds is involved. One person–”

  I dropped the plasma rifle and grabbed his throat. “One person? How about your life? You okay with giving up your life for the cause?”

  He didn’t answer. Maybe it was because I had my hands around his pudgy neck and I was cutting off his air supply. His face went purple. His eyes bulged.

  “Guys, I think we have a problem, here,” Liz said.

  An explosion rocked the Grum. The truck jerked to a stop.

  “Uh, they just took a shot at us,” Liz said.

  “Who?” I asked.

  “One of the other two trucks,” she said, “Or maybe it was the hoverjet. I’m not sure which.”

  I let go of Kincaid. He fell over into Amber’s lap, choking and gagging. I launched myself up to the front. Two Grums were parked across our path. A small hoverjet hung over them. All of them had weapons pointed toward us.

  “What now, o’ master of strategy?” Liz asked.

  I considered my options. All of them stank. I'd wasted too much time on Kincaid when I should have been getting Liz and Amber out of harm's way. I turned back to Kincaid. His head was on Amber's lap. She stroked his thinning hair.

  “Whose side are they on?” I asked.

  “Fuck you,” he said.

  I climbed back and yanked him up. “Wrong answer. Whose side are those soldiers on? Will they do what Mattany says?”

  Kincaid looked at me like I was crazy. “They’re soldiers, they’ll do whatever their commander tells them to do.”

  I dropped him and went back to the passenger seat. A handheld radio was mounted to the dash. Liz must have turned it off because it had been silent the whole time we were driving around. I picked it up and flicked the switch.

  “I have Dr. Kincaid in this vehicle,” I said, “Get me Mattany on the line. Now.”

  I turned around and eyed the hatch on the roof. A small control panel was next to it.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re going to do?” Kincaid asked. He rubbed his neck. I could still see red marks where my fingers had been. I didn’t feel sorry about it.

  “They’re not going to shoot us while you’re in here,” I said, “Assuming you still have some value to Mattany.”

  “Fuck right I’m valuable,” Kincaid said, “They don’t have any fuckers smart as I am.”

  I wasn’t all that confident Kincaid was valuable, but I had to go on the assumption the general wouldn’t shoot. At least not right away.

  The radio crackled to life. “Mattany here, who am I speaking to?”

  The thumbed the mic. “You know who it is, general. I have Kincaid. You’re going to call off your men and we’re going be leaving.”

  “The fuck you are,” Mattany said, “You get out of the rig right now or I’ll blow you to pieces.”

  "No, you won't. Not if you want Kincaid alive," I said.

  “I couldn’t give a diddly-shit about Kincaid. I just don’t want to blow up another Grum,” Mattany said, “But I will if you don’t get out of the vehicle. You have one minute.”

  The audio cut off with a snap. I looked at Kincaid. “Looks like you’re screwed, buddy.”

  Kincaid went crimson. “That fucking son-of-a-bitch. He’s bluffing. There’s no way he can do the program without me!”

  “What program?” I asked.

  Kincaid glared at me. “The quantum lattice program, numbnuts.”

  "You mean that's an actual program? Not some cover for whatever you were doing with the device?"

  “Of course it is! It’s my life’s work! It’s going to give us access to the stars! It’s going to make us a part of the galactic union,” Kincaid said, “And if you had blown up like you were supposed to, I’d have that fucking device! I’d be on my way to...”

  He looked away.

  “Where would be off to, doc?” I asked.

  “None of your fucking business,” he said.

  Another explosion rocked the Grum. Debris pelted the side of the vehicle. The heat inside the Grum was stifling. Did the military had something against air conditioning?

  “Do we have a plan yet?” Liz asked, “Because I’d really like to live.”

  The radio snapped back on. “Time’s up,” Mattany said, “Get your asses out of that vehicle. Now.”

  I grabbed Kincaid’s arm. Forced him to look at me. “Mattany doesn’t know the device is in me, does he?”

  Kincaid wouldn’t meet my eyes.

  “You and the Blinky were going to cut it out of me–and then what were you going to do with it? Take it off planet?”

  Another explosion rocked the Grum. Closer this time. It reverberated inside the armored vehicle. My ears rang from it. Kincaid didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. I let him go. I went front and clicked on the radio.

  “Okay, we’re coming out, don’t shoot,” I said.

  Liz quirked an eyebrow at me. “Surrender?”

  I shook my head. “I’ll get you and Amber out of here if you want,” I said. At least I hoped I would. If those god awful cheeseburgers and the jar of peanut butter charged my batteries enough. “Otherwise, go out with Doc Traitor there. I don’t think they’ll hurt you.”

  “I’m staying with Houston,” Amber said. She put his head against her ample bosom and stroked his hair. Kincaid grinned. I wanted to kick his teeth in. The guy was a traitor to humanity and he still got the women? Life was not fair.

  “Okay, but he’s selling out the human race,” I said.

  “No he’s not, are you Houston baby?” Amber said.

  “No, not at all. I’m totally misunderstood,” he said.

  I leaned toward him. Poked a finger at his flabby, man boob chest. “I will come back for you at some point,” I said, “And I’m going to bring you a big bag of hurt.”

  The smarmy grin faded. I pointed at the door. “Get out.”

  He pushed off his pillowy red head and fumbled for the door. Amber moved to follow.

  “You gonna be okay?” Liz called to her.

  “Yeah, I got it,” Amber said. She winked at us.

  A moment of uncertainty passed over me. Was there something else going on here?

  “Guess I’m going with you,” Liz said, “I hope your new plan is better than the last one.”

  I looked into her eyes. They were a bluish green, like the color of the ocean. She seemed more amused than worried. There was a strength, an easiness to her manner that I envied.

  The door opened, flooding the Grum with bright desert light. Kincaid got out first, followed by Amber. I moved over to the hatch on top and punched the button to open it. The hatch slid aside with a whine. I motioned for Liz to come over. She crouched beside me. She smelled like mesquite smoke and limes.

  “You’re not going to try shooting them with the big gun are you?” she asked.

  “I’m not going to shoot anyone,” I said.

  I eyeballed the hatch. It was big enough for both of us. But just barely.

  “Come out! Come out with your hands over your head!” a loudspeaker enhanced voice blasted from outside.

  I formed an image in my mind of what I wanted to do. “Get behind me, get on like you’re going for a piggy back ride,” I said.

  She gave me a questioning look, but did as I said.

  I pictured a shield forming around both of us. I prayed it would. If it formed just around me...

  “Okay, hold on tight,” I said.

  My skin tingled. My muscles throbbed with energy.

  “What are you going to do?” she whispered.

  I leapt through the hatch. We soared high into the air. I caught a glimpse of Kincaid's astonished face. Soldiers poured out of the base. Marines in space armor aimed their weapons as I arced over the roof.

 
; We fell toward the concrete tarmac. Liz’s arms clamped around my chest. She let out a small squeal. I landed on my feet. Started running toward the row of hoverjets.

  I imagined a giant knife in front of me. I ran at the first hoverjet, perpendicular to its tail. The other jets were lined up beside it. I aimed for a spot where the turbo fans joined the fuselage.

  Super speed.

  The hoverjets flashed by and were gone. I heard a faint screech of metal. Explosions behind me made the ground tremble.

  “Holy shit!” Liz cried.

  I didn’t turn to look. We were already past the base, the desert a tan blur as I sped through it. I turned north and ran faster.

  On my back, Liz laughed and laughed.

  Fifty-Seven

  I didn’t have my key, so I broke the lock on my apartment door. I still had enough super strength to do that. It was a quiet afternoon in my neighborhood in Albuquerque. No one noticed the small noise.

  “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Liz asked, “Won’t they look for you here?”

  “Eventually, but it’ll probably take them a while,” I said.

  This was a terrible idea, actually, but I needed to marshal my resources, charge my batteries, so on and so forth.

  Liz followed me inside and closed the door. She threw the deadbolt. Like that was going to keep the military out. The apartment was stifling hot and smelled like the laundry I’d been meaning to wash and the breakfast burrito I’d had that morning…geez, days ago now. I headed for the kitchen and grabbed a box of granola bars out of the cupboard. I ripped three open and threw them down to the growling pit that was my stomach.

  I didn’t feel as drained as I had before, but I knew I needed fuel. My suddenly reappeared super powers took a heavy toll on my system.

  Liz leaned against the counter, a small smile on her lips. My shield had protected us from getting our clothes ripped off by the friction of our passage. Actually, it probably prevented Liz from bursting into flames. I needed to remember to be careful when I had her with me.

  I tried not to stare at her figure. Which was quite nice.

  “That was pretty spectacular,” she said, “What it that alien thing that let you do that?”